Rani
There were tears falling down my cheeks as Parvy finished telling us the story. I had hold of Sukh’s hand and, looking down at it, I realized that I had squeezed it so hard, his fingers had gone almost white. I let go and wiped away the tears but they were soon replaced by more. Parvy looked at her brother then got up and came over, crouching in front of me. I didn’t know what to think or do. It was such a shock. How come I’d never heard the story from my own family? I didn’t even know that I had another aunt. And then I realized that my father would never have told me about it – it undermined all his lectures about filthy white girls . . . But surely someone in my family . . . my brothers . . .?
‘It’s OK,’ Parvy told me, putting her hands on my knees.
‘Why didn’t I know about all of this already?’ I asked her, trying really hard not to cry. And failing.
‘I don’t know,’ Parvy told me. ‘I really don’t know.’
Sukh stood up and started pacing the room. No one spoke for a few minutes before he broke the silence.
‘This is so messed up, man. I didn’t know any of this – none of it,’ he told me.
‘Our families have had this thing going on for years,’ said Parvy. ‘Dad thought that it was all over – and he didn’t want you to know. He wanted you to grow up without having to deal with the same stuff he had to – all the shame and the sadness and stuff. I only found out because I walked in on an argument, back when you were about six. He sometimes talks about Rani’s dad, Mohinder – they were good friends once.’
‘I kinda thought Rani’s name rang a bell when we met but I put it out of my mind. I thought that I was just being stupid . . . And now I find out there’s a feud . . .’ said Sukh, talking to his sister but looking at me.
‘Yeah – although it’s been years since anything major happened between our families. Some of the younger idiots kick off now and then – but they just use it as an excuse for fighting and acting like animals.’
I looked at Sukh and then at Parvy. I was confused. How could I not have known? How could my family not have told me? ‘So your uncle, Billah, was killed?’ I asked.
‘Yeah.’
‘What happened to my aunt? Something must have happened because until just now I didn’t even know about her.’
Parvy looked away. ‘She killed herself – jumped in a well, I think. No one really knows because they never found her body. Just her shawl – lying next to the well.’
‘But she was . . .’ I began.
Parvy put her hand on mine and squeezed. ‘I know, I know . . .’ she said.
‘Oh, this is horrible!’ I shouted suddenly, and then wished that I hadn’t. But what was I supposed to do? I didn’t know what to think. My family hated Sukh’s family, and there we both were, seeing each other.
Parvy stood up and walked over to the window. She started to speak but stopped and thought for a while. Then she went on, ‘Our family had to leave the village after Billah died and Kulwant vanished. The elders thought it would be the best way to stop any more blood being spilt. But the feud continued. Both our fathers moved to Leicester in the nineteen sixties and there’ve been incidents between them, off and on, over the years . . .’
I shuddered. My mind was going in about a million directions at the same time and I felt numb. Sukh tried to take hold of my hand but I pushed him away. I didn’t want to – it just happened that way. I couldn’t control it.
Parvy turned and looked at me. ‘There’ve been fights between our uncles, our cousins – we even go to separate gurudwara. It’s been calm for a few years now though.’
‘But it just doesn’t make any sense,’ I told her. ‘How could me and Sukh not have known about it?’
‘I dunno how someone didn’t let it slip.’ Parvy shrugged. ‘But I’m sure Dad told everyone not to tell you about it, Sukh. When I found out he told me never to mention it again. He said that it was like cutting open an old wound . . .’
Sukh just sat where he was, looking from me to Parvy and feeling a little hurt at my rejection, I think. I just didn’t want to be there. Didn’t want to be around them. I needed to think . . . I needed to call Nat. I needed to cry again too.
Something in my head snapped and I shot up from my seat. ‘Gotta go,’ I mumbled, not looking at Sukh or Parvy. I headed for the door.
‘Rani . . . wait,’ said Sukh, coming after me, but I didn’t wait.
I ran to the door, threw it open and went out into the corridor. I rushed down the stairs and out into the street, the glass door to the foyer slamming shut behind me. I looked up, tears blurring my sight, made out a taxi and ran to it, got in and told the driver to go. As he pulled away I saw Sukh standing across the street from me, shouting. I think he was still telling me to wait. I don’t know. I didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to touch him. Just wanted to go home. Just wanted to . . .
