(FOR THE WIFE-TO-BE)
BY BARBARA RAINEY
For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.
1 CORINTHIANS 11:8-9
For years, Dennis and I talked about moving to a rural area just outside Little Rock. Our children were young at the time, and the thought of giving them room to roam was inviting. But it felt like a risk. What if we didn’t like driving back and forth to town? What if we felt isolated from our friends and our church?
We were stuck in a logjam, unable to make a decision. And in the process I sensed that Dennis felt a bit paralyzed, because he was afraid of making a wrong decision. There’s a lot of pressure on a man as he attempts to lead his family, and it’s easy for a husband to avoid risk because of a fear of failure.
Finally one day I asked Dennis, “So what if we decide we don’t like living in the country? We can sell and move back to town!”
Somehow my words freed the logjam. Dennis realized that even a wrong decision really wouldn’t matter. We decided to make the move, and we loved it immediately.
Looking back, I think I helped Dennis on a couple of levels. First, I provided perspective. This was not a life-and-death issue, and it wasn’t worth so much angst and introspection. Second, I gave Dennis the freedom to fail; and in doing so, I affirmed him in his role as a husband and father.
While all of us are called to be helpers to others, the Bible places a special emphasis on this responsibility for wives. First Corinthians 11:8-9 points out that a woman was created “for man.” Paul’s words affirm the creation of woman described in Genesis 2:18: The woman was a “helper fit for him.” Being a helper is a third essential for Christian wives.
It is interesting to note that this is also part of the job description of the Holy Spirit, who is often referred to as Helper. For example, Jesus told the disciples that, after He died, His heavenly Father would send the Holy Spirit after His death: “And I will ask the Father and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth” (John 14:16-17).
The fact that “helper” is applied to a wife signifies that we women have been given tremendous power for good in our husbands’ lives. God has designed wives to help their husbands become all that God intends for them to be.
Here’s an interesting exercise: Read through passages about the Holy Spirit in the New Testament and ask yourself, “How can I help my husband in a similar way?” You can never be the Holy Spirit in your husband’s life, of course, but it is possible to find inspiration in the descriptions of what the Holy Spirit does in our lives.
For example, Jesus said that the Spirit would “bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you” (John 14:26). He was speaking of how the Spirit would, in a supernatural way, help the disciples remember His words after His death and resurrection. In a similar way, I think that as a wife you can bring to your husband’s remembrance the truth of Christ and the truth of God’s Word in his life.
Romans 8:26 tells us that “the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us.” I think one of the great callings of wives is to intercede and pray for our husbands. Praying for our husbands—for all they are facing and all that God has called them to do—is one of the greatest gifts we can give them in our role as helper.
There are many more ways for wives to help husbands. For example:
Remember, it takes years for a man to become a strong husband. Be patient with him. Put aside your high expectations of how a perfect husband would lead his family spiritually, behave socially or perform intellectually. Keep your hope in God, not in your man. Then you will not be disappointed.
Discuss