On the bus home I felt my cheek, stroked the part where her lips had touched me. God, what a sensation. I stood up to get off near the bottom of the hill.
‘This isn’t your stop, Charlie,’ Mercy Lewis said.
‘I know, I’ve just –’
‘Where are you going?’ She caught me off guard. I didn’t know what to say. There was no reason for anyone to get off the bus at the bottom of the hill. All the shops were damaged; it was seen as the injured part of town. Old Country troops driving up and down, day and night. I had no need to be there.
‘I’m going to see if the chemist is open,’ I said.
‘Charlie, you know the chemist isn’t open, so …’
‘No, I mean, I’m going to see when it will reopen.’
Mercy wasn’t buying it. Her eyes tightened.
‘You’re up to something, Charlie Law, I can tell,’ she said, pointing her finger at me.
‘I’m not, seriously.’ I was going to say promise at the end, but then she’d have known for certain that I was up to something.
‘Mmm, we’ll see.’
Once off the bus, I made my way to the place, constantly looking over my shoulder in case any eyes were on me. Looking left and right to see if I was being followed. Keeping my ears open for the sound of the chugging vehicles. I could make out the sun glistening off some of the shops in the distance, meaning that new glass had been put in. Progress was being made. I picked up a stick, six inches long. Perfect size.
I arrived without anyone spying me. There I was again, huddled behind some boulders, out of sight, hidden. On my hunkers waiting until the chug sound arrived from the other side of the hill. A few cars drove over it, two buses – one from school and one with clean-up workers aboard. I put my school bag down at my feet and held on to the stick tightly.
MENTAL MEMO: ON THE DAY OF THE DEED MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT CARRYING A BAG. PUT THE MERCH INSIDE A BACKPACK. EASIER TO RUN WITH THAT ON.
About seven cigarette butts surrounded my bag. Maybe a day old. Hours old? One by one I flicked them away with the stick.
I didn’t check the time. My focus was too strong. I concentrated on being as still as concrete. I even tried not to blink and regulated my breathing. Deep breaths through the nose, slowly exhaling out of the mouth, helps the heart rate normalise itself. It didn’t work; it was as if there was a massive bass drum beating away inside me. My hands were sweating so much I had to rub them dry on my thighs. I didn’t look but I knew there was a palm mark on my trousers afterwards. I didn’t dare look away.
Hunkered down waiting for the chug of the Old Country Patrol, nightmarish images flashed through my mind. Too nightmarish to even consider.
And then I heard it.
It stopped at the exact same place where they had slapped me around. Three of them got out. My breathing felt shallow. The drum inside got louder. This is it, my old son. This is it. Just hold the nerve and do what you have to do. The three of them huddled together. Far too close. I couldn’t get a clear view. I held the thing tight, ready to lift it up to my eye level. Ready to make my move. A cigarette was lit. I saw the smoke rising from Captain Duda’s lips. The two men held binoculars up to their faces. They began scanning. I ducked, just in case. They walked four, maybe five, paces away from the huddle. A gap appeared. Captain Duda was free. I could see her. As clear as day I could see her. She dragged on her cigarette. Make no mistake, this was definitely the same one who duffed me up, the same one who was at the park’s entrance, the same blue eyes, the same blood as Pav had. The one The Big Man wanted gone.
I closed one eye and squeezed her into the line of vision with the other eye. I lifted up the thing shaking in my hand. I heard Mercy’s voice saying, You’re up to something Charlie Law. If only she knew. I heard, Do it! Captain Duda’s head was squashed into my eye’s line. Clear head shot. The two others started to walk back, dropping their binoculars around their necks. This was the moment. It had to be quick. It had to be now. Now? NOW!
My left hand was needed to steady the right. The stick wasn’t even heavy. Imagine what the real thing would be like. Instead of a proper bang after the trigger had been pulled I voiced the sound. POP! Just one would do it. One pop and she’d fall like a wet sack of spuds. I’d be on the hoof before the other two noticed anything. I’d be on the back of The Big Man’s bike before they even knew what direction it came from. Hugging him tightly. This would be easy street. A doddle. The hindrance was my shaking hands and sweating brow.
I watched them return to their vehicle and drive down the hill. I watched them turn right at The Big Tree. I stood and shook my legs back to life.
Captain Duda didn’t realise how close she’d come. But she would.
I kept the stick in my hand until I was walking through the park; it reverted into being a stick again. As soon as I chucked it away the little monster piped up. Think about this, Charlie. There’s no going back if you do it. Think about your future. The chemist will be back in business soon.
But what about Pav’s family? I said to myself.