Sometimes, when me, Antman and Fleabag are on the road, we call into one of the big towns on court day so we can catch up with Ant’s cousin, Andrew, and his dog, Harry. Cousin Andrew is another one of Antman’s lawyer cousins. Dunno what it is bout his mob, but they seem to turn out few of em. Got a coupla teachers and a copper as well.
Anyway, Andrew is a Koori Legal Aid lawyer, travels round the district courts representin all the blackfullas. He’s been doin it for a while now. He always takes his beagle, Harry. You can tell if Andrew’s doin a court, cos Harry sits out the front of the courthouse minglin with the mob. He’s got a little rug and food and water bowls. All us blackfullas think Harry’s just it. Harry don’t hang with the town mutts cos they’re always lookin for a blue and Harry is a lover, not a fighter. He gits on real well with Flea tho.
Antman likes lookin on at the court. He reckons when we finish ramblin, he might go to uni and learn how to be a lawyer too. He’s smart enough. Did real well at school.
Andrew used to be a hotshot lawyer in the city. He was married to a girl called Mai Britt from Sweden and they lived in a flash flat with harbour views. He was makin heaps of money and drivin flash cars and goin overseas all the time. Anyway, Mai Britt got homesick and they went to live in Sweden. This time Andrew got homesick. He pined for the rivers and the desert and the ocean and the sky of home. He reckoned the blue in Sweden was icy and pale, not deep and fiery like he remembered from home. He said there was no red in the earth and he was cold all the time.
He didn’t understand the people, they laughed at different things. Even tho he had Mai Britt, he was sick with loneliness. He just had to come home, but Mai Britt reckoned she was already home, so they parted.
When he got back, he went out home and got a job with the Aboriginal Legal Aid mob, One day he was travellin through a town and this old fulla was sittin out the front of the pub with a box with a puppy in it. It was Harry. Andrew took to im straightaway and the bloke reckoned he was lookin for a home for im. ‘Pure bred beagle,’ said the old fulla. ‘Got the papers to go with him too.’
He told Cousin Andrew he could have him for a carton of beer and smokes and Harry’s been travellin round with Andrew, takin care of fullas in trouble with the law ever since. Andrew reckons he still misses Mai Britt, but he’s happy cos he’s at peace in his country and with his mob.
Anyway, this one time we see Harry out the front of the courthouse so we go over and Andrew’s there talkin to clients. He’s real happy to see us. So is Harry. He tells us to come in and watch the proceedings in court and we’ll have a feed at lunch time. We leave Flea with Harry and go inside.
He gets a coupla offensive behaviours and drivin charges outta the way then he’s got Choo Choo to deal with. Choo Choo’s up on a possessin marihuana charge. He’s a bit too fond of the old yahndi, is young Choo Choo. It’s his first offence tho and Andrew’s got high hopes he’ll be let off with a fine and a warnin, maybe some drug counsellin. Anyway, Andrew’s goin on blah blah blah and handin the magistrate letters that say what a good fulla Choo Choo is and the old magistrate is readin em and he aint looked up from his bench so far.
When he finally does look up, there’s Choo Choo standin there, all dolled up in his new court clothes and hat and lookin real shame. The old Magistrate looks at im. ‘Young man, you will show respect in my courtroom and remove your hat immediately.’
Choo Choo looks at the magistrate and says, ‘I’m really sorry, Your Honour. I forgot I wuz wearin it.’
He reaches up and takes it off. When he does, the biggest bag a yahndi falls off his head and onto the ground in front of him. You could see the air rush outta Andrew. He shrivelled up to the size of a five year old.
Me and Ant along with a heap of fullas from the public gallery had to rush outta the court so we could have a good laugh.
After a bit Andrew comes out, reckons we should just shut up bout Choo Choo for the moment and go and git a feed. He reckons we should go in his car. Trouble is, when we git to where it’s supposed ta be parked, it aint there. We look down the road and see it goin real slow down the street. We run up after it and there’s one of his offensive behaviours behind the wheel. He’s drivin along as slow as an old slug on valium. We’re walkin alongside, and Andrew leans in and says, ‘Ya might wanna take the handbrake off, budda boy. That’s if ya wanna git anywhere in a hurry.’
The fulla looks at Andrew and asks im what it’s got to do with him.
Andrew tells im quick smart. ‘It’s my car you’re driving, budda boy.’
The fulla stops and gits out. He’s real shame, but that don’t stop im from givin a mouthful a cheek ta Andrew.
‘What stupid bastard puts the handbrake on out here?’ he says. ‘What do ya think it’s gunna fuckin do? Roll away?’
He points down the long, flat road leadin outta town before he stomps away, his thongs kickin up a mini dust storm.
That afternoon, we decide to follow Andrew and Harry to the next town and chill out with a few beers and a feed. We’re travellin real close behind him, when he stops to pick up a hitchhiker. We can’t see him too clear cos of the dust from Andrew’s car, but we see im git into the back seat. Harry always rides up front. Always!
When we pull up in town, the fulla gits out. He’s the same one that tried to pinch cuz’s car. He slams the door shut and walks off yellin, ‘Thanks for the ride, cuzzo. See ya next time.’
Andrew gits out and comes over.
‘Righto, you fullas. Let’s git settled and git a few beers and a feed into us.’