There weren’t enough words to explain how much she dreaded getting on that plane and flying back to New York. The past two days had had a dreamlike quality. They were like the best fantasy imaginable, unmarred by a single incident.
And now they were going back to reality.
Cold, gloomy New York City.
She hadn’t always felt that way about the city but now it only held bad memories for her. She wasn’t as optimistic as Ryan that they could somehow pull the pieces of their relationship back together and sustain it with so many factors against them.
As if sensing her reluctance, Ryan slid an arm around her waist and urged her onto the plane.
A few moments later, they were seated and Ryan reached over to buckle her seat belt for her.
“It’s going to be all right, Kell. Trust me.”
She wished it was that easy.
Still, she offered him a reassuring smile and settled back for the flight.
But it was Ryan who seemed to grow more tense as the flight neared its end. He touched her frequently, and at first she thought it was to ease her nerves, but she wondered now if it was to reassure himself.
Did he think she’d bolt and run as soon as they landed? She might be tempted but she’d given him her promise and she intended to keep it. Even if it killed her.
They hadn’t really talked about what would happen when they got back to New York. Maybe they’d both been too determined not to ruin their time on the island.
Once again when they landed, there was a car waiting for them, and Ryan hurried her out of the cold and into the warm confines of the vehicle.
A mixture of snow and sleet fell from gray skies and she shivered even though the heat was on full blast in the back of the car. It was a shock to leave sunshine and sandy beaches for the bitter chill of New York in the throes of a cold front.
The euphoria that had enveloped much of their stay on the island evaporated and depression settled over her until her mood matched the weather.
Ryan pulled her into his side and kissed her temple. “I have a distinct urge to order in tonight, eat in front of the fire and then make love to you for the rest of the night.”
She sighed and snuggled into his side. Somehow he’d known just what to say to make some of the oppressive worry melt away.
“I had fun with you the last few days,” she said, wanting him to have that admission at least.
“I’m glad. I had fun with you too. It felt like old times, only…better.”
She nodded because it had been better. More honest. Or maybe they hadn’t taken a single moment for granted as they’d done in the past. They’d enjoyed every single minute together, making the most of each one.
They’d laughed and loved and they’d made love. The very last day they hadn’t left their hotel room. Their meals had been delivered and they’d stayed in bed, only leaving it to take a leisurely shower together.
She wished it could have lasted.
But they had to face the music sooner or later.
“I had Jansen make you an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow. I want to be sure everything is okay with you and the baby.”
She smiled, loving the concern in his voice. “Spending the time away with you did more for me than any doctor ever could.”
He looked pleased with her response, pleased that she’d admitted it. He bent to kiss her again as they pulled up outside Ryan’s apartment building.
Ryan hastily got out, helped Kelly from the car and rushed her out of the cold and into the building. As they rode up in the elevator, Kelly realized just how much she dreaded being back here, in this apartment. In this city.
“My driver will bring the luggage up soon. Why don’t you go get comfortable on the couch? I’ll turn the fire on and fix us something to drink. Are you hungry?”
“Hmm, no, but I’d love Thai takeout later. For now I’ll have some juice.”
“Thai sounds good. Get comfortable. Take your shoes off and prop your feet up. I bet your ankles are swelling from sitting with your feet down for that long.”
Kelly chuckled at the mother hen sound to his voice but did as he said and settled on the sumptuous leather couch. She kicked off her shoes and winced at the puffy look of her ankles as she propped them on the ottoman.
She’d have the doctor and Ryan both griping at her, but heck, she’d done nothing except eat good food, rest and relax for the past several days. What more could she do?
Ryan had just set their drinks on the coffee table and settled next to her when his phone started ringing. She supposed it was to be expected since he’d been out of the country. It wasn’t as if his being tied up with work was anything new. In the past, though, she’d never hesitated to needle him or distract him. Something that had both exasperated and thrilled him in equal parts.
But now she sat quietly as he fished his BlackBerry out of his pocket.
His lips thinned a bit before he put the phone to his ear.
“Hello, Mom.”
Kelly sighed. That hadn’t taken long.
Ryan wasn’t one of those guys who was tied to the apron strings, but he respected his mother, as any son should, and like most children, she supposed, had a bit of a blind spot when it came to her.
