A week later, Gabrielle sat in her office going back over the receipts. Business was good. Her employees were happy. The new menu for October had been greeted with enthusiasm by the staff and customers. She’d received no more threats or vandalism to the restaurant.
“So, why are you hiding in your office on a day when the restaurant’s closed and the weather is beautiful?”
“I don’t know. Why are you?”
Glancing up she saw the very reason. Theo. He stood leaning against the doorjamb to her office. Ever since the man walked into her life she’d had a massive case of foot in mouth. When that affliction eased she found herself in a continual state of arousal. With him not interested, that was another frustration. “What are you doing here?”
That danged eyebrow rose so high over his eye it disappeared under a wave of hair. “I live here?”
“You don’t live down here. Why aren’t you out enjoying the day?” Actually, she’d been wondering that for some time. While working in her office she could hear him moving around upstairs. For a while he’d been working on his punching bags. That had been obvious by the muted footfalls staying in one area for so long. Then he’d gone down the hall, back toward the kitchen and down the hall again. For a while it had been silent above and she managed to focus on work.
“I am enjoying the day. I just whipped up a fresh batch of gnocchi. When I noticed your car out back, and you didn’t answer your door, I figured you were down here. I came down to see if you’d like to join me for lunch.”
The invitation made her suspicious. Ever since she’d shoved her size seven foot in her mouth at the coffee shop he’d been avoiding her. Or maybe you were avoiding him? Grrr, she hated having a smart alec conscience. “Why?”
He frowned making his forehead, what wasn’t covered by his gorgeous wavy sun-kissed brown hair, furrow. Oh lordy she needed to stop mooning over the man.
“Because I thought you liked my gnocchi and I have plenty? Is there some reason I shouldn’t offer you lunch?”
What is wrong with me?
“No,” she said, clicking the file on her computer closed. “I’m just being ornery. Thank you, I would enjoy joining you for lunch. Did you make that yummy tomato sauce to go with them?”
He nodded and the lopsided smile that appeared on his face made her glad she’d agreed. Theo happy was a joy to behold. Not that he wasn’t usually in a good mood, he was, but usually they were working. Working, at least for Theo, seemed to be the place he enjoyed most. Most of their free time since they met had been filled with problems and misunderstandings. It was nice to see him totally at ease outside of the kitchen.
They made their way through the dining area and he pushed open the swinging door for her. Gabrielle looked around. Not seeing the food, she turned to him. “Where is it?”
“In my apartment,” he said, continuing to the exit that led to the stairway.
“Oh, I thought you meant you’d fixed it down here,” she said, following him.
“I don’t take restaurant supplies for my own use. Besides, it’s a perfectly fine kitchen upstairs. Plus, I can walk around in bare feet up here,” he said opening the door to his apartment.
Gabrielle glanced down and noticed his feet were bare. He wiggled his toes and she looked up at him. “I never would have figured you for a barefoot kind of guy.”
That lopsided smile appeared again. He shrugged. “It’s a holdover from my childhood I guess. I was a small kid with big feet. My shoes rarely fit so my feet were happier when I didn’t wear any.
“Have a seat,” he said, pointing toward the bar.
Gabrielle climbed up on one of the stools. Her mind filed away the tidbit of information he’d just given her. Theo rarely if ever talked about his past. This was a rare opportunity she definitely wanted to take advantage of. She didn’t want to appear nosey, so she focused on the apartment. In front of her was a simple placemat with a matching napkin. “You did some more shopping I see.”
“Hmm?” He glanced over his shoulder. “Oh, my mother always put out placemats and cloth napkins. Nothing fancy, but more than just the bare table.” He paused with the plate he’d just filled held halfway to the bar. “Humph, I never thought about it before. I guess it’s another throwback to my childhood.”
When he set the plate down, Gabrielle smiled at him. “You must be in a reminiscing mood today.”
“Not likely,” he said, filling another plate he set it at the other place on the bar. “Water or milk to drink?”
“Water’s fine. Why not likely?” she asked while he filled two glasses.
He carried them around the bar with him. After setting one in front of her he sat on the other stool and pulled out his napkin. “Let’s just say most of my past is best left there. How about yours? Having met your father I’m guessing you were spoiled rotten, seeing’s how he thinks you’re pretty much perfect.”
