Darian underwent a transformation from laid back and casual to a dictator, possibly one of the Devil’s minions straight from hell, demanding perfection so the investigation would not be compromised. As the possibility existed we had missed other boxes thanks to the practitioner runes obscuring their presence, he demanded we go over every trailer again, but more thoroughly—and using my practitioner skills to flush out any secrets we may have missed on our first pass.
The effort, which involved drawing runes in the filth caked onto the trailer floors, sapped me of energy and dished out a serving of pain. The pain didn’t surprise me.
Magic had a way of amplifying things, and my entire chest offered it an easy outlet. Usually, it just charged in energy and general exhaustion.
I could tolerate some extra pain, especially if it meant we found more information on what had happened to Mr. Flooferson.
Of the trailers we had searched, two held secrets obscured with magic, and my magic tore through the protections with fire-red tendrils. Sparks of blue illuminated the interior before encasing the revealed boxes in a pulsating aura.
On the second box, Darian waited for the lights to fade before revealing the contents, which included more of the silvery cases filled with vials. Unlike the first we’d found, they lacked weapons or ammunitions.
The gun scared me a whole lot less than the vials and their contents.
“The blue is holy fire,” Darian announced. “That’s probably a consequence of the healing you underwent. Does your magic usually manifest as red?”
“No. It’s usually invisible, although there is often a flash of light when I disrupt some form of obscuring magic like this. It’s not usually red.”
“Likely hellfire, then. You’ve had a lot of exposure to Lucifer lately, and he has a vested interest in you. Did you know Lucifer still uses holy fire? More often than his hellfire, really. But he has access to both. Now I’m really curious what he’s up to; they’re not conflicting. They usually do. I’m really annoyed we’re not getting more of a paper trail, but these vials are going to be a goldmine of information for us. The first step is to get our hands on a scanner and get what information we can before we turn them over to the police. Think you can hook us up?”
“Sure. There’s a scanner in my safe. I’m sure Lucifer would be happy to talk my ear off for five extra minutes to retrieve it. That’s really his plan. To nickel and dime us into eternal servitude through listening to him giving us advice. If we rack up enough minutes, we’ll be doomed.”
He chuckled. “You’re probably right, but this will be worth the five minutes, especially if you have a good scanner.”
“It’s a good scanner.” My bosses hated inefficiency almost as much as I did, and a good scanner made a difference, especially when I needed to work with a cranky lycanthrope who disliked being monitored. I understood the lycanthropes; being tested for virus levels served as a frequent reminder they were no longer fully human. I also understood the CDC’s stance on it, too.
In a perfect world, only those who wanted the infection would contract it.
We didn’t live in a perfect world.
“Good. We might get some answers about what’s in these vials and what they’re used for. More importantly, if someone is after your cat, why haven’t they come back for these vials?”
“They might not have known they were here because of the obscuration runes. They were pretty potent to have lasted this long in these conditions. All the windows had been left open, same with the doors. Animals have been in here.” I wrinkled my nose at that reality, as I didn’t want to think about the nasty things I’d stepped in since starting the search, even when wearing protective covers over my shoes. “You didn’t warn me how gross this would be.”
“It’s not usually this disgusting. But I’m also not usually looking through things abandoned for at least a year. Let’s get these vials into the SUV so we can move on with our search. The next step is locating the actual lab itself. That might be interesting.”
“Because your path is gone?”
“Yes. The lab is close, and I know the general direction. It’s better if we have to search around for it. We might find clues.”
“Do you think these vials are what they were cooking up in that lab?”
“I don’t know, but it was important enough they used high-grade magic on it, so we’re going to look into that mess, even if it isn’t related to Mr. Flooferson’s catnapping.”
Fucking catnappers. “And even if it isn’t directly related, it is—those vials are part of the operations as a whole. And if they’re targeting one lab animal from one part of the operations, they might be looking for others, too.”
“Has anyone told you that you’re disturbingly compassionate?”
“What? No.”
“You’re disturbingly compassionate, and I’m pleased to be the first to tell you so.”
I frowned and regarded Darian through narrowed eyes. “Explain, please. I’m not feeling compassionate right now. Really, I’m feeling a little murderous. I’d be tempted to take one of those vials and ram it through these assholes’ skulls, using the blunter end of it.” I pointed at the stoppers. “That end, to make it hurt more before the glass finally shattered.”
