“How are you today, Luna?” Elise asks as she enters Abigail’s home.

“I’m good, thank you. How are you?” Abigail, Elise, and I head into the room with the sofas and make ourselves comfortable.

“I’m well.” She takes out her little recorder, presses a button, and places it beside her. “How have you been sleeping?”

“I wake during the night a lot.”

“What wakes you?”

I shrug. “Not sure. But when I do wake, I think about my life inside God’s Haven. And I think about Cain’s, and everyone else.”

“How does it make you feel?”

“Sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes guilty.”

“Why do you feel guilty?”

I stand and go to the big window overlooking the street below. It’s busy today, lots of people out and about. Some walk with dogs, some walk on their own, and some walk with others. But all of them have one thing in common ‒ they have their freedom. No one telling them the outside world is filled with sickness, poverty, and horror.

“Luna?” Elise encourages me to reply. “Why do you feel guilty?”

“Because I left everyone, especially Cain. I left him behind to deal with whatever they’re doing to him. He’s by himself. They could be hurting him, they could be dunking his head in water, like Elder Steven said they’d do, or they could be whipping him. They could be doing anything, and I’m not there to protect him.”

“Dunking his head in water? How do you know about what that is?’ Abigail asks.

I want to say ‘because they did it to me,’ but I can’t. I’m too embarrassed, and so very afraid. I’ve finally found someone I trust, and they’re going to think badly of me. They might think I deserved it, they’re going to think I’m a horrible person.

“Luna, please tell us so we can help you,” Elise says.

I take several deep breaths, trying to control my emotions. I turn and lift my t-shirt, showing them the years of scarring on my back. “I was always so bad, they’d whip me.”

“Some of these marks are fresh,” Abigail says in a whisper.

“Elder Steven made Cain give them to me. He told him he had a choice, but really, he didn’t. Elder Steven said Cain would never become an Elder. Elder Steven would always find pleasure in whipping and hurting me.”

“What happened with the water? Why was your head dunked in water?” Abigail asks.

“It was after I ran away.”

“When Elder Steven stuck something in your neck and you woke in a room?” Abigail asks.

I’m nodding my head, but I hate the thought of having to revisit that horrible memory. “I was chained to the wall, on my knees. There was a voice saying the same thing over and over again.” I give them a humorless smile. “We are your family. Beyond the wall is death. Beyond the wall is evil. You will die if you leave. Only we can protect you. That was repeated so many times. The voice.” A shudder rips through me and I cringe. Goosebumps erupt across my body. “The voice was so dead, no emotion at all.”

“It was a recording, like what I’m doing here.” Elise taps her little recorder.

“They said I had to be reprogrammed. I’m not sure what that means. Elder William also said he wasn’t going to let a fifteen-year-old bitch ruin everything he worked for.”

Abigail smiles at me. “You’re such a brave person, Luna.”

“I don’t want them hurting anyone. Especially now I’m gone. They’re hurting Cain, trying to get information from him, but he really doesn’t know anything. I hope…” I hang my head in shame, “I hope he’s not dead. I don’t think I could live with myself if they killed him too.”

“This is why it’s important that you can tell us as much as you can, so we can get in there, and stop them.”

“And we can help you too, Luna. Your health is just as important,” Elise adds on to Abigail’s sentence.

“I’m trying, but I’m so sad.”

“The last time I was here, you said you wanted to learn how to read. I’ve bought you something.” Elise reaches into her bag, and produces a few books. My eyes light up. Something inside me lifts, excitement taking over. “These here are picture books, with easy-to-read words, once you know the sounds.”

“Cain tried to teach me when we were little.” I take the books and look through them. I pick one that looks similar to the one Cain showed me when we were little. Actually, they all kind of look the same. “Apple,” I say pointing to the picture of the apple.

“These books are what’s called, ‘find-a-word.’ It’s like a game. Here, if you have a look, there’s words on the side, and you have to find the word in this grid. Every page has a different grid. So, these words…” She points to words on the page, “…are for this grid. And these words, are for this grid. Understand?”

“I do,” I say with so much eagerness to my voice. I want to start these now, to try and learn as much as I can.

