"I changed, did I not?" The silence stretched between them, and he could take no more.
She glanced at him, her shoulder lifting in the smallest shrug. He thought back to the gown she had arrived in, tattered from wear and at least four Seasons out of style.
Had her life been so very hard, and he had not noticed? It was any wonder she had been so very angry at him for taking what little enjoyment she partook in at this festive time of year with him and his family and removing it.
He should have made amends for his actions years ago instead of letting her think he did not care. He did very much.
"You did, and for a long time, I thought not for the better, but tonight, with us being hitched together in this storm, maybe my opinion of you has altered a little bit."
"A little?" he queried, hoping he had changed far more than that.
She grinned up at him and reminded him of a memory he had of her, hanging upside down in the tree near the shore, breeches and shirt on, a mischievous light in her eyes.
He would do anything to go back to those days. Ensure that he never lost her friendship in the first place.
"Well, any more than that is still to be determined." A roar of wind shook the shutters, and she jumped against him. Matthew wrapped one arm around her shoulder and held her tight, liking the feel of her in his arms.
"We are safe in here. This house has stood for hundreds of years and will continue to do so long after we're gone."
He helped her sit on the woolen rug at their feet, watching as the flames licked the wood, the draft of the wind making the fire splutter and flame higher every so often.
"Do you ever wonder what will happen in the future? If this house will indeed be standing, or our town still prospering? I do hope that is the case," she declared.
"As do I." He paused, mulling over her question. "I would hope that my children and their children and grandchildren will be enjoying this estate, the grounds, the smugglers' caves."
"Cannot forget those smugglers' caves."
He studied her profile, a warm, comforting feeling wrapping about him, no matter how wild and wicked the storm outside raged.
"Do you wish to marry and have children, Heidi? We are the same age, and it's certainly something that I think about often." Did she want children? Did she still long for marriage and a husband?
Matthew frowned at the idea of her marrying some gentleman farmer or local lord and moving away. He wrinkled his nose at the idea, hoping she would remain a spinster and be close by forever.
And yet, that was not fair either.
She deserved love.
She deserved the world.
"I did, of course. I'm alone most nights as my cook returns to her cottage to be with her husband. As you know, most of my friends, too, have married and moved away. It seems we're both alone, but at least you have prospects. No one will wish to marry me now. I bring nothing to a union."
"That is not true, Heidi," he implored, taking her hand and placing it on his lap. "So what if you have no fortune? That is not what makes a person have worth. You have far more value than something so conceited."
She raised a skeptical brow. "How much brandy have you consumed this evening, my lord?" she asked, touching his forehead with the back of her hand. "Are you burning up? Perhaps you suffer from the ague."
He shook his head, pushing her hand away. "You may jest, but what I say is true. You are honest and caring. You do not discriminate against people who are better or worse off than you. Your laugh can make anyone stop and stare, smile at the wonderfulness of it. I think you are marvelous, and should you have had a Season, I know I would not be the only gentleman who would have noticed you."
Her cheeks burned a bright red, and without thought, Matthew reached out, brushing his thumb across her jaw. That she did not shy away from his touch but kept perfectly still gave him hope.
Was there something still between them? They had never discussed anything past friendship, but that did not mean there could not be more.
He was rich enough for both of them. She did not have to supply him with a dowry …
She moved away, severing the touch. "Come, Matthew, you always saw the best in people, maybe to your detriment. I am no different, and nor am I perfect. Do not forget I stormed up here this afternoon with no regard for my safety or the possibility you may have guests staying here to scold you. That hardly sounds like someone who is always kind."
Heidi did not particularly like how her body reacted to Matthew's touch. Of course, when they were children, they often hugged, played, and ran about, but now everything was different.
They were both adults with adult thoughts, wants, and needs.
That her body had wanted to push into his caress like a cat obtaining a pat was not what she needed right now.
Her life was disheveled, a constant struggle to remain fed and clothed. She had only come up to the Levinstone Estate to berate the viscount, not allow him to touch her in inappropriate ways.
No matter how enticing that thought was or how utterly delightful his hands on her felt.
"We have not sat on the floor before a fire like this for many years. I did not think I would be doing so when I arrived here this afternoon. I thought I would be home by now, seeing out the storm in my cottage."
"I should have called on you. I feel that with one argument we had, we threw away a perfectly good friendship."
Without thought, Heidi reached out, clasping his hand. His fingers entwined with hers, and knots settled in her stomach. This time, however, she did not pull away.
Their eyes met.
Held.
"I should not have remained so angry at you, especially when I heard you had not married Lady Emma. I should have been there for you, helped you through your difficult time, even if we were at odds over your ball and whom you invited."
He played with her fingers, inspecting them, his brow furrowed in thought. He was so handsome. That had never changed about him. The boy she knew had grown into a tall, athletic, strong man who caught the eye of anyone who saw him.
She was no different.
Whenever he walked or rode into town, she had found herself at the window, hidden by shadows, watching him, admiring the view. That he had always looked in her cottage’s direction soothed the hurt she felt at his cut.
"I was not so very sad. How terrible do you think me now?" he said, letting out a self-deprecating laugh. "I did not love her. In fact, most of the time, I do not think I cared for her at all, but she would suit the title of viscountess and bear me children. How hollow and unfeeling I was."
"There is a woman out in the world for you, my lord, just as there is a man for me too, we merely have to find them."
He met her eyes, his attention dipping to her lips. "I do not like the idea of you marrying. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth."
Heidi swallowed, unwilling to be so honest and tell him the thought of him marrying Lady Emma had broken her heart.
She had lost her only friend in the process and possibly the only man she had ever wanted to fill the position of husband for her. Not that she could admit such a thing to him.
Nor could she ever.
For a moment, neither spoke before Matthew, with excruciating slowness, leaned toward her. He stopped just before his lips brushed hers, meeting her eyes. "I want to kiss you, Heidi. I've wanted to kiss you for so long. Please say you will allow me to," he asked her.
Her body longed to lean forward, close the space between them and kiss him back, but her mind halted her from doing so. Nerves fluttered in her stomach. If she did kiss him, she knew everything would change.
But is that a bad thing? Your life may change for the better, Heidi.
His hand cupped her jaw, and he moved closer still. Their breath mingled, and she could almost taste the brandy on his tongue. She had never kissed a man before, and trepidation thrummed through her.
What if she did not like it?
What if you do?
She closed the space between them, not bothering to answer with words, but actions instead, and kissed her long-lost best friend.
Her neighbor.
The lord of the manor, Viscount Levinstone.
And promptly lost herself in his arms.