Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
PSALM 127:3
Right now you are focused on the life you are about to begin together. But for a few moments, let’s gaze into the future. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? What do you hope to be doing? What do you want your marriage to look like? How would you describe your family? How many children would you like to have?
Your picture of the future may be a little fuzzy when it comes to children, because you’re focused on the wedding. I know that’s how I was when Barbara and I were engaged. When I was a single man, I don’t recall even liking children. I don’t recall even having a thought about the number of children I’d like to have. Children were not on my radar screen.
But after Barbara and I married and we celebrated our second anniversary with our newborn daughter, Ashley, everything changed. God performed heart surgery on us—we truly began to understand the blessing children bring. And God continued to bless us with a full house of these gifts. Then we understood another truth that Solomon wrote about children: “Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them” (Psalm 127:5). Once you become involved in the process of loving these gifts and connecting your heart to theirs, you realize that becoming a parent truly is one of God’s greatest rewards.
Have you discussed having children with your future spouse? You really should have a talk about this before you marry. And there are two basic questions you should face as you talk about having children: (1) When will you start? and (2) How many would you like to have? Swirling around these basic questions are a dizzying array of related questions involving individual issues regarding such things as health, family backgrounds, priorities and use of contraception (or not). Right now the most important thing you need to grasp is God’s heart for children, because I’ve found that many couples are unaware of what God says in the Bible on this subject.
1. God commands us to “be fruitful.” Genesis 1:28 records that after creating man and woman, God commanded them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.” This concerned more than the obvious need to add to the human race. It also was a timeless command—a declaration that bearing and raising children is part of God’s plan for a husband and wife.
I realize, of course, that there are couples who face issues such as infertility or health problems and are unable to have children. In those cases, adoption should be prayerfully considered. In that way the scriptural standard for a marriage to produce offspring can still be fulfilled.
2. Children are a blessing, not a burden. Psalm 127:3-5 tells us that every child is “a heritage” from God, “a reward,” and we are “blessed” by having them. ”This is different from the world’s schizophrenic perspective about children. On one hand, children are celebrated in our culture: Parents express their love and devotion to their kids; and the media portray families and children in heartwarming stories. On the other hand, children are also regarded as a burden: They are expensive, they interrupt careers, they require an amazing amount of sacrifice, they get on nerves, they interfere with plans, etc.
It’s true that you may not always regard children as a blessing; and as Barbara once pointed out to me, “You know, people today need to be warned that having children will cost you.” But as we talked about all of the joys and challenges of raising six children, we concluded that we could not imagine life without them. Raising them was one of the highest and holiest privileges we’ve ever been given.
In fact, at the end of our conversation I said, “If I had it to do all over again, I think I would want more children!” Barbara wholeheartedly agreed.
3. Families are a central part of God’s plan for spreading the truth about God and the experience of God from generation to generation. Psalm 78:5-8 and Deuteronomy 6:4-8 make it very clear that parents are expected to implant God’s truth into the lives of their children . . . who will then pass it on to their own children . . . who will then pass it on to their own children and so on and so on. God’s original plan called for the home to be a greenhouse—a nurturing center—where children grow up to learn character, values and integrity.
Children are the spiritual messengers that we send with the gospel to future generations. Children are our legacy and a vital part of God’s plan for us in marriage.
Discuss