We are in the driveway of the house with the red roof. The toys that cluttered the lawn have been cleaned up, probably because they know Spencer is coming. She exhales slowly.
“Maybe we shouldn’t do this,” she finally says.
“Don’t be an idiot,” I reply. “Are you really going to let Kevin stop you from seeing your own daughter?”
Something in my words must have gotten through to her because she takes off her sunglasses and nods, grabbing her purse. Before I can say anything else, she gets out of the car. I follow her.
She knocks on the front door and I wait next to her. She shifts from one foot to the other with nervous energy. Then the front door opens. Harmony stands in front of us. She glances at me and looks surprised.
“Hi, we’ve met before,” I say, holding out my hand, “I’m Spencer’s sister, April.”
Spencer speaks up, “She was here before looking for me, right? Long story.”
Harmony shakes my hand and says “Nice to meet you again.” Then she turns to look at my sister. “Spencer, it has been too long.”
She moves toward her and pulls her in for a hug. Spencer pauses for a moment and returns the hug gingerly. Then Harmony moves away.
“Aria is excited to see you. Come in, come in.”
We step into the house. There is a boy watching TV in the living room. He looks to be about twelve. I remember how Spencer said Harmony has three other adopted children. The boy glances up and gives a small wave before turning back to the TV.
Spencer turns to me, “I’m going to see her alone first if that’s okay.”
“Yeah, of course,” I tell her. “I’ll wait down here.”
She nods and heads up the stairs as I watch her go. Harmony studies my face for a few seconds and then smiles at me. She looks exhausted but I guess taking care of four children will do that to someone.
“Would you like some tea?”
“Yes, that sounds lovely, thanks.”
I follow her into the kitchen. There are two girls in there. One looks to be about ten and is tearing off cookie dough and putting it on a pan. The other girl looks to be the oldest, about fifteen, and is staring at an open textbook.
“Math is stupid,” she declares as she looks up although her gaze falters on me. “Sorry. We have a guest.”
“Spencer is here visiting Aria,” Harmony says. “Girls, this is her sister, April. April, these are my other two daughters, Sam and Brit.”
Sam, the girl currently mauling the cookie dough, gives me a wave and returns to her baking task. Brit drums her pencil against her text book. She is Asian like Harmony and has pink streaks running throughout her hair. Her hair is shoved up in a messy ponytail. Her nails are painted purple although the nail polish is chipping. I sit down across from her, acutely aware that she is studying me.
“You’re Spencer’s sister?” When I nod, she replies, “Aria is a good kid. Quiet though.”
“She’s little,” Harmony says as she looks through what seems to be a cabinet full of different teas. “She isn’t going to be as chatty as everyone else. She’s the youngest child by far.”
“Still,” Brit says, “Only time she makes a lot of noise is when Spencer is around. Like she saves up all her babbling for her real mom.”
I can tell this is a dig toward Harmony. Harmony’s shoulders stiffen for a moment. Brit slams her textbook closed and storms out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I watch her go. Sam hesitates, looking after Brit’s departing figure before turning back to her cookies. Harmony turns to me and sighs.
“Sorry about that,” she says to me. “Brit is at that age where she feels the entire world is out to get her.”
I wasn’t difficult as a teenager if I remember correctly. All the angst I had then was spilled out in my photos instead of on other people. However, everyone knows how difficult teenagers can be.
“Mom, can you put these in the oven for me?” Sam asks.
Harmony goes over and slides the cookie sheet into the oven. Sam skips out of the kitchen toward the living room, declaring she’ll be back in twenty minutes. The kettle boils and Harmony pours the hot water into the teapot. After that she sits down across from me.
“All the children know they are…?” I trail off.
“Adopted? Yes but Aria is the only child we have with an open adoption. The other children we took in were in orphanages and had no family. Spencer’s visits have always affected Brit the most. I think because we look similar, she has always held out hope that I am her real mom. She gets jealous over Spencer visiting.”
“Sorry to cause conflict.”
Harmony shakes her head. “It’s okay. We are a blended family.” She smiles at me and it is filled with such warmth that I cannot help but return the smile.
“I’m glad Spencer can see Aria,” I remark, looking up.
“Me too. Aria is a good child. I know Spencer was torn up about the adoption.”
“Has the father ever come by for a visit?”
“No,” Harmony shakes her head. “Never. I only met him once for the paper signing when I took over for Aria. He’s a lot older, isn’t he? I got the sense things were complicated.”
“Yeah, that’s putting it mildly,” I remark.
“Well, we are here for Spencer, of course. I’ve had no issues with her in regards to visiting or anything. I was worried at first about the open adoption.”
“Why?”
Harmony gets up and goes over to the tea pot. She opens up a cupboard and pulls down two mugs.
As she pours out the tea, she says, “I’ve read stories of parents getting too attached to the child during the open adoption. Not understanding that they are birth parents and not the parents raising the child. I was worried that Spencer would think we were merely place holder parents until she got things together on her side. Do you want cream and sugar?”
“Oh, just sugar, please.”
Harmony scoops up a little sugar, stirs it into my mug and turns around, handing it to me. I take the tea and blow on it, trying to cool it off as she sits down across from me once again.
“Do people really think that?” I ask.
Harmony nods, stirring her spoon around in her mug, “My husband told me I was reading too many bad stories online.” She laughs a little. “I probably was. Stories of birth moms coming back to take off with their child, desperate to get them back.”