Or maybe he just didn’t want to see her as the conniving vindictive witch that Kelly knew her to be. Kelly was sure his mother had her good points. She obviously loved her sons. But she’d never be someone Kelly would warm to. Ever.
“Yes, we’re back. Listen, Mom, why did you send Roberta there? I don’t appreciate you interfering. I won’t tolerate any disrespect toward Kelly. You need to accept that she’s with me. If you can’t do that, then you and I are going to have a serious problem.”
Kelly’s eyes rounded. There was anger in Ryan’s voice and his eyes were hard.
“We’ll see,” he continued. “Right now Kelly and I need some time together without interference, no matter how well meaning. I’ll call you when we’re ready to have dinner together.”
Ugh. It took all of Kelly’s control not to make a face. But this was Ryan’s mother. This was her child’s grandmother, no matter how much Kelly wished it to be different.
“I love you too, Mom. Let me go. We just got in and we’re both tired.”
He tossed the BlackBerry on the couch. Kelly looked inquisitively at him.
“Mom wants to express her apologies for Roberta’s actions. And her own. She wants to have dinner with us one night. I told her I’d be in touch when we were ready for that.”
There wasn’t anything she could say so she remained silent. She leaned forward to pick up her glass of orange juice to mask the awkwardness of the moment and leaned back, sipping at the sweet and tart drink.
He glanced at her propped-up feet and then frowned. “Your feet are pretty swollen.”
She lifted one and sighed. “Yeah. Apparently I’m a water-retaining cow.”
“Are they hurting? Want me to rub them?”
“No, I’m fine. They ache a little but right now I don’t want anyone touching them. I’ll just sit like this for the rest of the evening and drink lots of water. The potassium in the OJ will help.”
He leaned over and kissed her forehead just as the buzzer sounded.
“That’ll be our luggage. Be right back.”
She adjusted her position so that some of the tension was relieved in her back. The truth was she was tired of sitting after being on the airplane for so many hours, but neither did she want to be on her feet with swollen and aching ankles.
Deciding to dispense with sitting at all, she turned on her side, stuck a cushion between her legs and let out a sigh at the bliss of being off her behind and her feet.
She stared across the room out the panels of glass that led onto the balcony and watched as a few snowflakes spiraled downward. The weather didn’t seem to be able to make up its mind whether it wanted to rain, sleet or snow; but, at least for now, a few fat flakes were falling.
The flames from the gas fireplace gave the living room a warm, homey feel and as she adjusted her gaze to the fireplace, lethargy stole over her.
She reached for the throw draped on the back of the couch and pulled it over her body, sighing that she finally felt comfortable after traveling for so long.
Her eyelids were drooping and she didn’t fight the urge to sleep. Ryan would wake her in time for dinner.
* * *
When Ryan returned to the living room, he found Kelly fast asleep on the couch, her hand tucked under her cheek. He was struck by how young and innocent she looked. Not at all like someone who played brother against brother.
He supposed it was unfair to think such thoughts when they’d both made an effort to get beyond the past, but the dark thoughts always crept in.
What fault did he have that would cause Kelly to seek comfort with his brother? And why had she been vengeful enough to want to ruin his relationship with his only sibling when Jarrod had told her that he was going to confess to Ryan that they’d had sex?
Ryan felt more like a father to Jarrod than a brother. Eight years separated them in age and their father had died when Ryan was barely a teenager. He’d stepped in, assuming the paternal role with Jarrod, who was still a boy.
He’d attended all his baseball games, taken him to sporting events. Taken him to movies. He’d been there for his graduation from high school. Had helped him move when he went off to college and supported his decision to return home and pursue a career in finance.
Nothing should come between brothers. Certainly not a woman. But one had. Kelly had. Not only had it struck a blow to his relationship with Jarrod that he still hadn’t recovered from but it had destroyed his relationship with Kelly as well.
A relationship he was determined to rebuild.
But to go forward, he had to determine what had gone wrong in the past.
No matter what they’d vowed, at some point the past had to be addressed. It couldn’t be ignored forever.
He picked up his phone and quietly walked into the next room to call Devon and Cam.