^‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they
shall be comforted/*
Matthew 5:4
Schuller, why do bad things happen to good people?’' I can’t tell you how often I’ve faced this question in the thirty-three years I have spent as a pastor.
I answer, “Part of the problem is that we ask the wrong questions. If we ask the wrong questions we’re never going to come up with the right answers.”
“Why do bad things happen to good people?” This is the wrong question, because it’s the one question God never answers.
The Old Testament prophets lamented in times of trouble, “Why, O Lord?” Always He remained silent to that question. Even when Jesus Himself cried out from the cross, “My God, my God, why?” God didn’t answer.
God never answers the why, because the person who asks “why” doesn’t really want an explanation; he wants an argument! God refuses to be drawn into an argument. If God answered one “why,” we would come with another. There would be no end to it.
If the wrong question is “Why do bad things happen to good people?” then what is the right
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‘Tm hurting—but Fm going to bounce back!” 55
question? It is '‘What happens to good people when bad things happen to them?”
Jesus answered that question in the Beatitudes. In the second Beatitude, which is the subject of this chapter, the reality of tough situations is confronted head-on. Jesus says, in essence, “When bad things happen to good people, they are blessed, for they are comforted.”
Christianity isn’t a Pollyanna religion. It doesn’t claim that bad things won’t happen to us. We are never told in the Old or New Testament that if we live a good life we’ll never have any sickness or tragedy. However, we are promised in Isaiah 43: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters . . . they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God”(vv.l-3).
If God keeps His promises, then how does He comfort good people when bad things happen to them?
As a pastor, I am in the specialized work of dealing with the hurt, the lonely, the suffering, the sick, the dying. For thirty-five years I have been trudging the soft green lawns of cemeteries with my arms around young wives, husbands, fathers, mothers, relatives, and other
loved ones. I have watched caskets lowered— hundreds of them: tiny ones, medium sized and large ones—draped in flowers and flags. I have seen people buried in graduation gowns, pulpit gowns, bridal dresses. Believe me, I am not blind to the reality of suffering. I have walked and wept my way through much human sorrow.
NO TWO SORROWS ARE THE SAME
A vast number and variety of human emotional experiences come under the general label, “sorrow.” Marie, a friend of mine and a member of my congregation, shared these intimate feelings with me upon the death of her husband: “No two sorrows are the same. I lost my son as a teenager; I lost my daughter in her twenties. Now my husband has passed away. Each grief has been painful, but each grief has been different.”
Over and over I’ve seen sorrow, and over and over again I have witnessed this one fact: God does comfort good people when bad things happen to them. It is possible to be happy even in a world where sorrow casts its long, gray shadow.
Trouble never leaves us where it flnds us; sorrow will change our tomorrow. But God inspires us to become better people, not bitter ones. He shows us the negative can be turned into a posi-
‘Tm hurting—but I’m going to bounce back!” 57
tive, a minus into a plus, and that’s what the cross is all about.
How can we find relief from grief? How can we turn our mourning into a morning? (1) Realize what you can do for yourself! (2) Realize what God can do for you!
“HERE’S WHAT YOU CAN DO!”
Don’t Blame God!
If you are going through a heartbreak and really having a difficult time, don’t blame God! Human error is always the culprit: error of judgment, error of will, or error of purpose. Human selfishness, indifference, rebellion, folly, stupidity, brashness can always be found as the root cause of human misery and suffering.
Cancer and heart disease, along with other related illnesses, are the top killers in America today. No one will ever be able to place the blame for these diseases on God. In time, or in eternity, we shall see the truth: all disease is disease, a lack of harmony between a human organism and its environment. Disease is too often caused by not eating right, not sleeping right, not exercising right, not breathing or breeding right; it is a question of man’s not attaining a harmonious balance with his sur-
roundings. If disease appears, man is doing something wrong; God is not to blame!
But, you say, can’t we blame God for not showing us how certain deaths could be avoided or how certain illnesses could have been cured?
Think a moment. The real problem is not our ignorance, but our carelessness. Almost all disease, death, and sorrow is brought upon us not through lack of knowledge, but through lack of obedience to the light God has given us through several different channels:
(1) God revealed the Ten Commandments. He gave us these ten laws to protect us from an alluring, tempting path which would ultimately lead only to sickness, sin, and sorrow. Following the Ten Commandments will result in spiritual health, mental health, and physical health! Killing, lying, stealing, and adultery are bad for the health! (Consider the current epidemic of venereal diseases!) Under the banner of sophistication and liberation, many of us tell God to go to hell! In so doing, we only send ourselves there.