I think of Spencer telling me how she wanted to take Aria and go into hiding. A lump forms in my stomach and I make myself take a sip of the tea.
Harmony goes on, “Silly, I know. Spencer has given me no indication that she would do such a thing, of course. Actually, it’s been so long since I have heard from her that I was concerned something had happened.”
“Our father passed away.”
Harmony looks surprised. “Oh my, I’m sorry to hear that. That must have been a very difficult time. I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. There’s just been a lot going on and she couldn’t get here until now.”
“I understand. I am sorry about your father.” Harmony hesitates for a moment and then speaks, “You were here recently – you knocked on the door looking for your sister…”
She trails off and looks at me expectedly. I know Harmony is wondering why I turned up at her house, looking for my own sister. I don’t know what version of the truth to tell her. I don’t want to alarm her or start spouting off the past and how I didn’t know Aria existed until recently. I don’t want to say anything bad about Kevin either.
“Spencer and I had a falling out for a couple of years,” I finally tell her, “and I was trying to find her to talk to her. Ended up here. Sorry about that.”
“You didn’t know where she lived?”
“No, I do. But I thought – we were in a car crash together and I thought she was hiding something from me here. I know that sounds crazy but things are just complicated.”
Harmony nods twice. “I have a sister. She’s older than me by about ten years. We had a falling out years and years ago. I haven’t spoken to her in about twenty years. I don’t even know where she is. I would do that too – run around and try to find out where she is or what secrets she could have from me.” She offers me a warm smile, “Doesn’t sound so crazy to me.”
“I’m sorry about your sister.”
She waves her hand. “It’s okay. Some things just aren’t meant to be. She had poor taste in men and always ended up wherever they took her. Some people just don’t have good judgement.”
“Sounds like my best friend,” I admit before I can stop myself. “She doesn’t seem to know where to go. She ran off and got married to some guy I don’t trust.”
“Ah, sounds exactly like my sister. She’s been married and divorced so many times, I’d lost track by the time she disappeared from my life.”
I think of Emily now, living with Adam. Does she feel aimless again yet? My best friend lost and unsure of her own abilities. I make a mental note to check in with her once I get home to see how she is doing. She texts me pretty regularly but talking on the phone will give me a better indication of how she is feeling.
It is then that Spencer appears in the kitchen. Her cheeks are very pink although I can’t tell if it is from crying or happiness. Harmony stands up at the sight of her.
“How is she?”
“Great. She showed me her toys. She seems obsessed with those toy blocks.” Spencer looks at me, “Want to peek in to see her?”
“Sure, yeah,” I say, suddenly nervous.
I trail after Spencer and glance in the living room. The boy is still watching TV. Sam has a book in her lap and is humming to herself. I follow Spencer up the stairs and walk past what can only be Brit’s room. I can hear rock music blasting on the other side of the closed door. The door is decorated with posters of bands I don’t even recognize.
At the end of the hall is a room with a baby gate in front of it. Spencer steps over it and I follow her. We are in Aria’s room. Aria is shoving blocks together and knocking them down with her chubby fist. She turns to look at us.
“Aria,” Spencer says in a tone I’ve never heard her use before. “This is your aunt and my sister, April.”
I crouch down next to Aria, who looks to be about three or four years old. Her eyes are wide and she stares at me silently.
“Hey, Aria,” I say, suddenly feeling as if Spencer’s child can see right through me.
Aria doesn’t speak. She looks back at her blocks and then picks up a blue one and holds it out to me.
“For me?” I ask.
She nods and I take the block from her. Then she turns her back to me and starts building a house from her blocks. Spencer stands behind me.
“We should go,” she finally says.
I look back at her, “Already?”
“I’ve already been here too long.”
I look back at Aria who turns around to look up at Spencer. Spencer leans down and scoops her up and kisses her on her nose. Aria breaks out into a smile so dazzling and so similar to Spencer that it makes me lightheaded.
We head back downstairs. Spencer clutches her daughter close to her as we end up back in the kitchen. Harmony smiles.
“Heading out?”
“Yes, I think so,” she says. “Thank you for having me.”
“Of course. I’m glad she got to see you.”
Spencer starts covering Aria’s face with kisses and tells her good-bye. Aria doesn’t say anything. Instead she wraps her arms around Spencer’s neck and clings to her. She stares at me. I feel as if Aria knows all my secrets. It is a strange feeling. I find I can’t meet her eyes anymore and look away.
Spencer turns to me, “Say good-bye, April.”
“Bye Aria. Nice to meet you.”
“April,” Aria suddenly says.
Harmony blinks in surprise and even Spencer looks down at her daughter. Aria seems content after saying my name and lets out a long yawn. Spencer hands her off to Harmony.
“I should put her down for a nap.”
I want to allow Spencer some time to say good-bye to Harmony so I wander out into the living room. Sam looks up at me. She has bushy brown hair and tanned skin.
“Are the cookies ready?”
“Uh, no, not yet.”
The boy has moved from the TV and is looking out the window. Sam, losing interest in me, turns around and looks out the window too.
“Do you see him Teddy?” Sam asks the boy.
“No, not today.”
“See what?” I ask, thinking they probably mean the mail man.
Teddy looks back at me, “The car that spies on us.”