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Josh looked at his watch for the fifth time that hour as he paced his mother’s living room. “Why did I agree to this?” he asked himself, flopping down on the couch.
The knock on the door sent his heart into the pit of his stomach. Sighing, he rose from the couch and hesitantly walked to the door. He took a deep breath and opened it, coming face to face with the person on the other side.
“Hey J.J.,” Sarah smiled.
Not returning her smile, Josh signaled for Sarah to come inside. “I’ve asked you not to call me that,” he bit out.
Sarah sat on the accent chair across from the couch. “I’m sorry, it’s a force of habit,” she sputtered. Josh sat down on the couch and folded his arms.
“I know that you went to see Sidra a few weeks ago,” he blurted out.
Sarah looked down at her hands. “I didn’t know what else to do,” she reasoned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep.”
Josh just shook his head, scratching it in the process. The siblings sat in awkward silence, until Sarah reached in to her pocket and pulled out an envelope.
“I brought this for you,” she offered, handing it to him.
Josh raised his eyebrow. “What’s this?”
“My paycheck,” Sarah answered. Josh looked at her. “It’s not much, but I want you to have it.”
“You can’t give me your entire paycheck, you need that to live off of,” Josh replied. Sure, he needed the money, but as much as he resented her, he didn’t want to leave her with nothing.
“I’m staying with Dad, so I don’t have to pay rent just yet... I want to pay you back. I’m not making much, so it’ll take some time,” she explained. Josh held his gaze on her. “Keep it...please,” she insisted.
Josh sighed as he reluctantly pocketed the envelope. “Thanks,” he mumbled.
“You’re welcome,” Sarah said, running her hands down her jeans. “I wasn’t lying when I said that I wanted to make things right.”
“I gotta ask you,” Josh began, voice stern. Sarah looked at him, anticipating the question. “You knew what doing drugs did... You knew how it affected those around you by witnessing Mom use,” he said, Sarah sighed. “You saw it...why would you go and do drugs after everything? I don’t get it.”
Sarah pushed some of her twists off of her face, thinking of a way to answer Josh’s valid question. “When Mom ran off that last time, it really messed me up,” she began. “I was angry at her, but I missed her at the same time. I didn’t know how to deal with those feelings.” She pointed at Josh. “You occupied yourself with school and your friends... I didn’t have friends and I damn sure didn’t care about school.” Sarah adjusted her position on the chair. “I became depressed and I wanted something to make it stop...if just for a little while... I tried drinking, but I never could take the taste so I tried...something else.” Tears filled Sarah’s eyes as she relived her downward spiral. “And it worked...for a little while, I was fine... I couldn’t feel. So every once in a while when things in my head got bad, I’d do it... And before I knew it, it had taken over my entire life.”
Sarah wiped her eyes with her hand. Josh stared at her, expression still hardened. Though on the inside, seeing her break down in front of him while telling her story, made his heart soften a bit.
“I tried to stop, I really did,” Sarah promised. “I went to rehab five times,” she said, putting five fingers up.
“You just said that you tried and failed, five times before,” Josh put in. “What makes you think that this time will be any different, Sarah?”
“Because I want it to be,” Sarah insisted. “I want my life back. I want my family back. And I know the only way for me to accomplish that...is to stay clean. So that’s what I’m going to do,” she promised. “I’ve been six months sober so far. That’s the longest that I’ve been since I started using.”
Josh looked at the floor, but didn’t say anything. He wanted for what she was saying to be true; he missed the relationship that they had before things spiraled out of control. But given everything that transpired, he found it hard to believe her.
“After the last time I got high, I remember waking up in this disgusting room,” Sarah began, as Josh was still deep in his thoughts. “I sat there just staring out of that little dingy window, wondering how I ended up there... I used to carry around this one bag. I took it everywhere and I’m surprised that nobody ever took it,” she shook her head. “Anyway, I grabbed the bag as I got ready to leave and a bunch of stuff fell out... A few coins, some costume jewelry that I tried to sell...and probably the most important thing that I had: a special piece of paper.”