(2) God revealed secrets of health. He has given us throughout the Bible, as well as through medical science, guidelines for us to follow regarding our daily bodily habits of eating, drinking, sleeping, working, exercising. Yet,
it is true: Some doctors still smoke and drink to excess. Some ministers eat improperly. Some athletes fail to exercise often enough, and generally overlook their physical well-being. Can we honestly and fairly accuse God for not giving us more insight into health when we blatantly disregard the knowledge He has revealed?
(3) God disclosed secrets of salvation from sin. We know that sorrow, separation, sickness, and disease are ultimately caused by sin. We know that much physical illness is caused by mental tension, stress, worry, anxiety, fear, and guilt. We also know that if we accept salvation and yield our minds and our hearts to the saving Spirit of Christ, our negative sins and emotions will be drawn out and healing of mind and body will begin. Yet, many of us are still hesitant to give ourselves over completely to Christ. We reject God’s salvation.
Can we not then blame God for permitting people to be so selfish? Doesn’t God have the power to control every person on earth, to force everyone to obey Him? Should we not blame God for creating man with the capacity to sin?
Consider for a minute the dilemmas that God faced at the dawn of creation. When God created humankind. His objective was to make a material form of life which would be a reflection
of His own nonmaterial Self. Thus, He chose to make man “after His image,” a decision-making creature, capable of discernment, judgment, evaluation, choice, and decision.
When God created such a person. He realized fully that this creature would have the power to decide against God. But let’s look at the alternative. If He had designed a man who could never make a wrong decision, this creature would never be able to make a personal decision of his own. He would be nothing but a perfect, sinless, guiltless, error-free . . . person? NO! Machine? Yes! Computer? Yes! Human being... NEVER! God decided to take the greatest gamble of the ages—to make an opinion-forming, idea-collecting, decision-making creature. What He created was a potential sinner, but a potentially loving person as well.
Don’t blame God for permitting sin. Thank God that He has never, in spite of our sins, taken our freedom from us and with it our capability of becoming sincere, loving persons.
Don’t blame God for the suffering in this world! Blame human beings for personally choosing the path leading to heartache and sorrow. Blame human beings for rejecting the divine truth when it was shown to them. Blame human beings for refusing God’s salvation, even when offered in the name of Jesus! You have but to look at the cross and know that no hu-
man being can ever blame God for not going to the limit to save us.
Don’t Blame Yourself
Grief always seems to be associated with guilt. But self-condemnation will solve no problem and will change no circumstance. It is merely a negative, nonconstructive emotion which can wreak havoc in your life.
You probably remember reading about the tragic accident at the Hyatt Regency in Kansas City several years ago. If you recall, one hundred fourteen people were killed and many more injured when a concrete walkway encircling the atrium collapsed. A young friend of mine was there that night and witnessed the horror. As she said to me later, “Dr. Schuller, it was like being in a disaster movie. The only difference was that this was reall 1 wanted desperately for someone to take it back and fix it, put it back the way it was before.”
Of course there was no way of undoing the damage. People all around my friend were dying. She wasn’t trained in emergency procedures, so there was nothing that she could do. That feeling of helplessness, coupled with the horrific memories, nearly destroyed her.
She explained, “There was nothing I could do. I could get handkerchiefs all night, but it didn’t bring people back. I went home that night and couldn’t sleep. The guilt was overwhelming because I couldn’t make them live. Hundreds were dying and there was nothing I could do.
“I’ve been a Christian all my life, so I prayed and prayed that people would live. They published in the paper a list of the names of the victims that were still hospitalized. Daily, I prayed for them. But I just couldn’t seem to overcome the guilt that came with my sense of helplessness. So, I started to withdraw. I withdrew from friends that I’d made before, and I didn’t try to make new ones. People who know me will tell you that such behavior is really against my character. I held everything inside. I wouldn’t talk to anybody about it. I guess you could say that I just stopped living.
