Chapter 28.
Jess could see Anna. She could see her every single day if they wanted. Jess was hurrying up town, her heart in her mouth and the kind of smile that made her feel stupid with happiness lifting her face.
Jess couldn’t remember being this excited about anything since the first Atlassia film and this meant something deeper. She was jangling with nerves from the audition and trepidation about performing professional theatre, but none of this compared to the anticipation of seeing Anna again. And properly this time. There was an opportunity to get to know each other now that she had weeks rather than hours in London.
She paused to get her bearings. She’d wiggled her way through the small streets of Soho without even thinking and she pulled out her glasses and hat as she noticed people staring from cafés. She picked a long narrow street towards Regent’s Park and put her head down, the smile creeping across her face again.
What would she say? Jess mulled it over. “I’ve got a role. In London. I can stay.” She imagined Anna happy and cupping her face and gracing her with another of those heavenly kisses. It would be wonderful.
But then, Jess's heart fluttered, she would have to sit her down. “I’m an actress, some would say movie star. In fact, almost everyone calls me a movie star, apart from me.” Jess shivered with nerves at the thought of telling Anna. How would she take it? Would Anna change? Would her face be overcome with avarice like Jess had seen many times, with hunger for all that Jess's fame could do for her. Jess couldn’t imagine it. Of all the expressions on Anna’s face that she’d seen, and Jess appreciated again exactly how expressive it was, she couldn’t imagine that. Greed for money, fame and attention? No, Jess shook her head, that wouldn’t be Anna. Jess sometimes got people horribly wrong, but knew Anna well enough for that surely.
In fact, wasn’t disappointment more likely? Despite Anna being more confident and outgoing than Jess, she was still reclusive and her reticence showed a private person in many ways. Would Jess's noisy fame be intrusive and daunting? Would it be an aspect, no matter how unwelcome Jess made it and avoided it, that was too much for Anna? Jess hesitated at a road as her heart skipped a beat. This scenario was much more likely and for a moment all her hopes dropped down a chasm of anxiety. She stared at the road ahead of her, fearful that her confession would ruin her future with that exceptional woman.
She had to do this. Jess shook her head and walked on. No matter the outcome, Anna had to know. If this was going to be more than an encounter with a kind stranger and a night of passion, and it already felt like so much more, then Anna needed to know and Jess broke into a jog, eager to see her.
As she turned up the street past Zehra’s towards the flat, she was early again. She must have run most of the way across town and arrived an hour ahead of when she’d said. She reached for the buzzer, hopeful that Anna was ready to see her in any case.
She pushed the button and the door clicked unlocked without Anna querying and Jess dashed up the steps taking them two at a time. The flat door was already ajar when she reached the top floor and she burst in.
“You were quick. Did you come back for your keys?” said a voice, which in retrospect didn’t sound anything like Anna’s. In fact it had an Irish lilt to it if Jess had stopped to think about it. And when she saw the short, full-figured woman, with flaming red curls, it did in fact sink in.
“Holy shitting fuck. Who the hell are you?” said the flaming woman.
“Whoa!”
“Jesus.”
“Where’s Anna?”
“You’re not Anna.”
“Shit.”
“What the hell?”
“I’m really sorry, I thought Anna was here.”
“This is Anna’s flat.”
They both seemed to take a breath at the same time and the room descended into silence as they stared wide-eyed at each other. The impasse was broken by a loud, but at the same time diminutive, belch and they both shot glances to the sitting area where a small child was sat cross-legged on the rug, glugging a large sippy cup of orange juice.
“What do we say?” the red-head said.
“Pardon,” replied the toddler.
Jess returned her wide-eyed gaze to the effervescent woman with larger still eyes.
“I…I…I’ve come to see Anna.” Jess suffered a second’s worth of absurd panic thinking she had the wrong building and walked into an entirely random flat. But this was Anna’s. And the red-head did look familiar. In fact Jess had an image of her happily inebriated and hoisting two Champagne bottles in the air.
