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I SIMPLY STARED IN response. How would one even begin to respond to such an uncouth question?
“Still as charming as you always were, huh, Lenora?”
I knew that voice. I was related to that voice. I whirled around to find my great-aunt standing in the doorway. “Aunt Ida Belle, what on earth are you doing here?”
“Poaching,” Lenora snapped before Aunt Ida Belle could answer. “Same as she’s always done. The woman never could keep her hands off my property.”
My great-aunt snorted. “Property? That’s rich.”
“Obviously you ladies have a history.” I looked between them. Aunt Ida Belle and Lenora had their gazes locked on each other. “Perhaps we should leave?”
“Fine with me,” she said. “Unless Lenora wants to hash this out once and for all?”
I had no idea what the issue between them was, but I had no interest in staying around long enough to find out.
“You can go and never come back for all I care,” Lenora spat at my great-aunt.
“Fine,” Aunt Ida Belle spat back.
“Fine.” Lenora crossed her arms over her chest.
I couldn’t remember ever feeling more miserable in my life. Ever. The only saving grace for which I could be thankful was that Gertie was nowhere around. I slipped a hand under Aunt Ida Belle’s elbow and closed my fingers around it. I didn’t fool myself that I could hold onto her if she decided to lunge for Lenora Masters’ throat, but I was hoping she’d take my subtle hint that we needed to be gone.
I turned my attention to our hostess. I had to say something to keep the door of communication open. After all, Agent Mayeux needed access to the Masters family. “Mrs. Masters, thank you for inviting me to tea. I would like to think that this rather unfortunate incident won’t preclude us meeting again?”
Lenora tore her gaze from my great-aunt. Her scowl morphed into a refined smile. “Of course not, my dear. I’d love to see you again. Every family tree has a rotten limb.” She cast a disparaging look at Aunt Ida Belle. “I don’t hold yours against you.”
“Thank you.” I tightened my hold on Ida Belle’s elbow. I didn’t need her going off like a loose cannon when I was so close to extricating us from an excruciatingly awkward situation. As I turned to leave, my gaze swept through the room. Everything was in perfect order. Except for the fact that just outside of the large window overlooking the back yard, a pair of legs dangled from the balcony above.
My eyes widened as I zeroed in on the dangler’s fishnet stockings. I stifled a groan.
Gertie strikes again.
By the way her legs were swinging wildly, it didn’t look like she was going to hold on much longer. We needed to get out of here.
I released my hold on my great-aunt’s elbow and draped my arm around Lenora’s shoulders instead. I tried to gently angle her so that she wouldn’t be able to look out the window. Aunt Ida Belle’s sharp intake of breath told me that she’d seen Gertie. Seen her? She’d no doubt put Gertie up to this.
“Where’s your unsavory companion?” Lenora asked.
It took me several seconds to realize that she was referring to Kase, not Gertie. And it was a valid question. Where was my bodyguard?
“I imagine he’s waiting outside. We should definitely be going,” I said, stating the obvious. “Isn’t that right, Aunt Ida Belle?”
“Where’s my wedding invitation?” she demanded. “It must have gotten lost in the mail.”
Lenora’s face flushed a deep red. “The only thing that should get lost is you, you old prune.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I could still see Gertie’s legs. While Gertie’s spirit was strong, I doubted her bones were. Heaven only knew what she was going to fracture if we didn’t get her down.
“Aunt Ida Belle, why don’t you go on ahead? I’d like a word with Mrs. Masters.” I could only hope she’d find a way to rescue Gertie. The one thing I didn’t doubt was that the two of them had plenty of experience getting each other out of ridiculously precarious positions over the years.
But before she could say a word, a fit and toned blonde streak caught my eye as it raced toward Gertie. Fortune to the rescue. I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t stop staring. Luckily, Lenora was too busy glaring at my great-aunt to notice that I was agitated.
“I’m not going anywhere until this old biddy invites me to the wedding.” Aunt Ida Belle’s voice brooked no argument. Fine, she wouldn’t get one from me. We could stand here and argue while Fortune rescued Gertie.
“Like hell I will, Ida Belle.” Lenora’s face had grown increasingly red. I prayed it was her temper flaring and not a stroke coming on. “You’re no more welcome here than the plague is.”
“I’ll bring Walter as my date.”
I shot a surprised look at Aunt Ida Belle. Walter? What did he have to do with anything?
Apparently quite a bit, because the mention of his name sent Lenora straight for my aunt’s throat. Aunt Ida Belle went for Lenora in a tit for tat move. And I let her. If these two women, who together had more than a century and a half of life experience, wanted to act like mud wrestlers, so be it.
