CHAPTER 11
THE GOOD KIND OF FEAR
The LORD watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine.
PSALM 33:18-19
MAKING THE CHOICE to serve others and relieve social injustice may spur certain fears. What is it going to look like? What if I can’t handle it? Will it endanger my family or me? What if it costs too much?
Walking on water does require faith. The Bible tells us that without faith it’s impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). If you’re not at least a little worried or scared, you won’t need much faith. But while a certain amount of fear is expected, it shouldn’t turn into an excuse to not fulfill what God is calling you to do.
I remember one of my first experiences at the Dream Center. I was both excited and nervous as I headed to the gym for my first Adopt-A-Block meeting. A million thoughts flitted through my mind. Am I prepared for what lies ahead? Will the families we’re serving even accept our help? My heart beat faster the closer I got to the entrance. I was late. As I got closer, I heard Matthew’s voice, giving an introductory message to the volunteers.
Suddenly there was an earsplitting sound of screeching tires. Across the narrow street from where I stood, five police cars had swooped in and surrounded a dilapidated apartment building. The glaring red and white lights from the vehicles were blinding. It was like a scene out of a Hollywood film, except this was real life.
I panicked and ran inside the building. I looked out the doors to see what was happening outside. In a matter of a few seconds, about ten police officers, some uniformed, others in black tactical gear, leaped out of their cars and crouched behind car doors. Every one of them had high-powered assault rifles positioned on their shoulders, prepared to fire. My heart beat wildly in my chest as one officer yelled through a bullhorn at someone inside the building. I headed into the meeting after a couple of minutes but found out later that the police standoff lasted a few hours. The other volunteers hadn’t a clue what was going on at the time. Later I found out that there was often police activity around that apartment. It was a normal, almost daily occurrence—nothing out of the ordinary.
This was my new reality, something my home church pastor had warned my parents about, diligently trying to convince my dad that it was too dangerous for me to work at the Dream Center. But my father knew it was safer for a person to be in the will of God than anywhere else and supported my decision. Thankfully, the neighborhood around the Dream Center has changed from the extremely violent place it was when I first arrived. But from the first day I never once doubted God’s faithfulness to protect me as I served Him.
The Fear of God
Fear is not a bad thing when it’s directed in a positive way. The Bible frequently talks about having a fear of God. This doesn’t mean we need to be scared of God. “Fearing God” in a biblical sense simply means honoring and respecting Him in all we do.
The Bible is full of wonderful promises that center on fearing God. One of my favorite passages is Psalm 112. Here are a few other promises from Scripture:
True humility and fear of the LORD
lead to riches, honor, and long life.
PROVERBS 22:4
The LORD is a friend to those who fear him.
PSALM 25:14
He surrounds and defends all who fear him.
PSALM 34:7
Fear the LORD, you his godly people,
for those who fear him will have all they need.
PSALM 34:9
The LORD is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
PSALM 103:13
My dad says that people fear everything but God; but if they feared God instead, they’d have nothing else to fear. When you honor Him, you will have everything you need, and you will experience unexplainable joy and peace.
Living in Wisdom
Living in the fear of God means you make life choices based on the understanding that God is in control of everything and that he created, designed, and gave you whatever gifts and talents you have. In other words, you live in wisdom. Proverbs 9:10 says, “Fear of the LORD is the foundation of wisdom. Knowledge of the Holy One results in good judgment.”
During one of our midweek services, Matthew and I sat next to a very wealthy man I knew of through one of our members, who was visiting for the first time. During the offering he put a check in the bucket. I couldn’t help but notice the amount, but Matthew didn’t see it. As the offering bucket made its way down the aisle, my husband thanked the man for the gift. The visitor was quick to respond. “It’s not my money.”
I admire that wise attitude. It represents a genuine fear of God. The man knew that his ability to make money and the successes he enjoyed in his business came from the Lord. He can live without worry and be excited about his future because he has aligned himself with the promises that come from fearing God.
No Need to Fear Anything
Second, living in the fear of God means we don’t have to live in fear of people, circumstances, the unknown, death, or anything else that may frighten us. This is something Nehemiah understood quite well.
Nehemiah’s mission was to spearhead a construction project: rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem. It was neither easy nor enthusiastically embraced. Nehemiah was mocked and threatened, and his enemies spread a rumor to create dissension against him. But Nehemiah just worked harder.
Even his friends offered him no encouragement. “Let us meet together inside the Temple of God and bolt the doors shut,” they told Nehemiah. “Your enemies are coming to kill you tonight” (Nehemiah 6:10).