“Oh please, he says that now, but I was a handful.” She tried the gnocchi and almost moaned out loud. “If you don’t stop feeding me, I’m going to be as big as I was before I had my growth spurt.” He coughed, covering his mouth with the napkin. Gabrielle looked over afraid he was choking. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” he said, then cleared his throat. “Growth spurt? It couldn’t have been enough to make much difference in your weight.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, but couldn’t manage a real glare. “Hey, I’m five foot six, thank you very much. Besides, it’s not necessarily how much you grow, it’s all the energy expended to do the growing.”
“Right.”
Gabrielle nudged his thigh with her knee. He pushed back and they both laughed. Oh my but it felt good to just be relaxed and teasing with someone. She’d been so worried about the restaurant, and her father, and dealing with the divorce she had almost forgotten what it felt like to relax.
They ate in companionable silence for several minutes.
“What was it like growing up a pastor’s kid?”
It was her turn to almost choke. Theo’s hand rubbed her back when she did. The contact immediately warmed and calmed her. “Pretty much the same as any other kid, I guess. I definitely wasn’t a sweet little cherub, I can tell you that. I did normal kid stuff.”
“Like?”
She shrugged. “Like going outside and getting dirty after my dad got me dressed for church. When the pastor shows up late for service, it doesn’t go over as well as you might think. Well, not with the pastor anyway.”
“What about your mother?”
“Mom died when I was three. I don’t remember much about her. Except she always smelled like peaches. I think that’s why I use peach scented soap and shampoo. It makes me feel close to her somehow. I used to beg my father to buy it for me. Now I think he buys it by the case so he can always have it to give me for presents.” She smiled with the thought.
“I’m sorry.”
Gabrielle shook her head. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for, I had a good childhood. What about your mom? She obviously made an impression on you if you still do these things the way she did. Where does she live?”
“She, uh, died when I was six,” he said, without looking at her. He idly dangled his fork between his fingers. “So, you were a handful. What? Did you just bat those big gray eyes at your father when you wanted something?”
She hadn’t been born yesterday. Change the topic, that was the name of the game. She would play along. “You probably won’t believe me, but I was the tomboy to end all tomboys. If there was a tree or boulder to climb within a mile, I found it. And none of the boys had anything on me when it came to baseball. I could hit, throw, and catch as good or better than most of the boys on my block.”
Theo chuckled and Gabrielle took a breath of relief. He’d gotten very quiet, almost sullen when she talked about losing her mother. And downright chilly when she’d asked about his. Agreeing to the change of subject had been worth it. She much preferred the chuckling Theo to the brooding one she saw more often.
“I can believe it,” he said, standing and clearing their empty plates. “You rarely stop moving. I bet you were a jock in school. No, worse, head cheerleader.” He grimaced.
Gabrielle tossed her napkin at him. “Not on your life. I enjoyed my free time too much. I’d meet friends at the park and play ball but I didn’t want to have to practice every night then go home and study. Guess I was lazy.”
“Let me guess, a 4.0 GPA?”
“You know,” she said, jumping off her stool and joining him at the sink. “You’re lucky you’re cute or I might take offense with your attitude.”
“Cute, huh? That’s a new one.”
Gabrielle stared at him as she dried the plate in her hand. “Fishing for compliments again? I told you I wasn’t --”
“Nope, just never been called cute before. Big, dumb, mean, stupid, hard, but never cute. I think you need glasses.”
Picking up the other plate, she wiped the towel over it while she considered what he said. His tone had been straight forward. The words came out as if he believed them, not like he was expecting to be corrected.
“You’re serious,” she said, setting the plate on top of the other. “I find that very hard to believe. I highly doubt you’ve changed, other than putting on some mature weight, that much since you went to school. The girls I went to school with would have been tripping all over themselves trying to impress someone like you.”
He glanced at her and shook his head. “You don’t have to bribe me with empty compliments, Gabrielle. I was going to give you desert anyway.”
Oh my heavens. The man truly believed what he was saying. Nothing she said would probably change his mind. A smile pulled at her lips. Maybe she should stop talking and show him she meant what she said.
Putting thought to action, Gabrielle tossed her towel on the counter. She reached in front of him and turned off the faucet.
