Aside from her actual pledge ceremony to my father, and my and Helkin’s date of birth, my mother’s unveiling ceremony had been the happiest day of her life.
I knew because she’d told me about it repeatedly, what it was like to be dressed in her finest silks and jewels and then taken to a building her father had specifically built for the occasion. She’d been snuck in through the back, so that she could surprise the Kers who had come to vie for her hand when she was finally unwrapped like a present.
She’d told me more than once how lovely it’d been to be put on display and adored, and laughed about one Ker’s interest in her ankles, and another’s in her teeth. . .
But she had been kind.
She had been innocent.
I was neither. Which made me doubt my ability to carry out my plan, because if someone asked to see my teeth at the ceremony tonight, I would bite them for having asked.
The carriage stopped, and Castillion came around to help me out of my seat, which was good, because I couldn’t see much through the veil. He took my hand through its silk and carefully led me around another fabric structure, a tent easily ten times the size of my own as I counted steps, until we reached what I assumed was the rear of it, and I was allowed inside.
“Will you be all right standing, princess?” he inquired.
“Of course,” I said, then watched him use his magic to cast light about the room, before walking about to strike the lamps.
I can do that, too, I longed to say. I wanted to show him everything else I knew—I wanted him to treat me like an equal. But there was no place for that here, tonight. . . yet.
“Do you remember when you taught me to do that?” I asked him, wondering if the moment had meant anything to him, when it had meant everything to me.
I heard him snort. “How could I forget, princess? And your mother got very mad at me that day, I’ll tell you. She knew eventually you’d get up to trouble, holding light and reading books at night. ” I could hear him smiling, and because he couldn’t see my face, it was easy for him to think that all was forgiven. “I’ll go get your father,” he said and moved away from me, past where I could see his shadows through the silk.
I used the moment I had alone to assess myself. I still had magic in me. There was still hope. And whatever pain was coming up, I would be able to endure.
Then I heard the familiar sound of my father clearing his throat before I saw his outline coming near.
“I would see my daughter,” he said, his voice warm, as he lifted the silken veil that separated us. He was wearing the many ornaments of his office for the occasion, including Drelleth’s teardrop shaped throne-stone, in an ornate gold setting, rather like I imagined a dragon’s eye to be. He was crossed by a wide leather strap, and his eyes traced my face like he had forgotten what I looked like.
“Now?” I asked him. “But not yesterday? Or the day before that?” I was embarrassed by how hurt I sounded. But it was possible for me to be two things: both mad at him and injured that I had been abandoned, again.
“I have my reasons, Lisane, and lest you forget, I am running both a country and a war,” he said calmly. “And there will be plenty of time for us to catch up in the future—once yours has been secured. ”
I bit back what I wanted to say on my tongue—A future I had no interest in—but he seemed to sense it nonetheless.
He took hold of my chin. “You will favor Ker Zesh from Streon. ” Streon was the Third country of the Seven, I knew. “He is wearing red tonight, and he is the most appropriate choice for you. ”
My eyebrows rose. “By which you mean strong enough to be tactically useful, but not enough to threaten Helkin?”
The corners of his lips crinkled into a painfully familiar smile. “You were wasted in chambers. ”
I hugged myself tightly—the way I used to want him to hug me. “We agree on that at least. ”
He kept my face looking up at him, pressing his thumb beneath my chin. “I know we’ve had our differences, Lisane. But I wouldn’t have given you to the beast were I not certain you’d survive him. ”
“But you didn’t know for sure,” I said, begging for him to admit just one moment of uncertainty.
He only lifted one shoulder a fraction of an inch. “I knew he was violent, and I am sorry that you suffered. But his aid in battle was remarkable—and his aid in killing Vethys, and thus freeing you from your pledgebond, was even more. ”
I blinked and gave a soft gasp. It’d never even occurred to me that my father’d given me away to take my former suitor off the board.
