“Of all the animals, the boy is the most troublesome and the most fascinating.”
If boys are the “opposite sex,” does that mean that they really are completely different from girls? Let’s find out!
Look at the cross-section of a boy’s brain. It looks pretty different!
As you go through school, at some point it will seem like all your friends are always talking about boys and couples. And you’ll think, “Everyone’s boy crazy! How did things change so fast? We used to dislike boys.”
And it’s true! If you ask little girls in kindergarten how much they like boys, the girls will rate boys as being “okay.” After that, the boys will get steadily worse ratings from the girls every year, all the way through fourth grade. Why do little girls dislike little boys? One theory is that it’s because little boys are brats! (What’s with all this “cooties” stuff, anyway?)
If ever you find yourself annoyed by a bratty little boy, try using this mystical chant to solve your problem. It was written by wise girls many years ago:
Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider,
Girls go to college to get more knowledge.
Crisscross, applesauce,
I hate boys!
That just might help you.
Annoying Boy Problems
Here are some other annoying problems that younger boys sometimes have.
Annoying Problem: He picks his nose.
Is This Normal? Yes.
Annoying Problem: He likes to give wedgies.
Why Does He Do This? Scientists have been studying Boys and the Mystery of the Wedgie for years, and still have no idea why boys do this. It may be a way primitive people communicate with each other. No one knows for sure. What is certain is that you should keep an eye on any boy who likes to give wedgies.
Annoying Problem: He winked at you.
Is This Normal? The technical term for winking is nictitating. Does that sound normal to you?
Annoying Problem: He wrote you this note:
Hi!
I’m guessing that you’re from Tennessee, because you’re the only “ten,” I see! I know you’re good at science. Are you going to be a female astronaut? Because you are really out of this world! If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together! What do you say?
Timmy
Is This Normal? Not unless you think it’s funny.
As you can see, most boys’ problems have to do with maturity. The fact is that most boys mature more slowly than girls. That’s mentally and physically!
This is why girls and boys sometimes don’t have a lot in common in 6th through 8th grade. (Of course, this is also when many girls get interested in boys.) But boys are sooo immature. It makes sense that in many cultures throughout history, girls got married in their early teens, while boys weren’t allowed to get married until they were in their 20s or older. This may also explain why so many women end up marrying men who are a few years older than they are.
If you’re trying to understand boys, one important thing to know is that a boy never wants to look like a sissy to the other boys. That’s why even little boys will act macho, like they weigh 300 pounds and are covered in tattoos. It’s silly, but a boy starts pretending he’s a man when he’s just a kid. (And then he never stops pretending for the rest of his life.)
Because of this, as boys get older, many boys often won’t show much emotion. These older boys are like poker players, but instead of hiding their cards, they hide their feelings. Your average boy is not going to want to tell you any of his feelings because for him, these are his “secrets.”
It’s not their fault, though. Boys are often told if they show their feelings that they are “acting like a girl.” A boy playing with dolls (or doing any other “girl” activity) is teased much more than a girl playing football (or any other “boy” activity). So life can be tough for boys in ways that girls don’t have to worry about.
*Did you know that “MACHO” actually stands for “Males Acting Childish, Horrible, and Obnoxious”?
“Father, May I Grow?”
A tribe of people named the Malagasy live in Madagascar. One of their customs is that a boy cannot grow taller than his father without permission. If he wants permission, he must buy the right to grow taller by giving his dad an ox.
Communication
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“Boys frustrate me. I hate all their indirect messages . . . Do you like me or don’t you? Just tell me so I can get over you.” |
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| —Kirsten Dunst | ||
Girls like to talk. That’s because it’s fun to do something you’re good at! There is a scientific reason for this. A girl has shorter vocal cords than a boy, so it actually takes less effort for her to talk. As for boys‚ their vocal cords double in length during puberty. This can make it a lot of work for them to spit something out! Guys are four times more likely than girls to have a stuttering problem. So, because many boys aren’t as good at talking as girls, they do less of it.