Sukh
Three days after Parvy had told him and Rani about the feud, Sukh sat on his bed with some R & B thing playing on his CD. He wasn’t listening to it. He was sitting thinking, watching the signal light on his mobile flash on. And off. And on. And off. Rani hadn’t answered her phone since she’d run out of Parvy’s flat. Sukh had only heard from her once. She’d sent a text telling him that she didn’t want to talk to him. Her phone had gone straight to answer every time he’d tried calling. Each of the thirty or forty times. And she wasn’t replying to his text messages either. He’d just sent the latest one and was sitting staring at his phone, willing the message tone to bleep at him and put him out of his misery; imagining her face in his mind, thinking about her touch and her smell and the way she tasted when he kissed her.
His family wasn’t really talking to him. He’d returned from Parvy’s flat angry and sullen and had told his dad to fuck off. His dad had reacted with measured calm, not slapping him or swearing back – just walking away, shaking his head. That had been three days ago and since then only his mum had tried speaking to him, in vain. Sukh wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. Not his parents, nor Parvy and definitely not his mates. Jaspal had sent him loads of messages and rung three times each day but Sukh had ignored him. He couldn’t think of anything but Rani. He wasn’t hungry, he couldn’t sleep. He didn’t care what time it was. He just wanted Rani to call or send him a text to say that he should meet up with her. Hold her hand. Make her laugh. Like it was before he’d taken her to meet Parvy and ruined it all. Like it was before . . .
The mobile bleeped three times in quick succession and Sukh’s heart jumped into his mouth. He grabbed the thing and pressed the READ NEW MESSAGE button. His heart went back to where it had come from. Jaspal. Sukh deleted the message without reading it and threw the phone back down on the bed. The CD finished and he leaned over to where the player sat and started it again, the thump of the bass not getting him going like it usually did. He got up off his bed and paced his room, usually so tidy but looking now like someone had played a bhangra gig in it. He paced for about five minutes, all the while looking at his mobile and turning it round in his hand as the signal light flashed on. And off. And on. And then he sat back down.
Ten minutes passed as Sukh sat and stared at the wall, then he picked up his phone again and scrolled through the menu to WRITE MESSAGE. He looked at the small screen for a moment and then began to type in another message.
PLS LET ME NO THAT U R OK. CALL ME
PLS. LOV U.
For the next twenty minutes Sukh went through the same routine, sitting on his bed, pacing his room and thinking about Rani. The signal light flashed on and off but there were no bleeps from his phone. He tried again.
PLS CAL ME. I LOV U. JUST WANNA TALK.
CANT SLEEP. PLS RANI.
When he realized that Rani wasn’t going to reply, no matter how many times he sent her messages, Sukh got angry and threw his phone on the floor, grabbed his jacket and stormed out of his bedroom, downstairs and into the street, not knowing where he was going . . .
Rani
‘Just call him.’
Nearly a week after I’d run out of Parvy’s flat I was watching the rain fall outside my bedroom window, holding my mobile to my ear and trying to listen to Natalie.
I hadn’t spoken to or seen Sukh for all that time and it was killing me. But I didn’t know how to sort out the mess that I had created when I ran away. When I had sent him that text, telling him that I didn’t want to talk to him, I had been angry, upset. I hadn’t meant never again . . .
And now I didn’t know if he would want to talk to me. I hadn’t had any messages in the last couple of days. What if he was angry? What if he wanted to drop me? And what was I supposed to say? Hey Sukh, sorry for being so rubbish but I’m back now and I’m OK about it all . . .?
‘Are you listening to me?’ asked Nat.
‘Yeah I’m listening,’ I told her.
‘You’ve got to hear me too, babe,’ she replied, sounding a bit exasperated.
‘I’m sorry, Nat.’
‘That’s what you need to tell Sukh too,’ she said.
‘He’ll just tell me to get lost.’
‘No he won’t.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Let me think . . .’ she began.
‘I didn’t reply to any of his messages, Nat, and now he’s stopped sending them. He’ll probably drop me like a stone . . .’
