CHAPTER 6

THE FEAR OF BEING UNWORTHY

He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.

TITUS 3:5, NIV

A FEW YEARS AGO, Matthew told me that the number one reason people will not step out in faith is because they feel unworthy. That blew me away.

But the more I thought about his statement, the more it made sense. Every day as I walk around the Dream Center campus, I come face-to-face with people who feel unworthy. I don’t have to hear them utter the sentiment out of their mouths. I can just tell. Many of the women who are in the first thirty days of their addiction recovery program walk around with their heads held down. You sense their shame just by looking at them.

Something happens a few months down the road, however. They lift their heads higher. They start to smile. Even their posture improves. And many of them have a confidence they’ve never felt before.

The first question we ask a woman who enters our program at the Dream Center is, “What is your dream?” To most of them, it’s a startling question. Dream? What is that? You mean to actually do something positive? They wonder how we can ask them to dream, to trust God, when they’re simply struggling to make it day to day. They don’t see dreaming as an option.

It’s important that we challenge them to think outside of themselves and, most important, outside of their feelings of unworthiness. The Bible tells us that without a vision, people perish (Proverbs 29:18, KJV). If people don’t have a dream, no plan to walk on water, their purpose or meaning is limited. They don’t have a higher cause for which to live. When we challenge them to dream in spite of their feelings, suddenly things become possible. The cycle of shame starts to disappear and a new cycle begins, one that circles around confidence, dreams, and walking on water.

The Marks of Sin

Sin is Satan’s greatest tool to make us feel unworthy. He likes to use the times we miss the mark to trap us, to make us stop trying to do the right things, or to shower us with shame so we merely survive, not thrive, in life. As a pastor’s wife, I have the incredible opportunity to talk to many people. Often, they share their struggles with me. When I hear about their failures or mistakes, I don’t judge them. I don’t label them. I don’t give up on them. I don’t count them out or disqualify them from the race of faith.

I do, however, feel frustrated and think, Shoot, they just tripped themselves again. I know their lives could be so much better. They could experience more freedom, more healing, and more restoration if they didn’t fall into the arms of temptation. I know this isn’t the plan God has for them.

It’s more than just sin that can cripple us. It’s the mental and emotional gymnastics that go on as a result—like the overpowering feelings of guilt, shame, and brokenness. When we allow ourselves to drown in this cycle, we cannot do what God has called us to do. It’s like God sending us out on a rescue operation to save people on a sinking boat. Our job is to pull people out of the water to safety, but instead we jump out of the boat and need to be rescued ourselves because we don’t feel we are qualified to be rescue workers. So now God’s boat has a smaller crew and even more people to rescue.

Not Feeling Good Enough

If it’s not sin that makes us feel unworthy, it’s the measuring stick we use to size up ourselves. Most of the time we allow other people to decide what the important benchmark for us is. But only God’s opinion should really matter.

I love reading Max Lucado’s book You Are Special to my kids. It has a powerful message. Punchinello is a Wemmick, a person carved out of wood. In the Wemmicks’ world, what others think matters. Based on how they view their peers, they hand out gray dot stickers (bad) or gold stars (good) to each other. Sadly, Punchinello only gets gray dots. Then one day he meets Lucia, who doesn’t have any stickers and couldn’t care less. She tells Punchinello she spends time with Eli, the woodcarver who has created them all, and cares more about what he thinks.

Nobody other than God should decide your value. Sometimes we feel unworthy because of things that have happened to us. Many victims of sexual abuse, for example, struggle with shame. Many of the women at the Dream Center have shared with me that they even felt they deserved the abuse or asked for it. They carry the shame over the years and see themselves as permanently damaged or good for nothing. Oftentimes, their brokenness makes them shy away from serving others and making a difference.

Joyce never thought God would be able to use her because of abuse and addiction in her life. She shares,

I was sexually abused by my grandfather throughout childhood. When I was twelve, I started smoking weed and drinking. By the time I was sixteen, I was shooting up heroin and cocaine. My addiction got worse as years went by. I did anything I could to get money for my dope. I robbed people, lied, and hurt and cheated everyone. I’ve been in and out of rehabs and jail and have lived on the streets. Before coming to the Dream Center, I was living on skid row.

I have since completed the discipleship program and am working with the food truck. It amazes me that God is now using me to minister to hundreds of people every week. I pray for them and witness to them. I have been delivered from everything I used to be and everything that had held me back. I now have a purpose to live.

Don’t let your insecurities and fear of not being good enough dictate if or how you allow God to use you. Maybe you don’t think you read your Bible as often as your neighbor. Maybe you think you don’t have enough faith. Maybe you think you’ve done some bad things in your life and God can’t look past them and forgive you. Maybe your insecurities stem from not having a college degree.

