“The only thing worse than a liar is a bad liar.”
Lies
Everyone lies. Sometimes a person has to! For example, you might lie to a friend because you care about her feelings and being honest won’t be helpful. As one girl put it, “The truth hurts. That’s why I lie.” Adults call these kinds of lies “white lies.” But whatever color they are, are all lies bad? If a person tells a kindly fib, this might be the kind of lie that is okay. And as you know, girls often give each other kindly fibs so that their friends feel better about themselves.
Unfortunately, most lies AREN’T kindly fibs, so when and where are you most likely to be lied to? Answer: When you’re on the phone. A study of liars found that about 30 percent of lies are told during phone calls, and 25 percent happen during face-to-face conversations. If a person uses Instant Messages or chat rooms, she will unload 20 percent of her lies there. If you want to know the truth, read your e-mail. The fewest lies show up in e-mail messages.
There is a World’s Biggest Liar contest held each year. Contestants compete by telling stories, and judges decide whose lies are the most entertaining. In 2003, the winner of the Biggest Liar contest was later accused of cheating. See, the liars are supposed to make up their lies on the spot, and this liar prepared notes beforehand. Can you believe a liar would cheat?
The Japanese have a pretty honest society. For instance, the Tokyo Lost and Found Center has about $20 million in cash turned into it each year by people who find lost wallets and purses. Most of this money makes it back to the original owners!
How to Spot a Liar
Girls are often good at “reading people.” This means they can sometimes sense when a lie is being told. How? Below are some of the signs that you may already be able to spot without even thinking about it. (BTW, there is no single rule about lying that applies to everyone. Noticing any of the following doesn’t prove the person is lying.)
Eyes: It’s been said that a liar can’t look you in the eye. This isn’t true. It’s possible to lie with normal eye contact. But if the person can’t look away from you OR can’t look at you, then she MAY be lying.
If the person’s eye starts twitching, she’s probably nervous about something. Also, some people believe that right-handed liars look toward their left when they lie and left-handed liars look toward their right. Finally, liars really DO blink more than normal!
Voice: It is stressful to lie, so a liar’s voice tends to go higher than normal. Liars also tend to talk fast. However, if the liar has to invent a lie on the spot, he will slow way down and look upwards as he searches for the best story.
If the person is really feeling the stress, there may be stuttering and a lot of pauses and mumbling. Liars also use “filler words” like: er, um, duh, uh, or help me I’m a big fat liar.
Fake Smiles and Fake Laughing: It isn’t THAT hard to spot a fake smile, because liars only smile with their mouth. What we mean is that a true smile affects the whole face, so that the corners of the eyes will “crinkle” up and you can see the smile in the eyes. If a person has a thin-lipped, clenched-teeth smile that doesn’t crinkle the eyes, it’s probably a fake!
Which girl is really smiling?
Another giveaway is if the person sucks her lips in OR licks her lips a lot.
As for laughter, a laugh is only real if the person closes his eyes as he laughs. If your suspect starts laughing but is watching you with open eyes when he does, look out! He might be a lying laugher. (Or a laughing liar!)
Micro-Expressions: Most facial expressions (smiles, grimaces, sneers, etc.) only last about a second. But a micro-expression is what happens when a person is lying and she is trying NOT to make an expression. These micro-expression may last one-fifth of a second. Even a good liar will sometimes have these fast little facial expressions, especially when she is asked a question and answers it with a lie. It may be a smile or frown, or a look away.
Body Language: Some liars use much more body language than truth-tellers. They tend to touch, rub, or tug on their ears, nose, and eyes, as well as readjusting their clothes.
But a liar who feels really defensive may have fewer hand gestures than usual, or his hands may go into his pockets and never come out. A defensive liar like this may cross his legs and arms. If he’s seated, his legs may bounce and twitch.
Word Use: Liars tend to use phrases like “To tell the truth,” “Really,” “Honestly,” “Actually,” “No kidding,” “Seriously,” more than usual. Other statements to beware of include:
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“Trust me.”
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“Why would I lie?”
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“I swear on my sock drawer.”
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“I’d never lie to you.”
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“You can ask anyone!”
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“I’ve never told a lie in my life, and I’m not going to start now.”
A person who ends their statement with “All right?” “Don’t you agree?” “You know what I’m talking about?” or other questions that try to get you to agree with what she said is also possibly lying. Or she may just be insecure.
Finally, a person who is lying uses contractions less, and emphasizes their denials. For example, instead of saying “I didn’t do it,” she will say “I did NOT do it!”