“I felt that I should have died in the disaster. Why was I alive when so many others were dead? No one can understand unless they have been through a disaster. No one can know how deep that hurt is. I just didn’t want to hurt anymore. I determined to end my life. I intended to overdose on drugs. So, I arranged for one of my girlfriends to pick my children up, and I started taking the drug my doctor had prescribed for
iHrmulkbi^
depression. I was about halfway through the bottle when I thought about how much I loved my family and how much my family loved me. I called the telephone hotline you have here at the Crystal Cathedral—NEW HOPE.
“The counselor at NEW HOPE asked me questions about myself. He said, ‘It sounds like you’ve got a lot to live for.’ He kept telling me that I had a lot of things I still needed to do and a lot of people that I could still help. Somehow, he instilled something in me that no one else had been able to do.
“Meanwhile he had called the police. The paramedics took me to the hospital, but by the time I arrived I was in a coma. I remained in a coma for three days. There was no brain activity whatsoever. I was pronounced clinically dead and my family was called to see me before they unplugged the life-support systems.
“People had been praying for me and one of my uncles whom I’d been very close to all my life was standing there holding my hand and telling me that he loved me. My subconscious heard him, I guess, for I opened my eyes about three hours before they were going to unplug the machine.
“Ever 3 ^hing that has happened since has been better than I could ever have dreamed. I wish I could tell everyone who’s depressed, or
anyone who’s thought about dying or killing themselves, that it passes! It may not seem like it, but it does pass and it always gets better.”
DON’T FIX THE BLAME—FIX THE PROBLEM
A member of our church showed me a slogan used by the company where she works:
DON’T FIX THE BLAME, FIX THE PROBLEM!
What is your problem? First, recognize that the real problem is not the tragedy that has hit. The real problem is your reaction to it. If you do not take control of your reaction to your loss, you can and probably will eventually be destroyed by it..
How do you “fix the problem”?
(1) Decide not to go on for the rest of your life surrendering to sorrow and tears. To do this only disgraces your loved ones, your friends, and yourself. Moreover, continued grief dishonors the God who wants only to be credited with giving you a rebirth of joy! Decide that this nonconstructive sorrow mixed with self-pity has to STOP!
We can all take a lesson on handling cur grief from Andre Thorton. Andre, a valuable hitter for the Cleveland Indians for nearly a decade, went through a tragedy that would have devas-
tated most of us. In 1977, Andre, his wife, and their two children were driving to Pennsylvania to take part in her sister’s wedding. In that part of the country, the weather can turn bad even as early as October. As they started their journey that evening, it began to rain. Then it snowed. As they wound their way through the mountains of Pennsylvania, the winds became very strong, caught the back end of their van, and caused it to spin and turn over. They hit a guard rail. Andre was knocked unconscious.
When he woke up, he was lying in a hospital bed next to his son. A short time after he regained consciousness, a nurse came over and said, “Andre, I’m sorry to have to tell you this.” She began to cry. Then she said simply, “The coroner is with your wife and daughter.”
Andre told me, “It was a gut-wrenching time. I felt as though the insides of my body were being torn out. But even at that moment we can count on the Lord’s Word. The Lord said in His Word, “7 will never fail you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).
“His Word was there. I’m so thankful that I was a Christian and had been for a number of years before that. So I was able to trust in that Word and to trust in my Lord at that particular time.
“I know that Christ was there with us in the midst of our most difficult moments. The Lord’s
Strength upheld my son and me and allowed us to go on. I think the greatest thing I learned at that point is that our God is faithful.”
I had to ask Andre, “But to lose your wife whom you loved and adored as well as your darling daughter—did you never doubt God’s love?”
Andre’s reply was wonderful. He said, “I think we all have periods when we wonder if we could have done something differently. I was no different from anyone else. But I’m thankful that God doesn’t let us entertain those thoughts. Rather than entertaining those thoughts of doubt I could trust God and know that whatever He was working out, whatever plan He had set down, was a plan that was going to glorify Him. When I look back at the tragedy today I see the lives that were touched by what the Lord has done through our lives. And so I see no longer a tragedy, but a joy, as other lives are brought back out of a living death to abundant life!”
“You know, Andre,” I said, “Psalm 23 says, ‘Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life’ [v. 6]. When you cannot see the goodness of God, you can experience His mercy. That’s what you have experienced, Andre.”
