Grey was a nervous wreck. After a morning run didn’t help, he drove to Dean’s house. He’d lain awake the night before, thinking of ways to make himself less dangerous for the first date with Morgan, and a Change would likely do him good. The kiss-and-strangle move with Alexis was something he couldn’t quite shake. Wolf couldn’t be allowed to do the same to Morgan.
Just another reminder he wasn’t in control, and had to be, around her and Lana.
The thought of meeting Lana excited and terrified him in turn. Kids had always reserved a special soft spot in his heart, and he was good with them when he was human, but how would Wolf feel about another man’s offspring? Maybe if he catered to Wolf the first part of the day, the beast within might let him have a good night. So a run and a hunt it was—two out of three of a werewolf’s favorite things.
As he pulled up to Dean’s house, two wolves snarled and fought in the side yard. Dean watched from the porch, arms crossed over his chest, disapproval on his face like it had been etched in stone. One dark gray wolf, and one gold. Why were Logan and Jason fighting? They weren’t play-fighting as the wolves often did, but it wasn’t all out war yet, either. Definitely headed toward serious, though.
Grey jumped the porch steps two at a time. “What’s the problem?” he asked the stone-still alpha.
“It’s about Marissa,” Dean said in a thick voice. “Thankfully, she’s in school and Rachel is in town so they don’t have to see this. It’s getting worse, Grey. Wolves are never Turned this young, and Marissa still has a long time before she needs to start worrying about choosing a mate. The boys don’t see it that way, though. They don’t want her now. She’s still so young, but they think she should go ahead and choose, and her mate should be one of them.”
“What about sending her to another pack?”
“It would be more of the same, worse probably, because she wouldn’t have Alexis to act as a buffer. She would likely be one of two females, if not the only one, in another pack. And Rachel sees her as a daughter. Hell, I do too. She doesn’t have biological parents. Both are dead, and we looked for close family but she hasn’t got any. She’s our only shot at raising a kid. I couldn’t send her away, knowing we couldn’t see her anymore. I keep laying down orders for them, but trouble’s coming.”
Grey leaned against the porch railing and watched the escalating fight. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. Let me know if there’s anything I can do, though.”
“Will do. You out for a run?” Dean asked, dragging his attention away from the scuffle.
“Yep. I’ve got a date tonight. She’s special. I met her before all of…this,” he said, waving his arm. “She is the one I was asking you and Rachel about.”
“Bring her flowers, then, and don’t screw it up. Are you going to bring her by to meet everyone?” Dean asked.
“No. I don’t want her involved with this part of my life. The relationship, it’s still new. And please don’t say anything to anyone. The last thing I need is for Alexis to get wind of this and cause trouble.”
“You got it.” Dean grinned. “But you know sooner or later she’s going to have to know about this part of you if she is special like you say.”
“Later is fine with me,” Grey said as he pulled his shirt over his head.
He shed the rest of his clothes and tossed them in the back of the truck, then headed for his favorite Changing place. Logan and Jason had finished fighting, and he skirted Jason, who lay in the sun, tongue lolled out to the side and panting. Logan was nowhere to be seen. He could guess who’d won that round.
He lay behind a trio of mulberry bushes, and waited as the familiar tingling rippled over his flesh. Why was it taking so long? When he wanted, he could Change in a moment. Most of the wolves in Dean’s pack gave him grief for his quick transformations. Theirs took minutes, sometimes longer. He was lucky, they said, but it didn’t help him, lying in the shadow of the brush with his skin slowly changing and pulsing into something other. Agony, a deep and lonely pain, filled the deepest and darkest crevices in his head. Morgan’s hand in his—just the thought of her skin against his slowed the transition to an agonizing crawl. Pitch black fur appeared in waves over his flesh, disappeared, and returned.
What was he doing, exposing them to this life? Marissa had a hard enough time with it. How could he bring that little baby, Lana, into pack life? She and Morgan were weak and human, unable to defend themselves from the monsters that dwelled here. They were the same monsters that had killed Marianna, and he shouldn’t expose them to that. What kind of selfish creature would ask them to be okay with any of it? A groan escaped him in the seconds before he slipped into his new form.
Things were easier as a wolf. Human needs got pushed to the back burner. As Wolf, running and finding food became more important than the constant mental jargon he faced in human form. No thinking, just hunt and run. Now that, he could do.
