I was a prisoner in my own house, and if I didn’t get out of there soon, I was going to completely lose my mind. If it wasn’t for Brittany and Abby, who hadn’t let me out of their sight, I don’t know what I would have done.
They’d fed me tea until I thought I was going to float away and begged them for a glass of whiskey. It wasn’t even noon, but neither of them said a word, just handed me the glass.
I hadn’t even taken a sip of the amber liquid when my phone rang on the table next to me. When I saw Blaze’s handsome face on the screen, my heart clenched and my entire body reacted like Pavlov’s dog when a bell sounded. I reached for the phone and held it in my hand as it rang.
And rang.
More than anything, I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to hear him tell me none of it was true. That it was a really bad practical joke and that he couldn’t wait to see me. That our time together had been just as special to him and that he hadn’t meant what he told the reporter. That I was more than just a friend. Much more.
More than anything, I wanted to hear him say all those things.
But what if he didn’t?
What if he was calling to confess the truth? That he was still in love with his ex and now she was having his love child. I wasn’t sure I could handle that. Not yet.
I was a strong woman, but I wasn’t indestructible. I had feelings and emotions and a heart that I didn’t open up to just anyone for a reason. Unfortunately for me, this was a harsh reminder of exactly why I didn’t open myself up.
The phone fell silent in my hand.
I lifted the glass to my mouth and took a deep sip.
I’d only barely swallowed when the phone rang again. This time when Blaze’s face filled the screen, I was tempted to answer it. I closed my eyes, shutting him out, and the phone was lifted from my hand.
“Let’s turn that off for a bit,” Abby said.
When I opened my eyes, both my friends were watching me intently.
“How do you do this?” I asked plainly. “And why?”
They exchanged confused glances. “Do what?” Brittany asked.
“Have feelings for a man who’s only going to hurt you,” I said quickly. “I think I was right all these years,” I continued. “It’s easier not to have to worry about it.” I swallowed another deep gulp of whiskey, almost choking on the tears that threatened once more. “And then it wouldn’t hurt so fucking much.” I lost the battle against the tears, and once more they spilled down my cheeks. “If I had known…I wouldn’t have…”
“No.” Abby moved so she could put her arm around my shoulders. “Don’t say that,” she said. “It’s okay, Darla. You like him,” she continued. “And that’s a good thing.”
“It really is,” Brittany agreed. “I know this feels—” A knock on the door interrupted her. “I’ll get rid of them,” Brittany said. “Be right back.”
She disappeared from the kitchen, while Abby continued her efforts to convince me that caring about a man wasn’t a bad idea, despite how it currently felt.
“I appreciate what you’re saying,” I interrupted her. “But…”
“Didn’t you say that your instincts led you to him, Darla? I don’t know anyone more in tune with themselves than you. If your gut told you—”
“My gut was wrong.” It pained me to say it because Abby was right—I was incredibly in tune with myself. I trusted my instincts over almost everything else. “I think I was clouded with lust and amazing sex. It made me see things differently. Things that weren’t there.” I reached for a tissue and blew my nose. “My instincts were wrong.”
“No,” a familiar voice said. “Your instincts weren’t wrong, Darla. I was.”
It was the last thing I wanted to do. But the one thing I needed to do.
And it hadn’t taken me long to hit the point where I would agree with Sheila and do the things that needed to be done so I could move on from this fucking mess and most importantly, go to Darla.
I had to see if she was okay. Her silence was killing me. I’d left over six voicemails and sent multiple text messages, but still, I hadn’t heard back.
I’d even called Trent, who hadn’t wanted to tell me anything at all, but finally, reluctantly confessed that Britt had gone with Abby to Darla’s house earlier that morning. I knew he knew more, but he wasn’t about to share and I didn’t see the point in trying to pull it from him when I could just man up and fix it myself.
After all, whether it was my fault or not, it didn’t matter. It was my life. And if I wanted Darla to be part of it—which I did—then I needed to manage it.
Which was the only reason I’d just dialed Amelia’s phone number. I had her on speaker so Sheila, while maintaining a discreet distance to give me the illusion of privacy, could listen in for any relevant facts.
“Blaze.” She picked up after only two rings.
