(FOR THE HUSBAND-TO-BE)*
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
DEUTERONOMY 6:5-6
“My dad is 75 years old. I haven’t talked to him today,” [my friend said.] “I’ll guarantee you my dad got up at 5:30 this morning, went downstairs, turned on the coffee maker, went over and got his Thompson Chain Reference Bible, got his coffee, went upstairs, and spent the first hour this morning in the Word and prayer. My dad prayed for me this morning, I’ll guarantee you.”
My friend was Steve Farrar; and my cohost, Bob Lepine, and I were interviewing him for our FamilyLife Today radio program. We couldn’t resist testing Steve’s guarantee, so we called his father, Jim Farrar.
We quickly learned that Steve was wrong! When we asked Jim where he was at 5:30 that morning, he replied, “I was going out to teach a Bible study.”
So Steve asked his dad where he had been at 5:30 a.m. the day before. Sure enough, he had been studying his Bible and praying. He said he’d be doing the same thing the following day.
I asked Jim how long he’d been doing this.
“Oh, man, . . . it’s been years and years,” he replied.
Steve broke in. “It’s been at least 45 years . . . because I remember as a little boy waking up early and seeing him.”
Perhaps even more important, Steve established this same routine of beginning each day by reading His Bible and praying. He told us about a Saturday morning when one of his sons, Josh, woke up early and came downstairs to find his father already up.
“Dad, what are you doing?” Josh asked. Steve replied that he was reading the Word. . . . A few minutes later, he said: “Hey, Dad, you ever read the Bible all the way through?” I said, “Yes. . . . “How many times have you done that?” I said, “I don’t know—eight, nine, ten times.”
He couldn’t believe it. . . . [But he was even more astonished when Steve told him], “You’ll do that when you’re a dad.” He said, “I will?” I said, “Oh, yes. . . . That’s what Farrar guys do,” Steve said.
Many men, as they approach marriage, are apprehensive and unsure about the position of spiritual leadership God has given them in the home. What does it mean? What should they do?
But when I look at men like Jim Farrar, I see the answer: You take the initiative to pursue God. You model a life of purity, godliness and doing what’s right. You become a model of a man who serves and loves your wife and children.
You don’t need to know the Bible better than your wife. You don’t need to be a teacher. You don’t need to be eloquent in your prayers. What you do need to do is step up and initiate a relationship with God and engage in the lifetime process of getting to know Him.
Like most men, when I married, I was unsure about what “spiritual leadership” meant. I felt pressure, because I knew Barbara expected me to lead us in studying the Bible, and over the years I’ve done that, though not as regularly as she had originally hoped.
More important, I’ve focused on two things as a spiritual leader. Both principles come from Deuteronomy 6:5-9:
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
First, I’ve focused on becoming a man of God. I want my life to reflect verses 5-6 of Deuteronomy 6; I want God and His Word to be the absolute focus of my life. I need to read and study God’s Word and seek Him with my whole heart.
Second, I’ve focused on being intentional in having my wife and my children join me in pursuing a relationship with God. In an earlier devotion I wrote about praying daily with Barbara—that has been a vital foundation for our marriage. But Deuteronomy 6:7-9 is also an exhortation to teach God’s Word to my family and to talk about it in the natural course of the day—“when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way.” This means talking about God and His Word and applying it to the situations faced in life.
When I read the first few books of Proverbs, I am impressed by the words of a father who called his son to “be attentive to my wisdom . . . that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge” (Proverbs 5:1-2). This father applied God’s Word to very practical situations such as handling money and avoiding the “forbidden woman” (Proverbs 2:16; 5:3,20; 7:5). Over the years of raising my children, I initiated many conversations on topics like this to pass on biblical wisdom.
Being a spiritual leader in your family may involve some regular times of Bible study, worship and prayer. In fact, I’m hoping that you enjoy this devotional so much that you make this type of experience a regular part of your marriage. (Check out our devotional Moments Together for Couples. We think you will really like using it as you begin your marriage.) But I think those times will flow out of something more critical—your walk with God and your determination to help your wife and family seek Him as you do.
Discuss * While the husband-to-be works through this devotion, the wife-to-be should work through devotion 38. When each of you is done, come together and share what you have learned.