*Studies show the number one thing guys find annoying about girls is that they “talk too much.”
Boys and their talking problems may not get better anytime soon. Every year, boys spend more and more time playing video games, which isn’t very good for their social skills. One of Japan’s hottest-selling video games is a “love simulation” game. In it, a boy tries to get a girl to go on a date with him. One young man wrote that he liked the game because he was “not interested in real girls.” Scary, huh?
Because many boys aren’t the greatest communicators, they often don’t understand basic girl language. For example, if you say, “I don’t have anything to wear,” you mean that you’re frustrated with all your clothes and none of them look good on you at the moment.
But when a boy hears you say, “I don’t have anything to wear,” he thinks you’re insane because you have a closet full of clothes.
Often boys don’t use words to show their feelings. Instead, they let their facial expressions communicate for them. See if you can guess which feeling matches up with the boy’s expression.
Guy Fashion
You might be able to tell a little something about a boy from the way he dresses. Many boys just wear whatever combination of T-shirt/shorts/jeans/cap/jacket that is the guy uniform of the year. Sometimes a boy will even be wearing new clothes, but you’ll think they are the same ones from the day before because they look the same. But other guys will branch out more and express themselves with their clothes, shoes, and even hair.
If a boy dresses with style (good or bad), you have to give him points for trying. Let’s see what some of the more unusual fashion choices for boys might mean.
Shoes
none Your school allows this?
Birkenstocks He cares about the environment!
sandals with socks He’s either a real rebel or a real nerd . . . or both!
penny loafers Look at the sentence right above this one.
tube socks with shorts He just got out of a time machine.
Pants
jeans Pretty basic.
khakis A little more style.
white pants He’s probably friendly and he might have ice cream!
leather pants He probably isn’t friendly. He probably doesn’t have ice cream.
Shirts
tie-dyed T-shirts Mean people never wear tie-dye, so he must be nice.
T-shirts with odd or funny sayings How funny is it?
muscle shirts or tank tops Not a good sign.
satin or silk shirts Fancy! He might be a better dresser than most girls.
velvet shirts That’s REALLY fancy.
Velveeta shirts Yech!
Hair
mullet If he’s plays hockey or is Canadian, it’s okay.
shaved head Fine, as long as his scalp doesn’t look like oatmeal.
long hair or ponytail If he plays guitar, okay. If he is the Dungeon Master of the D&D club, not so okay.
dread-locks Cool!
crew cut Retro!
greasy or with dandruff Ick! He’s shampoo challenged!
frosted/highlighted hair He spends more time on his hair than you do.
lots of mousse or hair products If the fire alarm goes off, avoid him—he could be a fire hazard!
Other
suspenders His grandfather helps him dress!
suspenders with a belt How hard IS it to keep up his pants?
bolo tie Rodeo star!
bow-tie Do you live in North America?
kilt Now, THIS guy’s an individual!
lots of rings, chains, or other jewelry Not a good sign.
a chain attached to his wallet Smart! This stops all those pickpockets at your school!
pierced ear Fine, but no more than one per ear.
pierced face Smile politely and walk away.
pierced internal organs Smile politely, then RUN away!
tattoos How old is this kid?
Friendship
So far in this chapter, we’ve done a fair amount of trash-talking about boys. But it’s all in good fun! The truth is that boys can be great friends. We’re not talking about boyfriends, we’re talking about guy friends. There’s a difference.
Guy friends can be easier to hang out with than girls. Even though boys may not be better listeners, you don’t have to worry as much about what you say around them. That’s partly because the odds are that boys are not necessarily big gossipers. Plus, you probably won’t be competing with guy friends, so there’s less friction. Finally, guys have their own perspective on life, which means they have interesting ideas you might never have thought about.
Don’t let a guy friend assume that being your friend means more than it does, though. A guy might fall madly in love with a girl if he believes the girl is friends with him because she likes him. If he goes from friendship to loveship, there may be no cure!