“Amelia.”
With the formalities out of the way, she jumped right into the reason we both knew I was calling. “I was expecting your call.”
“I’m sure you were.”
“Look,” she started, her voice full of defensiveness. “Before you get mad, I—”
“Why would I be mad?”
That silenced her. But only for a moment. “Look, Blaze. I’m sorry you found out about the baby this way, really. I mean, I tried to call you last week so I could tell you myself. You didn’t answer the phone.”
“Have you heard of voicemail?” I swallowed hard in an effort to keep my sarcasm at bay, but it was becoming harder and harder.
“I didn’t think I should leave this kind of information on your voicemail, Blaze.” There was an edge to her voice. “I mean, how should I have done that? ‘Hi, just wanted to let you know you’re the father of my baby. Call me when you have a sec?’ I mean, come on, Blaze.”
“Right.” I nodded and pinched the bridge of my nose. “But leaking it to the media was better?”
In the corner, Sheila cleared her throat. I glanced over, and she shook her head sharply as a reminder to keep me on track.
“Okay,” I started over, “I guess we can’t do anything now about how I found out. But let’s talk about this baby. I think we—”
“Do you want to find out the sex?”
She interrupted me with so much joy and glee in her voice, I was taken off guard. If she wasn’t pregnant, I might have actually suspected she was on something.
“Are you kidding?” I shook my head. “No. I don’t want to find out the sex, Amelia. I want to know if it’s mine.”
“Of course it’s yours, Blaze. Don’t you remember that night? It was so magical, and we came back together just the way we were meant to and we created a life.”
She must be on something. I looked to Sheila for support, but she wasn’t much use, offering me a vague shrug.
“That night was a mistake, Amelia. And it was months ago. If it’s my baby, well…what’s your due date?” I asked bluntly and glanced over to Sheila, who finally looked interested. She stood by, ready to do the calculation.
“I already told you the baby is yours, Blaze.”
“That isn’t what I asked. Honestly, Amelia, I don’t know what to think. If the baby was mine, you would have told me by now. I also know you’re still with your football player. At least, you were the last time I checked. So yes, I have questions. And I’m entitled to those answers.”
There was silence on the other end of the line and finally, Amelia sighed. “I didn’t mean to get pregnant,” she said. “It’s not actually very good for my career right now.”
I stayed quiet, waiting her out.
“I can feel that this baby is yours, Blaze.”
“You can feel it?”
Next to me, Sheila rolled her eyes.
“Amelia, you know you can’t keep this up forever, right? The truth will come out eventually. Don’t prolong this. It’s only going to be worse for you when the truth is revealed.”
“There’s no need for that,” Amelia said. “I know the baby is yours.”
“Okay.” I forced myself to be patient and calm. “Sheila has organized for a doctor to do the paternity test.” I dropped the bombshell. “He’ll even come to your house so you don’t need to make it public or anything.”
“Blaze!”
“It’s a reasonable request, Amelia. And you know it. Besides, if what you’re saying is true, this shouldn’t be an issue.”
I still wasn’t one hundred percent confident the baby wasn’t mine, but the longer this bizarre conversation went on, the more and more I felt it wasn’t. I couldn’t be sure what Amelia was playing at or why, but she was playing. Of that I was sure of.
There was another long silence. I waited her out.
When she spoke again, her voice was thin and shaky. “You always talked about how important family was to you, Blaze.”
“Family is very important to me.”
“And, well, Danny didn’t really want another kid. He has three, you know.”
I did know. He’d made the news once or twice for not paying child support or visiting his children.
“And, well…” She swallowed hard.
I could tell she was fighting tears.
“He wasn’t very excited to find out that I was pregnant. No,” she corrected herself. “He was actually really upset with me, and I kind of panicked. So, I lied and told him it was yours.”
And just like that, it all made some sort of fucked-up sense. She’d accidentally gotten pregnant at a terrible time in her career, with a man who had a reputation for being a deadbeat dad and didn’t want any more children. I couldn’t imagine how it was better for a relationship to admit to an affair over having a child, but in this messed-up situation, it apparently was.
I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.
“Amelia.” I kept my voice soft and worked hard not to sound excited that she’d copped to the truth so easily.