Sarah reached into her wallet and pulled out a small, folded piece of paper. She handed it to Josh.
Josh unfolded the tattered paper, looking at it. Recognizing the crayon drawing of him and Sarah that he had given to her when he was little, he became emotional. “You kept this?” he asked, voice cracking.
Sarah nodded. “I always loved that picture,” she smiled, looking at him. Josh wiped his eyes and Sarah felt tears fill hers again. “I’m so sorry Josh,” she apologized, sincere. “I wasn’t the sister that you deserved then, but I want to be that now.”
Josh clutched the paper in his hand. “I want to believe you, Sarah,” he stammered. “I really do. I just don’t know how to trust you again.”
“I know... Let me earn it,” she replied.
Josh looked back at the paper and rubbed his face with his hand. Sarah rose from her seat and walked over to Josh. She wanted to hug him, but didn’t know how he would react. And then she decided that she didn’t care...she needed to embrace him. Throwing caution aside, Sarah wrapped her arms around Josh. Much to her surprise, he didn’t push her away. He even, just for a brief moment, hugged her back.
––––––––
Jason made his way towards the door, eyeing the television screen. “Oh come on!” he yelled at the television. Opening the door, he was startled and pleasantly surprised to see Chasity standing there, staring at him. “Hey beautiful,” he smiled.
“You okay?” she asked, voice low and stern.
Jason chuckled. “Oh, you heard me huh?” he said, moving aside to let her in. “This movie is getting on my nerves,” he said, turning the TV off with the remote.
Chasity slowly walked to the couch. “What are you up to?” she asked, tone even.
“Nothing much, I just made some dinner,” he answered. “You want some?”
Chasity shook her head. “Your parents here?”
“No, they went to visit my aunt for a few days,” Jason replied. He noticed the blank stare on Chasity’s face. “Is everything okay?”
Chasity sighed. “I know I should’ve called first.”
Jason took a step towards her. “You didn’t have to. I’m glad you’re here,” he assured. “What’s wrong?”
Chasity took a deep breath, rubbing the back of her neck. “Brenda was taken to the hospital this morning,” she revealed. “She...they’re saying she could go at any time now.”
Jason shot Chasity a sympathetic look as he stood in front of her. “I’m sorry baby,” he said, pulling her into an embrace.
Chasity stared out ahead of her as Jason hugged her. She’d been feeling like she was having an out-of-body experience ever since she received the phone call from Trisha earlier that morning, informing her that Brenda had taken a turn for the worst.
It’d been a little over a week since she’d sat down with Brenda in her grandmother’s backyard and ever since then, Chasity had been feeling conflicted.
“At this point, they’re just making her comfortable,” Chasity said, parting from Jason’s embrace. “They want me to come to the hospital but I just...I can’t,” she said, sitting down.
Jason sat next to her and rubbed her back as she put her head in her hands. “Is there anything that you need me to do?”
Chasity looked at him. “Can I stay with you tonight?”
“Of course you can,” he replied.
“I can’t be in that house by myself right now.”
“You don’t have to explain,” Jason said, putting a hand up. “You want me to go to your house to pick some stuff up for you?”
She shook her head. “I have a bag in the car. I was gonna go to a hotel, but when you said that your parents weren’t here, I figured I’d ask.”
Jason leaned over and gave Chasity a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll go get your bag,” he said, standing from the couch and heading for the door.
As the door closed, Chasity let out a long sigh and leaned her head against the back of the couch, closing her eyes.
––––––––
Malajia flipped her breeze-blown hair over her shoulder as she looked at her phone screen. She was enjoying the new updates on her phone; it allowed her to do video calling. “How’s everything going with Brenda?” Malajia asked Chasity.
“It’s going,” Chasity sighed. “They said she’s still hanging on.”
Malajia shook her head. “This whole thing is crazy and it’s happening so fast.”
“Tell me about it,” Chasity mumbled, fussing with her hair.