“Hey, I’m not--”
Taking his face between her hands, she turned him toward her and effectively stopped his words with a kiss. He went stock still under her hold. For a whisper of a moment she thought he would pull away, or worse, not react at all. What had she been thinking? Hadn’t she learned her lesson? She was damaged goods. No man wanted a woman who couldn’t –
Theo tried. He tried to resist. But damn her lips were soft. And warm. And the second he felt her start to pull away his soapy watered hand cupped the back of her head. He took control of the kiss.
With a little teasing of her lips with his tongue she opened for him. He didn’t waste time doubting. She tasted of tomato and cheese. Soft but a little tangy, just like her personality. And she wasn’t shy. Her tongue tangled with his, seeking and withdrawing and seeking again. He wanted to swallow her whole she tasted so good. Kissing her fed his desire until it boiled inside him. He backed her against the refrigerator.
Her arms slid around to his back, pulling him closer. He resisted only enough to slip a hand under the hem of her shirt. Stroking up from her hip, when he touched her skin he almost lost it. He couldn’t stop himself from pressing his almost painful erection against her. Damn if she didn’t lift a leg and wrap it around his. God, he was going to come right here.
“Gabrielle,” he croaked, breaking the kiss, but trailing more into her hair. “We have to stop.” He didn’t heed his own words. His hand continued seeking until he found what he was searching for. She inhaled as he palmed her breast. Theo crushed his mouth to hers again. In his hand her nipple hardened. He squeezed as gently as his overwhelming desire would allow. Her hand fisted in his hair. The scratch of her nails against his skull brought back a sliver of sanity.
He pulled his mouth from hers. “Gabrielle, this can’t happen,” he forced himself to say.
“Why?” she asked, her hands sliding around to his chest.
Her touch short circuited his brain for a moment. When she slid her foot against the back of his leg he almost didn’t bother to reset the breaker. But he did. Resting his forehead against hers he tried to slow his breathing down. “You know why.”
She didn’t reply. She did keep stroking her hands up and down his torso. He grabbed them and held them up against the refrigerator. It didn’t help his cause, drawing his attention to her chest. “You’re killing me, Gabrielle.”
He saw her lips turn up in a sexy smile. This did not bode well for him convincing her they shouldn’t continue.
“You don’t feel like you’re dying. You feel very very alive.”
“Gabrielle, you don’t want to do this.”
“I don’t? I think it’s obvious I do.”
“What about your father?” Geez, he was grasping at straws.
“I hadn’t planned on inviting him,” she said.
Damn. “Damn it, Gabrielle. I’m trying to do the right thing. I was not expecting this. I don’t have any protection.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
He pulled back and stared down at her. “Of course it matters. You could get pregnant. I don’t want you to have to deal with that.”
“I won’t,” she said. Her leg fell to the floor. “I can’t.”
Theo wasn’t sure he’d heard right because she dropped her head as she finished speaking. He lifted her head with his finger under her chin. When she finally met his gaze he looked deep into her eyes. “That’s why he left?’
Her face crumbled. Theo pulled her to him. She tried to push free, but he wouldn’t let go. He held on partly to comfort her, partly so he didn’t punch something.
He knew he should pull back and talk about it. If her silence was any indication, that would be a wasted effort. The fact that his body hadn’t lost its desire despite the situation made it even harder to make the right choice. He kissed her head then whispered near her ear. “You know this is a bad idea.”
While he waited for a reply he buried his head in her hair. Inhaling the peach scent of her shampoo did crazy things to his will power. Not that he had much will power at the moment.
She turned toward him, and he pulled back. Looking at her he saw need as well as desire in her eyes. He bent down and scooped her up in his arms. Her arms went around his neck and her mouth found his. Carrying her down the hall to his bedroom, he tried to remember why he shouldn’t do this. Her in his arms sent the short circuit to a full blown brain fry. He couldn’t think anymore it was all about feeling.
Feeling her body slide down his as he released his hold under her legs. Feeling her lips kiss the length of his neck. Feeling her fingers slipping buttons through holes. Reaching behind her he pulled the covers down. Then he slid his hands under her sweater and pushed it up effectively stopping her work on his shirt. As soon as she pulled her hands free they returned to his chest spreading his shirt open. She pressed her lips to his skin and Theo couldn’t hold back a growl of desire. In a quick desperate move he wrapped an arm around her waist and lowered them both to the bed.
