I hardly slept. On the Monday morning I felt exhausted. All I wanted to do was curl up, not think about the future and try to get some sleep. All weekend I thought about possibilities of escape: feigning illness, wandering the streets or running away. To where though? Anyway, the streets were still off limits. And that would do nothing to help Pav’s family or my mum’s breathing.
‘Charlie, get up, you’re going to be late,’ Mum whispered. Each day her voice was losing its penetrating power.
I wasn’t going to be late. I was never late. Mum just wanted those who lived in the same house as her not to be getting under her feet. I knew her game by this stage. There wasn’t a hope in hell that I’d ever be allowed to stay off again. Maybe if my head had been dangling from a slither of ligament I would be allowed to stay in bed. But my black eye had cleared up so there was no chance. I had to get up, shake life into myself and get on with it. Leave the thoughts of the weekend behind. Put that head in a drawer for a few hours.
I placed Pav’s note and The Big Man’s note into my Moleskine, left without saying goodbye.
I thought people were staring at me, that they somehow knew what I was about to do. What I was about to become. Who I really was. I convinced myself they were all whispering behind my back; someone would definitely grass me up, go running to Old Country troops and blurt out what they’d heard. Their reward was to watch me being frogmarched out of school … never to return … never to be seen again.
Stop being paranoid. No one knows jack!
Mercy Lewis continued to ask about Pav; it made me slightly jealous that someone wasn’t showing the same level of concern about me. Maybe if I lived in a place where they spoke a different lingo, someone would see the pain in my face and the isolation in my heart too and take pity on me. Or just plain fancy me.
Dream on, Charlie.
There’s always a positive in a negative. Bones and Max seemed like a bad memory, as their seats on the bus were now filled with other bums. I didn’t mention to anyone what had happened to Bones and Max, or what I thought had happened to them. I’d a fair idea.
When the bus dropped us off at school, people still mingled and spoke about very little, shouted into each other’s faces, made wild gestures. That’s school for you. The empty chairs in the classrooms remained empty. Those people weren’t coming back. Nothing changed.
Well, not quite.
I spied her in the crowd. That hair. That stance. That movement of her head. I saw her. And she knew it because she spied me too. That awkwardness. That grimace. That foot shuffle. It was all I could offer. Our eyes met, and when I say met I mean we locked them together for more than a few seconds. Five, easy. After the look she was on the hoof, heading my way. Towards me. She wasn’t sheep-walking nor striding either. She walked slower. Where had she been? Her hair appeared injured; it didn’t have the same fullness about it. But still cracking nevertheless. Thankfully she couldn’t see the car crash that was occurring inside my body, things piling up on top of each other, everything careering out of control. Sheer carnage. My face was the same as someone who’d just seen a ghost. Her mouth shifted position. As she got closer to me, a tiny unsure smile appeared on her face. I followed her lead. I sucked in as much oxygen as my lungs could take. This was it. Any worry I had for her evaporated in that instant. I was delighted that she wasn’t lying face down in some manky ditch somewhere. I really was.
Keep cool, my old son. Stand up straight, shoulders back.
‘Hi, Charlie,’ Erin F said.
‘Hi, Erin F,’ I said, trying to sound cool and indifferent. I sounded more like a doe-eyed dope though.
‘Sorry I missed you in school last week.’
What? She missed me? Like actually missed me?
‘Was everything OK, Erin F?’
‘Yes, well …’
SHE missed ME!
‘I was worried when you didn’t show up,’ I said.
‘Aw, that’s nice, Charlie. Really it is.’ Her hand brushed my wrist as if I needed consoling. I thought my throat was going to burst out of my mouth and scud Erin F full force in the kisser.
‘I thought something terrible had happened to you,’ I said.
‘You did?’
‘Yes.’
‘That’s sweet.’
‘I thought that maybe Old Country nabbed you or something like that.’
Erin F chuckled. ‘No, it wasn’t quite like that. I wish it had been; that sounds exciting.’
‘I even came to look for you, you know.’
‘Really?’ Her eyes widened. Wow was the only word. She was impressed with my brave man action.
‘Yes, but they stopped me on the hill and … and … anyway, that’s boring now. How are –’
‘I was in hospital, Charlie. With Mum. She was in a bad way last week and badly needed hospital treatment.’
‘What, like proper hospital in Little Town?’
‘Yes, proper hospital, but far away from Little Town. In Old Country actually. They were the ones who took us there.’
‘Old Country did?’
Erin F’s mum was lucky to have avoided treatment in Little Town hospital, which was a health hazard itself.
‘So, wait,’ I said. ‘You went to Old Country last week. To hospital in Old Country?’
‘Yes, in a helicopter.’
‘No way, an actual helicopter?’
‘They’re massive inside, not what you’d think,’ Erin F said.
‘God, sorry to hear that, Erin F.’
‘Don’t be.’
‘I hope she’s going to be OK.’
Erin F squeezed her lips tightly together, as if she didn’t know how to answer. I’d seen that look in class as well. Even though it was a travesty for humanity that Erin F’s mum had been sick enough for an actual helicopter hospital visit, I was delighted inside because it meant that Erin F hadn’t been snatched off the street. Progress.
‘She is going to be OK, isn’t she?’
‘I hope so, Charlie. I really hope so.’
‘I hope so too, Erin F.’
‘I’d still like to visit that shed of yours, you know.’
‘Anytime you want. It would be great to show you it. You’d think it was brilliant.’
‘I’m sure I would.’
Erin F blew her nose with a real hanky, similar to the one Mercy Lewis gave Pav. I shifted my bag from shoulder to shoulder. Erin F coughed. Then again, harder.
Say something! Don’t just stand there like a fart in a trance.
‘It was good of Old Country to allow you to use their hospital.’
NOT THAT!
‘Amazing.’
‘What was it like?’
‘Different … clean … nice.’
‘If they had a decent hospital here, not like the manky one we have now, your mum wouldn’t need to travel,’ I said.
‘I heard that they might build a brand spanking new one here,’ she said.
‘Really?’
‘Apparently.’
‘God, that would be great.’
Erin F smiled. I returned it. We shared a raised eyebrow. The bell rang to save an awkward moment.
‘I’d better get going, Charlie. Double geography. I’ve missed a lot already.’
‘Yeah, double Classics for me.’
‘I best rush.’
‘OK, see you later,’ I said. ‘Maybe at break?’
‘Good plan.’
Erin F went to go, but before she did she made a little ballet dance move to pivot back to me. I smelt her. Her fresh woman smell shot up my nose.
‘Happy birthday,’ she said.
‘It’s this Saturday,’ I said.
‘Well, happy birthday for this Saturday then.’
Then came the best thing that had happened to me in my life so far, and that’s no exaggeration: Erin F leaned up and pecked me on the cheek. Not a wet, sloppy one, but a real, genuine kiss. Pucker-lipped. The best moment ever.
‘Have a good morning, Charlie,’ she said.
‘You too, Erin F.’ At least I think that’s what I said.
You hear about those crazy people not wanting to wash their hands or face after someone kisses them; well, I’d just joined their ranks. I was hovering on cloud nine. No, cloud ninety-nine. The monster didn’t like being that high up though. There’s always someone to put a damper on life’s delights.
Don’t forget you have a job to do, Charlie. Don’t forget what happened on Friday. Don’t forget about your responsibilities. Remember The Big Man? Remember rats and arseholes?
I dropped a few clouds.