In school when we’re being told all this stuff about Old Country my mind wanders a touch. Now, I’m not usually a mind-wanderer but sometimes, just sometimes, I think about schools over there in Old Country. I wonder if pupils there are being educated about Little Town.
No doubt.
THINGS WE ARE TAUGHT ABOUT OLD COUNTRY
•They have buckets of money.
•Their army has tanks, wagons, helicopters, flying bombers, a trillion guns and loads of soldiers.
•Boys AND girls have to do Old Country Service in the army.
•Old Country Government wear silly military gear.
•You can’t exactly vote for who you want this Government to be.
•It’s not easy to enter or exit Old Country.
•Everything is big over there. EVERYTHING.
•If people don’t conform, well …
•They despise all things Little Town.
•They despise me.
THINGS I IMAGINE ARE BEING TAUGHT ABOUT LITTLE TOWN
•Little Town is filthy.
•They are totally and completely skint.
•People can’t wander the streets willy-nilly.
•It’s hard to find jobs in Little Town.
•Their society is full of murky, backhanded, dirty, double-dealing thugs.
•Little Town’s Regime couldn’t run a raffle in a three-man tent.
•A bunch of raggle-taggle Rascals run the place.
•If people speak out, well …
•Little Towners despise all things Old Country.
•There will not be a Little Town much longer.
Once I told my history teacher that I wouldn’t mind spending a few days in an Old Country school – like, for a sociology spying mission – just to try and understand the similarities and differences, sir.
‘There are no similarities, Law,’ he said, eyes bulging and steam seeping out of his nostrils. ‘None at all!’
I guess not!