With the rejuvenating run finished, he waved good-bye to Dean and drove back into town. First thing was first. He walked to a flower shop a few blocks away from the apartment. He hadn’t ever been on a bring-flowers-to-the-front-door kind of date, and ended up spending way too long in the flower shop trying to find something Morgan would like. Then at the last minute, he veered into a local grocer, picked up wine for him and Morgan and a bottle of sparkling grape juice for Lana.
In his apartment, showered and having shaved, he messed with his hair until, after a few minutes, he gave up and ran his hands back and forth through it. Messy look as usual, then. He pulled on jeans and a red thermal, long sleeved shirt. With flowers and drinks in hand, he headed to the address she’d given him.
The drive from the apartment was only fifteen minutes, and as he pulled up and looked around the neighborhood, Wolf grew agitated. A single woman and child would not be safe here. Barely checked instincts screamed for him to get Morgan and the kid out of there. The house across the street had bars across the windows and two huge pit bulls guarding the front, barely kept in the yard by a deteriorating, lop-sided gate. He slid out of the truck, and the dogs went crazy. One bright eyed look and a menacing growl from him quieted them down fast enough. The yards were overgrown, except for Morgan’s, and every house was in desperate need of repair and new paint. He opened a wire-fence gate across the pathway, went through, and it screeched closed behind him. Maybe he was at the wrong house. He knocked, and Morgan came to the door, a dishtowel in her hand, Lana right behind her.
“Hi, Grey,” she said shyly. “Come on in.”
He held out the newspaper-wrapped pink tulips, which she accepted and thanked him for and smelled right away.
“I tried to grow tulips last year in the front flower bed because they are my favorite. I think Lana and I over watered the bulbs, though, because they never came up.”
A vision of her and Lana watering the plants with the little pink watering pail by the door and patiently waiting for them to bloom warmed him. He scooted past her into the small entryway, relieved he’d taken the extra time picking out the right flowers. The smile that clung to her lips as she looked at them made the effort worth it.
“Lana, this is Grey,” Morgan said. “You might not remember him, but he is our friend.”
Grey leaned down and offered his hand. Lana stared at him curiously. “Your eyes look funny.” She placed her petite palm in his.
“They’re magic,” he said with a smile and a shake of her hand. That seemed a good enough explanation, because she giggled and hugged the back of Morgan’s legs.
“Come on into the kitchen,” Morgan told him. “You can put the wine in the refrigerator. I’m almost done with dinner, if you want to hang out with me in there.”
Black and white photos of Marianna and Lana lined the walls. He paused and looked at the woman’s face and waited for any feeling of recognition. He’d never seen her alive. The frozen, terrified face of his memory contrasted with the happy woman in the photos.
Morgan disappeared around a walled-in stairway, and he hurried to catch up. When he came into the kitchen, Lana was already scurrying into a seat at the table in front of a pink plastic bowl of macaroni and cheese.
“She couldn’t wait for dinner,” Morgan said with a smile for the toddler. “I think she’s on a growth spurt, the way she’s been eating lately.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling, kiddo. I eat a lot too.”
He pulled a chair from the small eat-in kitchen set and relaxed beside the girl while Morgan finished cooking. Lana had inherited her mother and aunt’s dark hair, and she stared back at him with earnest, gray eyes.
“So,” Grey said, searching for something to talk about. Small talk had never been his thing. “What do you do for fun?”
“Besides boxing classes?” Morgan asked with a saucy grin as she turned a dial on the stove.
“Yes, besides those.”
Looking decidedly uncomfortable, her gaze darted to a large cupboard that stood against the furthest wall of the kitchen. “If I show you something, will you swear not to think I’m a psychopath?”
Was she serious? He turned into a wolf and howled at the moon. The psychopath position in this relationship had been filled a year ago. “I swear.”
She shot Lana a furtive glance, but the child was busy upending a juice box and squeezing it all over her dinner. Morgan reached for a red ceramic bowl labeled Sugar on the top of a cabinet, and plucked a tiny key from its innards. The lock on the cupboard clicked, and she turned before opening it. “You pinky swear?”