Crushes
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“You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.” |
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| —Erica Jong | ||
Look, this isn’t a romance book, but you’ll probably have crushes on different people during your life. Crushes are normal, but girls often confuse having a crush with falling in love. You have to be careful. Some girls fall in love easily, and others just step in it. (That is a joke.)
Sometimes a crush can be so powerful that a girl gets completely obsessed with a boy. She can’t stop thinking about how great he is and hoping that he feels the same way about her. She gets butterflies in her stomach just thinking about him! Maybe the longest-lasting crushes are the ones we have with celebrities. That’s because we (almost) never meet the actual celebrity to find out he’s not perfect.
If you ever have a killer crush and want to come back down to Earth, think about this: Almost all women wash their hands after using the restroom. But only 75 percent of men (celebrities included!) do, and the percentage is even lower for boys. Do you really want to hold hands with someone who might not use soap?
If you do have a crush on someone, you might want to keep it to yourself. That’s because when other girls find out you like someone, a magical spell is cast and they realize that he’s fantastic too! Then they might try to be tricky.
You: That Timmy sure is great!
Your “friend”: Oh, let me tell you, he is SUCH a creep! Let me steer you in the right direction . . . You should be going out with Brandon. He is a great guy!
You: Really?
Your “friend”: You bet! (To herself: Now Timmy is mine! All mine! Ha ha ha!)
Another classic is when you share that you have a crush on a boy you don’t really know. When you find out that your friend likes him too, you feel jealous and possessive, even though he’s a stranger!
Finally, this can happen when you tell your friend who you have a crush on:
You: That Timmy is sure great!
Your friends (all together): Ew! He is SO nerdy!
You: Just kidding, heh heh.
Your Magic Song
If there’s a special someone you like, have a magic song that the two of you share. To find it, get out a picture of your someone. This may be in the school yearbook or a magazine. (The beauty of this spell is that the other person doesn’t have to know about it!) You also need a radio, or maybe an iPod set for “shuffle.”
Hold the picture and look into your love’s dreamy eyes. Murmur his name 5 times. Then turn on the radio (or hit “play” on the iPod.) Whatever song comes on is your song together! You must now learn all the words to it, and anytime you hear this song in the future, it will remind you of your special someone.
Are You a Good Match?
Are you wondering if you would get along with the boy you like? Lesley Ann Dunking has a system called Love Letters that can help answer this question. (Keep in mind that this is just a game, okay?)
First, write down your first and last name. Below them, write the first and last name of the boy you like. (This has to do with the letters in your name, which you can learn more about in the “Nicknames” chapter.) Here’s an example:
Summer Wheatly
Pedro Sanchez
Now go letter-by-letter through your name. Look at each letter in your name to see if the same letter is in the boy’s name. If the letter IS also in his name, you cross off that letter in both your name and the boy’s name. Keep a running total of the letters you have in common. If a letter isn’t in his name, just keep going with no score.
Summer Wheatly
Pedro Sanchez
In the example above, the “S” in Summer would be crossed off, because “Sanchez” also has an “S.”
Summer Wheatly
Pedro Sanchez
Although the next three letters in Summer have no match with Pedro Sanchez, the last two letters (“e” and “r”) do. As you can see in the example above, the tally is three after finishing with Summer’s first name.
Now do the last name. Here’s what the names would look like when you’re done, using this example:
Summer Wheatly
Pedro Sanchez
SCORING: There are a total of five matched letters between the two people in our example. Let’s see how you score your names.
2 or less: There is no hope of a relationship between you.
3 to 4: You might have something, but it probably won’t last long.
5 to 6: The prospects are good!
7 or more: True love!
Common Questions Girls Ask about Boys
Q. How do I get a boy’s attention?
A. An easy way to get a boy’s attention is to ask for his advice or opinion about something. Boys love to give girls advice on stuff. Compliments work, but don’t overdo it.
Q. Do boys pay more attention to pretty girls?
A. What is “pretty” anyway? Haven’t you read the “Beauty” chapter in this book? But still, for most boys, the answer to this question is probably “yes.” And guess what? The girl who’s prettiest in 7th grade may not be the prettiest in high school, or college, or real life after that. Anyone could be the prettiest girl then!