“Oh, there’s no doubt about that!” he answered. “I am a child of God merely by the ac-
ceptance of His Son. As God’s child, I know that He directs and guides my life. Proverbs 16:9 says, ‘A man’s heart chooses his way, but God directs his steps.’ I chose the way of Christ as my Savior, and God directs my steps. I’m thankful for that because I don’t have to wonder where I’m going.”
“Where did you get this faith?” I asked.
“I grew up in a difficult time, when there was a lot of confusion in our country and a lot of questions on my mind. I saw my best friend stabbed to death at the age of seventeen. I grew up in the tremendous confusion of racial tension. The Vietnam War was at its height. People were saying God was dead. Naturally, it was a time when a young person like myself asked many questions. I was no different. I asked questions such as: Where are we going? What is life all about? Who’s the justifier of life?’
“I can remember my mother saying to me, ‘Andre, I can’t answer all of those questions for you, but I can direct you to the One who can.’
“I was going away to Fort Dix, New Jersey, as part of the Pennsylvania National Guard. When I left. Mother gave me a Bible, and when I got to the barracks I began to read and study it. At that timb I didn’t believe there was no God; I just didn’t know Him to the point where I could grab hold of Him and say, ‘Father, help me!’
“After reading the Bible I realized that I was God’s child, that the gap which separated me from Him had been bridged by the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus. That joy and assurance was what I needed to see that there was a greater hope than what the world had to offer.
“So, you ask me where I got my faith? I’ll tell you: I got it from my mother. I thank God that I had a mother who loved her son so much that she shared with him the most precious thing she could give him—the gift of her faith!”
Andre was not destroyed when he lost his wife and his daughter. God gave him the strength to go on with his life. Today Andre has married again and has a new baby. He carried on, he kept on going, and didn’t stop living when his wife and daughter did!
(2) Do not accept defeat. Somehow we must learn to accept the reality of the bad things that happen to us without accepting emotional defeat. “The death thy death hath dealt to me is worse than the death thy death hath dealt to thee!” These words were spoken by a widow as she stood looking at the body of her dead husband. Do not quit! Tough times never last, but tough people do! Be brave! Fight back! Come back again. There is a world out there—hungry, hurting. Think of them—they are alive; they need you!
In the book. Gone with the Wind, we read
about the Southern gentleman who broke down under the tragedies involved in the Civil War. Observing his collapse, another character in the novel philosophizes, “He could be licked from the inside. I mean to say that what the world could not do, his own heart could.” Then the simple philosopher concluded, “There ain’t anything from the outside that can lick any of us.”
(3) Bury your selfish griefs. Grief which keeps you from thinking of and helping others is selfish. Around you is a world filled with living human beings who are hurting more than you are. There are lonely, heartbroken, dying women . . . men . . . children out here! They need you. You are stronger than they are. You can comfort them. The secret of happiness that is reiterated throughout the Beatitudes can be summed up in two words: “I’m third.” Are you hurting? How do you come back alive again? Think of God first, think of others second, and then put yourself third.
(4) Add up your joys; never count your sorrows. Look at what you have left in your life; never look at what you have lost. At a time of sorrow you are so overwhelmed and swamped by the shock, the pain, and the grief that you are not even conscious of the joys that still are alive deep under that blanket of grief. Determine to uncover your smothered joys and let them breathe and flourish again! There are many things that you are still thankful for, even
though you do not feel your gratitude. Begin by reminiscing. Relive your happy memories. Treat yourself to replays of that great collection of joyful experiences that have occurred in your past. There are many wonderful things that have happened to you in life.
I have a friend who keeps an “Italian philosophy” poem on his restaurant wall. The following are the words, worth remembering:
Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by the leaves that fall.
Count your days by golden hours.
Don’t remember clouds at all.
Count your nights by stars, not shadows. Count your life with smiles, not tears.
And with joy on every birthday.
Count your age by friends, not years.
(5) Turn your sorrow into a servant Once you have buried your griefs, you are ready to turn your sorrow into a helpful partner. Grief can be a demonic dictator if you let it. It can turn you into a cynical, doubting, resentful, self- pitying recluse or drunkard. Or it can be your servant, helping you to feel more compassion for others who hurt, giving you visions for new avenues for ministry. Make the positive choice—let your sorrow become a servant that will serve God and your fellow man!