“It’s safer for you if you use the other end on them.”
“That is not as satisfying.”
Darian laughed. “While it’s not as satisfying, murdering them with some vials is probably unwise. You’d be exposed to whatever fluid is in these things.”
“There is that. So, why do you feel I’m compassionate? We’ll ignore the disturbingly part for now.”
“You’re concerned other pet rescuers might have their animals targeted during a high-stress situation. Most people become rather selfish in times of duress. You’re actually considering the consequences to others in a situation where most are focused solely on the goal. It’s something I’ve noticed about people since starting this line of work. Compassion is far easier in low-stress situations. Let’s say you’re just walking down the street, and you’re in a good mood. You’re more likely to show compassion to someone you meet solely because you’re doing okay. It’s much harder to be compassionate when you’re not okay.” He pointed at my chest. “The bandages and wincing you’re doing says you’re not okay right now, and you’re still concerned about others. That level of compassion is way above average. And that’s not a bad thing, but it’s a little disturbing in some ways. It’s also concerning. That sort of compassion means I’m going to have to keep a close eye on you. Someone could put a puppy in a cardboard box and use it to lure you into a dark alley so they can kidnap you.”
“You jump to strange conclusions.”
“It’s my mother’s fault. She does strange things, which means I have to jump to strange conclusions. That said, keeping compassionate people from being kidnapped can be a problem. They’ll go help stranded puppies in alleys, resulting in them being an easy mark for nefarious kidnappers.”
I believed his mother had warped him, and if anything, he needed to be plucked free of his trio of parents and set loose in the world without one of them popping up and influencing him. Maybe Raguel had been onto something regarding the necessity of someone indulging in a good-natured kidnapping. “You only have your father to blame when you’re kidnapped, Darian.”
“Why am I being kidnapped?”
“I’m a compassionate being, apparently. And that is too crazy.” I checked the box for any stragglers, and I discovered a folder with another rune at the bottom, which I erased. “What do we have here?”
“Papers!” Darian set the box with vials down and crouched with me. “I love when people leave me papers. Papers are the lifeblood of a good investigation. Do you know what we can do with paper?”
“Dust it for prints?”
“Dust it for prints,” he confirmed. “Do not touch that any more than you have. As it happens, I do know a practitioner trick, and I’m quite good at it, but I need to get my supplies out of the SUV.”
I could make a guess at what he meant to do. “You’re going to expose the fingerprints?”
“I am. Then we’ll photograph them, seal the papers, and make sure the fingerprints remain intact so law enforcement can properly register them. With some careful planning, asking really nicely, and some money, I will get the fingerprints run before the cops get the fingerprints, thus helping me to identify who was handling the paperwork. This is what I then use to help narrow down my search—and get the right information for the job I’m doing. These cases are designed to be difficult to get fingerprints off of; between the texture and the material, the prints are hard to remove. It can be done, but it is a tricky job—and it doesn’t last as long. if the surface has been treated to prevent fingerprints from sticking, that’s another issue, too. But, with the right magic, if there are prints on these, we’ll find them. Getting them off and in a useable format is another matter entirely.”
“Can I help?”
“You can help by not touching anything, and if you wouldn’t mind breathing in a distance of, say, at least ten feet, that would be great.”
I raised a brow, but as he wanted space, I left the trailer to wait outside while he worked his magic and acquired fingerprints for us. “I will get that method out of your hands one way or another,” I informed him. “Your magic will soon be mine.”
“We shall see about that.”
Darian spent over three hours hunting for fingerprints in the trailer community. Some he lifted using white paper and some gel, and he meticulously labeled where it had come from, took pictures, and stored them in a special case he’d brought with him, one I hadn’t noticed him having when we’d packed the rental for our trip. I blamed my chest; the discomfort had done a damned good job of distracting me.
“I thought the police were going to properly register these,” I stated, once it appeared he’d completed his work.
“They will. My license and training will allow this to be admissible evidence, and doing it this way means I can run the prints on my own. With a few phone calls, we can have some results in two or three days.”
“That long?”