Q. I know a boy who only pays attention to blonde girls (or girls who play sports, or . . . ) Why does he do that?
A. Boys are just as insecure about peer pressure as girls are. A guy may feel he should like a certain type of girl. The boy might avoid a girl he actually likes, because there is another girl he is supposed to like. (BTW, girls are just as bad about this!)
Q. How does flirting work?
A. The simplest and least embarrassing way to flirt is just to make eye contact with that special someone. Then hold the look for around two seconds. (That’s an eternity in flirt time!) Going too much longer turns it into a staring contest, which is sort of weird and NOT flirting anymore. While you’re making eye contact, smile. Then look away. That’s flirting!
Q. How can I tell if a boy has a crush on me?
A. If someone has a crush on you, it’s like having your own fan club. Somebody out there loves to hear news about you and thinks you’re great! We divide boy crushes into two types:
The Shy Crush: This boy gets embarrassed if you even look at him. If you talk to him, he will stammer. But you notice that he stares at you a lot. He’s either really shy or he just can’t believe (or won’t admit!) that he has a crush on you. And yet he will defend you to other people.
Outgoing Crush: This is a much easier crush to see coming. This boy seeks you out and always has an excuse to talk to you. In short, he couldn’t be more obvious!
Q. I know this is off the topic, but do boys ever walk down the hallway judging each other’s hairdos?
A. No. Boys are so different from girls. For example, boys see male fashion models all the time, but most boys don’t want to be male fashion models. What’s wrong with them?
Q. How do I tell a boy I like him?
A. Don’t play mind games. Try being friendly to a boy you like when you see him WITHOUT paying too much attention to him. Don’t call him constantly. Resist the impulse to hang out together ALL THE TIME. Hold something back. That’s because if he knows that you have a crush on him, then he is in the driver’s seat. And he’s probably a bad driver!
Q. I’m smart and I get good grades. There’s a guy who I think likes me, but he also seems to avoid me. What does that mean?
A. He might be scared of you. Evidence suggests that some boys (and men) avoid smart, successful girls. This is because guys are competitive, so they think they have to be the smart ones. If a girl is smart, a guy might think he is “losing.”
Believe it or not, research seems to show that the higher an adult woman’s I.Q., the more some men will be afraid of her. But as the world changes, smart girls are being seen as leaders and role models more and more each year. So PLEASE don’t act dumb so a guy will like you. If a boy can’t accept that a girl can be intelligent, you really don’t want to be around him anyway.
Q. So that’s it? He’s afraid of me?
A. He might be naturally shy. Or maybe he actually doesn’t like you. (Wait, that’s impossible! You’re adorable!)
Q. When should I give up on a guy?
A. You can’t talk someone into liking you. Nobody can explain these things; we just have to learn to live with them. So give a boy a couple of chances to get to know you. If he’s not interested, move on. You will just seem needy if you keep trying after that.
Q. He rejected me! I am so hurt and mad. Can I destroy him?
A. Getting rejected can make anyone angry, disappointed, embarrassed, or all three. You want him to explain why he doesn’t like you, or to just give you one more chance, or maybe you want sweet revenge on that jerk! Who does he think he is?
You may have these reactions, but remember: He’s not your enemy, he’s just a guy who doesn’t want to go out with you. And you’re going to have to do the same exact thing to other boys in your life, and that won’t make you a bad person either. It’s just the way it is!
Relationships
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“I don’t understand it when people say, ‘We’re going out.’ What does that mean? You’re not going anywhere.” |
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| —Tori Allen | ||
Hey, you’re too young to have a boyfriend! (If you’re over the age of 30, ignore that statement.) So if you don’t have a boyfriend—good for you. Who needs ’em?!
But if you do have a boyfriend, don’t talk about him too much to your girlfriends, especially if they don’t have boyfriends. It might seem like bragging, and then you’ll have relationship problems with the people who really matter: Your girlfriends! You might only go out with a boy for a day, so if you burn your bridges with your girlfriends, you had better be a good bridge builder when the day is over.