I recently received a letter from a New York
BE-HAPPY ATTITUDE #2
viewer of my television program. I have read and re-read the letter so often that I know it almost by memory. Let me share it with you:
Dear Dr. Schuller:
I have never written a letter like this before in my life. This is the story of a bitter man ... and the person who saved him. I am that bitter man. In 19611 was married. I love my wife. Our love is the only thing that has kept me going. Shortly after our marriage we suffered a financial reverse. This really made me bitter.
Then we wanted children and discovered we could have none. This made me more bitter. After a while we adopted a child and for a brief time, we were very happy. Then we discovered that this adopted child, a little boy we had named Joey, was mentally retarded because of brain damage! That made me more bitter. But the bitterest day in my life was the day that Little Joey died. When we buried him, I was so bitter, I didn’t believe in God, Christ, or anybody or anything.
For some months now my wife has been watching this religious television program on Sunday mornings. She begged me to watch with her, but I wouldn’t. Six weeks ago, I happened to walk through the living room, when something you said caught my attention. I listened. I also listened the next week, and the next, and the next. I am writing to tell you that in six short weeks I am now a changed person. All my bitterness is gone.
I am thanking you because you introduced me to Jesus Christ Because of this, my wife and I have decided to dedicate our lives to helping mentally retarded children. I can’t tell you what a changed life I have because my thinking has changed through Christ!
I am joyfully yours, an “Hour of Power” listener.
Let your sorrow turn you into a better person and your sorrow will turn out to be a blessing!
(6) Accept the comfort that God is trying to offer you. At the beginning of this chapter, I said that God is not the source of sorrow. Man’s sin brought sorrow and continues to bring sorrow into this world. God moves in immediately and forthrightly to bring comfort. He offers the comfort of His promises of love and eternal life.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Yes, there’s a condition attached, an “if” connected. You will be blessed, you will be comforted, if God is your friend, and if Christ is your savior. Accept this comfort that God offers to you.
HERE’S WHAT GOD WILL DO!
God offers real comfort. Not neurotic pity. Not a sympathy that only weakens the hurting person. He offers a tough love that turns us into sweeter and stronger persons!
When our daughter, Carol, lost her leg in a motorcycle accident at the age of thirteen, my wife and I fell over ourselves trying to comfort her. We brought her favorite stuffed animals to the hospital, we called her friends and asked them to visit with her. We never left Carol’s side; One of us was with her almost constantly.
Then one day we received a call from our friend, Dorothy DeBolt. As many of you know, Dorothy is the mother of fourteen adopted children. Those children are all very special. Some are blind, some are paraplegic. One is a quadruple amputee. All are physically or mentally challenged children.
Dorothy has done wonders with all of these children. Despite their handicaps, she has motivated them to do far more than anyone would ever have dreamed. They all dress themselves. There are no ramps in the house; they all know how to climb stairs so that they would never be barred anywhere by the absence of ramps.
When Dorothy heard about Carol’s accident, she called to express her love and concern. Yes, she expressed love —she cared that Carol had experienced so much pain. And yes, she was concerned. She felt Arvella and I needed to be warned that there was a right way and a wrong way to help Carol.
She said simply, “Be careful how you comfort her.”
How wise were her words. Carol needed comfort, not pity, and comfort came not by drying her tears, but by lifting her attention beyond the present pain to the future victories.
God comforts. He doesn’t pity. He doesn’t commiserate. He picks us up, dries our tears, soothes our fears, and lifts our thoughts beyond the hurt.
How does God comfort us so masterfully? Five ways: (1) He gives us courage; (2) He gives us a sense of calm; (3) He gives us companionship; (4) He gives us compassion; and (5) He gives us a new set of commitments.
GOD GIVES US COURAGE
When we are in despair, God gives us the courage to go on, to live through our grief, to pick ourselves up to the point where we can face tomorrow. I’ll never forget the time several years ago when I received a call from the family of Senator Hubert Humphrey, who by then was dying of cancer. His family asked me to visit them, hoping I could inspire him to go back to Washington, D.C., one more time. When I arrived at the little apartment in Minneapolis, he was waiting for me. He sat, gaunt, upright in a chair, completely dressed. His white shirt was about an inch and a half larger than his thin neck.