“Tomorrow is Wednesday, and I’d like to give you some homework.”

“Homework? I have to work at home?” I ask.

Elise smiles. “Yes, you do. I’d like you to go through these books, and attempt to do two find-a-words. Can you show me how many two are?” she asks.

I tap on one page, then the other. “Abigail is helping me with my numbers. Will you help me with words too?”

“Of course.”

“And tomorrow, when I come back, Abigail and I are going to take you to the store, so we can buy you some clothes.” I look down at what I’m wearing, clothes Abigail has given me. They don’t fit right, but at least they aren’t those ugly dresses I used to wear in God’s Haven. “We’ll be with you the entire time.”

“I think I’d like that.” I have no idea what to expect, but I’m looking forward to it. It’ll be a new experience, something else that was taken away from me. Another choice I never got.

“It’ll probably be overwhelming, but Abigail and I both agree that you’ll be okay. Actually, it was Abigail’s idea.”

“It is. I really think you need to see what shopping is like, and experience it for yourself. It may be overwhelming, but I wouldn’t suggest it if I thought you wouldn’t be able to handle it. We’ll start with baby steps, a small mall. Somewhere we can get in and out without being around too many people.”

I trust Abigail, completely. “If you think I can do it, I will. I have trust in you, Abigail.” I move to hold her hands.

“I’ll be with you, and if it gets to be too much, we’ll leave. But I’d like you to have clothes of your own, pick things for yourself instead of wearing clothes that you haven’t chosen.”

Elise talks about something, but truthfully, I’m actually not really listening. Instead, tomorrow’s event is taking over every other thought.

I’m going to have a choice of what I want to wear. The colors I want, the type of clothes I want. “I don’t have to get dresses, do I?” I ask, not even realizing that I’ve cut Elise off.

“If you don’t want them, no. But there are plenty of beautiful dresses. They can be bright, and flowy, or short. Whatever you want,” Elise says. “Are you worried about tomorrow?”

“I’m not worried. I think I’m excited.”

“About getting new clothes?” Abigail asks.

I shake my head. “No, not exactly. I’m more excited about the fact I have a choice in what I can wear. I’m going to have options. I’ve never had those before. Everything I did, and wore was because that’s what they told us to do. We had to cook, clean, and look after the Elders. They were our chores.” I sigh, and turn to the window again. It’s less busy now, but people are still walking around, just not as many. “I can’t believe I’ve lived my life not knowing anything about the outside world.”

“How could you know? God’s Haven was designed so you wouldn’t. Females weren’t educated, and I suspect males would be educated to a certain level.”

“Why would they do that?”

“Tell me something, Luna, were you born in God’s Haven?”

“I don’t know. Nobody ever said I wasn’t.”

“And you don’t know who your mother or father are?”

“No. Once a girl gets married, she becomes a sister. The Elders like to get their wives with child on their wedding night. Elder William waits until the Elder has finished to make sure the girl is full of the Elders’ seed.”

“Hang on…” Abigail stands and walks around to sit in front of me. “Can you explain that to me?”

“The Elder will take a girl to be a wife, and on the night when she becomes his, Elder William stays in the room to make sure the girl is pure, then waits until the Elder has placed his seed inside the girl. Once the Elder has done that and Elder William has checked the sheets, Elder William will leave.”

“He watches?”

“Yes. Apparently, it’s a great honor.”

“It’s a great honor to be watched?”

Nodding, I add, “And to have so many Elders want you. Elder Tom offered double for me, but Elder Steven wouldn’t give me to him. I heard them talking one night, when I snuck out. Elder Samuel said as long as Elder Steven shares once he marries me it’s fine. But Elder Steven said he didn’t think he’d ever have his fill of me.” I shrug. “Does that mean something?”

“And the Elders could have as many wives as they wanted,” Abigail confirms something I’ve already said.

“Yes, the Elders could take as many girls.”

“Did the girls have a choice?”

“A choice? No. And if another Elder requests you once you’re wed, you must go.”

“Oh my God, you’re actually shared?” Abigail asks in a horror-filled tone.

“Shared? I know what sharing is, but I don’t understand.”

“Once you’re married, any of the Elders can have you?”

