ca. 11 June 2010

Time uncertain

 

I write “circa” because I am not certain if a full 24 hours have passed or if it is still the same day of the events. Everything has become a very dark and ugly blur. I am paralyzed and terrified and I cannot sort it out.

For the first time, I realize why I write in longhand in a paper journal. So that when all of Nature has taken over, and the machinations of man—the very ones which I have helped to create and improve and that now seem so inconsequential—have been destroyed, there is still this, my private diary.

Perhaps I sound calm in my written words, but I am not. Perhaps writing is the only way in which I can keep from screaming in terror and disbelief. At times, I can barely keep my hand steady to write.

Devi is here with me, thank God.

I cannot describe what is happening. It’s simply too terrifying. But I believe the world has ended.

Or if it has not, it has knocked upon the door of its demise.

 

– from the diary of Mangala Kapoor