I miss Cain so much. And I’m terrified of what the Elders could be doing to him, and to everyone inside God’s Haven.

I’ve been out of there for nearly six weeks, and it seems like a lifetime ago I was hidden away behind the wall.

Maria comes two times a week, and is surprised by how quickly I’m learning. She tells me I’m like a sponge. I didn’t understand what she meant at first, but when I was washing the dishes, I watched as the sponge I was using was soaking up the water. And it hit me, I was a sponge not for water, but for information. Truth be told, I love to learn. Mostly about other countries and all the different things they have.

I’m completely enamored with facts about other countries. I want to visit so many countries, I want to see the pyramids in Egypt, the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, The Great Wall of China in China, and of course, the Colosseum in Italy.

The only thing that keeps me from stressing about Cain is researching countries and learning everything about them. When I’m able to, I want to travel. Starting with my home, America, then making my way around the world.

But when I lie in bed at night, Cain is where my mind goes.

I’ve thought many times I’d like to sneak back in so I can lead him out to show him that there’s a better way. It’s nothing like the Elders made us believe. There’s so much more.

“Luna, I need to go to work,” Abigail says as she walks into the family room, plonks on the sofa and starts putting on her shoes.

“I’ll get ready.” Standing, I head toward my room.

“I’m thinking maybe you can stay here. I won’t be long, maybe an hour.”

Panic rises. “What? By myself?” I ask and nervously wring my hands together.

“Yes, by yourself. I’ve shown you how to use the phone.” She holds up a small silver cell. “And Maria is due within half an hour. You can come if you like, but I’d like you to try and stay.”

Crinkling my brow, my nerves jangle at the thought of being on my own. I haven’t been on my own since… Actually, never. “I’m not sure.” I shake my head. My hands tremble, exactly like my voice.

“It’s okay.” Abigail stands and makes her way over to me. Placing her hands on my shoulders, she rubs my arms up and down, slowly. “This is a big step for you.”

“I can’t do it. I can’t be here by myself. I can’t. What if something happens? What if they find me and take me? What if they hurt you? Please, Abigail, please don’t make me stay by myself,” I plead with tears.

She tilts her head to the side, and her eyes are filled with pity. “You have to do this, Luna. If you don’t, you’ll never find out if you’re ready.”

“Please.” I grab hold of her arm, not wanting to let go. “Please, don’t go. Or let me come with you.”

She straightens her shoulders, and offers me nothing more than her usual kind smile. “I’ll be no longer than an hour.”

“Please… please.” I burst into tears, not ready to do this. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready. “Can’t you see? If they find me, they’ll take me and I know what they’re capable of.”

“Luna, my home,” Abigail pauses and takes a deep breath, “our home is safe,” she says in a softer voice. “You can do this.” She grabs hold of my hand, and gently squeezes.

I take several long, deep breaths. I can do this. I can do anything I want, and they’re not going to find me. Lowering my head, I nod, finally agreeing with her. She’s right, if I don’t take this opportunity to be alone, I’ll never be able to do it. “Are you sure?” I ask in a small voice.

“I’m so sure. I won’t be long. Why don’t you go read, and enjoy your time alone?”

“I’ve never been alone before. In God’s Haven, I was lonely, but never alone. Someone was always near. But here, I’m not lonely, not at all.” I let out a deep sigh. “I think you’re right. I have to do this to prove to myself that I can.” I look up and find Abigail smiling at me. “You know, when you smile big, your eyes get smaller. Is that normal?”

I don’t know what I’ve said to make Abigail laugh so hard. “Something you need to learn is just because you think it, you shouldn’t always say it.”

Huh? “I don’t understand.”

“Umm,” she says dragging out the ‘m’ sound. “It’s like this.” She wraps her arm around my shoulder and walks me toward the sofa. “People might get offended by what you say.” I silently question her words. She must see my concern, and clears up what I’m thinking. “I know everything out here to you is new. You haven’t seen people who are different than you, but the reality is, people are different. We come in all shapes and sizes, and we have different features. But if you point out something obvious, like how my eyes are a different shape, or the color of someone’s skin, then they might be offended by it.”

“I’m not trying to hurt anybody’s feelings.” This makes my heart ache. I can’t believe anyone would think I’d say something on purpose to hurt them.

“I know that, but people who don’t know you, or where you came from, don’t understand that what you’re asking, or saying, is simply an observation and not meant to be hurtful.”

I nod my head, making a conscious effort not to say things that could potentially hurt others. “How will I know if it’s something hurtful?”

“The best thing I can say to you is this; if you’re going to say anything about a person’s appearance, think it but please don’t say it.”

I crinkle my brows and sigh. “I’ll be more mindful of what I say. I’m sorry, Abigail. I’ve never meant to say anything hurtful to you.”

She smiles, and comes in for a hug. “It’s okay, you’re still learning. If you’re not sure about something, come to me and I’ll help you through it.”

“Thank you,” I say and give her another squeeze. Stepping out of the hug, I look at her and nod. “I think I’ll be okay. You can go to work. I won’t leave here, and I won’t open the door to anyone. I’ll wait until you get back.”

“If you need anything, you know what to do. And remember Maria will be here soon. You can open the door to her. Just look through the peephole to be sure who’s at the door before you open it.”

“I can do this,” I say with confidence, though inside my body is filled with fizzling turmoil.

“You can.” We both walk over to the door, and we stand inside. “I’ve shown you how to lock and unlock.” I nod. “I won’t be long.” I nod again and turn my lips up in a fake smile. “You’ll be okay.”

She leaves and closes the door. I lock it, like Abigail has shown me.

The silence is deafening. I’ve never had silence before. Not like this. Back inside God’s Haven, there was always someone close by. Whether it was an Elder, or a Momma, a man, a sister, or a youngling. Someone was always near.

I stand with my back to the door and look around. What do I do now?

Twisting my hands together, I take several deep breaths, trying to calm my frantic, worrying mind. “It’s okay, Luna,” I say out loud to myself.

Slowly, I push myself off the door and walk around the small apartment. In the kitchen, I stand and think what I want from in here. I’m not hungry, or thirsty, and there are no dishes to wash. “What now?” I ask myself.

“You could always go read,” I answer myself.

“Good idea, Luna.” I smile and head back to my room where I lie on my bed, and reach beside me to pick up the book I’m reading. “Alice in Wonderland,” I say slowly, sounding out the word ‘wonderland’ making sure I say it correctly. I run my finger across the title and smile at myself. “I can do this, and I will.”

Opening the book, I start reading while I wait for Maria to arrive.