There were six hands in the air. All of them, including Sam.
‘How does that make you feel?’ Sam asked the Librarian. ‘Seeing that we’ve all experienced what you’re talking about. At some point in our lives, we’ve all thought about hurting someone.’
‘I don’t know.’ The Librarian licked his cracked lips, his tongue flicking out fast and lizard-like. ‘I suppose . . . I know what you’re saying. And I probably used to be like that. Like all of you.’
‘Yes?’
‘But I keep thinking that if I can’t stop myself thinking about hurting someone, that has to mean I’m going to do it at some point. And maybe the reason I’m here right now is because I’m cheating. It’s like I just want to justify it to myself or make myself feel better about it even though part of me knows I am going to hurt someone. It could be I’m looking to exploit the way I’ve come here today, because it makes me think that I could argue I came here to get help after I’m caught hurting someone. Because I was secretly planning it.’
Sam was aware of the Lost Girl and the Artist shooting each other nervous glances. Of the Boxer becoming impatient. Of the Athlete looking towards Sam for guidance.
Which was something he needed to provide right away.
‘What you are talking about is called Harm OCD,’ he said. ‘It’s a form of obsessive–compulsive disorder where the recurring fear is of causing someone harm or doing something illegal, committing a crime. We all have thoughts along these lines from time to time. Flashes of them. But here’s the thing. I’ve spoken to lots of people going through the exact same thing as you are. People who thought about hurting people in all sorts of terrible ways. And do you know how many actually did?’
Again, the Librarian licked his lips. ‘How many?’
Sam raised his hand in the air with his finger and thumb joined to form a circle.
‘Zero,’ he said. ‘None. It’s an irrational fear. A textbook phobia. I want you to know that I don’t believe you’re going to hurt anyone. At all.’