Spencer gets in my car as if she is running away from prison, closing and locking the passenger door. She asked me to pick her up at a gas station on the outskirts of town. She is dressed in a sweater since it is oddly chilly today. Her blonde hair is shoved underneath a baseball cap and she is wearing big glasses. I can’t help but start laughing.
Even though I cannot see her eyes, I can tell she is glaring at me. “What?”
“Are you in disguise or something?”
“Of course I am!”
“Well, you stick out like a sore thumb. Lose the baseball cap at least.”
“But my hair…”
“What, someone is going to see your blonde hair and report you to Kevin? He has spies all over the place? He isn’t a movie villain, Spencer, just a self-important asshole.”
She bites her bottom lip and then removes her baseball cap. Her hair spills out down across her shoulders.
“Better?”
“Yes,” I reply and pull out of the gas station.
Spencer fiddles with a ring on her pinky finger, twirling it around as she stares dead ahead. The gesture is familiar to me. I wonder if her eye is twitching as well. I am sure she is on no sleep and is stressed out. I want to remain calm for her. I turn on my MP3 player and she scrunches up her face.
“Do we have to listen to your music the whole way there?”
The remark takes me back to when we were kids and used to fight over our different musical tastes. I choke back a laugh only because Spencer looks so serious.
“Do you have something better you want to play then?”
“Of course I do,” she says, rummaging through her purse before bringing out the smallest MP3 player I have ever seen and plugs it in.
I don’t bother to put up a fight. I know Spencer is scared and nervous. If letting her listen to whatever she wants helps her relax, then I’ll suck it up. As we turn down onto the main street, her music plays throughout the car. I glance at her out of the corner of my eye.
This is the first time since the accident we have been in a car together. Part of it feels very odd. The time apart seems to fill the car. Yet it also feels natural. We had been so close. I liked to think that Dad is looking down at us right now, happy to see us together again, even if it is under such turbulent circumstances.
After a few minutes of silence, a new song kicks in. This one is modern and polished, completely unlike the old singers of the 40’s and 50’s that Spencer has always been partial to for some reason.
“This is different,” I say.
She nods, “Yeah. Heard it last week. I know. It’s a new song. Crazy, right?”
“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve heard a new song from you in ages. I never did ask why you only listen to such old music.”
She shrugs a little, “I find it relaxing, I guess. I always feel so high strung. And modern music is so noisy. I sound old, don’t I?” She sighs a little.
“Yeah, but you always sound old,” I tease.
This brings a brief smile to Spencer’s face. It is as if the sun is breaking through the clouds. I try to remember the last time that I have seen her smile like that. It has been a long time. But the smile fades quickly and she looks out the window, as if her thoughts have gone back to Aria.
“Still nervous?”
“Yes, extremely,” she replies. “I know you think I’m acting crazy. But I just can’t help it. I wish that I could go back in time and not get swept up with Kevin.”
I hesitate before I speak and then decide to go with it anyway. “Bennett knows about the two of you?” I raise my voice at the end and it comes out as question.
Spencer turns to look at me although her expression is harder to read since she is still wearing those sunglasses. “How do you know that?”
“He told me.” I focus on the road as I make a turn onto the highway. “I thought he could help me find information on Kevin.”
“What?” Spencer screeches. “How could you ask him?”
“I didn’t know he knew!” I fired back, still making sure to keep my eyes on the highway. “I honestly had no idea!”
“What would drive you to ask him of all people?! When you said you had someone who could help, I didn’t think it was Bennett!”
“I just thought he’d be the person with the most access to Kevin—”
Spencer scoffed, “Waste of time.”
“Why?”
“He would never go against his father. He is determined to please him. Kevin knows it too. He uses it against him.”
“What?” exclaimed April.
“That’s what Kevin does. Finds weak points and uses it against people. That’s why he’s so successful. He let Bennett be a billionaire playboy for a while because he knew he could use it against him later on to get him under his thumb. Now he’s pulling him into the company and making him feel as if he has to work to gain his father’s approval. That’s what Kevin wanted. No way would he fuck that up now.”
“I guess you’re right. I broached it with him and he completely shut down,” I say, feeling angry just thinking about it. “He said that Kevin was just showing him the ropes to learn and he didn’t want to muck it up.”
“Told you.” Spencer turns to look at me and lowers her sunglasses, peering at me. “Didn’t know you were so close to Bennett.”
“I’m not,” I say quickly, pretending to be focused on passing a car.
“You two always had a thing for each other.”
“What? No, we didn’t,” I protest, even though I don’t know why I am lying.
Spencer laughs. “April, please. The way the two of you would poke and prod at each other non-stop. It was so obvious. So, did you finally get together with him?”
I shift slightly, avoiding Spencer’s stare. “Yes.” And when she starts to laugh, I speak louder, “But it’s over with. I thought he’d help. I even told him – I told him what Kevin did during my accident and he still protested. I can’t be with someone like that.”
“You can’t say that,” Spencer says, suddenly serious. “Kevin is his father. You’re asking him to choose between his father and his future career and you.”
“I am not,” I protest. “I want him to do the right thing.”
“The world isn’t black and white like that. Something you never understood.”
I fall silent, mulling over Spencer’s words. She leans back in the seat and slides her glasses back over her eyes.
“Kevin would be furious if he knew Bennett is seeing you.”
“We aren’t seeing each other anymore!” I fire back.
“Bennett won’t let his dad down,” she continues, as if I hadn’t spoken. “He cares too much about his father and his approval. Kevin has him wrapped around his finger, just like I was too. He won’t just go against Kevin to try to help me.”
“But how is he okay with just ignoring what his father’s done?”
“He probably isn’t,” she says, “but we never really spoke. After he caught the two of us together, he avoided me but I’m sure deep down he wants to help. But undoing years and years of mental manipulation isn’t easy, April.”
The world isn’t black and white, I think as Spencer turns to look out the window as if she is spent from speaking so much.
***
As we arrive in town, Spencer grows visibly anxious. Her skin seems to drain of all color and she is twirling that ring around her pinky finger again.
“Can we stop to grab a coffee?” she suddenly asks me after looking at the clock.
“Sure. Is caffeine the best thing for you right now?”
“Yes, please.”
I find a parking space down the street from the coffee shop that I had gone to with Emily the day of her rush wedding. Since it is Friday, downtown is busier than the last time I was here.
Spencer leads the way to the coffee shop and orders something elaborate and customized. I order a regular black coffee. After waiting a few minutes for Spencer’s coffee, we are back out on the street.
“Nervous?” I ask her even though I know she is.
“Been a while since I’ve seen her,” she replies, looking at her coffee. “Just nervous. I should have brought something. I don’t —” her voice catches, “I don’t know what she likes anymore.”
For a second, I think she’s going to cry. But she turns away from me. Looking at the side of her face, I can see past her sunglasses and notice that her eyes are full of tears.
“Spence…”
“Don’t,” she says and I fall silent.
After a few minutes of this, Spencer heads to the car on her own. I trail after her, suddenly feeling nervous too.