Whatever the reason for your hesitance to take the first step, I challenge you to do it. I want you to believe with all your heart, not just in your head, that you are worthy to walk on water.

Even the Saints Felt Unworthy

Being worthy has nothing to do with being able to walk on water. Take Peter, for instance. As one of Jesus’ inner circle, Peter was the first disciple who recognized that Jesus was the Messiah. He had walked with Him and had witnessed many miracles. Peter personally experienced the power of God through the authority Jesus gave him and the other disciples to cast out evil spirits and heal people afflicted with disease and illness.

In spite of the power Peter had, the miracles he saw, and the amazing opportunity to serve alongside Jesus, he disappointed the Lord. The disciple swore that he would never betray Jesus, but he denied Him three times just before Jesus’ crucifixion. I believe Peter was sincere in his professed loyalty to Jesus, yet at the most critical moment he let Him down.

Just imagine. At the beginning of every day for the rest of his life, Peter would be reminded of his failures whenever a rooster crowed. Do you think for a minute that the disciple felt worthy of the call on his life? I don’t think so.

If Peter hadn’t repented and accepted Jesus’ forgiveness, he would never have stepped back into ministry. He probably would have wasted away and lived a miserable life. But because Peter received the gift of grace that we have through the death of Jesus Christ, he was there to help build the early church. His sermon preached on the day of Pentecost resulted in three thousand new converts. Peter was spreading the gospel to Jews and Gentiles alike.

When you see what God accomplished through Peter despite his flaws and failures, you can see how important it is not to hide behind feelings of shame, regret, condemnation, disqualification, or unworthiness.

Peter wasn’t the only powerful and influential person who felt unworthy. Do you know what John the Baptist said? In referring to Jesus, John said, “I’m not even worthy to stoop down like a slave and untie the straps of his sandals” (Mark 1:7).

That’s a pretty humble self-assessment. This is the same person of whom Jesus says later, “I tell you the truth, of all who have ever lived, none is greater than John the Baptist. Yet even the least person in the Kingdom of Heaven is greater than he is!” (Matthew 11:11). The same man honored by Jesus, the same man given the remarkable and unprecedented role of announcing the Messiah’s arrival, is the same man who said he wasn’t even worthy to untie the Lord’s shoes. Did John think he was worthy to walk on water? Doubtful.

How about the apostle Paul? The man whose writings comprise almost half of the New Testament, one of the most well-known missionaries and accomplished church planters, also questioned his worth. He wrote to the church in Corinth, “I am the least of all the apostles. In fact, I’m not even worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted God’s church” (1 Corinthians 15:9). And yet Paul not only walked on water in his lifetime, he also gave his very life for the cause of faith.

Ready to Be Used?

If you are questioning your worth, you’re not alone. But don’t let it stop you from serving. God will work through you. Knowing that, you can boldly step out in faith and achieve the impossible.

If you’ve made mistakes and have repented, God can use you. If you didn’t have the best education, God can use you. If you’ve been abused, mistreated, or neglected, God can use you. If you’re a busy mom with three kids, God can still use whatever time you have available. If you’re a high school student, you are not too young for God to use you. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from, or what you’ve done—if you’re willing to make a difference through a life of service, God can use you.

My friend Kenny had a tough life. He wrestled with the shame and guilt of his past and struggled with accepting that God could use him, even as he served in ministry. Here’s how he ultimately found healing:

I am living the Scripture that says that those who are forgiven much love much.

For many years, I was so addicted to drugs and alcohol that I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I lost everything, including my family and many friends. I’ll never forget the night I got a call from a friend, begging me to pick her and her baby up because her boyfriend was high on drugs and going crazy. I arrived too late. The boyfriend had shot and killed my friend, her baby, and then himself.

After that, my life got worse. I didn’t care about myself anymore; all I wanted was to die. I had been arrested so many times, the courts labeled me hopeless and crazy.

Yet my mother and sister never stopped praying for me. One day, my brother-in-law visited me in jail and asked me if I wanted to make a change. He told me about Jesus and how He wanted to love and forgive me. I was unsure about Jesus, but I did want a better life. Once I got out of jail, I went straight into Teen Challenge where I met and gave my life to Jesus. I completed the discipleship program, went on to Bible school, and became a children’s pastor.

After living such a crazy life, it wasn’t easy for me to think that God could ever really use me. I knew He loved me but I felt so underqualified and wanted to quit.

Eventually, I found healing in 1 Corinthians 1:27: “God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.” Yes, I was imperfect but God uses imperfect people to change the world. I started to experience God’s unconditional love, forgiveness, and healing, which helped me move from the past to the present where I walk in God’s confidence.