He rolled so she was on top. Pulling her head to his he slid a hand over her back to the clasp of her bra. Unhooking it, he eased her up so it slid down her arms. She tried to cover herself, but he wouldn’t let her. He pushed her hands away molding each breast in one of his hands. She arched her head back as he stroked his thumbs over her already hardened tips. He couldn’t resist any longer.
Lifting his shoulders he took one breast in his mouth. When was the last time I . . . no, don’t think about it. Negatives continued to assault him despite his efforts to ignore them. Releasing her breast he was about to tell her he couldn’t do it, when a sad mewing sound reached his ears. He couldn’t let her think he didn’t want her. Want didn’t even begin to describe his desire right now. Ghosts be damned. He took her other breast.
She had wrapped her legs around him when he sat up and now the heat pulsing against his erection was unbearable. He rolled again putting her on her back then lifted himself off the bed. Her arms reached out to him. He smiled down at her as he reached for the snap of the corduroys she wore. When he’d lowered the zipper she helped him push them and her panties over her hips. The sight of her naked on his bed made him clench his jaw against the need to devour her.
“I think you’re over dressed,” she said, sliding a bare toe up his inner thigh.
Theo grabbed her foot, lifted it to his lips and kissed her toe before she could pull it away. He made short work of his shirt, jeans and underwear. The smile on her face when he stood before her amazed him. He pushed aside the questions it brought to his mind. Right now he wanted only one thing, to please Gabrielle.
Gabrielle lay with her head cradled on Theo’s shoulder still waiting for her breathing to even out. He’d withdrawn much too soon but pulled her to his side, so she wasn’t about to complain. It wasn’t like they were in love or anything. She’d half expected him to say thanks and see ya as soon as they were done. She should have known he would be a considerate lover. A shiver ran over her body. He immediately reached down and pulled the cover over them, snuggling her closer.
Glancing up she saw his other arm was covering his eyes. Remorse lessened the wonderful warmth she’d felt a moment before. She worried he was starting to regret making love to her already.
“You don’t have to worry. I don’t expect anything from you,” she said.
He peeked out from under his arm and grinned. “That’s good, because right now I don’t think I can lift my pinky let alone anything else.”
Dropping her gaze, she said, “That’s not what I meant.”
The arm her head rested on flexed and she found herself pulled closer. “I know what you meant.”
“I just don’t want you to think--”
“I don’t want to think either,” he said, interrupting her. “If I start to think too much right now, I’ll end up ruining what’s turning out to be a very nice day. So, do you think we can leave the thinking for later?”
Gabrielle smiled against his arm. “Yeah, I think we could do that.”
For several minutes she allowed herself to simply enjoy snuggling to the hard warm body beside her. Stretching her leg down the length of his, she touched his foot. “So I guess you grew into those big feet.”
“Hmm?”
“You told me you liked bare feet because you were a small kid with big feet. I don’t think your feet seem overly large now.”
“I guess.”
Wanting to learn more about him, she decided to be bold. She climbed on top of him and stretched out, resting her chin on her hands clasped over his chest. He lifted his head and glanced down at her.
“I have to tell you, I’m intrigued,” she said. He cocked an eyebrow.
“About my feet?”
She laughed. “No. You have to be the first man I’ve known who doesn’t like to talk about himself. Usually men regale a woman about their attributes, their bank accounts, their all conference football history or whatever. You give as little information as you can get away with. Why is that?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure what you mean by attributes, but my bank account definitely isn’t impressive, and I didn’t play football.”
“What sport did you play?” she asked, hoping to get him talking a little.
“I didn’t. I didn’t stay in school long enough to play anything.”
“Oh, your family moved a lot?”
“No, I changed families a lot,” he said, lifting his head and meeting her gaze. “At fifteen I’d had enough and left.”
“You quit school?”
“Yeah, let’s go with that,” he said, rolling over he smiled down at her. “I seem to remember something about us agreeing not to think.”
“What think? I’m just making conversation,” she said, meeting his gaze and a smile of her own. “But if you have something else you’d like to do I’m game.”
