Rule 32: Do not act shy, speechless, or tongue-tied around your crush!
Less than twenty-four hours after that misguided kiss, Blake called Raven and said they had to “talk.” Which couldn’t be good. Yesterday, on the ride back home, Blake hadn’t said a word to Raven. She couldn’t tell if he was angry or sad or confused.
She was still having a hard time reading him and now he sat across the table from her at a nearby Starbucks.
With the milk steamer whistling in the background and the smell of ground coffee beans thick in the air, it almost felt like Raven was at Scrappe. She half-expected Horace to walk up and that would be bad. Really bad, considering Raven was having a hard time focusing on anything but Blake right now.
She knew it was wrong, but she wanted to kiss him again. And maybe part of the reason why kissing him was so exciting was because she knew she wasn’t supposed to.
Still, she was ninety-four percent certain she’d never do it again. The guilt was a heavy weight in her gut because she loved Horace and she knew, deep down, she was better off with him than with Blake.
It’d been stupid to kiss him. She’d just gotten caught up in the excitement.
“So,” Blake began, holding his coffee cup between both hands, “we need to talk about what happened yesterday.”
Raven nodded and took a sip from her frappé. They weren’t as good as the ones they made at Scrappe.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Blake went on, “I like you. I really like you and that kiss…” He ran his hand over his hair. “The kiss was rad, but I love Lana and I can’t hurt her like that.”
Raven nodded. She was having a hard time getting anything out.
“So we agree that the kiss was a mistake?” he asked.
Raven liked the kiss and if she were single, she’d want to have more kisses between them, but right now, with their situation, it was a mistake. “Yes,” she finally said.
Blake let out a relieved breath. “Are you going to tell Horace?”
Knots twisted in Raven’s stomach. What if he broke up with her? What if he told her he never wanted to see her again? She couldn’t live with it. She couldn’t live with knowing she’d hurt Horace like that.
And was it so wrong for her to keep the kiss a secret? It was just one kiss, and like Blake said, it was a mistake.
“No,” she answered, “I don’t think I’ll tell him.”
Blake turned toward the windows, the sunlight playing over his face. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll tell Lana, either.” He glanced at her then, his voice having gone low. “How about we let that secret die here, then?”
Raven nodded. “Agreed.”
When Raven came home later that evening, she found her mother waiting for her at the kitchen table.
“What were you thinking?” Mrs. Valenti shouted.
Raven froze. She didn’t need clarification; she knew exactly what her mother was referring to. Somehow she’d found out about the trip to New York. How, exactly, Raven couldn’t begin to guess. Had Jordan said something?
“Um…” Heat fluttered in her face. Raven hated feeling caught like this. She wasn’t sure where to begin.
“Well,” she said, “I guess I was thinking that I wanted to compete in a singing contest. And it was only in New York.”
Mrs. Valenti gritted her teeth. Her nostrils flared. “I can’t believe you went to the city by yourself, Raven! And for a silly contest! You could have gone there to visit a college, but no, you had to sneak off for music.”
Raven clenched her hands into fists at her side. “Horace and I thought it’d be a good opportunity. You know…something to get me out of Birch Falls, something to make me successful like you always wanted.”
Mrs. Valenti sighed, rubbing at her forehead. “I never should have called Horace…”
Raven frowned. “What? When did you call Horace?”
Her mother stared straight ahead, her lips pursed tightly.
“I called him when he was in Detroit.”
Raven widened her eyes, her lower jaw dropped. “You what?”
“I was doing it for you, honey. I just want you to have a good life. I don’t want you to regret anything and sticking around Birch Falls for a boy and a garage band…well, that’s not exactly the kind of life I want you to have.”
Raven was speechless. That’s why Horace had been acting so weird since he got home from Detroit, why he’d pushed her into the contest—because her mother had called him and planted ideas in his head, because he’d been afraid of holding Raven back.
“I cannot believe you did that,” Raven said.
“It wasn’t like I threatened him. I just wanted to discuss with him what he wanted for his future. And yours. We both think you have talent, but I want you to have a backup plan, Raven. When I was your age…”
She licked her lips, shifted in the chair at the kitchen table. “When I was your age, I thought I had all the answers, but I didn’t and I didn’t plan ahead like I should have. And it took me a long time to do what I wanted to do with my life. I don’t want you following someone else’s ideas or dreams.”
Mrs. Valenti was silent for a long time, then, “I loved your father, don’t get me wrong, but he wanted different things in life than I did. I was young and optimistic. I figured I had all the time in the world to follow his dreams and mine. But that wasn’t the case. We just followed his dreams and mine were shoved to the back burner for good.
“That’s why I’ve pushed you girls so hard. I want you to have everything you’ve ever dreamed of. I don’t want you to sacrifice anything for anyone.”
Raven grabbed the musical note necklace Horace had given her. She rubbed the cool silver between her fingers as she let her mother’s explanation settle in.
Finally she took in a deep breath and said, “I get what you’re saying, Mom, but this dream of going off to an Ivy League university, that’s your dream, not mine. I love to sing and that’s what I want to do.”
She stilled, waiting for the wrath of her mother, for a lecture of how irresponsible it would be for Raven to skip college.
But the lecture never came.
Instead, her mother stood up. She crossed her arms over her chest, went to the window looking out over the backyard. “I think I see that now.” She turned to Raven, cocked her head to the side. “If that’s what you want, if you’re one hundred percent sure, then I support you.”
Raven raised her brow. “Really?”
Her mother reached over, grabbed her hand, and squeezed. “Really.”
Raven dropped the music note pendant. Was this really her mother? Maybe it was an alien, because she wasn’t acting like her mother.
“Listen,” Raven said, “I have an idea.”
“I’m listening.”
“How about if I take a year off to do what I want to do. Whether that’s music or a road trip, whatever. I’ll take a year off and then, if nothing has come of the music, I’ll apply to some colleges.”
Mrs. Valenti grinned. “I think that’s a smart plan that pleases everyone. I just…you know…I want you to have a backup plan.”
“I know.”
“Sounds like a good deal,” Mrs. Valenti said. “I’m fine with it.”
When Raven had walked inside the house and her mother had yelled at her, she was certain this argument would rival a dogfight. It turned out, the conversation was one of the better ones Raven had had with her mother in a long time. And at least she wasn’t grounded.
“By the way,” her mother said, “you’re grounded.”
Raven exhaled loudly. “I was wondering when you were going to say that. For how long?”
“A long time.”
“Well, I guess I’ll have plenty of time to fine-tune my singing voice, then.”
Mrs. Valenti gave Raven a hug. “By the way,” she said, “I heard you singing at work, and I thought you sounded good.”
Raven smiled. Coming from her mother, that meant a lot.