She sighed for about the tenth time since I’d called her. ‘Look – do you love him?’ she asked.
‘More than anything . . .’
‘And you’re OK with this whole feud thing?’
I grinned despite myself. ‘It is a bit Bollywood—’ I began, but Nat cut me off.
‘Answer the question, minx.’
‘Yes – I’m fine now. I just wanted to think about things – that’s all . . .’
‘And he’s sent you what – thirty-odd messages?’
‘Yeah.’
‘So call him, apologize for being crap and meet him somewhere, for God’s sake.’
‘But what if—?’
‘That’s it – I’m going. You’re doing my head in now . . .’
‘I’m sorry, Nat . . .’ Just what I needed. My best friend getting pissed off with me too.
‘Look – you haven’t got time for this shit. We’ve all got GCSEs coming up. The last thing—’
‘I don’t know what to say,’ I admitted, tears suddenly appearing.
‘Don’t cry, honey . . .’
‘But, Nat – he’s going to hate me now.’
‘Right, sod this. Get your little ass over here,’ she demanded.
I thought about having to make up a reason to go out for my parents. ‘I dunno if—’
‘Rani – we’re going to revise together, not have a sex-and-drugs-and-naughty-things party . . .’
‘Let me ask – I’ll call you back.’
Nat didn’t reply straight away.
‘Nat? You still there . . .?’
‘Tell you what,’ she replied. ‘Leave it for a couple of hours. Come round about five.’
‘But you said to—’
‘I’ve got a plan, Stan,’ she said.
‘Nat?’
But the line was dead.
I went downstairs about an hour later, after trying to concentrate on maths homework without success. My dad was in the living room, snoozing, and my mum was out in the jungle-like conservatory, watering her zillion and one plants. She heard me approach and turned to me.
‘What do you want?’ she asked in Punjabi.
‘What makes you think that I want anything?’ I said, pretending to be offended.
‘Rani – you have on that face. Every time you want something you look like that.’
‘I’m sorry for being alive,’ I replied flippantly.
‘Shut up! You never talk like that . . .’ she told me.
‘I just wanted to go over to my friend’s to revise for my exams,’ I said, waiting for her to say no.
‘Rebise?’ said my dad from behind us. He’d obviously woken up. And still not learned how to pronounce ‘v’s correctly, something lots of older Punjabis couldn’t do.
‘I want to go and revise at my friend’s house,’ I repeated.
‘When?’ he asked me, totally ignoring my mum’s part in the conversation.
‘Five o’clock,’ I said. ‘I’ll be back by nine—’
‘Nine?’ he replied, going off the idea.
‘Dad – it’s only four hours . . . and Gurdip can pick me up later.’
The mention of my brother sealed the deal and my dad told me I could go, as long as I didn’t turn off my mobile and only if I was really going to ‘rebise’ and not mess about.
‘Dad, I’ve got my GCSEs in under five months. I want to do well . . .’ So I can get out of here, I thought to myself.
‘OK – beteh – you going,’ he replied, in English this time. ‘Ju calling Gurdip at the half-eight, telling him where to picking you up.’
‘Thanks, Dad,’ I said, before going back upstairs to ring Natalie.
Natalie & Sukh
Natalie stood outside Sukh’s parents’ house, wondering how much money it would take to buy such a big place. It was a mock-Tudor mansion with a double garage and long driveway. The iron gates at the front had a Sikh symbol as part of the overall design and the word BAINS. Very tasteful. She rang the bell again and then turned to admire the pebble driveway, sectioned off in three colours, white, brick-red and green. The borders were immaculate, with purple and green shrubs. Not a weed in sight. No one answered the door but from somewhere she could hear the beat of an R & B tune. She rang once again, wondering where everybody was and whether Sukh would get into trouble because a white girl was calling for him. It had been known to happen. In fact she had never even been round to her boyfriend Dev’s house. Didn’t know what it looked like or what his parents were like. She smiled as she remembered Dev telling her that it was an ‘Indian’ thing. She rang one more time.