As for boys, remember that they are as sensitive or more sensitive than you and your girlfriends. Although they may act like they have no emotions, it is just an act. They can (and do) get their feelings hurt, but most boys will never admit it.
If you and a boy like each other, keep it private. That way you don’t have to talk to everyone about it! If the two of you can make it past the initial newsflash of being an “item,” you move into hanging out together. Even though this is usually more public, you should avoid PDA (Public Displays of Affection). Good couples don’t show off!
Maybe at some point he will ask you a question that is some version of “Will you be my girlfriend?” We don’t know what kind of rules your family has about this kind of thing, so use your common sense. If you do decide to officially become someone’s girlfriend, at this point a lot of younger boys will enter the protective/jealous stage. You know you’ve reached that stage if he wants to hang out with you constantly and is jealous of everyone you talk to. Try to stay in groups as much as possible so that it doesn’t get weird, and hope he grows out of it.
BTW, don’t go out with the boyfriend (or former boyfriend) of one of your girlfriends. This is almost always a disaster. If something goes wrong (and it will!), you are ruining six relationships by doing this!
Kissing
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“Why ruin a good friendship with a kiss?” |
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| —Paige Lundy | ||
In a perfect world, people who share a kiss are sharing a feeling and showing how much they trust and like the other person. The average woman will spend about two weeks of her life kissing people. As for you, you’re still a girl, so stick with holding hands!
Types of Kisses
The following information is amazing, insightful, and informative! (But remember, you’re too young to be kissing anyone!)
The Eskimo Kiss
The Eskimo kiss is practiced by the Inuit people of the Pacific Northwest. Two people who like each other gently rub noses as a sign of affection. Some people think they do this because their lips would freeze together if they lip-kissed. (And this may not be as silly as it sounds!)
The Cheek Kiss
Cheek kissing is common in North and Central America and the Mid-East as a greeting to a friend or relative. Usually it’s one kiss to the cheek (sometimes with a hug), and you’re done. In countries like Colombia and Bolivia, a person always kisses everyone present when arriving or leaving a party or dinner. When you go to a party, you kiss everyone. It doesn’t matter if you know them or not, nobody’s cheek is a stranger to your lips!
In Italy, Spain, and Holland, there may be two (or three) kisses to the cheeks to greet a person. But the French win for most total kisses: As a gesture of respect, leaders in France sometimes get four kisses to the cheeks!
The Kiss of Death!
In the 1500s, it was a crime to be caught kissing in Naples, Italy. The punishment? Death!
The Air Kiss
The air kiss is a fake cheek kiss. This is where you get within an inch or so of the person and then “kiss the air” instead of their cheek. This is done as a joke with friends and as an emergency kiss with someone that has dirty cheeks.
Mistletoe! For a poisonous plant whose name means “dung twig,” the mistletoe has a pretty romantic reputation. [
French Kissing
You may have heard of French kissing. It is also known as snogging, soul kissing, and tonsil hockey. The term “French kiss” was invented in 1923, and is not used in France. One reason the French are linked with kissing has to do with a ritual they had 1500 years ago, where a dance between partners would end with a kiss.
Kissing Facts
Most people turn their heads somewhat to the side when moving in for a kiss. They do this because knocking noggins or banging teeth together does not set the mood correctly.
*Research shows that 66 percent of kissers turn their head to the right.
People with braces have to be careful not to hurt each other when kissing. There are horror stories of brace-faces locking into place and having to dial 911 to be separated.
Ever wonder how “X” came to mean a kiss? (Pretend that you have wondered this.) Well, back in the days before most people could read or write, if a girl had to sign a legal document, she would put down a big “X” for her name. Then to make it more official, she would kiss her signature. And even though most people can write now, the tradition of kisses and Xs just sort of stuck around.