“You’ll pardon me, won’t you?” I called over my shoulder as I made a dash for the doorway. Neither woman answered, but whether this was for a lack of caring or a lack of oxygen, I wasn’t certain. I ran out the front door, around the front of the house, toward the back lawn. By the time I got there, I found Fortune struggling with Gertie.
“Just let go, for God’s sake.” Fortune’s uplifted arms were wrapped around Gertie’s knees. “I’ve got you.”
“Not going to happen, sister. I can pull myself up.”
“No, you can’t. Just let go.”
I came to a halt and put my hands on my hips. A more ridiculous spectacle than this, I couldn’t imagine. “Do as she says, Gertie,” I called out. “This instant. Aunt Ida Belle needs our help.”
“I vote you just leave her there,” a male voice said from behind me.
I whirled around, unaware that we’d been joined. A twenty-something-year-old young man sporting long brown hair and tighter-than-tight black leather pants stood just behind me, his arms crossed over his chest. This must be Cassandra’s ne’er-do-well brother, Shawn.
“She’s old,” he continued, his voice surprisingly languid considering the circumstances. “I doubt she’s got enough muscle tone to hold on for long.” He shifted his attention from a struggling Gertie and gave me a once-over, twice. “And who might you be, toots?”
Toots? Who talked like this? “Mind your manners, young man.” I didn’t care how pompous I sounded. Disrespecting women was a hot-button issue with me. I pointed toward a wiggling Gertie and a struggling Fortune. “The gentlemanly thing to do would be to assist these ladies.”
He shrugged. “Sure thing.” He sauntered over to stand behind Fortune. But instead of reaching out toward Gertie, he pinched Fortune’s bum.
I gasped. Gertie bleated in surprise when Fortune let go of her. But neither of our shocked expressions held a candle to Shawn’s guttural cry when Fortune’s roundhouse kick knocked him to the ground. Before Shawn could do more than swear, Fortune dropped to her knees, flipped him into a prone position, and had his arms twisted behind him in what looked like an excruciatingly painful manner.
“You got a death wish, punk?” Fortune ground out through a clenched jaw. “Cause if you do, I can be your fairy flippin’ godmother and make it come true. Just say the word.”
“I like a chick with attitude,” Shawn was unwise enough to say.
Fortune twisted his arms into an even more uncomfortable position, judging by his sharp intake of breath. “Touch me again and you’ll eat dirt, got it?”
“Help?” Gertie’s warbling voice brought my attention straight back to her precarious position.
I hurried over and wrapped my arms around her knees. “It’s okay, you can let go,” I lied. Of course, it wasn’t okay because we’d topple to the ground together in a messy heap the minute she released her hold, but it wasn’t like she could hold on forever. “Just do it, Gertie. On three. One, two...” but before I got to three, a brawny set of arms encircled me.
“Three.” Kase finished the countdown for me.
Gertie did as she was told, no small thing considering her rogue tendencies. Kase’s arms caught her and his body cushioned us so that we collectively only took a small step backward rather than tumbling to the ground. “Steady, ladies?”
Gertie stepped away first and shook herself off. “I’m still in fighting form.”
Kase didn’t release his hold on me. “You okay, darlin’?”
“I am, thank you.” And I was, unless one counted my breathlessness and thundering heartbeat – neither of which could be blamed on Gertie’s escapade. I moved back to put some much-needed space between us.
But he closed the space in one neat step and lowered his head to whisper so that only I could hear him. “What the hell are your friends doing here?”
“How should I know? I don’t even know what I’m doing here.” My eyes narrowed. “Where have you been?”
“Missed me, did you?” He didn’t even try to hide his amusement.
I had. And the thought irked me. Badly. “I certainly don’t appreciate being abandoned.” I tore my gaze from his and nodded in the direction of Fortune, who was still straddling Cassandra’s brother. “Perhaps you might assist Fortune now?”
He snorted. “Looks to me like she’s got the situation under control.”
Under control? “She’s likely to break at least one of his arms if we don’t stop her.”
“Well, now, that oughta teach him not to touch a woman without permission, don’t you think?”
“You tell ‘em.” Gertie sounded downright delighted. My, but she recovered quickly.
I strode over to Fortune. “I highly recommend you resist the temptation to break his bones.” Really, this needed to be said? “Let’s go. Aunt Ida Belle might need rescuing. Or maybe Mrs. Masters will instead. Either way, we need to join them before someone gets hurt.”
The gunshot that followed my words proved my concern was valid.