Abstain from sexual immorality.
1 THESSALONIANS 4:3
Terry Mattingly is a national columnist who often writes about how religion intersects with our culture. When he wants to know what a public figure or journalist really believes about Christianity and the Bible, he asks three questions:
1. Are biblical accounts of the resurrection of Jesus accurate? Did this event really happen?
2. Is salvation found through Jesus Christ alone?
3. Is sex outside of marriage a sin?
The first two questions are what you’d expect in a list like this. They go to the core of what a follower of Christ believes about our Savior. The third question is different. It goes to the core of what a person believes about Scripture and its role in a person’s life today. If you really believe the Bible is God’s Word, then you’ve got to come to grips with what it says about sex.
My guess is that most of you reading these words believe that Christ was resurrected and that salvation can be found in Him alone. But when it comes to whether sex outside of marriage is a sin, the gap between belief and faith may be enormous.
Sex is a subject what leads to the beliefs of our culture colliding head on with the truth of God’s Word. This issue is a proving ground—a place where you really show how much you trust God, because He reserves this intimate and holy act for the marriage bed.
In the previous two devotions, we looked closely at Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” In marriage you leave your parents, you cleave (hold fast) to your spouse, and then you “become one flesh.” That term is one of the most beautiful and profound in Scripture. However, becoming one flesh involves much more than the physical act of intercourse—it is, in the words of Clifford and Joyce Penner, a “mystical union between husband and wife that unites two people as total persons . . . intellect, emotions, body, spirit, and will.”1
The romantic, sexual love in marriage, says authors Gary and Betsey Ricucci, is part of . . .
a mysterious experience of becoming one that is unique to biblical marriage. A husband and wife who stand before God in the covenant of marriage as sinners saved by grace possess the potential for a depth of intimacy that no other relationship can touch. It is an intimacy that clearly involves the physical, but much more as well—an intimacy of heart and mind, of spirit and vision, of faith and hope.2
The world tells us that it’s prudish and old-fashioned to reserve sex for marriage. God’s Word says marriage is the sanctuary God created for sex and only there, in the refuge of covenantal love, will you find sex at its best.
In fact, the very act of maintaining your purity is a key step in your growth as a follower of Christ. First Thessalonians 4:3-5 says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”
In the covenant of marriage two people become one, and they vow to forsake all others. If you think about it, one of the most important tests of your commitment will be in the sexual area—to flee from sexual immorality (see 1 Corinthians 6:18) and remain true to your spouse. The period before marriage is a time to build your faith muscles—to trust God when He says that He will not allow you to be tempted beyond your ability to endure it (see 1 Corinthians 10:13). When you remain pure, you strengthen your faith in God, and you strengthen your future spouse’s faith in you.
Over the years I’ve heard many people say, “I wish somebody would have challenged us with these standards before we got married.” But I’ve never heard anyone express regrets over remaining pure before marriage. Some couples wait until their wedding to kiss for the first time, and I applaud their strength and courage.
For those of you who are already having sex, the good news is that purity can be restored when you confess your sin and put your trust in Jesus to forgive you and restore your relationship with Him. The Bible promises, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). God stands ready to forgive you, cleanse you and restore your purity the moment you ask.
I also want to challenge you to sign the purity pledge (p.61) as a commitment that you will abstain from sexual immorality until your wedding day. This will mean setting some standards about touching and about spending time alone. Avoid tempting situations. And go to a mature Christian who knows you both well and will hold you accountable—someone who will regularly ask you, “Are you doing what is right? Are you being clean? Are you obeying God?”
Biblical Standard
For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, NASB).
In obedience to God’s command, I promise to protect your sexual purity from this day until our wedding night.
Biblical Standard
Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, NASB).
Because I respect and honor you, I commit to building up the inner person of your heart rather than violating you.
Biblical Standard
In view of this, I also do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience both before God and before men (Acts 24:16, NASB).
I pledge to show my love for you in ways that allow both of us to maintain a clear conscience before God and each other.
This Is My Promise of Purity:
Signed: ______________________________________ Date: _____________________
Signed: ______________________________________ Date: _____________________
Witnessed/Affirmed by: __________________________ Date: _____________________
This could be the greatest gift you could give each other. It’s a clear statement of your intention to fulfill your vows and build a marriage of oneness that will last a lifetime.
Oh, and one other suggestion: Plan a short engagement!
1. Individually read through each section of the Purity Covenant.
2. After you have read through all three passages and the commitments, sign and date the covenant. Then have someone you know—pastor, counselor, friend or mentor—sign it as a witness.
Notes
1. Clifford and Joyce Penner, The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment (Nashville, TN: W Publishing Group, 2003), p. 22
2. Gary and Betsy Ricucci, Love That Lasts (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2006), p. 116.
3. This Purity Covenant is adapted from FamilyLife’s workbook for engaged couples, Preparing for Marriage: Discover God’s Plan for a Lifetime of Love, published by Gospel Light.