“What are you doing?” Malajia chuckled at the scene.
“Why didn’t you tell me that my hair is looking all crazy?” Chasity hissed, pushing some hair over her shoulders.
“Because it doesn’t,” Malajia assured. “It just looks like your curls fell. You probably sweated them out with all that banging you’re doing in Jason’s empty house,” she teased. “How long have you been there now? Two days?”
“Yeah,” Chasity answered, tone dry.
Malajia’s smile faded. “Have you gone to the hospital to see her yet?” she asked with seriousness. Chasity rolled her eyes. “You know I can see you, right?”
“So?”
Malajia sucked her teeth at her tone. “Look, I get why you don’t want to go there, but—”
“I gotta go,” Chasity cut in.
“Now who’s deflecting?” Malajia ground out.
“I’ll call you later,” Chasity replied.
Malajia sighed. “Okay...I’ll say a prayer for you.”
“Use it for yourself sis, I’m okay,” Chasity returned. “Bye.”
“Bye,” Malajia muttered as Chasity hung up. Malajia looked up at the moon lit sky. Chasity was right, she did need to pray for herself. Especially if she was going to accomplish what she needed to do. After much thought, Malajia decided that it was time to come clean to her family.
After giving herself a pep talk, Malajia stood and walked into her house. Her parents were sitting on the couch, accompanied by Geri and her other older sister Maria. Malajia slowly walked over and stood in front of the television.
“Girl, will you move?” Mrs. Simmons barked, signaling for her to move with her hand.
“Can I talk to you guys for a minute?” Malajia asked, ignoring her mother’s request and the complaining from her father and sisters.
“Can it wait? This movie is just getting to the good part,” Mr. Simmons added, reaching for his beer.
“No, it can’t,” Malajia insisted. “And this is on DVR, so you can watch it later.”
“Malajia, that’s not the point,” Geri hissed. “Why do you have to bother us now? You had all day to talk to us and you didn’t. You never do.”
Malajia rolled her eyes and walked away. “Forget it,” she fumed.
Mr. Simmons turned the TV off. “No, you got the attention that you wanted, so what is it Malajia?” he sneered.
“Yeah, what is it? What pointless nonsense do you wanna whine about now?” Maria added, tone nasty.
Malajia clenched her jaw as she spun around. “Maria, I swear to God, don’t start with me or I’ll come across this room and choke the shit out of you,” she threatened.
“Did you just curse in my house?!” Mrs. Simmons wailed, hopping up from her seat. “Have you lost your damn mind?”
“Mom, I’m sorry, but I’m tired of her and everybody else in this house, treating me like a freakin’ joke,” Malajia argued.
“You better check that attitude Malajia,” Mrs. Simmons warned, pointing at her daughter.
“Nobody treats you like a joke, you’re exaggerating,” Mr. Simmons mocked.
Malajia let out a loud sigh. “I’m not exaggerating,” she insisted. “I really need to talk to you about something serious and you’re making it seem that it’s not important.”
“Malajia, you never talk to us about anything important,” her mother pointed out.
“Because I feel like I can’t!” Malajia erupted. “No matter what I say, you just brush it off like it’s nothing.”
“God, you’re being dramatic Malajia,” Mr. Simmons grunted.
“I’m not, Dad,” she argued.
“You are!” Mr. Simmons boomed, standing up. Malajia’s behavior over the past few months had been irritating him and it was now brought to a head, “Just like you’ve always been.”
Malajia wanted to cry as her father yelled at her.
“You’re dramatic, irresponsible, unfocused, an attention seeker, and spoiled,” he fumed.
Malajia shook her head.
“Like now, you’re standing here getting everybody in an uproar because you just need the attention on you,” her father ranted. “If what you had to tell us was so damn important as you so claim, you could’ve done so without pissing everybody off.”
Malajia stood there in silence as she looked at her family. “I’m not trying to piss anybody off,” she assured, voice faltering.
Mr. Simmons threw his hands up in the air in frustration as Mrs. Simmons rolled her eyes.
