Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.
HEBREWS 12:1
Here’s the irony: To many couples, engagement feels like a full-out sprint to the finish line of the wedding day. And yet marriage is just the beginning and it’s not a sprint—it’s a long-distance race.
For years I’ve been running for exercise, and one thing I’ve learned is you can’t run long distance unless you train for it. You need to stay in shape.
Hebrews 12:1-3 describes life itself as a race when it tells us to “run with endurance the race that is set before us” (verse 1). And it offers some practical advice on long-distance running that, if followed, will have a huge impact on your marriage.
First, “lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely” (verse 1). Try running sometime while carrying a five-pound weight in each hand. You won’t make it far. Living with sin has the same impact on the race of life. Make a commitment to live a life of continual repentance—applying the words of 1 John 1:9 to your life every day: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Second, cultivate your relationship with Jesus. Hebrews 12:2 urges you to run the race with our eyes “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith.” He is the One who endured the cross so that you could be redeemed. And He longs for a close relationship with you. He is the bread of life, and through Him you gain the sustenance you need—as an individual and as a couple—to run with endurance.
Our hope is that this devotional has given you a glimpse of a spiritual bond with your future spouse that is possible through your relationship with God. As you begin your marriage, continue spending time together reading God’s Word and praying. In fact, one good way to continue this devotional experience is by reading our two devotionals for couples: Moments Together for Couples and Moments with You.
Continuing my running metaphor, I’d like to offer a few other suggestions on lifelong endurance in marriage:
1. Don’t run alone. I’ve noticed that when I run with others, the effort feels easier. I suppose it’s a mix of adrenaline and the simple fact that the presence of other runners encourages me to focus on something different from my fatigue. In the same way, you need the encouragement of other couples who are committed to walking with God and to fulfilling their marriage vows. One way of doing this is to be a part of a small group of couples that you’d like to do life with. Consider forming such a group at your church, if one doesn’t already exist. (Also check out The Art of Marriage® Small Group video series and The Home-Builders Couples Series (small groups) at familylife.com.)
2. Find a coach. FamilyLife once commissioned some focus groups to learn what young couples wanted to help them make their marriages and families successful. The answer? They wanted a person (or a couple), someone with skin on: a mentor. They were facing issues they didn’t expect—issues they knew they couldn’t handle without some help—and they longed for an older couple who could guide them through the formative years of their marriage and raising a family. One of the most important things you can do to start your marriage right is to establish a mentoring relationship with another couple for the first 12 to 24 months.
Certainly you need access to your pastor, but even more important you need to connect with an older couple. After your wedding an older couple can help you when you reach any rough patches—when you are tempted to be bitter or resentful. They can help you with perspective— about how to weather the storms and how to keep romance and sex alive.
3. Don’t stop learning. Just as a good runner will keep up with the latest information about nutrition, training and technique, you as a couple need to look for ways to keep your relationship fresh and strong. Consider going in for a “12-month checkup”—perhaps at one of FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember getaways (go to weekendtoremember.com for more information). It’s a great way to keep fit.
4. Remember others are watching you run. Ultimately you should look out to the world and ask, “What can we be doing together to advance God’s kingdom?” Part of running God’s race means embracing His mission for you as a couple. And part of that mission is the influence your marriage can have in a culture of people who are desperate to see a real relationship that goes the distance. When you commit your life to your God and to your spouse, there are people watching—parents, grandparents, friends, coworkers, neighbors and your children (if and when you have them). Your marriage will have a profound impact on all of them.
No matter what obstacles you face during your long-distance run, don’t stop running and don’t stop training. As much as you enjoy each other now, remember that the joy of persevering and finishing the race together is even greater.
Discuss