Finally, deciding that no one was going to come to the door, Natalie walked round the side of the garages to a smaller gateway, through which she could see a landscaped garden. She debated whether or not she should try the gate, walk down the side of the house and try to get someone’s attention. Someone was definitely in because they were playing a crappy tune by some generic R & B artist. By the time she had finished debating with herself, all of thirty seconds later, she was already standing underneath a veranda-style balcony at the back of the house, framed at the sides by ivy-covered trellises, the leaves a deep shade of green. Above her, the window furthest to her left was open, the source of the music. She called out to Sukh but got no reply.
Turning to face the garden, she saw a patio area made up of white pebbles and walked over to pick up a handful. From beneath the window she gently threw a pebble up. It hit the wall to the side, not really having the desired effect. She tried again, this time hitting the window with a slight tap. The third pebble flew in through the opening and announced her presence. Someone was in. Someone shouted a few very naughty words . . .
Sukh stuck his head out of the window, after turning his CD off, ready to shout at the idiot throwing pebbles, or to call the police if it was a burglar. As if he didn’t have enough to deal with, he thought to himself. Down below him he saw Natalie and once the initial shock was gone, his stomach turned over. Rani. It had to be about Rani . . .
‘Natalie! What the fuck . . .?’
‘But, soft!’ she began, a big smile cracking across her face, ‘what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Sukhy boy, my son!’
‘NAT! What—?’
‘Sukhio! O Sukhio! Wherefore art thou Sukhio? Deny thy father and . . .’
Sukh groaned and considered finding the pebble that Nat had chucked through the window so that he could fling it at her stupid head. He couldn’t see where it had landed. Instead he turned to Natalie again. ‘What do you want, Natalie?’
Nat grinned up at him. ‘So much for bloody romance!’ she said. ‘I’m here to see you. You lettin’ me in or what?’
‘What do you wanna see me about?’
‘Doh! Whaddya think, sexy boy?’
Sukh groaned again and told her to go round to the front of the house. ‘I’ll be down in a minute.’
Natalie waited, as patiently as someone with her itchy feet could manage, for Sukh to open the door to her. When he eventually did she let him have another sickeningly sweet smile and asked him what had taken him so long.
‘Nothing,’ replied Sukh sullenly.
‘Putting your trousers back on?’ asked Nat, annoyingly.
‘Look . . . what is it that you want, man?’
‘Our mutual love is coming round to mine at five and I want you to be there,’ said Natalie seriously.
‘Why?’ asked Sukh, trying to sound cool but spitting out his reply just a bit too quickly.
‘Why do you think . . .?’
Sukh looked away as he spoke, still trying to seem cool. ‘She wants to see me she should reply to my messages an’ that . . .’
‘She feels stupid,’ replied Natalie, unmoved by Sukh’s attempted nonchalance, ‘and, to be fair, she should.’
‘What if I don’t wanna see her?’ asked Sukh.
‘What if I just bang both your heads together?’ said Natalie, meaning it.
‘What if you just mind your own—?’
‘Look – I don’t have to be here,’ Natalie reminded him. ‘You want to carry on sitting around in your boxer shorts, listening to shite music and sending fifty messages an hour, that’s your prerogative. Me, I’m just trying to help – so if you’re gonna be all wankyboy about it . . .’
Sukh looked at her and then smiled for the first time in a week. ‘I’m sorry,’ he told her. ‘I really do want to see her.’
‘Thought as much,’ said Natalie, taking his hand. ‘Are you OK?’
Sukh took his hand away, regretting it instantly, and then looked to the floor. ‘Yeah . . . No – I’m just . . .’ He didn’t really know what he was, apart from being just a little excited at the thought of seeing Rani. Excited and nervous too.
Natalie smiled warmly at him.
‘Come in for a bit,’ he said. ‘I need to have a shower.’
‘Are you sure? Wouldn’t wanna get into trouble with Mummy and Daddy Bains.’
‘Stop being such a dickhead, Nat, and wait in the lounge,’ he replied.
‘Only thinking of your needs, Sukhy, my boy . . .’
‘Shut up, Nat.’
Sukh showed Natalie into the living room, told her not to break anything and to get herself a drink if she wanted one, before heading up for a shower. Nat thanked him, sat down on a deep, aubergine-coloured leather sofa and waited.