It’s Not about Us

Walking on water isn’t dependent on our abilities or know-how. We are able to do it through God alone. I don’t know about you, but for me, this truth takes a lot of the pressure off. I don’t have the power to heal. All I can do is pray and leave it to God to heal. I don’t have the power to save souls. While I can tell someone about God, He must unveil the person’s eyes.

I know I’m not called to do things outside of my spiritual giftings and that I don’t need to force myself into an area of need in order to do God’s job. I just have to make myself available and God will do the rest. He will perform the impossible miracle. As I’ve learned over and over again, half of a miracle is simply being where you are needed.

We are the channels God uses to show how great He is. That’s why we can’t take credit for the miracles that happen in people’s lives that result from our service. We can’t pat ourselves on the back and marvel at how amazing we are. We don’t walk on water to add impressive accolades to our résumés. God gets the glory and is worthy of praise, honor, and worship; we are not. “Everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever!” (Romans 11:36).

Though our faith should prompt us to do good things, God has to give us the power to get them done. The apostle Paul wrote, “We keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. Then the name of our Lord Jesus will be honored because of the way you live, and you will be honored along with him. This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ” (2 Thessalonians 1:11-12).

God has never asked us to be anything or do anything that He didn’t fully intend to empower us to be or accomplish. So what’s the point in shirking your responsibility? Why refuse to be His hands and feet?

More Evidence God Can Use You

If you’re still hung up on wondering whether God can use you, here are three scriptural truths to help reshape your thinking.

In Matthew 19:26 Jesus says, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.” I like to think of this verse as the remedy to rid us of excuses and hang-ups. Jesus was talking to a rich man when he made this statement, telling him that though it is nearly impossible for one who has considerable wealth to enter heaven, it is possible with God. That’s not the only thing that’s possible when God enters the equation.

It is possible for you to accomplish that great challenge He is putting before you because you are a person of value and worth to God. Psalm 139 reminds us of that truth:

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them;

they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,

you are still with me!

PSALM 139:13-18

This passage of Scripture may be hard for you to swallow. You may find it difficult to believe that you are a marvelous creation of God’s workmanship, wonderfully complex, and that God has precious thoughts about you. Isn’t it great that God doesn’t see us the same way we view ourselves? Did you know that He specifically designed you with certain abilities that would help serve others? Not only that, but He also instilled in you a unique passion so that you would enjoy doing those things!

It’s obvious to me from studying the Bible that God doesn’t handpick only certain people to use. He doesn’t choose the most qualified, smartest, well-spoken, educated, or perfect people. Look at Peter. He was an uneducated fisherman with no formal religious training. He was brash and impulsive, often speaking before thinking. And he was used in remarkable ways to expand the Kingdom. God calls every one of us to serve others. He’s got a job for each of us to do.

Finally, God is in the business of saving souls. John 3:17 tells us, “God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.” Above all else, He is concerned with the state of our souls. “What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” (Matthew 16:26).

Every ministry at the Dream Center is created for the ultimate purpose of saving souls. When we feed the hungry, we’re not just satisfying a physical need—we are offering these people a reason to live, hope for tomorrow, the power to change, healing, and best of all, eternal salvation. Our food trucks are simply tools to meet people in their places of need. We hope that through our actions of love and representing Jesus through service, those in need will come to accept Him and live an abundant life for Him.

You Have What It Takes

I like to think of walking on water not in terms of worth, but in terms of qualifications. What qualifies us to accomplish God’s will?

When I was brand new at the Dream Center, I remember venting to God during one particular prayer time. I complained that I wasn’t gifted or talented enough, that I lacked the abilities I thought I needed to be used of Him.

I was scared to death of public speaking, often shaking and stumbling on my words. I disqualified myself from teaching Bible studies because I didn’t think I had the knowledge or skills. I couldn’t sing solos and had terrible stage fright. When I was growing up, these visible gifts seemed like the most important roles of ministry in the church. Without any of them, I couldn’t see how I could be useful at all.

God reminded me of 1 Corinthians 13. There, Paul reminds believers that love is the greatest gift in ministering to others. In that moment, God spoke to my heart saying, Caroline, the greatest ability you can possibly have is the gift of love.

His words lifted my spirit. I immediately felt empowered, not in my own abilities, but because of the love He has given me for people. I thank God that He taught me this truth early on. I finally believed that I could be used powerfully.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t work on developing other areas in my life. I applied the Word of God to help me overcome my fear of speaking in front of people; I didn’t want to waste the platform and gifting God has given me to rally people around a cause. I studied the Bible so I could better communicate His Word.

