THEY NEVER MADE IT to the bar. On the way up from the subway, with the sunlight streaming down on their New Jersey stop, Cecily felt light-headed again as she clutched the steel railing. She pressed a hand against her forehead, even as Liam stopped beside her, worry knotting his brow.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she said, even though she wasn’t sure that she was. The light-headed spells were getting more frequent now, and it was harder to predict when they were coming. “Maybe I’m just hungry?”
Liam sent her a skeptical look as he steadied her with a hand across her lower back, helping her up the steps. “Just take it easy,” he offered. “I’ve got you.”
She was suddenly grateful for his presence, his strong arms, and those warm brown eyes, so full of love, so full of concern. What would she have done without him? Sit on the subway steps? Fear gripped her suddenly, a fear of her own decline. Of what would happen when things got really bad.
“Thank you,” she said, holding on to him, clinging to him, really.
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m here for you.” On the street, Liam glanced right and then left. “My place isn’t far from here. Maybe two blocks. Do you think you can make it?”
“That means we miss the dive bar,” she said.
“I’ve got PBRs in the fridge, and I’ll dim the lights. My place is half dive bar already,” he joked.
She had to laugh at that. But she took two steps and then everything went black. She came to on the ground, being cradled by Liam, his face stricken with panic. Seeing her awake, his face brightened.
“There you are. Come back to me,” he breathed. A small group of onlookers had gathered. One of them, an older woman with silver-gray hair, clucked her tongue.
“You okay, girl? We were going to call an ambulance.” She held up her phone as if to prove it.
“I’m fine. I just...fainted.” She sat up, still feeling woozy. The first doctor’s words haunted her. Fainting spells were supposed to become more and more frequent.
“Are you okay to stand?” Liam asked.
“Yeah, I think so.” Liam pulled her to her feet. Most of the onlookers dispersed now, and a few gave worried backward glances as they walked. She’d never felt more embarrassed. Or more helpless.
“How long was I out?” Cecily asked.
“Just a minute or so.” Liam’s voice sounded tight, worried. She linked her arm in his, glad for the support. “I can call a rideshare,” he offered.
“No. I can walk. I think.” His place was so close. No more than two blocks.
“Have you blacked out like that before?” he asked her.
She shook her head. “This is the first time the light-headedness ended with me collapsing.”
“It’s getting worse,” he said, voice low. She knew it was. The fainting was worrisome. What else would come before the end?
Her mind whirled with worry, as they walked past the dive bar where the two had met. She felt too weak now to go in, her knees like jelly. She wondered what would have happened that night last month if she’d decided to walk on by. She never would have met Liam. Never would have fallen in love. But, then again, she wouldn’t be the burden she was to him now. Wouldn’t be the reason he had to crawl back to his family. She felt a pang of guilt.
Would it have been better if they’d never met? She didn’t even want to let that thought into her brain. She couldn’t imagine what her life would be like without Liam. He was the one who’d attacked her bucket list with gusto. How many items would she have even bothered to do without his determination and enthusiasm? She certainly never would have ridden a horse. Or even thought seriously about doing it.
Her knees wobbled a bit as they rounded the corner to the door to his apartment. He buzzed in the code, and the door opened. Her head felt fuzzy again, and she leaned against him a little.
“Here, let me carry you,” he said, whisking her off her feet before she could protest.
“I can walk up the steps.”
“I’m sure you can, but why would you when you have a human elevator?”
She had to laugh at that, as she tucked her head under his chin. She clung to his neck, but he carried her as if she weighed nothing. Soon they were on his landing, and after he’d set her down, he unlocked the door, and nudged it open with his foot.
“I also offer threshold service,” he said, opening his arms.
“I’m okay,” she said, but as she took a step, she faltered. Once more, he swept her up, and then walked her straight to his couch. Molly mewed in protest as he laid her down a little too closely to where the calico sat curled in a ball.
“Molly, no complaints. Be good to our guest,” he told his cat, who flicked her tail in annoyance and then hopped off the couch and onto the ground, stopping to lick her paw.
“I’m such a burden, I’m sorry,” Cecily murmured, her head throbbing.
“You’re no burden,” Liam said. “Let me get you some water.” He appeared again by her side with a cool glass. She took it and sipped. She handed him back the glass and he set it on the side table. Their eyes met, and suddenly, Cecily was very aware how close he was, how she wanted him this close, always.
“I love you,” she said, reaching up to touch his dirty blond hair. He covered her hand with his, freezing its movement. His brown eyes lit up then, and she could see how much the words affected him.
“You do?”
“Yes. I do.” It was no use fighting it anymore. She loved him, whether it was wise or not. Whether she’d live or not.
“I love you, too.”
She pulled him close then and kissed him, the passion igniting almost the second their lips touched. Suddenly, it wasn’t just a kiss, it was a promise, a hope, her hunger for him, her want to have a future, in every lash of her tongue. Suddenly, she didn’t feel light-headed, or sick, or in any way held back. She was a woman in love with a man, and showing him just how much she did love him. She devoured him with her mouth, and wrapped her fingers in his shirt. She pulled him on top of her, but then he broke the kiss.