That was courage! It took a lot of courage to put on a shirt and tie—to put trousers on, shoes and socks, and to sit up in a chair. When you are that sick, that’s a big step forward, believe it or not. Where does such courage to move ahead come from? It comes from God.
I said to this courageous man, “Hubert, when you have been really down, depressed, and discouraged, what brought you back up again?” I hoped the question would cause him to recall times when he’d been victorious over depressing circumstances.
He began to recall some Bible verses, slogans, and inspiring experiences. Suddenly, I saw a spark in his eye! So I said to him, “When are you going back to Washington?”
He looked at his wife, Muriel, and said, “Maybe I should—once more.”
He did—and lived his last weeks out as he lived his life—bravely. I was honored to preach the funeral sermon only a few months later, with Billy Graham, Jesse Jackson, President Carter, and nearly every ranking Senator in the congregation. I am told nearly forty million Americans listened and watched over the television networks.
I chose for that message the topic, “Courage—The Big C.” “ ‘The Big C’—that’s what they call cancer,” I said. “Hubert Humphrey knew that, but he knew a bigger ‘C’—Courage!”
GOD GIVES US A SENSE OF CALM
How does God comfort people when bad things happen to them? He gives them courage. He also gives them a sense of calm—in the most unexpected times and ways. As it is said in an old Christian hymn, “Sometimes the light surprises a Christian while he sings; it is the Lord who comes with healing on His wings.”
I recall the sister of the late congressman, Clyde Doyle. She had two children, a son and a daughter. Both of them were killed when they were teenagers. Her husband also died at a fairly early age. She was completely alone. You know, it’s easy to go to someone and say, “Don’t look at what you have lost, look at what you still have.” But here was a woman who had no one left!
I asked, “Where did you find comfort? What gives you the strength to keep going?”
She said, “I live in Long Beach. I used to go to the beach every day. Often I just sat there numb. I could not think, I could not feel, but I could still see. And I watched the waves as they built into a curl of foam, as they washed up onto the sand and then retreated. I did that day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. One day, as I watched the wave curl, break, foam, and sweep across the sand, I was struck with a message from God. I
“I’m hurting—but Fm going to bounce back!” 81
heard a voice within me say, ‘There is nothing but life!’ ”
And she said, “I knew then where my son was! I knew where my daughter was, and where my husband was!” For the first time, she was able to feel a sense of peace. And then she was able to start building her life again.
GOD GIVES US COMPANIONSHIP
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” They get courage ... enough to make it through a funeral—or whatever they are facing. They are given a sense of calm. And they get another big “C”—companionship. In my thirty-three years as a pastor, I have heard the same comment over and over again from people who have had a devastating experience. They say, “Oh, we received so many telephone calls and letters. I heard from people I hadn’t heard from in years. I was amazed at how many people care about me.”
I’ll never forget the funeral where no one came. The deceased man had three sons. All of them lived right there in this town. Yet none of them attended their father’s funeral. Only the mortician and I were there.
I said, “What is wrong? Where is everybody?”
The mortician said, “He was a very, very selfish man. In his life he never had time for his
family; little wonder they have no time for him now.”
There’s a condition to the promises I’m sharing with you today. The promise, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” does not apply to any and all persons. Remember the question to which I’m speaking in this chapter is, “What happens to good people when bad things happen to them?”
When my daughter, Carol, had her accident and lost her leg, nothing meant more to her than the photo she received from John Wayne. He signed it, “Dear Carol: Be happy; you’re loved.”
I tell you, that one sentence made as deep an impression on me as it did on Carol. You can accept a great loss if you have somebody loving you through it. God will send you friends.
Keith Miller is a theologian, philosopher, and psychologist who, along with people like Bruce Larson, helped establish what has been called relational theology. His ministry through the years has been to interpret the teachings of Jesus Christ in a way that helps people become healthy. Over a million copies of his book. The Taste of New Wine, are now in print.
Keith enjoyed the success, the love, and the admiration that came to him as a result of his ministry. But then he went through the sorrow of a painful divorce. He felt like a failure and,
regrettably, some Christians wrote him off, saying, “How could you be a Christian if you’ve had a divorce?” But then many, including people whom he’d helped, came to him and said, “How can we love you?” Through all their support he was able to feel and understand the reality of grace.
Now he has a whole new ministry to others who are hurting and are finding real power because they’ve given up on their own power. They’re finding real love.
