Family is a treasure chest with more than a mountain of gold.
~Author Unknown
For years, I avoided dating like the plague. I was the type of person to give 110% in love and life and I decided not to date around casually. I reasoned that my heart was too fragile, and I was busy traveling the world. I also never found anyone interesting enough to bring home.
This just wouldn’t do for my big Italian family. After one of my younger sisters married early, the family started looking to me. Why wasn’t I even in a relationship? Better yet, what could they do to change that?
Dad was the first in the family to break the silence. On one of our father/daughter coffee dates, Dad got straight to the point. “Have you been seeing anyone?” This had become routine questioning in an effort to help me find a man. I had crafted a reply that seemed to satisfy my family’s curiosity, but this time was different.
With furrowed brow, he followed it up with, “Well, if you are waiting for my permission to date, you know you have it. How are you going to meet anyone if you don’t date around?”
“Thanks, Dad, but that’s not what’s going on here,” I said. As I tried to explain that I was happily single right now, something dawned on me.
Perhaps more than marrying me off, my dad was looking for reinforcements in a son-in-law. Our estrogen-dominated family was getting the best of him. While he had two sons, he also had three vocal daughters who were much like their mother in various ways. I’m sure the thought of another couple of sons-in-law was his only hope.
Next it was Mom who had a hard time understanding why I hadn’t met the right one. So she reasoned her way through my singleness.
“You know, some people like the same gender,” she said casually to me one day. “Not everyone likes the opposite sex. Don’t worry, we will love whomever you bring home, no matter what.”
At first, I didn’t get it. Then I realized she thought I was a closet lesbian. After I reassured her that I do in fact like men, she was relentless in trying to set me up.
Mom just couldn’t resist the cute cashier at Costco. “My daughter is single,” she would say to him in front of me. “She loves to travel, and she….” Her voice would fade as I walked away inconspicuously with my sisters. Then she would find us and say, “He’s a babe alert. Don’t you think? What about him?”
In her defense, Mom loved my dad very much. She had shared that love with five children, and she just wanted me to find the same kind of happiness that she found in life. Her desire for more grandbabies was also a motivation, I’m sure.
The most epic moment was when my brother called me with urgent news.
“Sis, I just want you to know that Mom and your sister are setting up an eHarmony account for you,” John said. “It’s not cool that you have no idea what they’re doing.”
I laughed out loud.
“Wait, what?” I said. I could hardly believe it. “Are you kidding me right now?”
“No, I just left her house, and they’re checking out your matches,” he said. Later, I found out both my sisters were there with Mom.
“I really don’t think she’s going to like what we’re doing,” my other sister said. Somehow, her voice was drowned out in the excitement.
To this day, I have no idea what they put on my profile page. Matches were chosen by eHarmony based on my profile. What information did they include? Which pictures did they use?
I could hardly believe my potential love life was now unfolding in their hands.
At my brother’s suggestion, I called them back and played a prank. I pretended that I had a dream they were at my sister’s house, and they had set up an eHarmony profile. For a quick minute, they were fooled. But it didn’t last long.
Once they figured out that my brother had let me in on their little secret, they pleaded shamelessly with me.
“Come on, Jenny, what’s the harm?” said my mom. “This guy’s profile says he lives in Huntington Beach, and his passion is Jesus!”
Who were these people? Oh, yes, my crazy but very well meaning family.
Mom knew I loved the beach, and at the time I wasn’t living too far from there. She knew that my faith was important to me. I think she was hoping her words would seal the deal. Sorry, Mom. I just wasn’t ready.
A few years prior to this incident, I was engaged to a good man but for various reasons I had reservations about my decision. Although I hadn’t told anyone at that point, my brother made it very clear that he wasn’t at all impressed and didn’t think I would go through with the engagement. He told me flat-out, “You won’t marry him.” And, for various reasons, I actually didn’t.
Looking back now, I’m thankful for all of my family’s love and support, even if it was shown in different ways. They tried to figure out why I was still single. Deep down, they worried about me. They wanted to see me happy and in love.
Today, I’m happily married to a man I met on a dating site, and my brother approves. He let our wedding guests know at the reception, too. In front of hundreds gathered for the day, my brother’s toast to the new couple went something like this. “This guy is way better than the one you almost married. I approve of him.”
Well, thanks, Brother. Your opinion matters to me.
Behind these uncomfortably funny and sometimes crazy family incidents is a lot of love. In the end, our families keep us grounded. Sometimes, they go about doing things for us in a way that we don’t understand, but it helps us see there’s more than one way of doing things. We can’t choose our blood relations, but we can choose to see their better intentions.
~Jen P. Simmons