Nehemiah responded without wavering in his faith. “Should someone in my position run from danger? Should someone in my position enter the Temple to save his life? No, I won’t do it!” (6:11). Nehemiah’s fear of God produced in him boldness, confidence, steadfastness, dedication, determination, perseverance, and optimism. Having the fear of God will make you invincible. If I had been Nehemiah, I might have continued working, but I would have at least put on a helmet and a bulletproof vest.
If God is for you, you have nothing to fear. What can those who try to harm you really accomplish? Jesus said, “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot do any more to you after that. But I’ll tell you whom to fear. Fear God, who has the power to kill you and then throw you into hell. Yes, he’s the one to fear” (Luke 12:4-5).
Sometimes when I watch the news and see the atrocities, pain, and suffering in this world, I get worked up. But then I remember what the prophet Isaiah said: “The LORD has given me a strong warning not to think like everyone else does. He said, ‘Don’t call everything a conspiracy, like they do, and don’t live in dread of what frightens them. Make the LORD of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life. He is the one you should fear. He is the one who should make you tremble. He will keep you safe’” (Isaiah 8:11-14). Talk about peace of mind and heart!
Katie, one of our volunteers, experienced some scary stuff when she started volunteering. She felt called to serve at a young age, and when she was seventeen, Katie became an intern for the Dream Center’s family housing program. She lived with the families, which allowed her to experience everyday life with them. At first, everything seemed fine, but then the sentiment began to change. Looking down on her because she was so young, family members spit on her, sent her hate mail, and uttered death threats. She says,
I remember asking God if I should stay. His response to me was so simple. Is knowing that you are pleasing Me enough? I told Him yes. I started to recognize the opportunity He had given me, trusting me with His children. By responding to their behaviors with kindness, I was able to show the families unconditional love. Though many of them did change for the better, some did not. I’ve come to understand the psychology of why people remain stuck in their attitudes. That knowledge has helped me continue to offer grace and compassion. I still help with the families at the Dream Center today and consider it such a privilege.
Living in Obedience
Finally, living in the fear of God means you obey His Word. I feel strongly about this truth. You cannot tell God that you sincerely love Him if you don’t obey Him.
Here are a few verses from Leviticus that show how fearing God goes hand in hand with being obedient and helping to serve others:
Do not insult the deaf or cause the blind to stumble. You must fear your God. (19:14)
Stand up in the presence of the elderly, and show respect for the aged. Fear your God. (19:32)
Show your fear of God by not taking advantage of each other. (25:17)
When Job experienced seemingly endless waves of tragedies, hardships, and physical ailments, he maintained his innocence. He passionately defended his case before God and told Him there was no way his suffering could have been caused by sin. Job lists the sins he did not commit, many of which had to do with helping others. He rhetorically asked,
Have I refused to help the poor,
or crushed the hopes of widows?
Have I been stingy with my food
and refused to share it with orphans?
No, from childhood I have cared for orphans like a father,
and all my life I have cared for widows.
Whenever I saw the homeless without clothes
and the needy with nothing to wear,
did they not praise me
for providing wool clothing to keep them warm? . . .
My servants have never said,
“He let others go hungry.”
I have never turned away a stranger
but have opened my doors to everyone.
JOB 31:16-20, 31-32
Before Angelus Temple merged with the Dream Center congregation, Matthew and I spent a Sunday with members of the new church. He preached his knockout message about finding your cause and living for others as a way to introduce us, and received an overwhelming response of people willing to make a difference.
But two women approached us after the service. Their expressions were less than enthusiastic. “We know about all the things you do to help people, but what are you going to do for us?” one of them asked. Matthew and I were stunned. In their selfishness, they completely missed the point. They believed they deserved to receive, not be asked to give.
Recently we lost a few members who believed we were focusing too much of our attention on reaching the lost and helping to heal those who struggle with addictions or other issues. If people choose to believe Matthew and I are in the wrong for being obedient to the call of God, then I’m happy to be wrong in their eyes.
If Matthew and I didn’t live in the fear of God, the Dream Center would torture us with stress. But because we know we are being obedient and the organization is in God’s hands, we can sleep well at night and look forward to the future.
God Shows Up When We Obey
When you live obediently, you’ll find that God will protect the work He calls you to do. About ten years ago, a woman from Florida called the Dream Center and asked if we could help her and her thirteen-year-old daughter who had Down syndrome. At the time, we had not started our family program and we were neither equipped nor had the space to house them.
Although we made it clear that we had no accommodations, she and her daughter showed up at our door a week later. Talk about being put into a jam. It was nine o’clock in the evening, so our volunteer made them comfortable in her office while she tried to figure out a solution. She started contacting nearby shelters, but every one was filled to capacity.
