Tristan couldn’t remember the last time he had slept. He stumbled through each day in a daze, barely able to hold his head up, limbs and mind numb and plagued incessantly by fear, hatred, and horrible monsters. They were there in his sleep, torturing and murdering loved ones and strangers alike. They were there behind his eyelids in the waking hours, grinning at him with their horrible, ragged teeth. And they were coming for him.
Destroy them all, a voice would hiss to him as he watched the others mill about him, casting glances his way as they passed. All he saw on their faces was the monster. The fear. The hatred. Destroy them all before they do the same to you.
That thought worried him the most, not the fear, not the monsters, but whatever lurked inside himself. He had tamped down those thoughts so far, but every sleepless night—every monster jumping from the shadows—brought him closer to losing his grip. He needed help; needed to get out. He could only keep the monsters, within and without, at bay for so long before they devoured him.
The only thing he could think to do was leave.
The perfect time came not long after he made up his mind. Another day of hiking. Another stop. Another camp set up. Tristan watched Aspen and Ash, knee bouncing absently. He didn’t unpack but deftly hid his knapsack behind him. The untouched journal weighed heavily in it, and he considered abandoning it, but couldn’t fully bring himself to do that. Not yet.
In the monotony of pitching camp, Aspen stopped and looked at him. Glanced at his bounding knee. She looked about to say something, but Tristan broke eye contact to avoid the conversation.
Just go away. Leave me alone so I can get out of here.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Aspen’s jaw clench and her shoulders tighten. She said something in undertones to Styrax. Styrax glanced Tristan’s way a few times, his face grimmer with each word Aspen spoke. The conversation couldn’t have been more than ten words, and then Aspen went back to work. A few minutes later, she and Ash left, one to scrounge for dinner, and the other to who knew where, toting her stack of crumpled, disorganized collection of hare-brained plans with her.
Tristan waited for three beats after they were gone and then swung his knapsack over his shoulder.
“What are you doing?” Styrax asked.
Tristan jumped. When had he gotten there? He turned to him with his shoulders thrown back, jaw firm. “I’ve made my decision.”
Styrax tilted his head; folded his arms. “What do you mean?”
“Aspen told me to decide about traveling with them, and I’ve decided it’s not worth it. I’m leaving.”
Styrax watched him for ten counts, several emotions flickering through his face at once. His cheeks paled a few shades before reddening. He blew a slow breath through pursed lips and rubbed his brow. “Were you going to tell me about this, or just let me find out when you didn’t come back?” The hurt in his voice was obvious.
Anger boiled in Tristan’s veins. “I didn’t tell you because I don’t trust, you, Styrax! You lied to me! For five years!”
Styrax reeled back, hands up in a placating gesture. “I thought we talked about this already. You know I couldn’t tell you.”
“Just sounds like a convenient excuse to me,” Tristan said, his gut twisting in knots. Why was he being like this? They had already talked about this, so why was it bothering him all over again?
Styrax furrowed his brows, the lines of his face hardening. “I can’t figure you out, Tristan. One moment, you’re my friend. The next, it’s like you think we’re all out to eat you.”
Because you are! It took almost all of Tristan’s willpower not to let the voice hiss from his mouth. Did he really think that? He couldn’t be sure anymore.
“What about the Dragon Scales? Don’t you need their help to get you there?”
“We’re getting close. I could probably–”
Styrax held up a hand. “What I’m trying to say is that we are willing to help you if you just let us. If nothing else, you can at least trust me!”
No, you can’t! Monsters, all of them!
Tristan gritted his teeth. “Styrax, I’ve made my decision. You can come or stay. That’s your choice. But I’m going either way.”
“Going where?” Aspen asked, in her infuriating way of finding the worst times to appear.
“Aspen!” Ash called from the trees. “Will you go to the village and grab a few things for me? Our pickings are slim for dinner.”
Tristan smiled at Aspen, teeth bared in a too tight snarl. “To the village with you. Figured you could use the help.” And the supervision.
Aspen raised an eyebrow. “Mm-hmm.” She looked at Styrax, who shrugged. She waved Tristan off. “I’ll be fine. I would hate to inconvenience you.”
“Oh, no. I insist.” Going to the village would be perfect. He could pick up supplies of his own and then slip away into the crowd. And he could make sure Aspen left the villagers safe and alone.
Aspen looked ready to protest, but she just sighed and rubbed her brows. “Fine. Come if you want. Stay if you don’t.” She left with no more fanfare. Tristan loped after her, hands clutched tight about his knapsack, hoping he actually knew what he was doing.
Aspen didn’t say anything to him as they made their way to the village. Her steps were slower than usual, and her eyes hooded with dark circles beneath them. She had probably been up all night, going over her parchment over and over again like a lunatic. What could possibly be so important? What were her plans?
Monsters, all of them. Whatever they touch they’ll destroy.
Tristan blanched at the thought. If that was true, then what were Aspen’s plans for the village? “What are you planning to do?” Tristan asked.
Aspen rolled her eyes skyward. “Didn’t you hear Ash? We’re going to get supplies. I assume you like to eat?”
Tristan bristled. “Were you planning on starving me?”
“What? No, why—?” Aspen stopped herself. She pinched the bridge of her nose and furrowed her brow with a sigh. “No. Which is why we’re getting supplies.”
“Are you going to steal them?” Tristan asked.
Aspen splayed her hands with another roll of her eyes and kept walking. “Not my expertise. Talk to Ash about that sometime.”
She’s stalling—avoiding your questions. She’s up to something.
“Ah, so you’re just going to murder them and pillage their corpses,” Tristan said with a sneer. That had to be it. Ancient Ones brought nothing but pain and anguish wherever they went. This war had started for a reason. Tristan’s duty now was to minimize how many more victims magic would claim before it was over.
Aspen threw her shoulders back, spine straight as a blade, and stopped. She looked at him, lips pulled taut against her teeth. “It may surprise you, but even monsters carry spare change every once in a while.” She jangled her coin bag for emphasis.
Why? Why did she insist on playing this game with him? He had seen her true form back when they were dueling. He knew the horrors that lurked beneath her facade, and it was time that she knew she couldn’t get away with her charade any longer. “You don’t have to put up an act.”
Aspen threw her hands heavenward. “What act am I putting up?”
“I know what you really are. I’ve seen it.” His voice dripped with venom. “You’re a monster.”
A flicker of hurt flashed across her face, but then was gone. She pressed her lips together and said nothing to him. They continued on.
They made it to the village without any incident, or any additional conversation of any kind. Tristan’s stomach twisted itself into sickening knots the whole way there, waiting for her to strike him down at a moment’s notice. He pulled on the golden ring around his neck and worried at his bottom lip.
A low rock wall lined the entrance to the village, and Aspen gestured to it. “I’ll only be getting enough for me to carry, so I won’t need the extra hands. You’re welcome to wait here and keep an eye on things, or whatever it is you’re planning on doing.”
He gave her a tight mockery of a smile, trying not to let his relief show on his face. At last, he would be rid of her. He sat, examining his nails as his hands shook.
Aspen massaged the bridge of her nose and walked away. “The Pit have you, for all I care,” she said as she left.