She was fully sobbing into the phone now. As much as I wanted to hang up and move on with my day and my life after everything she’d done, I couldn’t bring myself to be cruel.
“Amelia,” I said again. “It’s okay.”
“No.” She sniffed loudly. “It’s not okay. Do you know how much better it would be if it was your kid, Blaze? I just don’t know what to do.”
“What you’re going to do is pull yourself together, tell the media that you got your dates wrong, and the baby is Danny’s. If he can’t step up and be a man, that’s his loss. You deserve better, Amelia. And so does your child. Don’t start his or her life under the weight of a lie.”
“You’re right.” She sniffed again. “I’ll tell the truth, Blaze. I will. But I just don’t know if I can do this alone. Raise a kid, I mean.”
“Yes, you can,” I assured her. “If you have to, you will. And if I know you, it won’t be long before you’re doing some maternity modeling or—”
“Oh my goodness. You’re right.”
I rolled my eyes at how little it took to shift her focus. There was a very good reason we weren’t together anymore. And all of this was an excellent reminder of that.
“See? You’ll be fine,” I told her. “First thing is, first, issue the statement, Amelia, and then—”
An incoming call interrupted me.
My mom’s face appeared on my screen as the new caller. Shit.
“I have to go, Amelia. Take care of yourself, okay?”
“Thank you, Blaze. And…I’m sorry. I saw that there’s a new woman and—”
“Don’t worry about that.” That was my job. And I was doing more than my fair share of worrying about it.
I ended the call and quickly accepted the new one before it went to voicemail.
“Mom?”
“Blaze, honey.”
The call transferred to video, my parents’ preferred method of communication and my mother’s smiling, hopeful face appeared on the screen, and I knew exactly why she looked so happy.
“I can hardly believe it!” She clapped her hands together. “I’m going to be a grandmother! It’s just so wonderful.”
I swallowed hard and dropped my gaze to the table momentarily. Damn Amelia for causing this.
“I always thought Hayden would—”
“No.” I stopped my mom before she could finish her thought. Enough was enough. It had taken a long time, but I’d hit my limit. There was only so much I could take. “Mom, you need to stop. Please.”
The smile fell from her face, and there was a flicker of something in her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Blaze. I called because of the good news about Amelia.”
“Mom.” I kept my voice gentle. “I thought I told you that you couldn’t believe the things you read online. Not when it comes to me. The press likes to make things up.” I didn’t bother telling her that Amelia herself had made up this particular tidbit.
“Is that Blaze?” My dad came into the screen. “We heard the good news, son. I can’t tell you how happy this has made your mother and me. It’s just so—”
“It’s not true.” Like ripping off a Band-Aid, I broke the news. “I’m sorry,” I said, softer now. “But it was just a rumor in the press. Amelia and I aren’t dating anymore, and she’s not pregnant with my baby.”
I watched as they absorbed the news.
“But there is something I do want to tell you,” I said, shifting gears. “I have met someone special,” I told them. “And it’s still early,” I added quickly before they could start planning the wedding. “But I wanted you both to know first.” The media might be part of my life, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t control some of the narratives. In fact, it was long overdue.
“Her name is Darla,” I continued. “And she’s an amazing woman.” I took a deep breath and prepared to tell them the most important part. “We’ve been working on something really special together. And I want you both to know about it first.”
I hadn’t planned to tell them about the treatment program because I was afraid of how they might react, or more specifically, how they wouldn’t react. But it was more than that. I hadn’t planned to tell anyone about it. Hadn’t I told Darla I wanted to remain anonymous? That was about so much more than trying to be altruistic. I’d hidden the truth about my family and my brother’s life from the public eye for too long, and I was ashamed to admit it wasn’t as much to protect him or his memory but more because I was embarrassed and unsure how people would react. I’d convinced myself there was nothing wrong with keeping some things private, but I was wrong.
I’d been wrong about a lot of things.
I owed my career to the public that supported me. The only reason I had the means to fund such programs was because of their support. It was time to control the narrative and tell my story. Hayden’s story. Especially if telling it could help even one person. That’s what it was all about.
But first, the most important people deserved to know, and I hoped like hell they could accept it and support it.
