‘Hey bud, how’s it hanging?’ Feeling the intense heat of the un-air conditioned room, and the effects of the pills, and unable to sleep, Cooper talked readily down the phone to Jackson.
‘Hey Coop, good to hear from you… What’s that noise?’
Cooper looked across the room to where Rosedale was deep in sleep. Snoring loudly.
‘It’s my roommate, don’t even ask.’
Jackson’s voice was full of hope. ‘How’s it going? Reckon you’ll be back soon?’
‘If it continues at this rate, I think we’ll be home by the end of the week. We’ve just hit a wall. Maybe it’s stupid we even came.’
‘That’s not the Coop I know. He wouldn’t care jack-squat if he’d hit three hundred walls, there’s no way he’d give up. What’s got into you? You’re the guy that drives people crazy always running after dead end leads… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Not like it sounded. Coop, you know I wasn’t talking about Ellie, right?’
Cooper took a sharp in breath. It wasn’t so much hearing the name of Ellie, though often that would do it. It was who had said it. He could count on one hand the amount of times Jackson had actually said it, since the accident. Of course he referred to her. Directly. Or indirectly. Never forgetting to send a note, a goofy card, or just a few words on a text each year on 12th July – the anniversary of the accident. But say her name? Rarely. Verging on never.
‘I know you weren’t, but you’re right, sometimes it feels like all I did was run around after nothing but ghosts.’
Jackson stayed silent for a minute. ‘I’ve never asked you this, but I was talking to Dad yesterday and he asked me a question I didn’t know the answer to. He wanted to know if I thought you blamed me for the accident. Do you? Do you blame me, Coop?’
In the darkness of the room, Cooper smiled. But it felt like a sad one. ‘Never.’
‘You still miss her, don’t you?’
‘Always.’
Again there was silence until Jackson spoke, love and truth in his voice. ‘I’ve always loved your attitude to life. To hell with what anyone has to say. Find the truth. Then look beyond.’
‘That’s funny.’
‘What is?’
‘Oh, just someone said that to me tonight.’
Jackson laughed. ‘Well see, that proves it. Two people can’t be wrong… But seriously, Coop, you’re my hero. I’m so proud of you.’
Emotion caught in the back of Cooper’s throat. ‘Hey, embarrass a man, won’t you?’
‘It’s true, Coop, you’re the brother I never had.’
Cooper went rigid. His tone shifted. Strained surprise. ‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
Cooper wanted to change the subject, but trying to think of what to say next suddenly became difficult. Finding it easier to cut the conversation short, Cooper yawned. Feigned tiredness. ‘So listen, it’s late here and I’ve got to be up early.’
‘Okay, but it’s true what I said, you are my hero. I’ve hidden myself away from the world whilst you’re out there taking it on.’
‘This is my version of hiding. What I do is hardly reality. I distance myself from that. Too difficult. Screws me up. You and I aren’t that different in that respect.’
‘Yes we are, Coop. Everything I do is out of fear. Everything you do is out of passion. Integrity. Justice… love. You loved her so much, didn’t you?’
Rubbing his face, Cooper sighed loudly. ‘Yeah I did. And I don’t think I could love anyone else, not the way I loved her… Anyway, sleep well. I’ll catch you soon.’
Cooper clicked off his phone and turned over on the uncomfortable sleeper.
Across the room on the double bed, next to the snoring form of Rosedale, Maddie lay rigid, awake, having heard every word.