APPENDIX
Determine Your Reaction Type
In Chapters 4 – 6 we discussed the four different reaction types:
- Exploder that Blames Others
- Exploder that Shames Herself
- Stuffer that Builds Barriers
- Stuffer that Collects Retaliation Rocks
To help you determine your reaction type, you can take the more extensive assessment at www.Ungluedbook.com. But first, complete the simple inventory (pages 194 – 197) to get an initial idea of your reaction type.
When you complete this inventory, concentrate on one relationship at a time. As we discussed in the chapters, our reactions change with different relationships.
1. Think of one person in your life: your mother, spouse, child, boss, etc.
2. When you have a conflict with this person, are you more likely to want to process your frustration outwardly? Or are you more likely to stew about it internally?
• If you process by stewing or by needing to get by yourself to think before deciding to address it or not, you are more than likely an internal processer with this person and fall into the top half of the diagram below.
• If you process by talking or yelling about it, you are more than likely an external processer with this person and fall into the bottom half of the diagram.
3. Next, think about the way you handle addressing an issue with this person. Are you more likely to talk or argue with them about the issue at hand or to just pretend you are fine?
• If you are more likely to address the issue, you are an external expresser and fall into the left side of the diagram below.
• If you are more likely to not address the issue and instead just pretend you are fine, you are an internal suppressor and fall into the right side of the diagram.
4. Now that you’ve identified each of these determinants, you can see which quadrant you fall into in the diagram on the facing page and thus identify your reactor type with this particular relationship.
5. Now remember these important things:
• With different relationships, you will likely fall into different quadrants. So thinking about each of your important relationships, retake this assessment for each of them.
• We aren’t using any of these labels as condemnations. They are simply gentle convictions that help us see the areas we need to work on. By implementing the strategies in this book, we can be well on our way to having healthier reactions— which means healthier relationships!
• If you are an expresser, there is a really good side to this — your honesty! (See the diagram.) Just remember to balance your honesty with the godly principle of peacemaking.
• If you are a suppressor, there is a really good side to this— your peacemaking ability. (See the diagram.) Just remember to balance your peacemaking with godly honesty.
• The goal of this exercise is “soul integrity,” as indicated in the bull’s-eye on the diagram. Soul integrity happens when we exhibit honesty that is also peaceable in each of our relationships.