“We’re starting up an addiction treatment program,” I said quickly. “In Hayden’s name. It will be the first of many, because it’s our hope that we can help as many people as possible so that other families won’t have to—”
“Blaze.” My father’s voice was sharp as he cut me off. “I don’t think that your mother needs to—”
“No.”
I watched as my mother put a hand on his arm. She swallowed hard and looked down. No one spoke. My father’s eyes filled with tears as he watched his wife, giving her space and time to sort out whatever it was that she was clearly working through. For the first time in years, I bore witness to the raw love between them.
When my mother finally looked up, I wasn’t sure what to expect. For far too long she’d lived in denial about my brother, with both me and my father indulging her. For the first time, I’d said out loud what she’d worked so hard to avoid, and I had no idea how she’d react.
She blinked, swallowed hard, and looked directly into the camera phone, and my eyes. Despite the distance between us, I could see the clarity on her face when she nodded and said, “I think it’s time.”
The look of surprise on my father’s face only matched my own.
She looked at him, pressed her hand to his cheek, and nodded before looking back at me. “Yes,” she said. “It’s time. I think that sounds wonderful, Blaze, and your brother would be so very proud of you.” Her voice broke and tears streamed down her face. “I can’t wait to hear more about it.”
She didn’t offer an explanation for her years of denial, and I didn’t ask for one. I didn’t need to.
“Will you both come out and visit?” Suddenly, I desperately wanted to hug both of them and have them near. “For the opening of the program, or even before, or just—”
“We’d love to, son.” My father’s eyes shone with unshed tears, but mine were falling freely now. “More than anything.”
“And we’d love to meet this woman who’s so important to you,” my mother added. “I have a feeling she’s pretty special.”
I pressed my lips together, suddenly unable to speak. My mom was right: Darla was pretty special. And now, more than ever, I needed to make it my priority that she knew exactly how I felt about her, and how hard I was starting to fall. If it wasn’t too late.
“Mom? What are you doing here?” I glanced at the whiskey on the table in front of me and pushed it away. I’d only had a few sips, but still, I was having way too much trouble processing this day. Whiskey would have to wait.
“Do you really think I’d be anywhere else right now?”
Brittany appeared next to her, with a man I’d never seen before. “I found these two at the front door,” she said. “They made it through the reporters.”
I looked from my mom to the unfamiliar man. He was a little young for her, but then again, I didn’t put anything past my mom. If she had a type, I hadn’t been able to figure it out yet.
“Hi,” the man said. “I’m George.”
Again, I looked between my mom and the man.
“He’s not mine,” she said with a laugh, holding up her hands. “But he did help me get through the throng of people outside.”
“I work with Blaze,” George said as he stepped forward. “I’m here to help you manage the media.”
I shook my head, immediately rejecting this man. “I don’t—”
“Excuse my bluntness, Ms. Diamond,” George interrupted. “But I really am here to help. Navigating this isn’t easy, and while I’m sure you and Mr. Barron have quite a few things to talk about, I’m not here to manage that. Consider me your personal advisor for this situation. I do think you’re going to need one.”
He wasn’t wrong. I was completely out of my depth with this.
“I don’t think it’s a bad idea.” Brittany shrugged.
I nodded slowly. “Okay,” I relented. “You can stay. But only until you figure out how to get rid of all the people in my yard.”
George smiled. “I’m already on it. Give me a few minutes, and then we’ll get ready for you to make a statement.”
I didn’t even want to process what that meant. A statement? Good grief. What would I say? That I’d made a terrible mistake falling for Blaze Barron when he clearly didn’t have the same feelings for me and was now about to be a father of someone else’s child?
The whole thing made me sick to my stomach. I dropped my head to the table and pressed my forehead to the smooth wood.
“Can I have a moment alone with my daughter?”
I lifted my head in time to see my friends, along with George, slip from the kitchen. My mother, looking much younger than her seventy-one years, dressed in slim slacks with a green silk button-up blouse that made her eyes sparkle, pulled a chair up until she was sitting right next to me. I turned so we were knee to knee.
“You weren’t wrong,” she said softly. “To trust your instincts,” she clarified. “You weren’t wrong.”
