Chapter 6.

“You have CDs.” Jess was wandering around the flat, perhaps shaking off a little of the embarrassment she’d brought upon herself. Anna felt a twinge of guilt at her enjoyment.

“You have, like, honest-to-god CDs.”

It sounded as if Jess had unearthed a relic or ancient treasure.

“They do still sell CDs you know,” Anna said.

It smarted a little. After Jess's interest in Anna’s sexuality, it was a disappointment to be reminded that it didn’t mean Jess was interested in Anna, a middle-aged woman, living secluded and alone and clinging to her CD collection. Even though Anna would never encourage Jess's interest, the frisson of attraction was good for her esteem.

“Yeah, why is that?” Jess said, running her finger along the collection and wrinkling her nose.

“Why is what?” Anna said.

“Why do they sell CDs?”

“For old buggers like me probably.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“You’re meant to say ‘you’re not old’,” Anna jested.

“How old are you?”

“Thirty-nine.”

“Like nearly forty?” Jess faced her and gasped theatrically.

“Yes.”

“Jesus.”

“Oi.” She’d deserved that. So Jess could play too. That was good. It made Anna smile and fill with satisfaction. When was the last time someone had teased and made her feel like that, so full of delight from her belly to her ears?

“I’m kidding,” Jess said, and shrugged off her quip. “It’s weird though. I don’t often see people’s music taste on display. Or their books. I have everything on my phone. My parents got rid of their CDs after they’d copied them. Not their books though. Never the books.” She frowned. “There are a lot of female artists here. I mean, a lot of female artists. Queer too…”

Again the suggestion. This time Jess said it without blatant innuendo, more a realisation of her own thoughts.

“Do you always think out loud?” Anna asked.

“Oh,” Jess stood up. “Sometimes.” She grinned, that great big smile with beautiful lips like a bow. “Gets me into trouble.”

“I bet it does.”

There was a silence. Again Anna could almost hear the cogs ticking over in Jess's head, wondering what Anna’s impression of her might be, perhaps anxious that she’d overstepped the mark.

“I don’t think I could throw the CDs away,” Anna said to break the silence. “I love the artwork. Sometimes, when I’m tired, it’s nice to recognise the picture of a favourite album and put it on.” She wondered if the woman from a different generation would understand.

“There’s like a thousand dance albums here,” Jess said.

“Were you expecting the complete works of Bach?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re on that shelf.”

Jess laughed out loud, throwing her head back, that generous mouth open wide. Anna was beginning to love that sound – joyful, fearless and full of song like her voice when it was confident. Anna found herself smiling, too much.

“So what are you listening to at the moment?” Jess asked.

“It’s probably Kylie in the player.”

“Kylie?”

“You don’t know Kylie?”

“Of course I do. My mom listens to her. But I keep thinking you’d be listening to something like opera.”

Anna would have liked to have dispelled that assumption by saying there were many sides to her character but she was reeling from being lumped in with Jess's mother. Composed on the outside though, Anna raised an eyebrow.

“What?” Jess said. She’d turned to Anna, eyes and mouth wide.

“If I said, have you heard of Madonna, I suppose you’d say your gran listens to her?”

“No.... Oh.” Jess beamed. “I didn’t mean to suggest, you know.”

“Tell me.” Anna let her voice crack into an aged croak. “What do young people listen to today?”

Jess grinned. “I haven’t got a bloody clue. I just listen to whatever catches my ear.” She ran her finger further along the shelves. “Wow, you really are organised.”

Anna winced. She’d rebelled against it for years, but had to admit it was her saviour. Her mother was delighted at it, Anna embracing her regimentation, the new job too, and the loss of disapproved friends. “In some ways this is all a blessing you know,” her mother’s voice intruded. Anna mentally waved her away.

“I had a clear out when the flat was decorated a few years ago,” she admitted.

So many memories thrown or packed away. Items from her past that she couldn’t bear to part with, but of which she didn’t want the daily reminder. Things that would trigger a cascade of memories and impressions, floods of emotions, lovers, arguments, friends, pinnacle achievements of her career, hopes, dreams all safely contained in the darkness of the void under the roof.

And the rest. “It’s all labelled and organised.” In neat boxes with big tidy letters.

“I’d expect nothing less.”

So Jess had already picked up on the order.

“Actually,” Anna said, “my meticulous mother helped with the flat, and I’ll admit that order runs on her side of the family.”

“But you’re nothing like that?” Jess teased.

Anna opened her mouth. Had she ever been messy, even when she’d shared this studio flat with two other girls? She had always been the responsible and organised one, before she used it to regain her sense of control and it became so critical.