“I do,” he said, and rolled off her to the side of the bed. “I promised you dessert.”
“You did and I must say it was delicious.”
“Woman, you are priceless. But we are not spending the afternoon in this bed. Come on, get that pretty little butt up,” he said, reaching back and tapping her hip. “We’re going out to get some of that sunshine and dessert.”
Gabrielle decided to let him get away for the moment. She’d learned more than he probably wanted to give up anyway. Besides she liked this playful relaxed side of him. In the weeks she’d known him, she couldn’t remember seeing him this easy going.
“Where are we going?” she asked a few minutes later when they were walking down the street.
“When I was out running one night I noticed a shop about a mile down the way. There was a sign in the window for homemade pumpkin spice ice cream. It sounded intriguing and I wanted to try some.”
She smiled at the excitement on his face as he talked about the ice cream. You would think he were a five year old getting ready to try ice cream for the first time. “You do realize it takes twice as long to walk a mile as it does to jog it, right?”
“Do you have somewhere you have to be?” he asked, stopping.
Gabrielle hadn’t expected him to stop like that so she had to turn around. She shook her head, “No. I just wanted to make sure you understood that, because I don’t jog. To be honest, I don’t understand why people run. When I pass them on the road they look like it’s painful. Why do it if it doesn’t feel good?”
He grinned and started walking again. “I can’t speak for most people. I started running in prison. Few people could keep up with me so it gave me time alone. A rare commodity in that world.”
“And now?”
“Now,” he shrugged. “I don’t know. When I can’t sleep and have worn my arms out on the bags, it helps wear the rest of me out.”
They walked along in silence for a couple of minutes. Gabrielle was very aware that he was slowing his pace for her. She could probably fit two of her strides in one of his. “Why can’t you sleep? You work harder than anyone else while we’re open and I know how many hours you put in before that. You should be exhausted.”
She glanced over at him. His mouth was quirked sideways, like he was chewing on the corner of his lip. “It’s not me, is it? You’re not stressing out because of the fire and stuff, are you? Because you shouldn’t. It isn’t your problem.”
“I’ll admit to being concerned when I’m not there. But, no, that’s not why I don’t sleep well. I guess I’m used to sleeping with one eye open as they say. Also, it’s too quiet. I lived in bigger cities most of my life. Sirens, people yelling, traffic, it’s almost like a lullaby to me.”
“Boy did you pick the wrong part of town,” she said with a laugh. They reached the shop he’d mentioned and he pulled open the door.
“Coffee and a pumpkin ice cream cone?” he asked, as they walked to the counter.
Not sure about the pumpkin flavor, she wavered.
“Come on, live a little.”
She couldn’t resist his light-hearted attitude. “Okay. Can we sit outside? The sun is shining right on the tables.”
When he nodded, she went back out and found an empty table. The place must be good it was pretty busy.
Across the street was a city park, also busy. Though it was a school day, there were quite a few kids playing. Gabrielle noticed several women talking whom she assumed were the mothers of the young ones running around. A couple of other women pushed strollers along the path. Normally, it didn’t bother her. Today though, she remembered Theo’s concern that she could become pregnant. Admitting her failure as a woman to anyone hurt. Admitting it to someone as obviously virile as Theo had been almost unbearable.
“Hey, what are you frowning about?”
She looked up to find him standing next to the table a tray in hand. He set a coffee in front of her and a cup with an ice cream cone turned upside down. Taking the seat across from her he set the tray down and picked up his own coffee. She couldn’t tell him what she’d been thinking, but her gaze shot back across the street when a child screeched. He looked there as well.
“We can walk and eat,” he said softly.
Gabrielle turned back and smiled at him. “No, I’m fine.”
“That I know,” he said. “But I can see you’re upset.”
Shaking her head at his attempt at humor to try and cheer her up, she picked up her cone. “It’s okay. Kids are everywhere, it’s not like I can hide from them. And most of the time it doesn’t bother me. I love kids.”
She licked her cone and found a good way to change the subject. “Wow, this is great. Who would have guessed?”
They laughed and relaxed back in their seats. Busy eating their ice cream they didn’t talk. Though he did laugh at her when she got ice cream on her nose. He leaned over and wiped it off with a napkin.