The littlest finger of her left hand hovered in front of him as Morgan waited for him to lock his hand in hers. The urge to lean down and suck gently on her finger was enough that he hesitated. Just the thought of touching her aroused him. If she saw how affected he was, just staring at her small hand, if she glimpsed all the ways he wanted her hand to touch him, she’d never share the secrets of the cupboard with him. And suddenly, her mysteries seemed like they could save him. Inhaling to steady his breathing, he encircled her pinky with his and dragged his gaze to her. Her pupils dilated, and her lips opened slightly before she yanked her hand back. So she felt it, too.
A slight tremor shook her touch as she pulled the door open. Inside, rows of samurai swords and blades that looked to be custom made were displayed with a sense of reverence. At the forefront were two worn machetes.
Holy shit. Morgan just got hotter. “Do you know how to use any of them or do you just collect?”
She studied him with wide eyes, as if she were about to hand him a piece of her soul for safekeeping. “I can use them.”
“Why would you need to use them?”
“You asked me what I did for fun. I’ve trained in fighting since I was a kid. For fun.” She scrunched her face like she’d just admitted something embarrassing.
“Why are you scared to tell people about this?”
“Because I got burned. When I was a kid, the other girls were talking clothes and boys, and I was fighting competitively on the weekends. It was easier for people to understand me if that part of my life was separate.”
He looked away, afraid if she saw the raw hope her admission had given him, she’d take it back. She’d just shared something real about herself, even scared he’d reject something that made her Morgan. The old blades in front were chipped and rusted, and hadn’t been cared for like the other gleaming weapons. “What do you have against your machetes?”
She lifted her chin. “They were my father’s.”
She didn’t offer more, and he got the feeling she’d close up if he pushed her on the topic, so instead he said, “I chase bunnies for fun.”
Giggling, she pulled a hand over her mouth like she was trying to cover her surprise. Slowly so he wouldn’t frighten her, he pulled her palm away from her face. “Don’t hide your smile from me.”
“I like bunnies too,” Lana chimed in. “Morgan takes me to the pet store to see them. She says it’s the poor people’s zoo.”
Releasing her hand, he smiled at the little girl and sat beside her to discuss favorite pet store animals as Morgan pulled plates from the cabinet nearest them.
“Morgan draws puppies and kitties whenever I want. See?” Lana gestured to the picture covered refrigerator. Smiling photos of the two of them held in place by colorful alphabet magnets peppered the glossy surface and sure enough, just under a calendar, was a sketched picture of a basket of kittens. The detail and depth of the image was amazing, down to every fine hair, and every quizzical feline expression.
“Wow,” he said, standing to admire it more closely. Other sketches, smaller ones, were interspersed between the photos, and each showed great skill. “These are really good. Do you have training?”
She shrugged as if his scrutiny made her self-conscious. “I’m a graphic designer. Art classes came with the college major and now I make a living from it. I have a website called Dewdrop Designs. I create and sell custom labels, letterheads, holiday cards, business cards, company logos…you name it, I can probably come up with a couple of concepts for you to look at. It pays the bills and there is a little left over for me to go to boxing classes once a week. I used to work for a big design company downtown before Marianna passed away, but when I found out I was to take care of Lana, I quit so I could work from home.” She looked affectionately at the child, who was squishing noodles between her fingers. “She’s been through a lot and I want to be there for her as much as I can.”
His initial reaction to her home was regrettable. She was young, and a surprise single mom making things work. The interior of the house didn’t much match the outside. It was neat, with tasteful paint colors and homey touches. It was clear she’d put a lot into fixing up the place to make it comfortable for their little family of two.
It was more than he could do. Wolf wouldn’t even let him hold down a job without the threat of impending assault charges from annoying co-workers. His mood plummeted. How would he ever be able to provide for a family, for them, someday? He clenched his fists a few times and tried to refocus before dinner was ruined with his endless shortcomings.
He set the table as she removed steaming pots from the stove and oven. It smelled so good, his stomach had been rumbling from the moment he walked in the door. She’d made chicken baked in cracker crumbs, mashed potatoes, vegetables, fruit salad, and homemade rolls. Morgan fixed a plate for Lana while Grey poured glasses of wine for them and a tiny cup of sparkling grape juice for the girl.
“What did you ladies do today?” he asked as he settled into a chair.