*If a person has pseudomania, he has a compulsion to lie even when there’s no reason to. Does this sound like anyone you know? They are also called compulsive liars, but that is not as fun to say as pseudomaniacs.
*A survey of people in Italy found that Italians tell between 5 to 10 lies a day. In that country, the number one lie was “Don’t worry; it’s been taken care of.” In second place was “It’s nice to see you.”
How to Lie
Don’t lie! This will save you a lot of trouble. But if you have to tell a kindly fib, just avoid the common mistakes listed above. The key to telling a lie is to believe it. Sadly, if you tell yourself a lie enough times, it will seem like the truth to you. This doesn’t mean that you pretend to believe the lie; this means that you actually believe it. You’re basically brainwashing yourself. Although washing is healthy, brainwashing isn’t. So don’t lie!
A Shocker! Despite the song, a liar’s pants rarely catch on fire.
Mean Girls
“Mean girls are like milk that gets left out of the refrigerator too long. They started out good, but then they turned sour.”Amanda Rutabaga
Where do Mean Girls come from? Do they wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and decide, “I’m going to be mean”? Or does a fairy come by and sprinkle magical “Mean Girl” fairy dust on them? Nobody knows. But this section of the book is dedicated to the question: Bad girls, bad girls, whatcha gonna do?
Mean Girls are not exactly bullies. Of course, there are some Mean Girls who might actually punch you. (They are called “Cave Girls.”) But since girls are different from boys, girl bullies are often different from boy bullies. For example, Mean Girls can actually be nice when someone is watching. But because they’re so sneaky and sly, it can be hard for an outsider to spot Mean Girls being mean.
One Mean Girl technique is to get all her friends to hate her “enemy.” To get everyone on her side, the Mean Girl might try to “scapegoat” her victim. (A scapegoat is someone who gets blamed for everything that is wrong, whether it is her fault or not.) Everything the scapegoat does is WRONG. If she has long hair, it should be short. If she raises her hand in class, she is a show-off. If she is quiet, she is stuck-up. Scapegoats get harassed with name-calling, cold shoulders, rumors, and teasing. It’s so stupid.
Which girl is really smiling?
No Kidding! Don’t you hate it when a Mean Girl says something mean, and then adds, “Just kidding.” Like that helps!
Which girl is really smiling?
But why do some girls get picked on? It might just be because they are different and they dare to be themselves. It’s like the Mean Girls are the Perfection Police, and they decide what is okay and what isn’t. They will pick on girls who are too smart, or not smart enough, or too pretty, or not pretty enough, or overweight, or really funny or whatever. A girl who really is herself might annoy a Mean Girl who kissed her brain good-bye just to be “popular.”
Someday you may find yourself the victim of a group of Mean Girls. They might say nasty things about you or write anonymous notes that put you down. Sure, we’ve all been told that sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Mean Girls have proven what a load of baloney that is! If someone says something mean, it can hurt for years.
*When Queen Elizabeth I (1533–1603) found out who had published a nasty pamphlet about her, she had the authors’ right hands cut off. Now there’s an idea! (Or not.)
For the moment, let’s say that a Mean Girl is treating you badly. You can just silently take her abuse, which isn’t very healthy or satisfying. Or you can do something about it. Here are some strategies for your action plan:
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Tell an adult and get help. Sure, he or she would have to be pretty “with it” to know how to help. But still.
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Avoid the Mean Girls when possible. (Duh!)
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Be patient and wait for the Mean Girl to either move to another state or to stop being mean. (It’s fun to wish.)
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Let your own sense of humor help you.
Having a sense of humor about life might not solve your problems, but it will make things better. If you can laugh at the Mean Girl (and yourself), somehow it relieves the tension and makes the world a better place. Your humor may be shown when you smile to yourself at how lame the Mean Girl is when she is nasty.
You can also use humor for self-defense. For example, if you hear a Mean Girl diss your friend, sincerely say, “Wow, and she always says such sweet things about you.” Or if a Mean Girl disses you, say, “May the cubes from a hundred ice trays fill your bra.” The Mean Girl probably won’t get it, but you’ll be able to smile and walk away. (BTW, that’s why they call these one-liners. You use ONE, and then move on while you’re still ahead. Don’t get into a cut-down contest.)
Comebacks to Save for a Mean Girl on a Rainy Day
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Have you been getting a lot of “get well” cards?
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Your outfit must be reversible. Try it inside out. You’ve got nothing to lose!
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Are you getting dizzy? Because the world is revolving around you really fast.