“There are billions of fingerprints in the world, and each one of these will often pull up at least twenty possibilities, which someone has to manually go over or use magic to match. Usually, I get someone to manually do it, but I’ll go the magical route this time. It takes a few days to get the right person to handle it. Those folks have to verify prints for the police, international law enforcement, and governments, so there’s always a bit of a line. Some of these prints are in really good condition, so we’ll be able to get some good computerized matching, which just require verification.” Darian hauled the precious box containing the fingerprints to the SUV, along with the vials and the weapon we’d found. “Can you obscure all of this, so no one pokes their nose into our business?”
“Of course.” Grateful to have been given a task I could do, I went to work setting up a set of runes, going the excessive route and warding every side of the containers to prevent others from noticing it.
Darian frowned. “I thought I wouldn’t be able to see it once obscured. Are you done yet?”
“You can see it because you know it’s there. This type of protection doesn’t usually work on those who are already aware of what is being hidden and where. So, because you watched me place the magic, there’s no chance your attention will be diverted. There are other magics I could use, but we’re getting into forbidden territory.”
While I’d learned how to shroud people, places, and things, I’d left that to simply being knowledge of the lore, without crossing the line into using powers better off left in the hands of the divine.
“You can place a shroud?” Darian whispered.
“I know the theory on how to do it,” I replied, frowning at the realization I’d said enough to land me in a lot of hot water. “I’ve never actually tried it.”
“That’s power on the level of the divine, Diana.”
“So is summoning the Devil at my whim rather than his.”
A pop and hint of brimstone behind me warned me I’d summoned trouble. “Yes, summoning me at your whim rather than mine is rather forbidden—and fringing on powerful enough to compete with the divine. It was so nice of you to call, Diana.”
Somehow, I kept from shrieking at Lucifer’s manifestation. “You, sir, are a complete and total asshole. But thank you for helping with the cancer problem. I do really appreciate that. However, I seem to have contracted a case of hellfire to go with some holy fire?” I breathed until my heart rate lowered to something closer to sane before turning to face the fallen angel. He wore a suit and had opted for a tanned beach boy visage, although his horns peeked out of his dark hair. “Darian, if you ever need the Devil in a hurry, clicking your heels together three times and saying his name might actually work. There’s always a chance you can capture the attention of a divine when you invoke their name. That’s the core principle of summoning a divine successfully. The circles use that connection forged during a name invocation. If your circle is strong enough and you bring potent enough magic to the table, you might get the divine you invoked.”
“Look at you, sharing forbidden lore with a susceptible little human. How naughty of you,” the Devil purred.
“I see Darlene has been teaching you certain habits. You’re not a cat.”
“I got to enjoy my kitty last night. She was frisky for some reason.”
“Well, when was the last time you fed her?”
“I may not have fed her as well as I could have. I enjoy when she gets clingy and demands attention aggressively.”
The Devil would drive me to the end of my patience, and knowing him, he would shove me right over into the realm of the insane while laughing about it. “How can we help you?”
“I couldn’t help but notice you two were gossiping about me.”
“You’re a hover uncle, aren’t you?” I accused.
The Devil regarded his oxfords, which were polished to a high shine. “I do not seem to be hovering at this point in time.”
“I’m pretty sure somebody would pay me a fortune to strangle you,” I muttered.
With a laugh, Lucifer patted my shoulder. “My darling has been trying since the day she married me. Attempting the impossible amuses her. For some reason, her attempts at strangulation never get far. She has a short attention span, especially when she realizes her hands are close to my chest.”
“I’m going to have to remind Darlene strangulations only work if she focuses her attention on the task rather than turning an attempted murder into a sexual assault.” I loved the woman, but she might drive me almost as crazy as her husband.
“It’s not assault if I like it, Diana.”
“I’m going to need to be bribed to put up with you, Lucifer. Why are you interrupting our investigations?”
“I wouldn’t call it interrupting.”
“What would you call it, then?”
“Assisting.” He pointed at the general direction of the obscured boxes. “You’re about one step off from a shroud on that rune combination, by the way. I can take that off your hands and get the fingerprints checked. I have a few forensics investigators in need of some rehabilitation in residence, and I’m sure they’d love to dodge some torture in exchange for working diligently at identifying those fingerprints and doing lab work on your samples.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Darian?”
