I’ve been here at Abigail’s for nearly four weeks, which Abigail has taught me is a month. Mind-blown. There are twelve months in a year. Who knew? As girls, all we were ever taught was when the same season comes back, then we were closer to being of age.

I’m learning so much, and can read now. Not fluently, but I’m getting there. I practice as much as I can, devouring books, one after the other.

Elise sees me three times a week, and challenges me with questions about God’s Haven.

Abigail said today I have to go to her work because there are people who want to talk to me. She said they’ve been wanting to talk to me since I left God’s Haven, but knew I wasn’t going to be able to help them yet. I’m not sure what she means, but I trust Abigail, and know she won’t do anything to hurt me.

“Okay, Luna, are you ready to go?” Abigail asks as she heads out of her room.

“Ready,” I respond as I make my way out of the kitchen and toward the door to wait for her. “What’s that?” I ask as I point to something on her hip.

“This?” She points to the same thing. I nod. “It’s a gun.”

“A gun? What’s a gun?”

“Um.” She scrunches her mouth and takes a deep breath. “It’s a weapon that discharges something called a bullet.”

“Weapon? So it can hurt people?” She nods her head. “Why have it if it can hurt people?”

“To hurt people.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” I lean against the wall and cross my arms in front of my chest. I’m completely invested in this conversation. I want to know why she has it. “Does everyone have a gun?”

“No, not everyone. Police officers have them to protect the public and themselves.”

“Do police officers need them?”

“Yes, because there are bad people who want to hurt others, so we need the guns to protect the general population.”

I shake my head, as if dislodging a picture from it. I’m unable to see the sense in having a gun. Shrugging my shoulders, I reply, “Maybe it’s something I need to see to understand.”

“I hope you never have to see it, but unfortunately, at some stage, I know you will. A lot of people have guns.”

“But you just said not everyone has one.”

“That’s right, not everyone has one, but a lot of people do. Some of these people, aren’t good and use them to hurt others.”

Again I shake my head. “It makes no sense to me. If bad people have guns they use to hurt other people, why not take them away from them?”

Abigail chuckles, “Trust me, Luna, we’re trying.” She slips her feet into her shoes, and opens the door. “When we get to the police station, you’ll see a lot of police officers with guns. Don’t be frightened. Do you remember the night we found you, when we took you to the police station?”

“That was a blur. I had no idea what was happening, or what I was even looking at. But I feel like I understand the world a little bit better now.” I try to think back to that night, and even though it was only a month ago, it feels like it’s been much longer.

“This time will be different. First, it’s during the day, which means it’ll be busier than the last time you were there. And second, a lot of people know where you’ve come from now, and might be interested in you.”

“Interested in me? Why?”

“Because God’s Haven is a cult, and people are fascinated by cults and their ways of life.”

“Will people be touching me?” In my head, my imagination is taking over. I assume I’ll be in the middle of a cage, and people will be gathering around, trying to touch me to see how I’ll react toward them.

“No one will touch you, unless it’s to shake your hand.”

“Will they be talking about me?” My insecurity grows by the moment.

“Most likely. But, it doesn’t matter. Let them talk.”

“What will they be saying?”

“Who knows. But whatever it is, it’s because they find you interesting.”

“I’m not interesting, I’m just plain Luna.”

“To you you’re plain Luna, to them, you’re the girl who escaped the cult.”

My stomach churns. “I don’t like people calling God’s Haven a cult. I looked up exactly what that word means in the dictionary Elise gave me. Cults do not have good people. I mean the Elders aren’t good, but they’re still my family. Cain’s my best friend, and I love him, and some of the Elders are nice, I guess. I don’t know all of them well.” I shrug, not really believing my own words.

We’ve been talking as we’ve been walking down to where her car is. Abigail sighs once we get to her car. “I’m sorry, Luna. I didn’t really think how it would make you feel. It’s wrong of me to call God’s Haven a cult, and I should really have thought before I did. But I didn’t. God’s Haven was your home, and your family is still in there. I’m sorry.” I know she’s sincere and means what she’s said.

She unlocks the door, and I get in. Waiting until she’s inside the car, I say, “It’s okay. You wouldn’t know how I’m feeling. How can you, unless you can read my mind?” Abigail starts the car, and laughs. “Wait, can you read my mind?” I ask seriously.

“No, I can’t read people’s minds. I’m not sure I’d like to know what other people are thinking, not in my line of work.”

“Are there lots of bad people?” I try and change the conversation from the whole ‘cult’ talk. By doing this, I’m also letting Abigail know I’ve forgiven her for saying what she did. And I do want to find out more about her and her job.

