Loch’s muscles strained as he finished his last chin-up, his body not showing it since he could do these in his sleep, but his mind was already exhausted from another sleepless night—not a good way to stay on top of things.
He let go of the bar, dropped to his feet, and started stretching. He was doing his best to act normal and not let anything going on around him visibly affect him. Riker had sent that note, Loch was sure of it now, and that meant that Loch couldn’t be too careful when it came to anything having to do with Dennis—and now the company. His company.
Shit.
He hadn’t done anything about that other than tell his lawyer. He didn’t know what he was going to do, but dissolving it and walking away seemed like the best option. Yet he didn’t know how to do that, especially with all the sensitive data the company dealt in, so it was just another item on the list.
After finding Riker.
Loch had sent word to his contacts to keep an eye out but not make a splash about it. He hoped to hear something soon, because things were getting a little tricky here, and Loch wanted to make sure his family was safe.
His family, including Ainsley.
He closed his eyes tight, pushing away those thoughts as he set himself up for box jumps. His gym had an open floor plan with a few rooms off to the side for classes, so as he set up his station, he could still check out the rest of the gym and who was working out.
He knew Ainsley was over on the elliptical, getting her workout in for the evening. He had known she was there since she first walked into the building. He didn’t want her walking outside alone, not at night, and wasn’t even comfortable with her doing it during the day, so he’d find a way to make sure she had someone with her when she went home.
But because he was a mess, he wasn’t sure it would be him.
Loch rolled his neck then squared his shoulders, preparing for the jumps. He’d go slow and easy at first, get his rhythm and his balance, then increase the intensity over time. His spotter, another of his trainers, stood by, ready to help if needed. Loch may own the place and know what he was doing, but he wasn’t stupid—contrary to how he felt lately.
He landed the first jump with ease, then started his counts. He was sweaty, his body aching, and almost ready to call it a day when the first whistle shot in the air. He didn’t falter, but he did glare at the woman who’d done it. The woman in her sixties on the treadmill just winked, giving him a wave, and he rolled his eyes before starting the next jump.
He did it two more times, ignoring the crowd staring at him, and when he landed his final jump, one of his highest but not the highest he’d ever done, the gym erupted in cheers and applause.
His crew was laughing, and he wiped the sweat out of his eyes as some of the women in the room cat-called. He wasn’t a fan of anyone doing that to any of the people in his gym. This was a safe place for everyone, but since the whole place had been filled with tension for the past few days after what happened with Dennis, Loch let it slide.
This time.
If it happened again, everyone would find out exactly what kind of asshole he was.
Then Loch looked up into Ainsley’s face, laughter in her eyes and a smile quirking the corners of her lips, and he swallowed hard. Things weren’t good between them. Hell, things were pretty damn terrible because of words spoken and decisions made. But if she could laugh, even with her eyes, and give him a small smile, then maybe it wasn’t so bad.
“I’m done.” He spoke to his spotter as he cleaned up, but he wasn’t positive he wasn’t talking to himself, as well. Because the hell of it was, when he looked at Ainsley with her darkening eyes and the sweat running down her chest as she worked out, he wasn’t sure why he was staying away.
He wasn’t sure why he’d ever wanted to.
And that was the problem, wasn’t it? He wasn’t sure of anything anymore, and it was making his thoughts tangle, and his words come out harder than he wanted. He kept making mistakes, and that could be costly when it came to whatever the hell was going on. With everything.
Riker was part of this, Loch knew it. He was almost positive the note had to do with him, knew the company had to be closed, and knew that whatever had happened with Dennis was only the beginning. And because it was all happening at once, Loch didn’t even have time to mourn Dennis, the man he’d worked with and known in his life for long enough for it to truly matter. Or maybe, he had the time but couldn’t let himself do it because if he did, he’d make more mistakes.
That’s how it usually worked for him.
And if he made mistakes now, those he loved would end up getting hurt.
Including Ainsley.
Yes, Loch loved her, always had, but the idea that it could be a different kind of love wasn’t something he’d allowed himself to think about for years.
Now, it was all he could think about.
He made his way to his office, closing the door behind him since he needed time to think and to work. Ainsley would be safe with so many people around, and his staff knew to come and get him when she was ready to leave. They might not understand what was going on between him and Ainsley—not like anyone did, including himself—but they knew that Loch was watching out for her. And since all of them were mourning and on edge themselves with Dennis’s death, they were careful. Hell, everyone was doing such a good job of acting normally, at acting as if they weren’t afraid of what was going on around them, that maybe thinking about Ainsley and Loch and what might be between them was a salve.
The door opened after a perfunctory knock, and Loch almost scowled until he looked up and saw Ainsley walk in, sweat on her brow and a guilty expression on her face. She locked the door behind her, and he figured that she didn’t want anyone else to hear what she had to say.
He did his best not to notice the way her leggings cupped her ass or the fact that her sports bra pressed her tits together perfectly. Then he tried not to think about how she would look if he slid his dick between those tits of hers, and he had to quickly adjust himself behind his shorts.