“Being prepared and organised does come naturally,” Anna admitted.

“Wow,” Jess's voice was muffled from bending over.

What had she found? Anna tried peering around Jess's curving bottom to see what she’d spotted.

“OK, if you find anything odd or embarrassing, don’t tell me,” Anna said.

“Like the vibrator?”

This time Jess's voice held no embarrassment, not a hint that she might be crossing a line.

“What?” Anna coughed.

“So you do have a vibrator hidden away in here.” Jess peeped back towards her, smile shining and the accompanying giggle too catching not to lighten Anna’s mood.

“Don’t delve,” Anna said, delivering her best schoolmarm voice.

“Oh.” Jess replied. “I like firm and commanding Anna.” She drew out “like” so lasciviously that Anna’s heart did a little flutter. Jess's flirting wasn’t only good for her ego. It was reaching other places too.

“Stop it,” Anna said, schoolmarm again, a little fearful of all the places Jess was reaching. And Jess laughed and desisted.

Anna stood up from the foot of the bed, her heart tumbling over and fearful of where all this was leading.

“It’s still a while until Zehra will be at the café,” she said, briskly. “How about some breakfast while we wait? If you want a shower, feel free while I make pancakes.”

“Pancakes?” Jess said, with a hint of incredulity, and just like that her flirtatiousness switched to awe. “Proper, home-cooked pancakes?”

“Yes?”

“Real pancakes, like from eggs and flour and stuff?” Jess said, her bright smile getting bigger.

“Yes.”

“Do you know how long it is since someone’s cooked me proper, honest-to-god, pancakes?”

“No?”

“Me neither, it’s that long ago. Must have been when I was a kid.”

“So would you like some?” Anna said.

The brightness got even bigger as Jess turned fully towards Anna and that smooth voice was full of joy. “That would be the best thing in the world.”

“How would you like them? Honey and fruit? Syrup? Chocolate sauce?”

“Chocolate sauce,” Jess said, like there was no other legitimate accompaniment. “You don’t have squirty cream as well do you?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Oh really? What do you get up to with that?” Jess's tone was so blatantly suggestive that Anna laughed out loud.

“Excuse me?” Anna said it just as suggestively.

“I mean.” Jess's features dropped. Was there blushing this time, her skin tone deepening ever so slightly? There was definite stuttering. “Sorry. I am not being appropriate this morning. But squirty cream? I thought you’d be more an organic honey and rare Himalayan berries kind of woman.”

“Actually, I am. I have the rest in for Bibs.”

Jess paused.

“Sorry,” Anna added. “I usually have a breakfast date Saturday mornings with my best friend Penny, who I used to share with, and her daughter Bibs.

“Are they going to be here soon?” Jess twitched.

“No, Pen’s gone to a wedding that her partner had forgotten to tell her about. She’ll be sending me livid messages all day.”

“Oh. Good,” Jess said. “I mean. That I’m not getting in your way.”

“Not at all.” Anna stared at Jess.

The young woman’s head was dipped down, then she peered up to attempt to catch Anna’s eye perhaps, before looking away again.

She seemed an unusual mix of confidence and maturity, cheeky attention then crushing bashfulness and anxiety. She could stand tall and full of presence, then the next moment shrink away. Anna couldn’t quite make her out yet. But she had no wish to have her gone and plenty of compulsion to get to know her better.

“Get that shower,” Anna said, “and I’ll make breakfast. There’s a clean towel on the radiator and a packet of new knickers on the side – bog standard M&S but you’re welcome to take a pair.”

“I don’t know, I jump into your bed and your knickers...” Jess stopped. “Shit. Sorry. My mom would be dying if she could see me. And Nan would have slapped me round the calves.”

Anna could only smile.

“I should tell you,” Jess said, brushing her fingers through her thick black hair. “Maybe I should have mentioned it before. I don’t know if it makes people uncomfortable sometimes. Especially when I make crappy jokes and flirt. Which I do a lot. With people I feel comfortable with anyway. Only by telling the truth. But….look, I should tell you…” She took a deep breath. “I’m gay. Lesbian. Actually I had a boyfriend when I was a teen if you really must pin me down, and I’m most comfortable with queer. Just so you–”

“Me too. Bi if you must pin me down.”

“Oh.”

It was as if Jess was sent gently reeling from the confirmation. Anna waited for her to adjust and when Jess did there was a comfort in her expression and knowing in her eyes.

“I’d wondered,” Jess said quietly.

“I’d wondered about you too,” Anna murmured.

And with the certainty, the air between them was suddenly charged with real possibility.