She lets out a loud, slow sigh. “That’s a hard question to answer. Generally, people are good, but there are also a lot of people who aren’t. And those are the ones whose thoughts I wouldn’t want to know because I’m sure I’d have nightmares.”

“I’d have nightmares after I was whipped. Usually about Elder Steven. He’s always been nasty to me, telling me he takes pleasure in trying to break me. Why do you think he’s like that?”

Abigail makes a clicking sound with her tongue. “I don’t know. Some people by nature are horrible. But then, some people are just generous and kind. You know, they have big hearts.”

“Do you see any of those generous and kind people, or are you always faced with horrible ones?”

“You’re generous and kind. And a beautiful person. Inside and out. And so damn courageous. I can’t believe how brave you are. To leave everything and everyone you know to find a way out.”

“I just had to know.” I exhale, and look out the window. “I had to know if what the Elders keep telling us was true. It’s nothing like they made us believe.”

“We’re here.” Abigail turns toward a building, where big doors slowly open.

“This is like the door on the wall. That one slid out to the side, too.” I watch as the doors open, she drives through them, and I turn to watch them close as slowly as they opened. Looking around, I’m still so surprised by how light it is outside, but how dark it is in here. I know it’s because we’re underground, and there are no windows, but this still is so new to me.

“Are you okay?”

The more Abigail asks that question, the more nervous I become. “I am, but every time you ask, I feel like I should be more worried. Is something going to happen that you haven’t prepared me for?” My mind starts playing over every possible outcome. “They’re not sending me back, are they? You’re not telling me to leave, are you? I won’t go back. I can’t. They’ll kill everyone I love and make me watch. I can’t, I can’t!” Tears follow the words vomiting from my mouth.

“Calm down, none of that will happen.” Abigail places her hand on my knee, and gently squeezes.

“Are you sure?” I ask, peeking up at her.

“There’s no way anyone is going to send you back there. The reason I’m asking if you’re okay, is to make sure I know what’s happening with you. I need to protect you, Luna.” She looks away and sighs. “You don’t deserve what happened to you, and I will make damn sure you never end up there again.”

I smile, then lean in and give Abigail a hug. “No one deserves what’s happening to them in there.”

“And this is why it’s important for you to tell us everything you know.” I nod my head.

“I will. But…” I run my fingers through my hair. “What if there’s something important, but I don’t know it’s important? It could have been something normal to me, but not to you.”

“It’s okay. The people who’ll be talking to you have seen this kind of situation before, and know what questions to ask.”

“There are more God’s Havens?”

“Believe it or not, there are. They don’t have the same name, but there are other…” she pauses for a moment and averts her eyes. “…similarities to where you came from.”

“A cult? I know you don’t want to say that word because I don’t like it, but that’s what you mean, right?” Abigail nods her head but offers me a kind smile, trying to ease the hurt that word causes me. “There are other…” I take a deep breath, letting it out as slowly as I can before finishing what I want to say, “…cults? Are they a common thing?”

“No, they’re not. But they still exist, and when someone comes out or people are rescued from them, then the general public becomes concerned and wants to do something about it.”

“Is that what I’m doing? Telling the general public?”

“Right now, the general public doesn’t know about you. But when they find out, our lives might get crazy.” She cringes with the delivery of her words.

This makes my heart beat faster, and my nerves all tense with stress and worry. “Do we have to tell people? I don’t want people to think there’s something wrong with me.” Wringing my hands together, I start to fidget, afraid of what lies ahead.

“Unfortunately, there’s no way this can be kept quiet for long. Things like this, always have a way of making themselves known.”

“Somebody tells?” My heart rate increases as more stress builds in my body. My hands tremble and I try to hold them still.

“There’s no nice way to say this, but, yes.”

My shoulders sink, and I deflate. “I’m not prepared for this. Will people try to hurt me?” I let out a breath, suddenly not wanting to talk to anyone. “Is it going to be like when they’d whip me? They’d make everyone stand out at the whipping pole, and watch as Elder Steven would hit me, over and over again. The only thing different is I won’t be whipped with a belt, this time it’ll be with words, won’t it?” I look to Abigail, tears filling my eyes. I want her to say no, but her saddened eyes and shoulders slumping forward say all I need to know. “I thought so,” I say in a smaller voice. “I could never prepare for a whipping. If I tensed before it started, it would hurt more, but knowing Elder Steven’s belt was about to strike, made me tense. I’m going to get hurt, at least I know you’ll be there to help me, right?”

“Absolutely, and Elise is only a phone call away. We’re here to support you.”

I smile weakly to Abigail. “Then let’s get this over with.”

I prepare myself for what’s about to happen.