“If that’s what they want, yes.” Abigail screws her nose up, but it confuses me. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” Immediately, she softens her features. “I’m sorry I reacted that way, Luna. It’s just…that’s disgusting!” she says.

“I don’t disagree with you. But I thought I had said something wrong.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

I smile widely, finally feeling better about myself.

“Did you ever attend a wedding, Luna?” Elise asks.

I giggle. “Only the Elder, the girl and Elder William attend the union. Sister Rachel told me, once…” I shudder at the thought, but suddenly become grateful I’m no longer in God’s Haven, because I’d be Elder Steven’s wife by now. “…sorry,” I apologize for the break in what I was saying. “She said, the Elder speaks and says ‘you belong to me,’ and that’s it. He pushes his penis into the girls’ vagina, Elder William waits to see if the girl is pure, and for the Elder to leave his seed inside the girl, then he leaves.”

“There’s no paperwork signed?”

“Paperwork?” I question.

“No one to officiate the ceremony?”

“Officiate?” these words are confusing me.

“No celebration?”

I shrug. “I would say the celebration is the Elder leaving his seed in a girl.”

“Do you know what sex is, Luna?” Elise asks.

My face floods with embarrassment. “It was explained to me. When the Elder pushes his penis in the girls’ vagina.”

“Do you know what rape is?”

“Rape?” I shrug again.

“Rape is when he pushes his penis inside you, without you wanting it.”

“I didn’t want to marry Elder Steven, but I had no choice. Would that be rape?”

“It would be if he made you do it and you didn’t consent. There’s an age of consent here in our state. And that age is sixteen.”

“There are lots of words I’m trying to understand in what you said.”

Abigail touches my knee, and starts explaining, “What it means, is that you have to be sixteen or older to give consent for sex. It’s when our law says you’re old enough and mature enough to make that decision for yourself.”

“But Elder William said I’m a fifteen-year-old bitch. So that means I’m not sixteen.”

“No, you’re not. Do you know how old Elder Steven is?”

I shake my head. “We weren’t taught numbers, so I wouldn’t know.”

“Do you think he’s a little bit older than you?” Abigail asks.

“Oh no, he’s a lot older. They said I wasn’t of age yet, but they were going to make an exception for me and move up the wedding. I heard them talking just before I ran away. They were worried about me, they said I was piecing it all together and I could cause them problems. Momma Edith said to kill me, but Elder William and Elder Steven said they had the sponsors to worry about.”

“Sponsors?” Abigail nearly yells. “What did they say about sponsors? Can you remember? It’s really important, Luna. What exactly did they say?” She jumps to her feet and starts pacing in front of me.

“Um, it was the night I ran away. Elder Steven said they couldn’t kill me because people would ask questions. Then Elder William said, ‘we have to think about the sponsors.’”

“Oh, shit,” Abigail whispers.

“What’s a shit?” I ask.

“Can you give me a moment, Luna?” Abigail holds a finger up to me. “I need to make a phone call.” She nearly runs out of the room, toward her bedroom.

“Did I do something wrong?” I ask Elise.

“You’ve just given her something monumental to take back to her supervisor.”

“Supervisor, that’s what the man said to me before Elder Steven found me and jabbed me with something sharp.”

“A supervisor is someone who has more authority at work than you do. It’s a scale. Imagine a triangle.” She draws a triangle on the paper. “This is where Abigail is.” She makes a line toward the bottom. “Above her, she has a supervisor, who…” she makes another line in the paper above Abigail, then another, above that line. “Also has a supervisor. It keeps going up, until we’re at the top.”

“The top person gives orders to the person below, who then gives orders to the people below, until those orders reach the bottom?” I ask.

“Exactly. But as each layer goes up, they have a more intense workload, more responsibility, and a more advanced knowledge of the job. So what Abigail is dealing with here.” She taps the pen on Abigail’s line, “is not the same as what this person is dealing with here.” She taps on the top line.

“Oh.” I look at the page with all the lines on it. “So the man who told me to wait so he could get his supervisor was getting someone who knows more than him?”

“Basically, yes. The supervisor would’ve known what to do when they encountered you. The man you talked to, was probably at ground level, which means he knows something about everything, but likely doesn’t know as much as his supervisor.”

