WHY I TOLD PAV ABOUT BUMPING OFF HIS SISTER
•His mum was at the end of her tether with the desire to find her only daughter. There’s no way I was adding to her misery, especially since I knew how and where to find her.
•I was terrified of becoming a murderer, terrified I’d have to spend fifty years in solitary, terrified I’d have to spend the rest of my life guilt-ridden and regretful. Even though at the time the freedoms we had were rubbish, I was convinced that things could get better. I needed my freedom if I wanted to have dreams.
•Pav was my mate. My best mate. It was a duty of one mate to inform the other whenever the chips were down. And at that time my chips were so down that they’d need a gravedigger to get them up.
•I think deep down Pav wanted his sister back in his family’s life. I could help him do that, with a brilliant plan, however ill-conceived.
•It was those notes. Something wasn’t right. Something was amiss, but I cracked it. That’s when the plan was put into action.
WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I TOLD PAV I’D BEEN ASSIGNED TO BUMP OFF HIS SISTER
(And how he was going to help me get out of this sticky wicket)
•Not long after the words came out of my mouth, Pav wanted to wring my neck.
•After I explained what The Big Man had asked me to do, and what it meant for me, he didn’t want to throttle me any longer.
•I cried.
•He cried.
•We cried.
•He slumped on the chair and said nothing for a while. His sobs weren’t as bad as mine.
•Our little cry made things seem better and brighter.
•He grilled me for ages about his sister, what happened when she and her cohorts duffed me up and just how she was causing eruptions in The Big Man’s camp by hassling their daily dealings and stopping them ripping off everyone in Little Town. We agreed that she was actually doing a good thing.
•He proclaimed that he was going to bump The Big Man off himself in order to save my and his sister’s arse. I put a stop to such mental talk and informed him of my master plan.
•I produced the notes and explained the master plan idea.
•Pav wasn’t exactly ecstatic but decided to go along with it, for the sake of his buddy and Captain Duda.
•Tears turned to smiles; he was eager to get the plan into action.
MENTAL MEMO: IF I EVER GET MARRIED TO ERIN F (OH, YES, PLEASE), PAV WILL BE MY BEST MAN. I’D HELP HIM WITH THE SPEECH!