“It’s allowed, especially when he bargains with you for the work. He can’t tell us directly, but he can provide a service. He’d trim the time down to a day rather than several days when using the sinners to get the intel we need. Then he can hand the mess over to an angel, which would then be admitted to the police. Obviously, whatever they’re up to has the divines in an uproar, so they’re doing what they can without violating the universal laws.”
I expected my future would be filled with moments where I contemplated strangling the Devil because of the convoluted nature of the universal laws. “That definitely adds some weight to your theory, Darian. I’m not sure I like that.”
“I definitely don’t like it.” Darian considered the Devil, his frown a match for mine. “Uncle, we aren’t facing an End of Days scenario, are we?”
According to Lucifer’s expression, Darian had hit the target dead center. “Right this moment, we are not.”
“That sounds less than good. I don’t want to end up like Kanika,” I complained. “You gave her a complex.”
“I didn’t give her any complexes. She already had them. If anything, I’ve helped her get over some of her complexes. She no longer lives life looking over her shoulder afraid some assholes will try to sell her off into a marriage she doesn’t want. If I’m not keeping the idiots at bay, Malcolm is—and Malcolm is very good at his job. It’s not my fault she’s a sphinx, and she’s one of those annoying guardian ones. Now she views the entire planet as hers to protect. I’m constantly having to rein her in. I’m hoping you can help me rein her in, honestly. She will not be happy unless there’s a permanent stay on the End of Days, and that’s not how this works.”
“How did I get brought into this?” I sighed. “Why did I accept that damned job promotion?”
“It doubled your salary, which meant you could move out of your tiny studio apartment into a house,” the Devil reminded me. “You just didn’t read the fine print or ask if you’d have excessive exposure to my majestic self.”
Heaving another sigh, I gave in to the inevitable and said, “Okay. What do we need to bargain to get you to handle this matter?”
“Darlene thinks Kanika needs a sister, and your application has been approved. You can either choose adoption into the family or marriage into the family. I have plenty of single nephews, Darian here included.”
I bowed my head, lifted a hand, and rubbed my temple in the futile hope of preventing the headache about to spring up and stab through my skull. “I’m supposed to be your secretary.”
“You can still be my secretary, and frankly, I’d be forced to pay you even more as a result.”
“I have two parents. Both of which are still alive and will remain alive. That means you can’t go give them heart attacks. Despite our disagreements on certain elements of life, I do love them. They just make me want to indulge in an act of defenestration is all.”
“Diana, they’re assholes. Coming from me, that’s saying a lot. Now, they do also love you, but this does not change their asshole tendencies. They’re at least half the reason you’re terrified of the water. Anyway, I’m a far better parent than them. I’ve decided I will collect children with asshole parents and prove I can be a far better asshole parent. It’s my latest hobby. For once, my darling actually likes one of my hobbies. She just makes me get approval of the adoptee rather than tricking them. My little cupcake really doesn’t mind having been tricked. She knows she’s a wanted child. You, on the other hand, will be a trickier acquisition. You need special cultivation to fall in line with my plans.”
“You are in dire need of a therapist.” I sighed, took hold of the first box, and handed it off to the Devil. One by one, I stacked them on top until he couldn’t cause me extra trouble without damaging anything. “In exchange for you handling this matter properly, I will consider your proposal in one way or another. I do not mind entering the dating pool, but having four parents would likely result in the compl—” I blinked. “Does that mean you’d come to the family dinners?”
“I fucking love family dinners,” the Devil announced. “Especially when the other part of the family can’t decide if they love or hate me.”
What a demented, twisted being. “How about this as a bargain instead: you can come to Christmas dinner with three of your brothers, Kanika, Malcolm, and one guest of your choice and their family. The guest of your choice, assuming I am not in a relationship with someone, can be a gentleman you want me to try dating. Note, this person must be a gentleman.”
“Incubi can be gentlemen, especially during religious holidays when they’re given away as a gift to some deserving woman.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I’m understanding the lure of your succubi scheme a little better than I did this morning, Darian.”
Darian snickered. “It’s a situation you both lose and win, right? But all you have to do is bring a date if you don’t want some incubus being a gentleman with you after dinner. He might also find you a kelpie or a unicorn. They have a reputation, too.”