“What I want you to know though, Lisane, is that I was always going to come for you. ” He let go of my chin and gave me a warm smile that hurt me worse than my magic ever had. “I—as would any Ker—knew the beast mage wouldn’t be able to get you with child so your light would’ve only been slightly dimmed. And I knew that when I rescued you, I would find you a better match. So here we are tonight,” he said, tilting his head to the thick fabric wall behind him. “What I didn’t know was that somehow you would manage to keep your honor,” he said, shaking his head from side to side and beaming at me with unrestrained pride. “They’re already calling you the Unicorn Queen. ”
I swallowed. “He could have eaten me,” I said, with reprobation.
And there were times when I had wanted him to.
“But he didn’t. ” My father cast a quick glance at my shoulders and neck. “Although, where are your scars from his bite?”
“He used magic to heal me,” I lied.
“I will give him credit for that at least,” he said, letting me go and stepping back. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”
Not to sell me again? That I wanted my freedom more than I wanted my life? But as he looked at me expectantly, I knew he was waiting for a response. “Should there be?”
He gave me an indulgent look then, one he had often given to my mother, and put his hand against the heavy green stone he wore. “I’m not a fool, Lisane. And because of your recent history—I do understand why you want to run. ”
“What?” I blinked, trying my best to seem innocent.
“Show me your shoes,” he said, glancing at where my skirts met the ground.
“Father,” I protested, indignant before I had the chance to be horrified.
“Show me your feet,” he calmly commanded.
I reluctantly lifted my dress to show him the same boots Rhaim had given me. “I didn’t like any of the others,” I huffed, because it was true. . . and because I couldn’t run with just silk slippers on.
“Then you needn’t wear any at all,” he said, like it was eminently reasonable. “Remove them. ”
“But no one can see them, and these are comfortable,” I tried.
“Enough to run in?” he asked, then tugged up the leather band around his chest, swinging a satchel forward, opening it to pull out my hidden clothes. “Your friend may be true, but a master in spycraft she is not. ”
My heart leapt into my throat with fear for Jelena, as I felt my magic land in my right hand like the hilt of a sword. If any of his mages had been near, they might have known it. “Is she okay?” I demanded.
“Of course. ” My father seemed wounded by my vehemence. “I did consider punishing her, but I instead decided to appreciate how loyal she is to you. She will serve you well at Zesh’s court. ”
He made everything sound so perfectly magnanimous, like he wasn’t ruining my life, as he continued. “You know, when I went to your mother’s unveiling, I was expecting nothing. I was the next in line to rule our small country, and her country’s position was even more perilous than ours, stretched out as it was across a long chain of islands. ”
Islands I had only heard of.
Islands I had never seen.
I could point to them on a map, but that was all.
“My own father discouraged me from going,” he went on, “saying that any merger with them would only lessen our own safety. But I disobeyed him, and had Castillion portal us over, just in case. And while I had been to many unveilings, I had never once felt tempted, until I saw her. She was so beautiful and seemed so delicate and kind—I knew at once that I would have the sweetest daughters with her. ”
“More girls for you to forget?” I asked him.
He made a sad face, and tried to reach out and touch my hair, then realized the elaborate contraption it was in and gave up before doing so. “More for me to remember,” he gently corrected me. “And after I’d seen her, I knew I had to have her. I went home and made my father give her country half our harvest to secure her father’s favors. And we were very happy, for a very long time. ”
Until she died, trapped behind a door, locked from the outside, my soul longed to scream.
“So I want you to trust that you don’t need to run, Lisane,” he continued. “And know that I will never give you to a monster again. So take off your shoes,” he said, then added a soft, “Please. ”
I had no choice. I tucked toe to heel twice and kicked them off, stepping back to reveal them. He nodded at this. “Be gracious and genteel tonight, Lisane. Make your mother proud,” he said before dropping a kiss on my forehead, then hiding me with the veil again, and offering me his arm. “I hear Ker Zesh’s mother and his sisters are lovely, too, and their chambers are quite spacious. ”
It didn’t matter to me.
Because I would never meet them.