“Is this okay?” he asked her, eyes filled with concern. “You sure with—” She put her finger over his lips. She didn’t want to hear about her blackout moment. She felt as if she now had something to prove. That she was still strong enough for this. That the cancer hadn’t won. Not yet.
“It’s more than okay,” she said, and wrapped her arms around his neck as she felt his delicious weight on her body. She could feel the want in him growing through the thin fabric of her jumper, and she welcomed it. She reached up, hoping to wrap her arms around his neck, but found herself hemmed in by the cushions of the couch. Liam fought the constraints of the attached pillows, too. He pulled himself up.
“Maybe we should take this to the bed,” he offered.
“Yes,” she said, voice thick with want. “We should.”
Liam walked her across his efficiency, up the single step to his bed, near the open windows. She attacked him almost before they’d made it to the bed’s edge. She wanted to drink him in, wanted to drown in him. He peeled off her jumper, as she tugged at his shirt. Soon, their clothes were off. He’d reached for a condom at the bedside table, and rolled it on to himself, even as she waited in anticipation. When he moved on top of her, her legs parted, and he filled her deliberately, never breaking eye contact. She gasped at the sensation, sucking in a breath. As he began to move in her slowly, reverentially.
She felt like she was drowning in his eyes, as he gently moved inside her, building her want, the need, in her. He held most of his weight on his elbows. She’d never stared into a man’s eyes like this before during sex, and she felt carried away, felt lost in his loving gaze. Time stopped then, their bodies coming together in a dance that she remembered was supposed to make life. And it did make life, inside her very core, the very act making her feel wildly alive, making her feel as if she was immortal.
“I love you, Cecily,” he said, the words melting her from the inside.
“I love you, too.” She stroked his face, as her body opened for him. She wanted this moment to last forever, wanted them to be entwined like this for all time.
The need in her grew, the want, the desire for him, for life, for all of it. She spread her legs further, letting him in deeper, to a place she didn’t even know she had. And when she came, she never broke eye contact, kept her gaze fixed on his, and watched the wonder spread across his face as he watched her. She’d never felt more intimate with anyone, more vulnerable, more herself. He came then, too, and she saw the love for her in his eyes, how he was overcome with it in that moment. She laughed a little, giddy, feeling that despite everything, despite her horrible prognosis, that right in this moment, she was the luckiest woman in the world.
Liam fell against her, and they both panted. Where she’d gotten the energy for that, she didn’t know, but she was glad she did. He rolled off her gently and discarded the condom in the trash nearby. He lay back on the bed and kissed her, and studied her face as if she were a ghost who might disappear at any moment.
“That’s one cure for fainting,” she managed, laughing at her weak joke.
“Are you okay?” he asked, voice suddenly full of concern.
“Better than okay,” she assured him, rolling to her side, meeting his worried gaze. He relaxed a bit. And stroked her hair. They stared at each other for who knows how long. Time didn’t seem to work normally when they were together. It both moved too fast and too slow, all at the same time.
He stroked her face, a gentle touch, a reverential touch.
“I want to marry you,” Liam said.
The pronouncement took her by surprise, and she froze beneath him. She searched his eyes but found only shimmering honesty there. “I want you to be my wife.”
“I want that, too,” she told him, the truth coming out of her unbidden. She wanted to be his in all the ways that mattered, no matter how short a time.
“Good, because I want to have a dozen kids with you, all with your beautiful blue eyes,” he said.
She couldn’t help but laugh, thinking he was joking.
“I’m not kidding. After this surgery, after you’re all healed, I want at least three kids. At least.”
“You do?” She tried to keep her tone teasing and light, but something solemn and heavy was pulling at her heart.
“Yes. And I know you want to be a mother. I saw you looking at those kids at the zoo. I’ve always wanted to be a father, so let’s do this. Let’s just do it.”
He made it sound so easy, as if they were a normal couple, as if the hard truth of the biology and the science didn’t matter.
“But—” she tried, even as he put a single finger across her lips.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “No bad vibes. No doubts. Let’s just focus on your recovery. I know it will happen.”
She wanted to believe him, wanted more than anything to be his wife, have his children, live a long and happy life together, and yet, despite the hope in his brown eyes, all she felt inside was dread. She tried not to think about how she could make him a widow in a few short months. About how maybe she wouldn’t even live long enough to exchange vows with this beautiful man. Because despite his shining hope, his brilliant optimism, she wasn’t sure, deep down, that she shared it.
And then there was the nagging fear, the one planted by Harley. What if he lost interest when she was no longer a damsel in need of saving?
“What happens when the cancer is gone?”
“What do you mean?” Liam asked, sitting up a little. “Then, we celebrate.”
“What if I’m not a damsel who needs saving anymore?”
