We were on the Ohio River on Covington Landing, a floating bar and restaurant. There was a full moon and the stars were bright.
We were both a bit tight from a couple of Manhattans.
“Don’t you wish we were alone now?” Stephanie said.
We were among a thousand other celebrants from both sides of the river. We were sitting at the bar.
The Covington Landing was the IN place.
The OHIO RIVER was the IN place.
After her third drink she started dancing with some guy, which I didn’t mind, since I bragged about the fact that I couldn’t dance.
White men can’t dance.
So then a scuffle broke out when this guy she was dancing with wouldn’t let go. He wanted her for keeps. This wasn’t much of a scene, but enough. I rushed over and calmed the guy down. He grew calm when I held him by the scruff with one hand and with the other hand applied pressure to the bridge of his nose. I said everything was all right.
He said, “Pardon me.”
I walked her back to our seats and asked if she wanted to leave.
“No,” she said. “I won’t let some idiot ruin a perfectly good evening.”
She said things like this always happened when we were together. “What is it with us?”
She shook her head in exaggerated disbelief.
I said, “It’s not us. Funny things seem to happen when you get tipsy.”
She admitted I had a point. “I lose control when I drink.”
“It loosens you up?”
“Too much.”
Did it loosen her up in California? I didn’t ask. We’d only go round again.
“You have to see to it that I don’t drink anymore.”
“I can’t be with you all the time.”
We were now outside admiring the stars. A cool breeze was coming up and she gripped my hand.
“That’s too bad,” she said.
Was she hinting? Was it time for me to propose again?
“Are we falling in love again?” she asked.
“I’ve got nothing better to do.”
She said she had a serious question. “Why do you stay at Harry’s Carpet City?”
“It’s a job.”
“Have you tried? Have you been looking?”
“Not really.”
“Why not?”
I shrugged.
“Something happened in New York. Didn’t it, Eli?”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
“Fat Jack once suggested that something very traumatic happened to you.”
Here I thought Fat Jack was my friend. But he was Stephanie’s friend, too.
“How did he suggest?”
“Well you know we always talk. I asked him why he thought you limit yourself so.”
“What did he say?”
“He said he was sworn to secrecy.” She gave a nervous chuckle. “Do you have a record or something?”
The fact was, I didn’t know, still. They had released me with such speed that I didn’t have a chance to ask if I had anything on my record.
“You know what I wish?” she said.
“What?”
“I wish we could start all over.”
“But we are.”
“Are we?”
“Are you ashamed that I work at Harry’s Carpet City?”
“Not really. But I just don’t want to see you stuck, that’s all.”
“You want me to be like your GENTLEMEN CALLERS?”
She laughed. “You know I don’t. I just think every person should try to fulfill himself. Are you fulfilled?”
“Is anybody?”
“But you’re not even trying.”
“You can’t be sure.”
“Do you still dream of becoming an actor?”
“Yes, I still dream.”
“But dreaming won’t do it, will it, Eli?”
“You sound like a girl who’s been talking with her mother.”
“I sound like a girl who’s getting serious about a guy.”
“You sound like a girl who’s had a couple of drinks.”
“I don’t need liquor to turn me on to you. Have you stopped believing in me?”
“But life goes on, remember?”
“You’re not going to hold that against me.”
“I’ve just learned to be cautious.”
“There’s cautious and then there’s dead. Have I hurt you that much? You’ve hurt me, too. You’ll never know how much. We only know how much WE’VE been hurt. We’re experts at that. We never know how much we’ve hurt the other person. Put that in your pipe.”
“Didn’t you once tell me all you wanted was freedom?”
“You once said the very same thing. I’ve had my freedom.”
“We talking about California?”
“In a way.”
“You…experimented.”
“In a way.”
“I see.”
“Not THAT way, Eli. Not everything is SEX, Eli. But I got to know people. I told you when I left that when I came back I’d love you more, or I’d love you less. That’s the chance you take. Well, I found out that even in California, people are just people, and then there’s you, Eli.”
“I’m special.”
“You’re not letting me be romantic, Eli. What’s the matter?”
I didn’t know what was the matter.
“Is there someone else?” she asked.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“So why all this static?”
“Maybe I love you too much, Stephanie. Maybe I’m unfit for you. Maybe I’ll never get to be an actor. Maybe I’ll always be stuck at Harry’s Carpet City. Maybe something did happen in New York. Maybe none of it, some of it, or all of it, Stephanie. I don’t know. I swear, I just don’t know.”
“We seem to take turns blowing chances.”
“But I do love you.”
“Eli, I love you, too. I love you very, very much. So what’s our problem?”
“Maybe that’s our problem.”