Fun Word!
nigglywiggly: The little paper tag that comes out of the top of a Hershey’s kiss. [
Hugs
So what about hugs? Well, at some point in every middle school, girl groups go through a “hug phase.” This usually continues well into high school. It is when girls, or groups of girls, get the hug bug. Girls are suddenly hugging each other in the hallway all the time, to greet each other, or provide support. While girls in other countries have long been affectionate with hugs, this is still pretty new to U.S. schools.
Hugs rock! In the words of one girl, “they are jolly and mood boosting.” Two-armed hugs with the heads side-by-side are the most affectionate hugs. The one-armed hug is the least personal. This is when a girl is next to her “huggee” and puts one arm around his shoulders and pulls in. The most personal hug is the Oreo hug, where two people hug a person in between them.
Fights!
There’s no avoiding arguments. Sooner or later, every couple has them. Who knows what it will be about? Maybe he thinks that vanilla is better than chocolate (the fool!), or maybe he is trying to get you to do his homework. Whatever.
You’ll have to work through these things yourself. We think that most fights are really about communication problems, and guys just aren’t the best communicators. Remember that just because a boy likes you doesn’t mean he understands you! And remember, these fights are not the end of the world. Both of you will get over it.
If you are in the right, the good part about a fight is that he will apologize and maybe even get a gift to make up with you. Happy endings with presents are good! If you are in the wrong (hard to imagine, but still), you will apologize and maybe even give him a gift to make up with you. (Don’t give him a gift of makeup, though. He won’t think it’s funny.)
Breaking Up
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“Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.” |
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| —Miss Piggy | ||
Hey, unless you’re getting married, breaking up has to happen eventually. According to our statistics, 100 percent of break-ups happen after a couple has already been going out. There are times when the two people decide together that breaking up is the best idea and they are both happy with the decision. (Of course, we’ve never actually seen this happen . . .)
But if you need to break up with him, there’s almost never a good way to do it. There are BAD ways to break up, though.
The Bottom Three Worst Ways to Break Up
3. On the phone or online.
2. Having a friend tell him.
1. Just ignoring him and hoping he gets the hint.
You really need to tell him in person and in private. School is a bad place for this, but it will do in a pinch. Try to keep a time limit on the conversation so that you can say your part, he can respond, and you can leave him alone to process it.
Breaking up always sucks, but it’s even worse if he breaks up with you. Many girls get a bad case of breakup-rexia after breaking up, especially if it’s the first time it’s happened. Girls suffering from this illness lose their appetites and don’t want to talk much. If you ever get breakup-rexia, you will notice that every sad song you hear seems to have been written just for you. Fun things don’t seem so fun anymore. Friends and family can’t seem to help. But guess what? There is a cure for breakup-rexia! The one surefire cure for it is time. (Chocolate also helps.) Yep, if you give anything enough time, it will get better. It always does.
Marriage
Marriage?! Hey, slow down there! You should stay single and independent for another decade or so. But still, a girl can’t help but think what it would be like if she were married to her special someone . . . even if he is only eleven!
Here’s an amazing marriage fact: Adult men and women are usually attracted to people who are like they are. Have you ever noticed married couples who look like each other? Believe it or not, the odds are that married couples will have the same kind of nose and the same distance between their eyes. (If you haven’t noticed this before, start taking a look.)
*A woman’s odds of marrying a millionaire are 215 to 1. A woman’s odds of becoming a millionaire are about 215 to 1. (Go for the second option. That way, the money will be all yours!)
Research also shows that married couples are usually alike with their education, race, religion, politics, and attitudes towards life. Think about your parents. Does this apply to them?
Speaking of your parents, until about two hundred years ago, most girls married someone who her parents picked out for her. Even today, this sort of “arranged marriage” is common in some parts of the world, like India. An arranged marriage is not the same thing as a forced marriage. Either the young man or woman can call off an arranged marriage if they want.
Do arranged marriages work? Well, the United States has a divorce rate of about 50 percent; in other words, about half of all marriages end in divorce. (The state with the lowest divorce rate is Massachusetts, while the state with by far the highest divorce rate is Nevada.) In India, the divorce rate is currently less than 2 percent. Interesting!