‘Hey, Maddie.’
The next day, Cooper stood in the kitchen of Onyx feeling awkward and uncomfortable. He could think of a million places he’d rather be. Even though they’d had the conversation at her house, it still felt awkward. And he’d been trying to figure out what to say to Maddie for the past few minutes, but as he stirred his coffee, which didn’t need stirring any more than it had done a minute ago, with Maddie staring and expecting him to talk, the only thing so far he’d managed to come up with was the greeting. And this time he knew she wasn’t going to let him get away with a shrug.
In truth, he’d been hoping not to run into Maddie; she knew him too well and would know straight away something was going on. He’d also forgotten it was Granger’s birthday, which meant everybody was around.
He wanted to make a quick exit and go find Rosedale, who he’d actually thought would be here. But with Maddie standing in the doorway, the quick exit he was planning on wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
Maddie’s sharp voice crashed into the difficult silence.
‘What’s going on? How come all of a sudden you’ve got nothing to say?’
‘Sorry, I just got stuff on my mind.’
‘Like what? Tom, what are you hiding?’
Cooper held his hands up in the air. Felt an intense desire to push past her and just get the hell out. His head was racing and he needed to get on with what he had to do.
‘Maddie, listen. Can…’
‘Oh don’t tell me. Let me guess… Can we do this another time. That’s what you were going to say wasn’t it?’
Cooper knew he sounded breathless. Agitated by the adrenalin surging within him. ‘Yeah. That’s what I’d like. Please. I’ve got to go and find Rosedale.’
‘Why?’
Cooper blinked several times. Gave a nervous laugh. Looked at her sideward.
‘Why do I have to go and find Rosedale? Don’t take this the wrong way, Maddie, and I don’t mean to sound harsh, but your days of asking me where and why are over. You threw me out, remember?’
‘Our truce didn’t last long, did it? But don’t kid yourself, Tom, my days were never there. You did what you liked when you liked.’
‘I don’t need to do this now.’
‘No, you never do.’
Cooper looked down at nothing much. He could feel himself becoming jumpy. He felt cornered, and he needed to get out.
‘Look, when I come back, I can give you all the time in the world. I’ll sit down and I’ll hear what you have to say and I’ll tell you anything you wanna know, Maddie, and we can decide what to do from there. But right now, I gotta get out of here.’
She stepped in towards Cooper. Moved her head so she could look him right in the eye.
‘Come back from where?’
‘Jesus, Maddie. I dunno, come back from finding Rosedale.’
‘No, that’s not what you meant. Come back from where, Tom?’
Cooper closed his eyes. Opened them. She was still there staring. ‘Why you doing this Maddie? I just want to go, okay?’
‘I know you Tom, and I know when you’re trying to avoid telling me something. You’re doing that thing men do. Turn it round, make it look like we’re doing something wrong, when all it is, is a simple question. Where will you be coming back from?’
They were interrupted, to Cooper’s relief, by a little voice.
‘Hey, Daddy!’
‘Cora! Hey! Mommy didn’t tell me you were here.’
‘I didn’t have the chance.’
Cooper gave a side glance to Maddie as he picked up Cora and gave her a big hug. ‘I’ve missed you.’
‘I missed you too, Daddy.’
‘How’s Mr. Crawley?’
‘Dead.’
Cooper pulled a sad face. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘I woke up and he’d gone.’
‘Doesn’t mean he’s dead just because he’s gone missing.’
Cora’s face lit up. ‘You don’t think so?’
‘No, I don’t, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.’
Cooper put Cora down and watched her skip off happily along the hall.
‘For God’s sake, why did you go and say that? You know that caterpillar’s been dead for about two months now. I threw the thing away a couple of days ago.’
‘I just wanted to cheer her up.’
‘Well you can cheer me up by telling me what’s going on. What are you trying to keep from me?’
‘I’ve told you, I’m not hiding anything, what do you take me for?’
‘I don’t know what I take you for, Tom, because you can’t even answer a simple question. Where will you be coming back from?’
Cooper kicked the bottom of the cream kitchen cupboards. ‘From the DRC. Happy now?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m going back there tomorrow.’
‘The hell you are!’
The roar of Granger’s voice behind them was so loud both Maddie and Cooper jumped.
His face exploded with color. He ground his teeth as he snarled. His words almost lost in his yelling anger.
‘What the hell game are you playing, Cooper? You’ve lost it this time. I told you. Didn’t I tell you? What did I say? I said to get your ass back here or I revoke your license.’
‘What’s your problem, Granger? I came back, didn’t I? We got the results, didn’t we? The bank can claim back on insurance now. So what is it with you? You’ve got everything you wanted, Granger. This is my free time now. I can do as I please, but you still have to go there with me.’
‘Got what I wanted? The hell I have, Cooper. The hell I have. What I wanted was a birthday card from my only child but I can’t, can I? Because you made sure you took her away from me.’
‘Is this it? Is this how it’s going to be all the time? Because I’ve put up with it and I’ve put up with it from you. But you gotta stop now. You gotta stop doing this. Every time you’re pissed, you bring up your daughter. But I’m trying, okay.’
Granger, although much smaller, leapt at Cooper. Grabbed onto his clothing. Slammed his fists into Cooper’s chest. ‘How dare you! You don’t know what trying is. You cause pain wherever you go. To Maddie. To your friends. To me. Anybody who goes near you, you hurt because you’re so lost. You’ve pushed everybody away. But you don’t get it do you?’
‘What don’t I get?’
‘You don’t get that you and she were everything to me. The son I never had… The day of the accident, I lost both of you that day, because you never came back to me either. I loved you, Cooper. I needed you to share the pain with me, and the grief, as well as try to heal together. I never blamed you then, but by God I do now.’
Cooper’s voice cracked. He pointed a finger to himself. ‘And I loved you, Granger, but I’m still here.’
‘Not to me you’re not.’
Granger rummaged in his brown jacket pocket. Pulled out his wallet and took out a photo from it. ‘See this. I carry this everywhere with me. It’s the last photo I had of her. It was taken the day before you went out to Lamu… Look at it, Cooper… I said look at it!’
Cooper turned away. ‘I can’t.’
‘Yes, you can. Look…! For God’s sake, you son of a bitch, look!’
‘Okay, okay.’ Cooper turned and stared at the photo.
‘You see that? You see the two of you looking so happy? So at peace? Well that’s what you took away. You took away both of you and now, Cooper, I can’t stand the sight of you.’
‘You want me to quit? Is that it? Is that what you want? Fine. I’ll quit this job then you won’t have to see me again.’
Cooper went to walk out the door but Granger grabbed him by his arm.
‘Oh no, no you don’t. No way do you get off that lightly. You don’t leave this job, Cooper. You’re never going to get the luxury of not being reminded of the pain you’ve caused. Every day of your rotten, stinking life, I’m going to be right up your ass reminding you of what you did.’
Cooper held Granger’s gaze, then turned and walked away.