“For some reason, I cultivated a lot of sex demons of various types. The unicorns are the most nurturing of them, though I have a few incubi who enjoy nothing more than pampering the women they’re feeding from. They’re lucky women, really. I really need to do something about my darling’s brother. I did too good of a job adjusting his general temperament. If he gets much more nurturing, he’ll cry if he can’t be in a stable relationship. Why can’t I kill him?”
“Darlene would cry,” Darian replied. “Why not just partner him with a unicorn mare? That should keep him busy for a thousand years or so.”
“I don’t have any available unicorn mares that would partner well with him.”
Darian huffed. “So make a new species the next time you have a chance to create a new seed. This should not be difficult. Why not an ice one? You have fire. Ice would be fun. Can we get back on subject now? Just accept her offer so we can get back to work. She’s going to snap if we waste too much extra time before checking out the lab itself.”
“Ah, yes. That reminds me.” The Devil snapped his fingers and several cat carriers manifested and dropped to the ground. “You will need these.”
Uh oh. “There are cats here?”
“There is a litter of kittens you can rescue. Their mother is in need of some tender loving care, and she could use help nursing them. You will find milk for their care in the carriers. That should keep you amused until you can take them to a shelter or decide to keep them.”
I did not need an entire litter of kittens, but there was no way I was going to leave them or their mother to starve to death. “Let’s find the kittens first, then we can go check out the lab, Darian.”
The Devil pointed into the forest. “There is a utility shed that way. You will find the kittens and their mother inside.”
“Was the mother part of the lab operations?” I asked.
“Yes.”
That poor cat. “She’s hurt enough she won’t fight, isn’t she?”
“It’s nothing you can’t handle. But I can tell you this much: if the assholes knew about her, she’d be as much of a target as your Mr. Flooferson.”
I sucked in a breath. “You think we can figure out what’s going on with her?”
“And you can do so with one additional present from me, but it will cost you.”
Fuck. Yet another bargain. “How many times will I have to bargain with you?”
“As many times as needed for me to get what I want.”
What an asshole. “I am not going to experiment on that poor cat!”
“You don’t have to experiment on her. You have to love her, and then you have to run a touchless scanner over her and read the results. If the scanner requires blood, you need to just prick her shoulder long enough to get the sample. Then you can shower her with affection and rehabilitate her to your heart’s content before finding her and her kittens an appropriate home.”
I frowned, wondering if I’d be able to send off the poor cat to another home. “What breed is she?”
“She’s a ragamuffin. The kittens are purebred, as her boyfriend was also a ragamuffin escapee. They opted for that breed in the lab due to their dispositions.”
Fuck. There was a boy cat. “Where is her boyfriend?”
The Devil grimaced. “He had an unfortunate encounter with a mountain lion.”
Oh. I joined him in grimacing. “Poor little guy. Okay. Momma cat and her kittens in the utility shed. What are you going to ask of me for the appropriate scanner?”
“Your soul would be nice, but I’ll accept your agreement to listen to a proposal that should take approximately thirty minutes of your time.”
At the rate the Devil usurped my time, I’d end up his minion through owed minutes. “I get to permanently keep the scanner.”
“If you want to own the scanner, you must be able to provide ten good reasons, verifiable through a third-party arbitrator, to refuse my proposal. Otherwise, you must agree to it.”
I foresaw coercion into marriage or adoption in my future. “The third-party arbitrator must be one of your archangel brothers, and it can’t be Darian’s father.”
“Bargain made.”
“You’re going to get yourself into more trouble than you can get out of, Diana,” Darian muttered.
“I’m a sucker for cats in need, and Mr. Flooferson needs a girlfriend. Except like Mr. Flooferson, she will no longer be able to produce little kittens after her litter is grown up and she can be spayed. Responsible cat ownership is important. I have no idea what I’m going to do with a litter of kittens, though.”
“Beyond keep them and be overrun with cats?” Darian shrugged. “There are worse fates.”
“Being overrun with cats is a concern,” I confessed. “My house is not big enough for an entire murder of kittens.”
“I don’t think a group of cats is called a murder.”
