Franklin loved poking fun at superstition, and writing as Poor Richard, a purported astrologer, he explained how the stars can be used to predict that it will rain sometime in April. He also defended his recipe for almanacs, which in the parlance of today’s magazines might be called high/low: some worthy wisdom about morality embedded in some idle chatter and humor. It’s a good formula for making money, he says, even if his printer Franklin, for whom he professes high regard, pockets most of it.
POOR RICHARD’S ALMANAC FOR 1739
Kind Reader,
Encouraged by thy former generosity, I once more present thee with an almanac, which is the 7th of my publication. While thou art putting pence in my pocket, and furnishing my cottage with necessaries, Poor Dick is not unmindful to do something for thy benefit. The stars are watched as narrowly as old Bess watched her daughter, that thou mayst be acquainted with their motions, and told a tale of their influences and effects, which may do thee more good than a dream of last years snow.
Ignorant men wonder how we astrologers foretell the weather so exactly, unless we deal with the old black devil. Alas! ’Tis as easy as pissing abed. For instance; the stargazer peeps at the heavens thro a long glass: he sees perhaps Taurus or the great bull, in a mighty chase, stamping on the floor of his house, swinging his tail about, stretching out his neck, and opening wide his mouth. ’Tis natural from these appearances to judge that this furious bull is puffing, blowing, and roaring. Distance being considered, and time allowed for all this to come down, there you have wind and thunder. He spies perhaps Virgo (or the virgin); she turns her head round as it were to see if any body observed her; then crouching down gently, with her hands on her knees, she looks wistfully for a while right forward. He judges rightly what she’s about: and having calculated the distance and allowed time for its falling, finds that next spring we shall have a fine April shower. What can be more natural and easy than this? I might instance the like in many other particulars; but this may be sufficient to prevent our being taken for conjurors. O the wonderful knowledge to be found in the stars! Even the smallest things are written there, if you had but skill to read. When my brother J—m-n erected a scheme to know which was best for his sick horse, to sup a new-laid egg, or a little broth, he found that the stars plainly gave their verdict for broth, and the horse having supped his broth; now, what do you think became of that horse? You shall know in my next.
Besides the usual things expected in an almanac, I hope the professed teachers of mankind will excuse my scattering here and there some instructive hints in matters of morality and religion. And be not thou disturbed, o grave and sober reader, if among the many serious sentences in my book, thou findest me trifling now and then, and talking idly. In all the dishes I have hitherto cooked for thee, there is solid meat enough for thy money. There are scraps from the table of wisdom, that will if well digested, yield strong nourishment to thy mind. But squeamish stomachs cannot eat without pickles; which, ’tis true are good for nothing else, but they provoke an appetite. The vain youth that reads my almanac for the sake of an idle joke, will perhaps meet with a serious reflection, that he may ever after be the better for.
Some people observing the great yearly demand for my almanac, imagine I must by this time have become rich, and consequently ought to call myself Poor Dick no longer. But, the case is this, when I first begun to publish, the printer made a fair agreement with me for my copies, by virtue of which he runs away with the greatest part of the profit. However, much good may it do him; I do not grudge it him; he is a man I have a great regard for, and I wish his profit ten times greater than it is. For I am, dear reader, his, as well as thy Affectionate Friend,