Then…then, he thought about the fact that he’d already seen her naked, felt her naked, and wondered if maybe it was okay that he thought all those things. Because from the way her eyes darkened, he didn’t think her thoughts were any purer than his.
“Hey,” he said, his voice gruff. It was always gruff, but it tended to be deeper around her. He’d tried to think it was because he could be himself around her, and that was part of it, but it was more. So much more. Damn it.
“Hey.” She blew out a breath. “So, I’m here to apologize.”
He stood up, his eyes widening. “What the hell do you have to apologize for? I’m the one being an asshole.”
Ainsley shook her head then looked him in the eyes before shrugging. “That might be the case. And it’s usually the case since we’re friends and we tend to be assholes to each other. I mean, if we can’t trust each other to act like idiots, then what’s the use?”
She was right, but before he could say anything in response, she continued. “I’m here to say I’m sorry for hanging up on you last night. It was a crap move. Yeah, you kicking me out of the house was a crap move, too, but I figured you did it because of whatever you’re hiding. And when I figure that out, it’ll all make sense.”
He shook his head, confused as usual when it came to Ainsley. “You seem pretty confident that I had reasons that make sense.”
She stepped closer, and he had to adjust himself again. He couldn’t help it when she was near, especially wearing a tiny outfit and covered in sweat. It did it for him.
She did it for him.
“I’m always confident. Though not when it comes to you. Not lately. But that’s something I need to work out on my own. I mean, if you don’t like having sex with me and don’t want to do it ever again, then fine. But maybe we can comment on it. Or…not. But what I came back here to tell you is that I’m sorry for hanging up. I was tired and whining, and I don’t like when I act like that.”
He had no idea where to start with that comment, but he spoke anyway. “You weren’t whining. And I gave you cause to act however you wanted.”
They were standing right in front of each other then, their bodies close but not touching.
“We keep calling each other best friends. And for so many years, we acted like it. We were. But for the past couple of days, we’re not acting like it. And I know for a fact that being friends means standing by each other, even in the hard times. And, Loch? These count as hard times. Don’t they? We should stick together when things aren’t perfect.”
Loch cursed under his breath, then cupped her face. He hadn’t meant to touch her, then again, he hadn’t meant to do a lot of things recently. “Ainsley.”
Then he did the thing he shouldn’t.
He kissed her.
Her tongue brushed along his, and he growled, deepening the kiss as he kept his hands on her face, needing to keep them there in case he moved too quickly, in case he scared either of them by doing what he shouldn’t.
By stopping the denial.
When he pulled away, her eyes were wide, and they were both panting.
“Nothing’s been perfect between us for a while, Ainsley, but that’s not on you. It's me trying to keep my hands off you because you're one of the most important people in my life. And me and sex…we don't mix. My partners always leave, Ainsley. And I can't have you leave.”
He hadn’t meant to say those words, and knew he’d probably only confused her more, but it was the truth. He didn’t have relationships with women. He wasn’t a jerk, but he also didn’t promise commitment. The only person he’d tried to do that with had left him. And left their daughter.
And Loch wasn’t sure he could handle Ainsley leaving him. Wasn’t sure he could handle her leaving Misty, even though he’d told her to stay away.
Because she would leave.
They all did.
“That doesn’t make any sense, Loch.” She licked her lips. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Then she kissed him, pressing her body against his. She fit perfectly, a fit that made him think of other things.
Things far dirtier.
Then he remembered that she’d locked the door.
“I didn’t plan this,” she whispered against his lips. “I only wanted to talk.”
He cupped her under her ass and turned them both around so she was sitting on the top of his desk, her legs spread, and his body between her thighs.
“This isn’t going to solve anything, you know,” she whispered. She arched her neck, and he sucked on her delicate skin, needing her taste.
“It’ll show you that I liked having sex with you. I had the best sex of my life with you. The fact that I stepped away? That’s on me. It’s only on me. It has to do with everything else going on around us. And the fact I don’t want to lose you.”
She bit his lip, and he growled. “You’re not going to lose me. I can promise you that. Because I don’t want to lose you either.” He licked her lips, and she opened for him. “What are we doing, Loch?”
“I don’t know, but I want to keep doing it.”
She grinned. “It’s the sports bra, isn’t it?”
He bit her jaw. “It was the box jumps, wasn’t it?”
“Maybe.” A kiss. “This is stupid.”
“Beyond stupid.”
He kissed her again, and she tightened her legs around his body, pulling his dick close to the heat of her.
“But we’re still doing it,” she whispered. “Then, we’ll talk.”
He cupped her face and looked into her eyes, knowing he couldn’t hide things from her. He’d always sucked at it, and he knew if he kept trying, he’d be the one watching her walk away.
“After.”
Her eyes widened. “Promise?”
He could kick himself for the hurt he saw in her expression. “Yes. I promise.” Then he took her mouth, needing her. They were at his damn workplace, and anyone could knock at any moment—and some would know exactly what they were doing in here. But he didn’t care.