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You put the duh in dumb.
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Two words: Fashion roadkill.
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From your hair to your smile to your personality: Fake, fake, fake!
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Nice top. Who shot the sofa?
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Would you like to borrow my baseball mitt so you can catch a clue?
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Looking at her clothes: Somewhere there’s a horse missing its blanket.
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The worst thing to say to a mean girl: You are a total waste of makeup.
Other Useful Terms for Self-Defense
A skinny mean girl is a “skeletor.” Mean Girls at the mall are “hags with bags.” Other useful words include Ditz, Girl-Goyle, Thicko, Icky, Fluff ’n’ Stuff, Eejit, Ninny, and Barbie.
Jerks
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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” |
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| —Eleanor Roosevelt | ||
Boy bullies (also known as Jerks or Creeps) tend to be insulting. A Jerk usually wants to hurt your feelings or get you angry. Whatever a Jerk says to you, try to keep your cool. If you get upset, that’s exactly what he wanted. After all, consider the source: A boy who doesn’t know anything about you? Please. His opinion shouldn’t count for anything.
So how should you deal with a Jerk? If a Jerk says something mean to you and you just blush and walk away, that encourages him. He has no reason to leave you alone because you’re an easy victim!
All of us fantasize about what we wish we said to the mean person who insulted us. Maybe it would be better to just SAY it and not wish we had. Sadly, there is no perfect thing to say to a Jerk, but try something odd enough to startle him and make him think.
Jerk: Why are you so flat?
Girl: I loaned my chest to a friend of mine. Maybe a friend of yours with a brain will do the same thing for you.
After saying something unexpected (“You look like amphibian poop!”), be sure to walk away while the Jerk tries to figure it out. Other odd things to say to Jerks that will buy you some “walking away” time include Pelican Head, Biscuit Pants, Idiot Boy, Dillweed, and Mouth-Breather. You get the idea.[6]
If you want a slightly longer comeback, here are two of our favorites:
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Somebody’s been drinking a lot of Nerd Juice.
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Did your parents have any sons?
*If a smart-alecky boy asks you if you wear “over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders,” ask HIM if he has on an “under-the-butt-nut-hut.” Then watch him back away in fear and confusion.
Of course, there are always adults that might be able to help. Aside from the usual parents, teachers, and counselors, if you can find a way to speak to a Jerk’s mother, your problems may be solved. The odds are that if she finds out her little Junior is being mean to girls, he’ll be in BIG trouble. If you need to talk to a teacher or your parents to get word to the Jerk’s mom, then talk to a teacher or your parents.
*Want to get the last laugh? Move to Russia. Women there live an average of 13 years longer than men!
Revenge!
Yeah, yeah, we know that every book you’ve ever read and every adult you’ve ever known has said revenge is wrong. And it’s true. But stay tuned for an important news bulletin: Revenge won’t make you a better person, but it CAN make the world a better place.
Here’s how: There are a lot of really bad things a person can’t get arrested for. For example, a girl can’t be arrested for lying or backstabbing someone. So what prevents her from doing that? Hopefully, her own conscience! But if that’s not enough, it’s probably the fear of revenge. Part of what keeps people in line is that someone might “get them back.”
Wanting to get revenge on someone who’s done you wrong is an instinct. It satisfies a girl’s need for justice. It’s wrong, but it’s also natural. So maybe you feel like it’s time to get revenge. Here are the guidelines.
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Nobody can actually get hurt. Duh.
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You can’t wait more than a month to get revenge on someone. By then, your foe will have forgotten what she did wrong.
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YOU HAVE TO TAKE CREDIT FOR YOUR REVENGE. No whispers behind the person’s back, and no gossip. If you can’t do this, forget the whole thing.
Since those are pretty tough guidelines to live by, you may want to try some other options instead. Think about the nasty things you may have done to other people before. The odds are, you have been the villain in another person’s revenge fantasy! And once you know that, it can help you to feel a little differently about your villain. Maybe you can’t forgive her, but at least you can rise above her.
Finally, think about what a great life you have. Don’t let some nincompoop mess it up!
*Five hundred years ago in China, a girl could take revenge by sprinkling chopped-up tiger whiskers in her foe’s food. Because chopped tiger whiskers have barbs, the victim would suffer uncomfortable digestion after eating.
Which girl is really smiling?
[6] In case you don’t, you could also call a boy bully a gobdaw, fribble, drongo, chowderhead, muppet, apple-knocker, flapdoodle, gink, or a parrot face.