For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith.
1 TIMOTHY 6:10, NASB
Your marriage will be susceptible to the American Dream Syndrome. Through an endless parade of messages in this media-driven culture, you are sold the notion that you can have it all and, what’s more, that you deserve to have it all, sooner rather than later.
It’s easy to be seduced by the grand illusion of the American Dream Syndrome. After all, advertisers parade before your wide-open eyes a colorful host of gadgets, toys, cars, home furnishings as well as every imaginable convenience.
What goals do advertisers hope to achieve? To make you discontent with what you have. To infect you with “affluenza” and a desire to acquire. They want you to want to live large now—in many cases, just like your parents do. They want you to want to own a big house, drive the cool cars, use cutting-edge technology, send your kids to the best schools, join expensive clubs and take that extended cruise. And as you already know, there’s a legion of credit cards to assist you in fulfilling your every desire.
And don’t underestimate the role of peer pressure in the spread of the American Dream Syndrome. The lifestyle choices you see made by your families, friends and neighbors can put you in a truly amazing race to have all the latest gear.
Over the years, I’ve identified three myths of the American Dream Syndrome:
These myths influence you more than you want to admit because they tempt you to live beyond your means. And that’s a major reason why handling finances is often such a struggle in a marriage—particularly for newlyweds. In this culture it is absolutely essential to go into marriage with a biblical view of finances and a shared determination to take control of your spending.
Larry Burkett, who was an expert on money matters, once said, “Of the couples who end up getting a divorce, every survey shows between 85 [and] 90 percent of them say that the number one problem they were having was finances.” This means that the decisions you make about budgets, debt and what you value as a couple will be among the most important decisions you make as you begin your life together. And I believe there are five key steps you both must take to start off on the right track.
First, embrace God’s perspective of money by studying what the Bible says about money. The Scriptures make it clear, for example, that God is the real owner of all that we have, and we are stewards of the resources God has entrusted to us. These truths should first influence your attitude about money. For example, you should not take pride in the money you make, because it really all comes from God. He is the One who providentially provides it to whom He pleases. As Psalm 50:10 tells us, “For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills.”
Scripture also calls us to avoid giving our devotion to money. Ecclesiastes 5:10 says, “He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income.”
Second, commit together to put God, rather than money, at the center of your life. Married couples who struggle financially often have their allegiance in the wrong place. Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money” (Matthew 6:24). Jesus knew that the desire for money could be so great that we would pursue it instead of pursue a closer relationship with Him.
Third, commit to being content with what you have. Solomon wrote, “Again, I saw vanity under the sun: one person who has no other; either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches” (Ecclesiastes 4:7-8). If you are discontent with what you have, you will never reach the point of having enough, because enough will never be enough.
Contentment arises from a spirit of gratefulness and thankfulness. It is a courageous and contagious choice to thank God for what you have and for what you don’t have.
If you want to avoid the trap of the American Dream Syndrome, learn to be content with your portion by practicing a life of thankfulness. The apostle Paul wrote, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Fourth, adopt a team approach to handling your finances. At the most basic level, this means talking together regularly about your money. Don’t make anything off limits, and remember that it’s okay to disagree. Early on, agree on a monthly budget and live by it, plan a strategy for saving and investing, and give to the church and to God’s work. Oneness in your approach to handling finances is not an option. Work through what you value and your differences.
Finally, commit to stay free of consumer debt. Falling for the grand illusion of the American Dream Syndrome leads directly to suffocating credit card debt for far too many couples.
In fact, if you face a large amount of consumer debt right now—before your marriage—you should consider postponing the wedding until you erase it. This may sound harsh, but the fact is that you’ve already got a track record of handling finances poorly, and those habits won’t change after the wedding. Seek the counsel of your pastor or some trusted Christian friends or mentors on this issue. Establish a plan to pay off all debts.
Remember that material things will never fill the void in your soul. They will never satisfy the hunger in your heart. In fact, that hunger will grow and grow. The more you acquire, the less satisfied you will be. Why? Because only Jesus can satisfy that void.
A couple who fails to see this could spend a lifetime chasing the American Dream, only to find it’s like a desert mirage—forever just out of reach. One of the wealthiest businessmen in America, John D. Rockefeller, was once asked, “How much money do you need to make?” To which he replied, “Just one more dollar than I have.”
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