He had to have her, had to show her that he wanted her, that he cared for her, that he wasn’t as much of an asshole as he had been lately.
So, he gave in.
And so did she.
He tugged on her sports bra, and she helped him take it off, not wanting to hurt her since the damn things always freaked him out. Then her breasts were right there, the pink-tipped nipples begging for his mouth. So he lowered his head and sucked on one, using his fingers to pluck at the other.
Ainsley gripped the edge of the desk, her legs around him as she let her head fall back. She looked like a fucking goddess, but she’d never believe him if he said that. She didn’t take his compliments easily, and because he didn’t speak unless it was important, he tended to hold back and not give enough.
That had to change.
With her in his arms, he knew that had to change.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Kiss. “I could taste you all day.” Bite. “All fucking day.” Suck.
“Loch. I need…I need…”
“I know what you need.”
He stood up and cupped the back of her neck as he lowered his hands between her legs and over her yoga pants. Even through the fabric, he could feel the heat of her. He rubbed the heel of his hand against her, and she moaned, arching into him. So he did it again. And again.
And when she squirmed, he quickly moved back, tugged on the waistband of her pants, and grinned when she raised herself up off the desk, helping him take them off along with her panties in one go.
Then, his mouth was on her, licking and sucking at her cunt, alternating between breathing hot and blowing cool air over her when she rested her legs to his shoulders. He ate like a man at a feast, lapping her up as her arousal dripped down his chin, her pussy so wet and ready for him all he’d have to do is stand up and strip to slide right into her tight, hot, wet sheath.
But even though his cock was so hard he was afraid he’d pop in one go, he kept his mouth on her, looking up her sexy-as-sin body as she came on his face. Her body bucked so violently when he flicked his tongue over and over on her clit that he had to hold her down by the hips so she didn’t fall off his desk.
Then he stood up, tore off his shirt, and shucked off his shorts before remembering he didn’t have a very important thing they would need to continue this.
He cursed, gripping the base of his cock as he looked down at her coming off her high. He squeezed, trying to hold himself back from coming on her stomach right then and there just at the sight of her. He wasn’t a teenager, he could last longer than this, but without a condom, they’d have to get a little more creative than they were already being.
She looked at him then, her pupils wide as she swallowed. “I’m clean. On the pill. I trust you, Loch. If you say you’re clean, then you’re clean. You’re not going to let something happen to your body because you’re stupid. You take care of yourself. Just like I do.”
He leaned down and took her lips in a searing kiss. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered.
“Same. Guess that makes us even. Now, please, get in me. Because you look like you’re in pain standing there with that big cock of yours waiting for me.” Then she spread her legs while still seated on his desk, and he was pretty sure he’d never seen anything so hot in his life.
He moved closer, placing the tip of his dick at her entrance. And when she met his gaze, he slowly slid inside, inch by inch, pulling out each time he pressed in a little more. Her breaths came in quick pants, and he groaned when she tightened her inner walls around him. As soon as he was fully seated inside her, he hooked her legs over his arms and moved.
He thrust in and out of her, hard and fast, no longer able to hold himself back. And, this time, he met her gaze without straying, without pulling away and flipping her over so it wouldn’t be too much.
They’d already crossed that line. There was no going back.
She came first, her body shaking, her eyes rolling back, her breasts flushed, her nipples hard little points. And when she tightened even more around his dick, something he didn’t think possible, he came as well, following her into the abyss.
Loch licked up Ainsley’s neck again, their breaths mingling as they tried to come down from their high. He knew they needed to clean up, needed to talk, needed to do a lot of things, but when his cell vibrated on the desk, he knew their little bubble of just them was over. At least for now.
Ainsley’s eyes danced with laughter as she met his gaze. “Answer it while you’re still inside me. I dare you.”
His softening cock twitched, and he met her gaze, a smile forming on his mouth. “You’re bad.”
She tightened her inner muscles, making his eyes cross.
“Fine.” He picked up the phone, not bothering to look at the screen. “What?”
Ainsley slapped her hand over her mouth, holding back a giggle, and Loch couldn’t help but want to thrust just a bit, but the voice on the other end made him freeze, the blood in his body icing over.
“Good to know you haven’t changed, buddy.”
“Riker,” he growled. Ainsley gave him a weird look, and Loch knew he’d have to tell her about this man soon, but not when he was inside her, and not when he was dealing with this fucking dickhead.
“Ah, you remember me. You got my note?”
He’d known it.
“What the fuck do you want?” Loch slid out of Ainsley, not wanting her to be part of this any more than she already was. He met her gaze as he bent down to pick up his shirt so she could put it on. She did so, and he leaned down and brushed a silent kiss over her brow.
“I’m watching, Loch. And I think you know what I want.”
Then, Riker hung up, and Loch almost threw his phone. Instead, he glanced at Ainsley and knew the time for secrets was over. The time for a lot of things was over.