“We went grocery shopping—” Morgan started.
“And I got a Ring Pop,” Lana said. “Morgan said I can have it if I’m not a kraken at dinner.”
Morgan sat wide eyed with her hands in her lap. “Well, I said if you weren’t a cretin. But maybe they’re the same thing.”
Surprised, Grey huffed a short laugh. “I can’t imagine you being anything but a well behaved little girl.”
“I throw tantrums.” Lana beseeched him with such honesty in her solemn gray eyes. “Morgan says she has to use brivery to keep me in line.”
“That’s bribery—”
“You’re cute. Morgan said so.”
“Okay, that’s good, Lana,” Morgan said. “Eat your macaroni.”
Grey looked from her to Lana, and back again with a growing grin. “You said you think I’m cute?”
Morgan’s lips pursed and pink tinged her cheeks in the most adorable show of embarrassment he’d ever witnessed. “Well, yes, but I was just explaining to Lana—”
Lana gulped a bite. “Food comes from your booty but water comes from your penis. And apple juice.”
“Lana! Your Ring Pop is on the line, little miss.”
“Why? I don’t have a penis. He does because he’s a boy but I don’t because I’m a girl.” Lana shoveled another bite of noodles into her tiny maw. “That’s what you said, remember?”
“Oh my gosh,” Morgan whispered as she covered the rising color of her cheeks with her palms as if they would cool the warmth there.
The effort not to burst into laughter and encourage the child was gargantuan. It had been so long since he’d heard something so entertaining. And the grin stretching across his face felt good. He tried honestly to divert his attention to eating, but couldn’t keep his gaze from Morgan for long. Damn, she was beautiful. Her self-consciousness made him want to pull her close and give her other things to think about.
Concentrating on his dinner seemed like the wisest idea. If he stared at her lips for another second as she made apologies, he was going to lean over the table and kiss them.
The food was just as delicious as it smelled. With a lopsided grin, Lana took a bite every time he did as if it were a game. In the past year, the girl had changed and grown so much from the toddling two year old he remembered. He’d only caught a glimpse of her in the woods, but the night in late summer had been seared into his memory. Wolf had been conjured that night.
“Am I done?” Lana asked Morgan at last.
She made of show of examining her bowl, where only a few stray noodles remained. “You can be excused if you put your bowl in the sink.”
Lana crawled from her booster seat and stood on tiptoe as she launched the plastic bowl where it was supposed to go. Her tiny footsteps sounded as she ran for the living room, and moments later, the animated voice of a television cartoon spouted off alphabet letters.
“I can’t even believe how much you ate.” Morgan laughed. “Where do you put it all?”
Grinning, he explained why he needed so much food to keep his body fed. “Hope you weren’t planning on leftovers.”
“Nope, I’m glad you liked it. I was nervous,” she admitted. “I didn’t know if you had a specific diet or anything.”
“Nope. No special diet, but I’ll never be able to embrace vegetarianism.”
She became quiet and looked somewhere behind him with a faraway expression. “That…man. The one who attacked us last year. Why’d he do that?” Her gaze dropped to the floor. “I mean, have you ever hurt anyone?”
Wolf let out a long low growl before Grey could stop himself. He squeezed his eyes closed and stood, took the dishes to the sink, his back to her. “Sorry,” he said softly, pressing his palms against the counter. “It’s just, when I think of telling you things about that part of me, I’m afraid you’ll run and I’ll never see you again.”
He turned and let her see his eyes. She deserved to see the truth of those words on his face as he spoke. She watched him quietly, and he leaned against the sink. “I don’t think I’ve ever hurt a person. The first six months, before I met the pack, I blacked out a lot and Changed uncontrollably. I had to camp at different parks, hoping I was far enough in so I wouldn’t run across people.”
He looked at the ceiling. How was he supposed to explain this to her? It was impossible to sugarcoat any of it. “I would hunt animals. I’d wake up, a man again, and animals would be near me. I’m not a man-eater. I’m not like the wolf that attacked you, but hunting when I Change helps me to keep some semblance of control. I Change more than I have to now. We really only need to a few times a month because our bodies demand it, but I Change at least twice a week because it makes Wolf happy. It doesn’t have to be on a full moon or anything. That’s a myth, but we like to because it is brighter for hunting at night. I don’t black out anymore because I’m taking care of my body. Keeping it fit, eating enough, Changing enough. It keeps me sane.”
