(FOR THE WIFE-TO-BE)
BY BARBARA RAINEY
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 CORINTHIANS 13:7
I remember when I first realized that Dennis was not like my father.
My dad was an all-American “Mr. Fixit.” He was vice president in charge of maintenance at a large steel plant, and at home he could do anything. He loved working around the house and the yard—making repairs, painting, tinkering on the car.
Dennis, on the other hand, declared, “If you can’t fix something with baling wire and duct tape, you should throw it away and get a new one.” He disliked working around the house, preferring to spend his spare time watching sports on television.
I remember those early days in our marriage. Dennis would plop into his easy chair in front of the TV, and I would circle him like a vulture, trying to give him a gentle hint of how I felt he could better use his time.
Dennis and I have come a long way since then. He’s still not Mr. Fixit, but he tries. And somewhere along the way he developed an enjoyment of gardening, so he could spend time with me.
Meanwhile, I’ve learned an important lesson: It’s important to love my husband unconditionally. This is a second essential for every Christian wife. I need to receive Dennis as a gift from God—no matter how different he is from me or from what I expected.
I had an opportunity to apply this lesson in our first month of marriage. So get ready. Practicing this happens quickly and often! Dennis took the initiative to make a small financial investment, and we ended up losing money. As we talked it over and I shared my disappointment, it was obvious that Dennis knew he had made a poor choice.
In that moment I faced a choice of my own: Would I accept Dennis as my husband, or would I nag him and make him feel like a failure? Even as a young Christian I knew enough to know that God wanted to use this for good for my husband. I needed to get out of God’s way and let Him work in my husband’s life.
At times like this, a wife learns that love is not all feelings. This is when you honor your wedding vows and say, “I’m committed to you, no matter what.”
Another challenge for Dennis and me when we married was how different we are. The old adage that opposites attract is really true for us. For instance, Dennis is impulsive. He gets an idea and he’ll be gone. I, on the other hand, tend to be very disciplined; I like to think and evaluate before I act. During our first year of marriage, I often found myself left in Dennis’s dust.
I remember praying diligently for God to change all the things in Dennis I didn’t like. Then I realized what really needed to be changed was my attitude. I needed to ask God to make me content not only with Dennis as he was, but also with the positive sides of our differences. God did change my perspective, and in time I began to see how much I need my husband’s spontaneity to balance my more rigid control.
Another difference that soon became apparent in our marriage was that my husband had a stronger sexual drive than me. I turned a corner in our relationship when I chose to begin thanking God for how He designed both of us. I realized how important it was for Dennis to need me, and how our coming together physically gives both of us the comfort of being known and accepted on a level deeper than that of any other human relationship. So I began making it a greater priority to express my unconditional love for Dennis sexually.
I choose to love my husband, even if I don’t have strong feelings. Ultimately, love is a commitment to seek the best of the one loved. I can choose to exercise my power as a passionate, nurturing, fully alive woman; or I can withhold and withdraw.
Do you realize that your husband-to-be will never be the man God created him to be without your full and unconditional acceptance? You are God’s primary instrument of love and affirmation. You have the power to make your future husband or break him, because men are not born, they are made.
Discuss