What happens to good people when they go through bad times? They can find companions who will love them and support them. A new love will come into their lives. They will find a sense of courage and a center of calm relief, hope, and peace that they never knew existed before.
GOD GIVES US COMPASSION
Courage, calm, companionship . . . and compassion. Every good person who goes through bad times develops a greater sensitivity. There’s a marvelous line I’ve quoted often: “In love’s service, only broken hearts will do.” Good people turn their scars into stars.
Dr. Benjy Brooks is a great woman. She has been the recipient of the Horatio Algier Award, and also has the distinction of being the first
woman pediatric surgeon in the United States. She holds the position of Professor of Surgery at the University of Texas Medical School in Houston, Texas, and Special Assistant to the President in Ethics.
When Dr. Brooks was in the fifth grade, her teacher told her mother that she was mentally retarded. Benjy says today that she just marched to a different drummer. She said, “I didn’t really fit into that sausage mill, to come out a little sausage like everybody else. Unfortunately, that’s what our educational system does to children. At times, it takes away their creativeness and the fact that they are different.”
But Benjy was determined to be a doctor. In fact, she was often found under the kitchen table “operating” on her sister’s dolls with manicure scissors. And she was not about to let a teacher or an educational system stand in her way.
Then something happened that had a profound effect on Benjy and her medical practice. Her only brother, a test pilot in the Air Force, was killed at twenty-seven years of age.
And so she grieved. She says about her grief, “I don’t think you get over it. You learn to live with it. And I learned to live with my brother’s death. Later, in my medical practice, I saw him at every age as the little boys, then older boys.
‘Tm hurting—but I’m going to bounce back!” 85
came through. I was able to love them and give to them instead of him.”
GOD GIVES US A NEW SET OF COMMITMENTS
How does God comfort good people when bad things happen to them? He gives them courage, companionship, and compassion. He also gives them a new set of commitments. One of the best examples of this is Art Linkletter.
I count it an honor to call Art a friend. His humor and delightful way of looking at American life has brought joy and laughter into all our lives. But when you look beyond Art’s wit and optimism you see a man who has turned his cross into a commission—a commitment to reach the lives of young people who are ensnared in the deathtrap of drugs. All of this grew out of his daughter’s tragic death as a result of drugs and his son’s death in an automobile accident.
I asked him once, “Art, how do you turn a tragedy into a personal triumph?”
He answered me in his warm, wise, loving manner, “The most difficult thing is to admit the tragedy, to accept it. It is something in your life over which you had no control, and God’s plan for us, as we all know, is more than we can fathom. It’s part of the pattern of life—life and death.
“Having once admitted and accepted the deep, deep pain of the wound, then you begin to realize that you have expanded your own capability of loving and caring for others. Until you are hurt, you can never truly understand the hurts of others. Until you have failed, you cannot truly achieve success. In my own case, the pain in my life started me on a crusade against drug abuse—trying to help young people and families.
“Not everybody may be called to start a crusade as I was, but everybody can reflect love and caring. Every person’s life touches some other life that needs love today.”
I agree. “In love’s service only broken hearts will do.”
People facing tragedy suddenly take a new look at their whole life. Their whole perspective changes. Some of the things they had thought were so precious don’t seem to mean much anymore. Some of the treasures they valued so highly don’t seem as valuable. Their value system changes. And believe me, when your value system changes, your heart changes, your mood changes, your mind changes. Your life and your relationships change.
I remember calling on the home of a very rich woman who had suffered a great personal tragedy. This woman owned vases from China— from the Ming Dynasty—she had jewels and
many other beautiful and valuable things. She greeted me and said, “Dr. Schuller, I heard you say once on television, ‘Trouble never leaves you where it found you.’ That is so true.”
She said, “These things I own don’t mean nearly as much to me now. Oh, I still love them; I’m not going to throw them away. But if there was a fire and I could save just one thing in the house, I wouldn’t take that Ming vase now, as I would have before. Do you know what I’d take? I’d take the family pictures.”
When tragedy hits, values change. Family becomes more important—husband, wife, parents, children. Relationships become more precious, and life itself more important than any day-to- day occupation or any material possession. When your values change, your life changes. And that’s why the people that mourn are really comforted. Believe it or not, they’re happy.
Be-Happy Attitude ^3