The Devil laughed. “No, it’s not, but frankly, if you’re late with their supper, there will be a murder, so it’s the most accurate statement regarding cats I’ve heard in a long time. Have fun, children. Go off and rescue your new family of cats before you go lab diving. I’ll leave the scanner in your vehicle, and I’ll even be a generous being and prepare their milk and use some magic to keep it the right temperature until needed. That’s on the house, mainly because I don’t want to hear any damned crying over your murder of kittens today, and if you have to figure out how to warm their milk while off in the middle of nowhere, there will be crying. It’ll be the frustrated sort of crying, but I’ve had enough weeping for one week.”
I could make a guess what had gotten the Devil riled up. “Darlene got upset about the cancer and cried, didn’t she?”
“It’s like you’ve met my wife before. There is very little in the universe I cannot handle with grace. My wife crying is one of those things. My daughter crying is another one of those things. Fortunately, my wife and daughter usually cry from frustration, but I’ve learned my lesson: my wife will not learn about the kittens until they’re happily in your custody, so they don’t end up in my custody.”
I grinned. “She’d make you rescue and keep them, wouldn’t she?”
“And a lot of the pets we have in our house are immortal pets who will not die of natural causes until my darling breathes her last. It amuses me that my darling has not quite realized the extent of her lifespan at this point in time. When she figures it out, I am sure she will be extra vicious when she gets her hands on me. I’m looking forward to it.”
Of course. The Devil was an eternal pervert. That much I’d figured out on my own. “You owe me for taking the cats so you don’t have to. Make it something good, and since Darian has to help care for these cats, he is owed as well.”
“Clever girl.” The Devil vanished, leaving me with a mess of cat carriers.
I checked inside each one until I found a frightening number of nursing bottles and enough formula to sink a battleship. “How many kittens are in this litter?”
Darian counted bottles. “I’m guessing thirteen.”
“That poor momma. So many mouths to feed!” I grabbed two of the carriers and left the formula out where the Devil could make use of it. “Move it, Darian. We have kittens to rescue.”
The broken ruins of a greenhouse drew me to a halt, and Darian locked onto the utility shed nearby. “Hey, Darian? Do you think that greenhouse was for drug operations?”
“Definitely, and it was probably built to grow marijuana. It loves the mountains up here, so they’d be able to set up a good operation around here. It would make for a decent cover story if nobody looked too carefully at the place.” He opened the door, and something inside hissed. “Goodness, she’s fluffy. And matted. And angry.”
“Well, you’re near her kittens.” I hurried over and peeked into the shed while Darian checked the place over with a flashlight. The cat, a pale-coated fluffy, matted mess, cowered in a corner with a bunch of furry wiggly bodies surrounding her.
Bye-bye, heart. Hello, vet bill for fourteen or so felines.
“I’m going to need a really big raise to take care of these cats,” I muttered, grimacing at the filth covering the floor. “And a new pair of shoes. I don’t even want to think about what I’m stepping in. I’m going to end up bargaining away my soul for clean clothes. And that’s with these stupid booties on. Obviously, whatever is on this floor is going to eat through the booties.”
“I’m more concerned with how to catch the cat without the cat tearing us a new one,” he replied.
I handed my extra carrier over to Darian and stepped deeper into the shed. “Close the door behind me so she can’t escape. This looks intact enough it shouldn’t be easy for her to get out, right?”
“Here’s hoping.”
The cat carriers would need to be purified, preferably with fire, after touching the shed’s floor, but I’d cross that bridge later, after I caught the cat and herded her kittens. With luck, I could fit everyone inside one carrier temporarily, separating them only as needed while driving.
“Poor sweetheart,” I cooed to the animal, opening the door and pointing the interior in her general direction. “Darian, arm yourself with a carrier or two and basically stand behind me, so she hopefully won’t go past us. I’d like to get her into the carrier first, then we’ll move the kittens in.”
“She looks exhausted and thin. I doubt she’s going to put up much of a fight.”
Beneath her matted fur, I suspected he was right. Careful to keep my movements slow and smooth, I approached, set the carrier on the ground, and waited to see what she would do.
The cat limited her protests to hisses and trying her best to keep between us and her kittens. While shoveling the cat and kittens into the carrier bothered me, the tactic worked. I risked life and limb to scoop the extra kittens into their containment vessel, earning several scratches and a bite for my efforts. Everybody fit into one carrier, and I worried at how little the momma cat seemed to weigh.