I squeezed my eyes. “I was.” The pain in my chest made it hard to breathe. “I was very wrong. I’ve never felt like this before, Mom. I’ve never hurt like this before and…” I trailed off because it felt stupid and immature as a grown woman to explain to my mom that after forty-one years, I’d finally opened my heart to a man without even knowing it, and in only a very short time, it had all gone terribly wrong.
“You care about him.”
It wasn’t a question. Still, I nodded.
My mother’s smile lit up her beautiful face.
“That’s not a good thing,” I said with a groan.
She laughed.
My mother, who was supposed to care about me, laughed. Slowly, I turned to stare at her open-mouthed.
“Darla, it is a good thing,” she said. “I’ve waited my whole life for you to fall in love and find happiness.”
“What?” I blinked hard.
“You know, that’s all a mother wants for her children, for them to be happy.”
“I am happy.” I tried again. “I mean, I was happy. I’m usually happy. I…well, I was happy before Blaze, anyway.”
“That’s not true, and you know it. You just told me you care about him. Not that you needed to. I can see it quite clearly for myself. Anyone can.”
That wasn’t true, was it?
“And I know you’ve had a very full and happy life, Darla,” my mother continued. “That’s not what I’m talking about when I talk about your happiness.” The smile she offered me was sad, with a twinge of regret. “I’m talking about the kind of happiness that can only come when you find love. Some people go their whole life never finding that, and while I think that’s terribly sad, the real tragedy is when you don’t even try.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m so happy you finally decided to try. You deserve all the happiness this world has to offer.”
None of what she was saying was making any sense. She wanted me to find love? She wanted me to experience the same kind of restricted life she’d had with my father? “But you always made a point to show me how much better life was as a single woman. When Dad died, you were—”
“Devastated,” she finished for me. “Darla, you were probably too young to realize it, but your father and I had the most beautiful kind of love. He was my soul mate in every sense. The years I spent with him were by far the happiest ones of my life.” Her bright-green eyes dimmed and swam in unshed tears. “There was a time after he died when I didn’t know how I could possibly go on.”
“But…you…the men, the music, the—”
“It was how I coped,” she said. “Maybe I didn’t handle it right.” Her slight shoulders lifted in a shrug. “And I probably should have spoken with you about it more. I did a lot of things wrong, but I hope you understand I was in survival mode, and the only way I knew to survive was to live. Since I couldn’t do that with your father, I became determined to do it by myself. And the only way I could do that was to convince myself that it was better without him when really I was falling apart every minute of every day.”
My mind spun. Nothing made sense.
“I thought you were finally free after Dad died to live life the way you wanted to,” I said. “All this time, I thought you preferred being a single woman, that you liked the freedom. I thought that…”
My words trailed away because the tears in my mother’s eyes had begun to spill over her cheeks.
“Mom, I had no idea.” I moved from my chair and pulled her into a hug. “I didn’t know…I had no idea you were hurting.”
“And I had no idea that you felt this way,” she said. “Darla, I’m so sorry. It was never my intention to guide you into a life of solitude. All this time, I thought maybe you were just picky or waiting for the right man to come along. I had no idea you were choosing to be alone because you thought that was my choice.”
I pulled away from her and wiped at my eyes. “Maybe I was,” I said after a moment.
“You were what?” She reached for a tissue, too.
“I mean…” I sat back in my chair as the idea took full root in my mind. “I thought I was making a choice to be alone,” I started. “And yes, whether you meant it or not, I’d watched you live your life that way and, honestly, I thought you had it right.” I saw the pain flash in her eyes before she squeezed them shut momentarily. “But maybe there was something greater at play the whole time,” I continued. “Maybe while I thought I was protecting my happiness by keeping men at arm’s length, it was because my intuition knew something I didn’t. Maybe, I was waiting for the right man to come along this whole time and I didn’t even know it?”
She smiled through her tears. “And maybe that man was Blaze Barron.”
I looked her in the eye and couldn’t keep my own smile from spreading across my face as I said, “Mom, there’s no maybe about it.”
She squealed and clapped her hands. But before she could lean over and hug me, George returned to the kitchen.
“Sorry to interrupt,” he said. “But I think there’s something you should see.”