“I knew it.”
A chill raced over Gabrielle and it had nothing to do with the ice cream. Glancing up she saw Kevin walking toward them. Looking at Theo she knew he recognized the voice. His gaze was lethal. Wasn’t hard to figure out he didn’t like her ex-husband.
“I can take care of it,” he said quietly before Kevin reached their table.
“I’ll handle him,” she whispered. “Kevin.”
“I warned you, Gabrielle. I told you all he wanted was--”
“Lower your voice,” she interrupted, glaring at him. “How dare you talk to me that way?”
“I dare because I care about you. Do you know what he was in prison for?” Kevin asked in a harsh whisper. “Murder. He killed a man.”
“He’s sitting right here, buddy. He can hear everything you’re saying,” Theo said.
Gabrielle shook her head to stop him, but he obviously didn’t care.
“So can everyone else around us. They can also see that you’re basically a raving lunatic, though, so I’m not real worried. Plus the fact that you’re the one causing trouble for Gabrielle, not me. I didn’t throw a flaming bottle of alcohol into her restaurant.”
Kevin’s glare flew from Gabrielle to Theo. “That’s a lie. I did not,” he glanced around at the tables of customers, “set fire to her restaurant. How dare you? I love Gabrielle. I would never hurt her.”
“You already did.”
“I said I didn’t do that,” Kevin screamed.
Gabrielle watched Theo shrug, his body language appeared casual, unperturbed. She knew he could move faster than lightning. She could interrupt, but Kevin had insulted Theo. He had every right to return the favor.
“Let’s say I believe you, there are other ways you’ve hurt her. None of them make me very happy.”
Kevin snarled. “Your happiness is not my concern. Gabrielle is the one I care about.”
“I wonder how your wife feels about that,” Gabrielle said, seeing the woman crossing the street pushing a stroller. Theo must have noticed the change in the direction of her gaze because he cut his glance to the side. Looking back at her he grinned. “Personally, it’d tick me off if I were her.”
Kevin finally realized why she said it and turned to find his wife behind him. He smiled “Just get me a coffee. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Gabrielle couldn’t believe he had the nerve to talk to his wife that way. He never would have tried it with her. She almost wanted to defend her. Almost.
“I can’t believe this. What are you doing with her?” the woman demanded.
“I’m just being polite. Don’t start with me,” Kevin said harshly.
Gabrielle noticed several heads turn at his tone. The people who’d frowned at Theo a few minutes ago when Kevin started his tirade, now glared at Kevin. She hid a smile by licking her ice cream cone. Looking at Theo she saw a glint in his eyes. What was he up to? She didn’t have a long wait to find out. He stood and turned to the woman.
“Hello, I’m Theo. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said to her holding out his hand.
“Don’t touch her!” Kevin said.
Gabrielle coughed to disguise her laugh when his wife glared at him, then purposely took hold of Theo’s hand and smiled.
“Blaire. Nice to meet you.”
“We would love to stay and visit, but I’m afraid Gabrielle and I were just leaving. You have pleasant day,” he said then turned to Gabrielle. “Are you ready?”
Glad for the reprieve, she stood and took his offered hand as he pushed past Kevin. Before they were even two steps away she heard his wife lay into him. She didn’t even try to hide the smile it brought her. But the joy was short lived remembering what Theo had accused Kevin of doing.
“You don’t really think Kevin started the fire,” she said when they turned the corner.
“I don’t know,” he said. “But I had to ask. It didn’t seem right how fast he heard about it And then when he showed up at the restaurant again harassing you, I wanted to make sure.
They walked on in silence for a while. Gabrielle didn’t pay attention to where they were going. She didn’t really care. The pleasant afternoon had been ruined by Kevin’s appearance. The added reminder about the fire weighed heavy on her mind. Suddenly she realized she was walking alone. Turning back she saw Theo staring across the street watching children play in a daycare playground. Her shortcoming once again slapped her up the side of the head.
Walking the few steps back, she stopped beside him. He wasn’t smiling as he watched the young children playing. If anything he looked sad. Gabrielle followed his gaze expecting to see a child crying or something. When she didn’t she attempted to lighten the mood. “Remember being that young and carefree?”
“Not really.”