At one point, the thirteen-year-old daughter got up and walked into the adjacent bathroom. Because the original hospital was built on a hill, the entrance to the Dream Center is actually on the sixth floor of the building. All of a sudden, the volunteer and the girl’s mother heard a loud thump. They ran into the bathroom and found the girl hanging out of the window, holding on to the windowsill six stories above the ground. The two women tried frantically to help the teenager, but it was no use. She lost her grip and fell.
The volunteer and the girl’s mother ran out of the building to where the girl lay on the ground, convinced they’d find her dead. But a bush had broken her fall. She had only a single scratch on her arm.
God does not want fear to dictate our steps of willingness. He wants us to be obedient. When you step out in faith and help others, there may be times you will put yourself at risk in a scary place. But God will never fail you. We didn’t know the girl had a history of jumping out of windows and running away. We were just trying to help. We were obedient and trusted God. He provided a miracle.
Oftentimes when people visit the Dream Center, they have a million what-if questions. What if people steal from you? What if someone influences others negatively? You cannot allow your fears, what-if questions, or worst-case scenarios to keep you from being obedient. Not when God’s got your back.
A Memorable Anniversary
When my tenth wedding anniversary was approaching in 2009, I wanted to do something really special and unexpected for Matthew. He is almost impossible to shop for, so I needed to think outside the box.
Matthew loves all kinds of music. Sometimes during a service, before he gets up to preach, he’ll do a spur-of-the-moment singing contest with members of the congregation. After one of those spontaneous sing-offs, I knew what my anniversary present would be. Either God gave me the idea or I took a crazy pill that morning. I decided to perform a medley of special songs—combining singing, playing instruments, and dancing—for my husband in front of the church, before the sermon. At that point in my life, I was still deathly afraid of being onstage and speaking in public. But I believed God was challenging me to overcome my fear with faith.
I put together my playlist. I would begin with “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer, singing and accompanying myself on the accordion, then switch to the piano to play and sing “Come What May” by Air Supply and “Two Occasions” by Babyface, and end the performance with a hip-hop dance to Fergie’s “Clumsy.” Are you still stuck on the fact that I said I was going to play the accordion? Yes, I do play, but let’s just keep it our little secret. I used to think it was my parents’ way of torturing me, but the reality is they had no idea how uncool it was for a kid to play one.
I was crazy nervous. Whenever I had played the piano or accordion in front of people before, my mind always went blank and I would make a million mistakes. I’m also not the best singer. And though I was a cheerleader in high school and had some rhythm, I was thirty years old, and dancing had changed a lot since then.
I prepared for three months. I thought this gift would either be the greatest thing or the worst thing I had ever done for Matthew. It really had the potential to go either way. The night of the performance, I paced back and forth backstage. Though a number of fears flooded my mind, I didn’t dwell on them. Instead, I thanked God. I believed the performance would be a hit because I had done my part and was confident God would do the rest.
It turned out to be a huge success. I wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I got the outcome I wanted. Matthew was completely shocked and totally flattered. My friend actually posted this video online. (I know you’re dying to see it, so you can check it out at http://vimeo.com/7223906. The video is called “Caroline’s Anniversary Surprise.”)
There was an added surprise for me. After God pulled me through this challenge, I got over my fear of public speaking. I learned a lot through this experience about how to face my fears. The lessons I learned might be helpful to you, too.
I asked God to be involved. I know my experience wasn’t the typical ministry venture, but God was involved. I find it’s hard to quit when you step into something you know God is a part of.
I had a good time. I didn’t want to just get through the performance. I also prayed that I would actually enjoy myself. And I did. When you serve others and make a difference, you will have a good time and even, at times, a whole lot of fun.
I saw the big picture. I constantly reminded myself of the outcome—Matthew’s surprise and joy. When you help others, instead of focusing on their pain or suffering, focus on their healing. If you are helping an organization to stop human trafficking, don’t be attuned solely to the emotional brokenness of the young women you help. Think of all of the goodness God will sow into their lives. Look at them as whole women living full and abundant lives and pursuing their dreams.
I told my close friends. I told a few of my friends what I was planning. They knew my fears and my inabilities. Though they thought I was nuts, none of them discouraged me. When you find a need to fill, surround yourself with people who will encourage you and champion your cause. They are the ones who will believe in and pray for you.
A caution about “dream killers.” Dream killers will discourage you because they fear that your success may minimize theirs. In an effort to keep you down, they will tell you all the reasons why something can’t be done. They will point out only the risks, not the rewards. They will belittle the potential for greatness and positive influence. They will paint worst-case scenarios. Though I have never severed ties with dream killers, I certainly distance myself from them.