“I hope Lucifer is bringing food for her,” I muttered, grimacing at the filth on my gloved hands and my arms. “And possibly antibiotics to keep me from catching my death. I don’t want to catch my death.”
“I’m sure Lucifer will take care of your health once you’re done contracting various diseases rescuing these cats.” Darian took the carrier from me and hauled the hissing momma and her mewling babies out of the shed. “It seems he really wants us to find this lab, as I couldn’t help but notice there’s a suspicious square in the floor that you uncovered shuffling around to get to the kittens. By directing you to the cats, he probably made it so we could find that rather suspicious square.”
I checked, and sure enough, I spotted an indentation in the floor in the shape of a trap door. “That is going to be so gross lifting that up.”
Grunting, he shouldered through the door and waited for me to follow. “There’s a crowbar near the door, so it should be all right. I’m going to bathe in sanitizer later, though.”
“Me, too. I can help carry them.”
“You could, but you won’t. You might injure your chest. You can do the thinking, I’ll handle the manual labor. However, as I’m not an idiot, I won’t try to bar you from feeding the hungry kittens. It’ll be tough enough making sure everybody is fed as it is.”
“I can accept that.”
The Devil waited at our rental, and he had set up a black plastic and mesh pen, which had a covered top to prevent any furry escapees. When I approached, he handed me a pad of paper and several permanent markers in various colors. Aware the Devil didn’t do anything without a good reason, I put his gifts in my pocket.
He announced, “You’ll need these. I have put puppy training pads in your vehicle along with food and water for your queen, and I’ve also provided everything else these feline entities will require while you’re adventuring. My wife has taken the liberty of providing a list of emergency vet clinics in the area so you might choose one.”
I read between the lines: if I knew what was good for me, I would be taking my new murder of kittens to a vet as soon as we finished at the lab. “What will I have to bargain for a full cleaning after we’re done in the lab?”
The Devil gave a sniff. “That will be a gift, for my delicate sensibilities would be sorely offended should you catch some illness from your adventures. As such, I will check in with you when you’re done with your base explorations and abuse my holy fire in amusing fashions. I’ll even make one of my brothers watch, as you should be checked for any complications.”
“I’ll put in a good word with your wife, which should be approximately equal.”
“If you do that, I’ll owe you,” Lucifer complained. “She likes you more than she likes me right now.”
Darlene never failed to amuse me, especially when it came to her hot and cold treatment of her husband, who adored her no matter what her mood happened to be. However, she tried to be reasonable—usually. “You told her she couldn’t have any of the kittens, didn’t you?”
“I did. It’s her fault she’s going to be hungry and cranky in a few days, as I have been banished to the couch. Really, I like you a lot right now, as my cranky and hungry wife shows off her wings and her spots when she goes on a hunt. If I talk about how wretchedly adorable the kittens are where she can hear me, she’ll likely hold out for a week or two, which means she won’t be hiding even a single spot from me.”
“You have a serious obsession with her spots. I’m sure there is a therapist somewhere who can help you with that problem. You could take two and have more immortal kittens running around your house. It’s not like I won’t have extras.”
“Wicked woman, suggesting I should bring two more terrors into my home! I already have two furry terrors, and they always side with my wife. Sometimes, they pretend to like me. But that is only sometimes.”
I crouched and peeked into the carrier, where the momma cat cowered in the back while the kittens, old enough to have their eyes open, rolled over each other in the tight space. Most were pale with colored points, although there were two orange tabbies and one calico. “You can’t have the calico. She’s mine. You can’t have the momma cat, either. She’s also mine.” I considered the wretchedly cute and filthy animals in the carrier. “Can you abuse your holy fire to clean their fur? That would be worth me putting in an almost good word for you while I gush about my new kittens.”
“I appreciate your ruthlessness in negotiations. Yes, this is an acceptable bargain. Do go about your investigative work, children. I will handle caring for your new friends in the meantime. Go ahead and take your time. Go on. Shoo, shoo.”
Darian regarded the Devil with a raised brow before he sighed, set the rest of the carriers down, and headed off in the direction of the shed and greenhouse. “Come on, Diana. It’s going to be a long night unless the first batch of investigators did a better job of cleaning up after themselves.”
The Devil waved as we left. “Have fun storming the castle, kids!”