“Then why are you doing it, Malajia?” Geri spat. “This is what Mom and Dad are talking about.”
“Nice Geri, just go ahead and join them in bashing me,” Malajia mocked, wiping her eyes with her hand.
“Girl, take that crying stuff somewhere else,” Maria jumped in. “Nobody’s falling for it.”
Malajia looked at her. “Do you even like me, Maria?” she asked, angry. “‘Cause you damn sure find any reason to throw your unwanted, uncalled for, stupid ass digs in about me.”
Maria folded her arms in a huff. “I’m not gonna do this with you right now.”
“Malajia, cuss one more time and you’re getting out,” Mrs. Simmons warned.
Malajia rolled her eyes. She wished she’d never walked through that door. “Y’all are making this really hard for me,” she slowly put out, trying to keep her temper and her tears in check.
“Just say what you need to say,” Maria spat. “It’s probably a lie anyway.”
“Maria, you might want to watch what you say because you have no idea what I’ve been through.” Malajia was furious. “None of you do.”
“What could you have possibly gone through?” Mr. Simmons mocked. “All you do is play around in school and spend our money like it’s going out of style.”
“Or you’re wasting time on those stupid boys,” Mrs. Simmons added. “What was the last one that we heard about?” She put her finger on her chin. “What was his name? Tyrone.”
“I have asked you to stop bringing him up,” Malajia snapped. “I have asked you repeatedly not to do that. Why don’t you people fuckin’ listen?!”
“That’s it, get out!” her mother screamed at her, pointing to the door.
“Gladly!” Malajia yelled back, storming out of the house.
She stormed down the front steps and made it to the end of the driveway before she broke down crying. She pulled her cell phone out of her shorts pocket and dialed a number.
“What?” Chasity answered.
“I can’t do it Chasity,” Malajia cried into the phone.
“You can’t do what?” Chasity frowned, hearing the panic in Malajia’s voice.
“I’m sorry, I know you’re dealing with your own mess, I shouldn’t have called you.”
Chasity shook her head. “Don’t worry about that,” she dismissed. “What can’t you do?”
Malajia took several deep breaths to try to calm herself down. “I’m trying to tell my family and...I just can’t,” she cried.
“Calm down,” Chasity urged. “You want me to come down there?”
Malajia wiped her eyes. “No,” she sniffled. “Just...talk me into going back in that house.”
“Go back in that house,” Chasity immediately threw back.
Malajia managed a slight chuckle through her tears.
“Don’t let them run you out of there Malajia, you’re tougher than that,” Chasity advised. “Make them listen to you.”
Malajia sniffled again. “Okay,” she agreed after a moment. “I’ll call you back.”
“Okay.”
Malajia took a deep breath and ended the call. She contemplated walking off, to where she had no idea; she just knew that she didn’t want to go back into that house but Chasity was right—she had to.
Wiping the rest of the tears from her face, Malajia entered the house to be greeted by her mother pointing at her. “Malajia, I swear—”
Malajia put her hand up. “I’m sorry that I was disrespectful,” she apologized, voice low. “I...I just feel like I don’t have a voice in this house unless I get that way... But I shouldn’t have done it and I’m sorry.”
“Malajia, I’m not going to tolerate your nonsense,” Mrs. Simmons argued. “You’re too old to be acting out like this.”
“I know,” Malajia replied, fiddling with her hands. “I need to tell you something important and I just need for you to listen to me.”
Mrs. Simmons let out a deep sigh; she was already mentally drained by her daughter’s antics. “Malajia—”
“Mommy, please,” Malajia begged staring at her mother.
Mrs. Simmons, seeing the tortured expression on her daughter’s face, relaxed her frown. Malajia hadn’t called her “Mommy” since she was a little girl; she only did so when she was sick or in some kind of pain.
“What do you need to say, Malajia?” Mr. Simmons asked with agitation; Mrs. Simmons shot him a side-glance.
