It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.
~Berkeley Breathed
Most people call their mom “#1” because she is their champion, support system, and all around cheerleader. But for me it’s a bit different. My mom married young, had me young, and then things changed… and she earned the #1 moniker because of her place in the line-up of my father’s wives. I ended up having a bounty of moms, each bringing her own personality and life to the family. They shared a common theme though: You have a #1 mom, and I don’t want to replace her.
Mom #2 came into the picture very soon after #1 moved out. The funny thing is she knew us already and we also got two stepbrothers, which was a ton of fun. She was nice, friendly, and to be honest, just wanted to be a part of the family. She knew #1 and she knew the family, but of course that was the awkward part, too. She had been my father’s secretary.
The whole Mom #2 experience was short-lived though. Her ex-husband came back into the picture very quickly, and their family of four got back together. One day, they boarded a plane and they were gone. In retrospect, #2 made a great decision because it didn’t take long for my father to find #3.
She came into the picture not too long after #2 left, and I would call her “the placeholder.” She was sweet and thoughtful. I recall her having a daughter before she met my dad… and we moved into their house. After a summer visit, I think that was the last time I saw her. She made a nice home, tried to blend in, but as I mentioned I call her the placeholder because she was just keeping things warm for #4.
Mom #4 was fabulous. She made it clear she was not replacing Mom #1 right away, but she was a great role model for me. I must share one thing; she was the divorce attorney for my father as he exited his marriage to #3. I know… but still. She had a good business career, we had great talks, and she gave me solid advice. She also had a kid, a quiet one but sweet. Mom #4 lasted a while. Holidays were fun with #4 as she made the house a home. She went out of her way to make us feel comfortable and was keenly aware she was #4 and we had seen a lot. I think what was so interesting about #4 was that she made us into a working family even though we were such a dysfunctional bunch. I would say she provided the perfect balance of parenting guidance and fun.
Things got complicated when my father’s father took ill. This became a big part of my father’s life. I didn’t get to the hospital too much but when I did there was a nice doctor who took care of my PopPop. She seemed to have a good connection with my father, and you guessed it, not long after PopPop passed, that doctor became Mom #5.
I am not sure I even attended this wedding. I truly can’t remember. But I still had Mom #1, and I didn’t want to give up Mom #4, and I was out of the house anyway, so I didn’t need to interact with #5. I know she’s smart and highly educated, and she came with a couple of kids who I hardly know. I keep #5 at a distance and don’t know too much about her. She has stayed longer than #4 though, so she seems to be doing well.
The only Mom I see is #1. And I still miss #4. I must admit that I did learn a lot from my father’s five wives. They all tried, and they each brought a unique perspective on family, and #4 was a tremendous example of how to be a strong woman in business — a lesson that I hold very close to my heart.
Families are crazy and messy, but I try to find something positive in each person. I hang onto that. But I must admit I’m hoping that we don’t see a #6.
~Sarah Slattery