“You’ll always need saving. From jerks at dive bars, or anybody else,” Liam teased, wrapping her up in his arms, and tickling her. She laughed, unable to help herself. And, yet, inside her, the nagging doubt persisted. She went into Liam’s arms, anyway, the doubts growing louder in her head. “You won’t grow bored with me.”
“Never.”
“And what about Wilder? He thinks I’m just after your money. Will he—or your family—really even accept me?” She thought about how they doubted her, about how Wilder thought she was a fraud.
“They can’t tell you you’re a fraud after the surgery. And besides, who cares what they think? I don’t.” Liam shook his head.
But Cecily did. That was the thing. How could she tell him that? It mattered to her.
“So, Wilder wants to parade me around to his investors, pretend we’re all just one big happy family. That’s fine. As long as he pays for the surgery. I don’t care.”
“Maybe they really love you. Maybe Wilder wants to make amends.”
Liam snorted. “Doubtful.”
“If you really don’t want to return to the family, you don’t have to. Not for my sake.”
“I’d walk through fire for you, Cecily. I’d happily give up anything for you.” His words buoyed her high up into the sky, but then the reality of what his loyalty meant sent her crashing down again.
She believed him, too. Believed that he’d do most anything for her. And that’s what worried her. Would he sacrifice all his values in the process? Would he give away everything that he held dear? And what if the surgery didn’t work? Would he have betrayed his heart, given up his freedom, and for what?
“We’re going to grow old together, Cecily,” he promised her, as he kissed her hair. “I know we will.”
Suddenly, his bright outlook just seemed far-fetched, seemed impossible. But she stayed silent, not wanting to dim his hopes. He pulled her close, kissing her neck, as a single tear slid from her eye and down her cheek.
She’d spent a fitful and sleepless night in Liam’s bed. He’d slept soundly the entire night, cocooned in his hope, cradled in his positivity and his dreams about the future. But she was weighed down by the present, by the hopelessness of it. Yes, the surgery might work, but what if it didn’t? What if all she could offer Liam was pain and grief? And, yes, part of her was scared, too, scared of letting hope in. Hope was dangerous. Hope meant she had something to live for, something valuable she could lose.
Everything suddenly seemed so complicated. And dangerous.
That was why later that morning, she’d told Liam she needed to go to her place, shower and change and take care of her cat. That she’d meet him later for dinner, because she needed to run some errands on her own. He’d been surprised. After all, they’d been nearly inseparable for most of their short time together, the urgency of time on both of their minds. But he let her go. And as soon as she left, she headed straight to Wilder Lange’s penthouse. She didn’t even know if the man was home, didn’t even know if this was a fool’s errand, but she had to try.
Jacob let her in with a surprised smile. “We weren’t expecting you, Miss Cecily,” he said, and she was flattered he remembered her name. “I’m afraid Miss Harley is out at the moment.”
“I’m here to see Wilder. If he’ll see me.” Jacob nodded, disappearing down the long corridor, and then reappearing again. “Right this way, Miss Cecily.”
Inside Wilder’s study, Liam’s brother sat behind his big desk, laptop open. He stood when she entered, though he kept a carefully guarded expression fixed to his face. She expected it. Knew that he probably thought she was just here to ask for money. She almost laughed thinking how wrong he was.
“I’m sorry for barging in like this, but I needed to talk to you.” Wilder’s gaze seemed to grow darker, more resigned. She barreled on before she lost her nerve. “I think you shouldn’t buy Liam’s board seat.”
Wilder’s eyebrows raised in genuine surprise. “But your surgery? I thought it was the only treatment open to you.”
“It is. But Liam’s sacrificing too much for it. For me.” She clasped her hands, twisting her fingers. “I tried to tell him that, but he won’t listen. He wants to marry me.”
Wilder’s mouth parted in further shock. “Marry you?” he echoed.
She nodded. “I love him. There’s nothing more I would want than to be his wife. Except he’s giving up too much. I don’t want him to sacrifice everything, only to watch me die if this surgery doesn’t work. After I’m gone, he’ll just be left with the knowledge that he sold out to you, and it was all for naught. It’s not fair to him.”
Wilder swiped a hand through his dark hair, his eyes never leaving her. “You realize that if he does return to the family, that he will once again be eligible for his share of the company, and eventually, for a substantial inheritance. In the meantime, his company shares now are worth hundreds of millions.”
She didn’t know this. But it didn’t change her mind. She knew Liam’s thoughts about money. About how much pride he took in being on his own.
“And that if you marry him,” Wilder continued, “you, too, would have half that share.”
“I don’t care about money,” she said, lifting her chin. “I care about Liam. He’s put too much hope on this surgery. He thinks it will all work out, but...”
“You don’t,” Wilder finished.
Tears choked her. She nodded. She struggled to regain control of her voice and found it. “If you care about Liam at all, you’ll not do this. You’ll tell him no.”
Wilder leaned back, studying her. “Okay, then,” he said after a beat. “I’ll do what you ask.”