“First off, I need for you guys to stop bringing up Tyrone to me,” Malajia began. “I don’t want to hear his name anymore. I’m not with him anymore and I can’t get past the thought of him if you keep bringing him up.”
“What happened between you two?” her mother asked, voice soft. Malajia had her full attention. “Did he hurt you?”
Before Malajia could open her mouth, Maria laughed. “Oh please, she probably broke up with him because he did something small like forget to notice her manicure or something like that.”
Malajia shot a piercing look Maria’s way. She’d had enough of her mouth. “No, that’s not why I broke up with him you ignorant bitch,” she seethed, halting Maria’s laughter. “I broke up with him because he used to beat my ass, that’s why,” she revealed, voice tortured as she tried to fight back tears.
“Wait, he what?!” Mrs. Simmons wailed as Mr. Simmons held a mask of anger on his face.
“Did she just call me a bitch?” Maria questioned, pointing to herself.
“Maria, shut up!” Geri snapped, before looking at Malajia. “Tyrone did what?”
The looks of horror on her family’s faces made Malajia almost wish she hadn’t said anything. But it was out now so she had no choice but to continue. She put her hand over her face as the memories and tears flooded. “He...he abused me,” she confirmed after a few seconds of hesitation.
Mrs. Simmons put her hand over her mouth in shock. “Oh my God,” she uttered.
Her father was in disbelief. “There’s no way,” he denied.
“Dad, it’s true,” Malajia cried, walking over to him. “It was just mental at first...he’d talk down to me, disrespect me, degrade me...then one day he slapped me and—I shouldn’t have taken him back after that but—I did and it just got worse. The one slap turned into kicks, pushes, punches.” She wiped her eyes. “It happened.”
Her father shook his head as he placed his hands on his head. “No, no that didn’t happen,” he refused to believe.
Malajia grabbed his arm as he went to walk away. “I know that I haven’t been the best daughter. I know that I’ve made you question me on many occasions, but you have to trust me, I’m telling you the truth,” she pleaded. “I would never lie about something like that.”
Mr. Simmons stared into Malajia’s tear filled eyes for seconds before closing his eyes and retreating for the stairs without saying a word, leaving Malajia feeling broken.
“Daddy, please don’t walk away from me, I need you,” Malajia called after him and was about to follow him, when her mother grabbed her and hugged her.
Geri began to tear up as she watched her sister nearly collapse in her mother’s arms. She felt terrible; she felt guilty. Geri thought that if she hadn’t been so dismissive of Malajia’s feelings, then maybe she would have felt comfortable enough to tell her.
“I don’t get it,” Maria said, slowly sitting on the couch. “No man in our life ever abused us. How could you fall for someone who does something like that, Malajia?”
“Maria are you serious right now?” Geri barked. “Are you seriously judging her? After what you just heard?” She was disgusted. “This is why Malajia didn’t say anything to us.”
Mrs. Simmons ignored the arguing around her and only focused her attention on the daughter in her arms. “I’m so sorry baby,” she repeated over and over, holding on to Malajia. She glanced up and saw her husband run down the stairs. “Where are you going?” she asked, furious; seeing him head for the door.
“Malajia, where is he? Where can I find him?” he asked Malajia, completely ignoring his wife’s question.
Malajia looked up at her father. “I don’t know,” she sniffled.
“I’ll find him,” he fumed, grabbing is car keys from an end table. “I’ll fuckin’ find him and I’ll—”
“You’re not going to do anything right now except hug your daughter,” Mrs. Simmons ordered.
“No, I need—”
“You need to hold your daughter!” Mrs. Simmons yelled. “You can deal with him later, Malajia needs you now. Come hold your daughter.” Mr. Simmons looked as if he was fighting back tears as he stared at Malajia, who was clinging to his wife for dear life. “Richard,” Mrs. Simmons softly called. “Come hold your daughter.”
Mr. Simmons dropped his keys to the floor before walking over and putting his big arms around Malajia and his wife, burying his face in Malajia’s hair. Geri and Maria looked on, somber as they watched their parents comfort their sister.