I nod my head, confused, but kind of understanding too. “Then why does Abigail have to tell her supervisors?”

“Because of what you said.”

“What did I say?”

“You just gave the police a huge help in where to start trying to infiltrate God’s Haven. Do you know what infiltrating means?” Elise asks.

“Abigail explained it to me.”

“Good, I’m really happy about how well you’re doing. But, what you said, was the word ‘sponsors.’”

“I didn’t know what that word was. They said some other words too. Bourbon and M&M’s. I don’t know what they are either. What do they mean?”

“We’ll start with the easiest one. M&M’s is a form of candy. They’re little, with chocolate in the middle and a hard shell.”

“Candy?”

“It’s a sweet. We’ll get you some tomorrow. There’s all different kind of flavors, but we’ll get you the original ones. And bourbon, is a drink. It’s an alcoholic drink. Alcohol is something grown-ups have, usually for enjoyment.”

“Grown-ups, like me?”

“No, there are laws about the age at which a person is allowed to drink. Here in America, it’s twenty-one.”

“Why can’t people have alcohol until they turn twenty-one?”

“There are a lot of reasons, but none of them really matter right now. We can approach that question later. The word ‘sponsors,’ in this case, may indicate people are paying money to either watch, or know what’s happening inside God’s Haven.”

“Watch?” I look to the television hanging on the wall. “Like that?”

“Very much like that.”

“So I’ve been inside that box?” I point to the television.

“Not quite, it’s a little different. Same concept though. People pay to watch what happens. Maybe they ask for the Elders to do a certain thing.”

“Why would they want to watch us?”

“It’s not always what happens in front of everyone that people are interested in. They may want to watch what’s happening behind closed doors. Do you understand?”

I shake my head. “But behind a closed door, is the door? What could be interesting in watching a door, closed or open?”

“It’s a saying. It means what you see is not always what’s actually happening. Behind closed doors, anything could be happening, things most people wouldn’t want others to know.”

“What you’re saying is, you’re not actually looking at a door, but the room, when it’s closed?”

“Exactly.”

“But the only doors that were closed were either to the washrooms, or the bedrooms.”

“And what happens when you have a shower? You’re naked, yes?” I nod my head. “Some people may want to watch that.”

“Eww, yuck. That’s disgusting.” I instinctively cover my breasts and vagina, terrified by the thought that someone is watching me. Strange, because I’m wearing clothes.

“You’re safe here. No one is watching. Even when you’re having a shower, no one is watching.”

My mind wanders. I have so many more questions. “People were watching us?”

“With what you heard, I think they were. And they were paying to watch you.”

“Why? All the girls did was cook, clean and look after the Elders. No one did anything interesting.”

“It may not be interesting to you, but to the people paying to watch, it is. Very interesting.”

“Is? Which means it’s still happening?”

“I think that’s a very real possibility,” she says in a softer voice.

“We had no idea this was happening. The Elders never told us.”

“Of course they wouldn’t, because that means you would have information, and information is power.”

“Which is why Elder William said a fifteen-year-old bitch isn’t going to destroy everything he worked hard for. To him and the other Elders, I’m that fifteen-year-old bitch. Because I’d seen what was on the outside, and it wasn’t what they kept preaching to us. And now I know what a sponsor is. That means, I have the most power of all of them.”

“It does. You’re the key to God’s Haven. You have the power to bring them down.”

My skin erupts in goosebumps, and I feel an emotion I don’t quite understand. It’s between anger and strength. “I’m going to tear them apart.”

“Good. And just so you know, I’m going to be right here beside you,” Abigail says as she re-enters the room. “We’ll take them down one at a time until God’s Haven can never hurt anyone again.”

The Elders aren’t good people. In particular, Elder Steven and Elder William. “I want to be there, to see the looks on their faces, when they realize this fifteen-year-old bitch is the one who’s destroyed their world.”

Abigail’s face breaks into a huge smile, as she throws her arms around me and hugs me tightly.

This time I don’t back away. I don’t worry about what the Elders would do if they saw us. They have no power over me. They can’t hurt me anymore, because I have the power.