I embraced responsibility. I confess that I hoped our worship leader would help me pull off Matthew’s gift, but he wasn’t able to. God wanted me to own my part and forge ahead. Though you may need other people to help you in your cause, don’t shirk your responsibility to make it happen. Eliminate excuses.
I prayed away my fear. Any time I felt fear inching its way into my heart, I would pray. I like the quote, “Where your thoughts go, your power flows.” When you feel afraid, instead of dwelling on that fear, turn your thoughts toward God.
I spent time with God, asking for His strength and confidence. Through experience, I have found that the amount of strength, confidence, and focus I have is directly related to how much time I spend with God.
For three months leading up to the performance, I had to practice every single day. And every day, until I spent time with God, I would be tempted to quit. There is something about being in His presence that reminds you of what you are capable of accomplishing through Him. God reveals how He sees you, and your perspective on things shifts to a proper place. You can enjoy a peace that surpasses understanding and can walk away with a confidence that you are not doing this alone.
I prepared well. The more I practiced, the less fear I had. Worrying about whether or not you can manage what God is calling you to do is a detriment. Preparing, learning, and doing your homework is a benefit.
I reminded myself that God is on my side. In my head, I sounded like a motivational speaker every day during that season. I quoted Philippians 4:13 and 2 Timothy 1:7 for encouragement.
Breaking Fear’s Hold
There are so many suffering and hurting people who are desperate for the love that you have to give. There are those who have answered the call God gave them and are also trying to carry the load of others who are held back by fear. The need cannot be handled by just a faithful few.
Patricia and Brian share a beautiful, loving commitment to each other and to God. While they were engaged, Patricia was in a car accident and was paralyzed from the neck down. She wanted to break the engagement, not wanting to be a burden to Brian or prevent him from having a family of his own one day. But Brian’s love won her over and they married. Soon after, they started volunteering at a food truck site. Patricia would sit in the truck reading her Bible and praying for us, while Brian distributed food.
About six years ago, in the face of fear and uncertainty, they felt led to adopt. They took in an eighteen-month-old boy who was found in an abandoned car. The baby had drugs in his system, but with Pat and Brian’s loving care, he became healthy. A few years later, Pat and Brian were contacted by social services. The social worker told them that a biological brother of their adopted son had been found. With joy, they adopted that little boy too. Today this family of four is happy, healthy, and whole. Had Patricia and Brian not stepped out beyond their fears, they would not have been the miracle these brothers needed.
Alena is one of my heroes. She has fostered over 130 kids in the last twenty years. She started fostering as a single mother of three small girls. Her husband had left her because their youngest daughter was in the hospital the first year of her life, and he felt his wife spent too much time there. One day while visiting her daughter, Alena noticed that the baby in the bed next to her daughter’s never had visitors. She found out the baby was terminally ill and was a ward of the state. That moment she made the choice to become a foster parent.
Talk about being fearless—Alena told me a story about a boy she had taken in who was seven years old. When he was four, he saw his father kill his mother. When the boy called 911, his father beat him. By the time he came to live with Alena, the boy had been in over twenty-five foster homes in a span of three years, moved around because of his fits of rage.
Still, Alena believed she was called to foster this boy. Sadly, when the boy almost killed one of her daughters, Alena had to contact the authorities and let the police take him to a psychiatric facility. Alena has not given up on this child. She still believes there is hope for him to have a good, healthy, and purposeful life.
Alena was willing and found great joy in answering her call to be a foster parent. But even with a willing heart, we are sometimes limited by circumstances. Be wise about what you can and cannot do.
Putting Fear in Its Place
I’ll admit there were times in my life when fear got the best of me, and I backed away from personal challenges and things I felt God calling me to do. Matthew often has opportunities to be on television and meet influential and well-known people. He’s asked me on many occasions to join him. I used to say no because I was worried I’d stumble on my words or stick my foot in my mouth. But now I say yes when I can. There have also been times when I’ve seen a hurting person in a public place and felt God ask me to do something—like pray for her or pay for the items of the person frantically counting pennies in front of me at the grocery checkout.
Most of the time, I was reluctant to jump in. It’s not that I didn’t want to help—doing so would put me out on a limb. How would the person react? Maybe she’d think I was crazy. I allowed fear to overwhelm me, and I backed away from those God-appointed opportunities. Today, fear does not control me or my actions. If I feel God telling me to do something outside of my comfort zone, I willingly step out.
Second Timothy 1:7 says, “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” Do not let fear hold you back from serving others in the area of your trigger. Do not allow missed opportunities to lead to a life of regret. Do not allow fear to dictate your steps. Allow God, and Him alone, to determine your future. When you live in the fear of God, you will live a free and powerful life.