She stayed quiet, so he turned and rinsed the dishes. When he returned to the table to grab her plate, she reached for his hand and held it.
“Come here,” she said, tugging him gently to the chair beside her. “I’ve seen the way people look at you. You scare them. Why?”
He gave a half shrug. “I don’t know. It’s just the way I came out, I guess.” Nope, he definitely wasn’t ready to tell her Wolf was king of the monsters.
“Why don’t you scare me?”
“I don’t know. I keep waiting for you to gather Lana and run away screaming. Maybe you just know I’d never hurt you or the child. I don’t have some of the answers you’re going to want from me,” he admitted.
“How’s your arm?”
“My arm?” he asked, looking down at his skin.
“I saw that man stab you with a knife last week. You were bleeding. I could see it even through your dark shirt.”
“Oh, it’s okay.” He lifted the sleeve of his fitted, red shirt, exposing the closed silver slash mark. “I heal quickly. What about you? You were bleeding last week, too. I could smell it.”
“You want to see?” she asked.
He’d studied every inch of skin exposed by her t-shirt. Maybe she’d cut her leg and her jeans hid it. Slowly, he nodded.
She twisted in the chair and lifted the hem of her pink cotton shirt until the bottom of an impressive patch of road rash peeked out. He sucked air in through his teeth and pulled the shirt up until the entirety of the healing wound was exposed. It ran from tailbone to shoulder blades. He touched the jagged edges gently with the tip of his finger. “How’d this happen?”
“He dragged me to that alley and my shirt came up. Yesterday was the first day it felt okay enough to wear a bra.” Her expression looked almost apologetic. “The black, lacy number is the loosest one I own.”
“I like that black, lacy number.” Especially in a wet, white, basically see through t-shirt, but she didn’t have to hear that part. He straightened her shirt, and she turned.
The color of deep roses rested in her cheeks and the corners of her mouth were turned up. “Why wouldn’t you look at me in the alley?”
“Because I don’t want this for you, Morgan. I’m a monster, and you deserve better than what I can give you and Lana. My life, what I am—it’s dangerous. I planned on staying away, watching but never talking to you. I don’t want to suck you into my hell. I want you to be happy. I want…hell, I don’t know what I want.” Frustrated, he rubbed his hands through his hair. Likely it now stood out in all directions.
“Grey? Grey, look at me,” she said. “None of this scares me. You can protect us. You’ve saved me twice now. Try for me, and if you can’t handle it, you can leave. I won’t make you stay out of guilt or anything, but there’s something between us, isn’t there? When you touch me—” A small shudder trembled through her. The unfinished words hung in the air between them.
He should’ve run. Thanked her for dinner, walked out the front door and left her to find someone normal. She should be with someone safe, with normal friends and family, and a good role model for Lana. He would ruin her, and this was the part where he should decide not to cross that line. There were moments in life where the path of fate would change with a pivotal decision made. This was his moment. His gut quickened with her closeness. Instead of running, the coward in him admitted the inescapable truth. “Yes, there’s something. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
He pulled Morgan’s chair forward until her knees brushed between his thighs, touched the side of her face. Her dark, green eyes were bottomless and her skin was silk beneath his touch. Slowly, he leaned forward and kissed her, tenderly, questioning. Is this okay? he wordlessly asked with his lips.
Before long, however, Wolf basked in the touch of his mate and wanted more, as he so often did. Grey let out a soft growl, pulled back slightly, and then giving in, kissed her deeply, pulled her toward him until she was warm against his chest. Her heart beat so fast against him, and his head swam with her intoxicating scent. It was what a kiss was supposed to feel like. Like more wasn’t enough. Would never be enough.
She moaned softly. His ears tingled at the sound, and he stopped. He was pushing too hard, too fast, and hurting her. He eased back, ready with an apology, but she was flushed and bright eyed because she’d enjoyed kissing him, not because he’d hurt her. He grinned like an idiot.
After everything he’d admitted, she still wanted to be with him, to connect with him. Her giggle was elegant and tinkling and infectious. She looked like the cat that had caught the canary, and knowing he’d caused such an expression on her face had Wolf elated.