She whipped her head around. “Come on, I know you’re older than me, but not that much older. Everyone remembers their childhood.”
“I remember my childhood just fine. It’s the carefree part that’s missing.”
“Is that why you’re upset, because your childhood wasn’t happy?” When he turned his head toward her, Gabrielle saw the depth of his sadness. She felt guilty for even asking about it.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t waste my energy on pitying my sorry excuse for a childhood. It was, what it was, nothing to do about it now.” He looked back across the street.
“Then why are you so sad?”
Gabrielle reached for his hand hoping a physical connection might encourage him to talk more. He squeezed her fingers, and she squeezed back but didn’t ask again. She would be patient. If her father had taught her nothing else it was patience usually wore down the most stubborn of people.
“If Lea hadn’t died our son would be about that age.” The words seemed torn from a raw throat.
Tears sprang to Gabrielle’s eyes. She thought not being able to conceive was terrible. The thought of losing a child, she couldn’t imagine. “Oh Theo, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you had a son.”
Theo didn’t know why the memories had come back suddenly. He couldn’t begin to explain why he had said anything out loud. He hadn’t spoken about it to anyone since Lea died. “I didn’t. Lea was pregnant when,” he cleared his throat. “When she was mugged. Damned stubborn woman wouldn’t just give up her satchel, she had to fight them.”
He hadn’t thought about it in those terms for ages. Blaming Lea for her death was stupid he knew. He thought he’d moved beyond this. He would have done the same damned thing, so why did he think she was wrong? Because she was a woman and men are supposed to protect them, not hurt them.
The double standard didn’t sit well with him. He respected women. Knew quite a few who were smarter than him. Hell, most people he met he considered smarter. But women weren’t as physically strong. He hated men who took advantage of that. Disgusted with his thoughts, he tried to release Gabrielle’s hand, but she wouldn’t let go. In fact, she was tugging on his. He looked down at her flushed face.
“You cannot tell me you blame her.”
The fire in her eyes reminded him a little of Lea. She would never let him get away with such a ridiculous statement either. Looking away he admitted, “No. Most of the time I’m rational about it.”
So what was it that sent me over the edge today? Looking back at her, he knew the answer. Gabrielle. The heartbreak she had at not being able to have a child. The pain caused by the bastard who left her because of it. The mixture of adoration and misery on her face when she’d seen the stroller Blaire had been pushing. It all combined to multiply his loss.
He squeezed her hand before continuing their walk. “Of course most of the time, I avoid talking at all. That way I don’t make stupid comments like that. I just debate them silently in my subconscious.”
“That’s why you can’t sleep.”
“Sometimes,” he chuckled, trying to release the vestiges of sadness. “Mostly it’s just missing her.”
“Will you tell me about her? What was she like? I’d like to know the woman who tamed Theo the Lion.”
He laughed out right at the nick name. “She would have liked you, I can tell you that. She would also be a little jealous.”
“Of me?”
“Yes. She often commented she wished she had lighter hair. She was a dark brunette that got streaks of auburn through it when she spent any time in the sun. Gorgeous, but, like everyone else she had to find something about herself she didn’t like. For her it was her hair. She loved hair the color of yours.” He tugged on a curly strand of Gabrielle’s hair for emphasis.
“But mostly, mostly she was happy. The woman had the patience of a saint. She had to. She was an elementary school teacher. I’m sure her training helped her immensely in dealing with me. I certainly didn’t make it easy.”
“I never would have guessed.”
He knew she was teasing, and it didn’t make him mad. It was true. He fought personal relationships with a vengeance. Her gentle teasing reminded him of the mistake he’d sworn not to make again. “Maybe if I’d made it harder she’d still be alive. Maybe she would . . ..”
“Now you’re going to blame yourself? You said she was mugged, how is that your fault?”
“Can I ask you something, Gabrielle?”
“Anything.”
“Can we pretend we never had this conversation?” Theo really wanted to pretend they’d never had this entire afternoon, but that would hurt her. As much as he regretted dropping his barriers, he couldn’t hurt her like that. “I can’t talk --”
He held up his finger when his phone rang. Since few people outside of work had the number and he was with one of them he couldn’t ignore it. “Joey?”
“He’s got her, Theo.”