Love Is the Key

I love the way The Message paraphrases 1 John 3:18-22:

My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.

And friends, once that’s taken care of and we’re no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we’re bold and free before God! We’re able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we’re doing what he said, doing what pleases him.

It’s true! When I love on someone—whether serving in an outreach or working on a project to build the community—my negative thoughts about myself or anyone else disappear. I don’t focus on my insecurities. I don’t think about what I don’t have to offer. I don’t compare myself with others.

In those moments, life seems bigger than my feelings. My insecurities seem small and irrelevant. The presence of God fills up the moment. I see Him at work through the faces of those I serve. I feel complete and whole, knowing that I am doing what I am called to do. God doesn’t command us to serve others to burden us, but to help us enjoy the life we have. It brings me personal peace, joy, and a deep love I would otherwise have never known.

Can you love people?

Do you have a heart for others?

If the answer to these questions is yes, guess what? You are qualified to serve.

From Being Broken to Being Used

Michael Conner, our discipleship director at the Dream Center, went through a season of feeling unworthy. Despite his situation he decided to take God at His Word and seek Him for an opportunity to serve. When God opened the door, Michael didn’t let his own feelings of inadequacies stop him:

I came from a very strict Pentecostal upbringing, went to Bible college, and became a preacher just like my father and my grandfather. Life was good. I held revivals and made a difference wherever I spoke. I met and married who I thought was the girl of my dreams.

In order to live the American Dream, I got a “real” job in retail, but continued doing ministry on the side. My dream turned into a nightmare. My wife, who had been only a recent convert to Christ when we were married, became frustrated with being a preacher’s wife. After nine years, she decided to call it quits. I was devastated and thought my ministry was over.

I switched churches and started attending one that followed the model of Phoenix First Assembly. The leaders there nurtured me back to spiritual health and I resumed ministry, not in the pulpit but with real people who had real hurts and real needs.

I loved serving others. My pastor liked to say that I worked a full-time job to support my habit of ministry. Eventually I started working at a homeless shelter and found myself back in full-time ministry. I fell in love with a woman who was serving with me in ministry at our local church and we decided to marry.

Life was good again! But a year later, we divorced. To say the least, it was another absolutely crushing blow. I thought I was somehow cursed by God to never be happy, to never do ministry, and to never make a difference in other people’s lives because I couldn’t get my own life together.

I had signed up for pastor school and decided to still attend, hoping that somehow I could receive word from God about what to do with my life. To be honest, it wasn’t a very happy time for me. I remember sitting up in the top balcony and looking down at the staff section, wondering and hoping that maybe someday, in spite of all my failures, I could be on staff at a church like this. I dismissed it as wishful thinking.

When I returned home, I finally began to realize I didn’t have to be a perfect Christian. I humbled myself before God and told Him I was His to use anyway, anywhere He wanted me to go.

A year later, I was asked to take over the discipleship program at the Dream Center. Never in my wildest dreams did I see that coming. I didn’t personally know the Barnetts and they didn’t know me. It was a total God thing. After years of trying to do something great for God, it was the faithfulness in the small things that finally paid off. I stepped out of my comfortable boat and started walking on water, and my life has never been the same.

I asked God’s forgiveness for all of my mistakes that contributed to the brokenness I had found myself in during those dark, lonely days. He has forgiven me and restored so much more than what I ever gave up or lost.

I believe Mike’s own season of brokenness is what makes him so powerful in helping other people find their healing. He knows the pain of regret, and yet his life is a moving example that you can walk boldly into your future with God because He truly loves and forgives and forgets.

Positively Powerful

When I was a little girl, my mom was always quick to correct me if she overheard me making fun of someone. “Caroline,” she’d say, “you should never criticize someone God made.” Of course, she was right.

In the same vein, how dare we question how God made us? How dare we challenge His creation? We have no business calling what God calls righteous, unrighteous. Or loved, unlovable. Or capable, incapable. Or fearfully and wonderful made, ugly or worthless. So stop putting yourself down. Stop minimizing your talents. Stop focusing on your unworthiness.

When we redirect our energy into something positive, we become less self-absorbed. Instead of wallowing in self-pity or doubt, do something good for someone else. Reroute your negative feelings into acts of service, big or small. For instance, if you find yourself focusing on your weakness, buy lunch for someone in need. Instead of thinking about the sin you were forgiven for years ago, pray for a troubled youth in your church or community. Instead of complaining that you’re unqualified, visit a nursing home and spend time with the elderly.

And remember: you are not worthy to walk on water because of what you have or have not done. You are worthy only because of what Christ has done for you.