“Penny?” she offered.
“Oh Christ, are you Jess?”
“Yes.”
“Jesus. You’re early.”
“Sorry, I…” Jess patted awkwardly for her hat, for reassurance that it was on her head. Nothing about Penny’s reaction hinted at recognition, in fact so far it was plain hysteria at an anonymous intruder.
“Anna’s going to be livid. Well you know, decorously miffed, being Anna. She said I had to scarper before you arrived. Haven’t you heard of calling or something? You frightened the living shit out of me.”
“The…. Baby…”
“The baby’s mine, aren’t you Bibs darling?”
“I mean…” Jess had been worried about the onslaught of expletives. The child, Bibs it turns out, looked unperturbed. “I’m sorry,” Jess managed.
“Well, now that my heart rate is climbing down from way-too-frigging-high, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Penny stepped forward with a naughty grin on her face and a pale freckled hand thrust forward. “I kind of wanted to see you,” she said with a giggle. “Who am I kidding? I was desperate to meet you. Anna’s told me so much about you.”
When did that ever put anyone at ease, Jess wondered.
“You have definitely put a smile on Anna’s face,” Penny continued.
Jess's jaw dropped in response.
“Keep your knickers on. She hasn’t dished the dirt,” Penny said, arm still outstretched. “She didn’t need to. That kind of smile says it all.”
That wasn’t in any way reassuring.
“Anna’s going to kill me.” Penny sniggered. “But I think it’s wonderful that she’s been having a fling.” And at last she stood directly in front of Jess.
Jess gulped and lifted her hand to Penny’s, the greeting unavoidable. Penny grabbed Jess's hand and gave it a vigorous squeeze.
“Pleasure to meet you Jess…?” Penny raised her eyebrows in question.
Jess raised hers, also in question. “Oh,” Jess said, realising Penny was querying her surname.
“Oh,” Penny repeated. “Jess Oh. Penny MacFarlane.” And Penny squeezed Jess's hand doubly hard.
“No, I mean,” this wasn’t going to plan in any conceivable way, “that’s not my surname.”
“Oh?”
“No it’s not Oh.”
“Oh.”
“Oh god.”
“What is it then?”
Jess stared, her desperation no doubt wearing itself plainly on her face. She wasn’t the best at hiding her feelings at any time and Jess hadn’t had time to think through the ultimate way to reveal her movie star persona to Anna, but she was pretty sure telling her best friend first was not the perfect scenario.
She kept staring. And Penny’s eyebrows kept rising. And Jess stared some more. And Penny tilted her head. All until a penny seemed to drop for Penny and her expression plummeted in a frown. She studied Jess and leant closer, a fraction at a time, so that she loomed.
“Have we…? Do I know….?”
It felt like the walls were drawing in. Penny tugged her imperceptibly nearer while peering through Jess's glasses, closer and closer. The room froze and Penny stood like a statue, except her eyes which were now growing and growing, wider and wider. And her mouth. Oh this was going to be loud. Her mouth was widening into a gaping tunnel. Jess's shoulders started to rise, in a ludicrous attempt to cover her ears, but here it came. Oh no. Oh no no no.
“Sweet Mary and Joseph and Christ on a bike. You’re…. You’re…”
Oh god.
“You’re Jessica fucking Lambert!”
Shit.
“Jessica Lambert! Anna never said… I’m holding hands with Jessica fucking Lambert!”
“Hi,” Jess grinned, or more bared her teeth and tried not to exude extreme stress. “Nice to meet you.”
“Holy mother of….” Penny was gripping her hand hard. “Wow. You look really…Wow. Honestly. I wondered if it was all the makeup and everything they do in post-production these days, but you look sensational.” Penny, very unsubtly, checked Jess up and down and from side to side at chest level.
“Wow,” Penny said again.
Jess tried to keep a grip on Penny’s hand that shook up and down with great gusto.
“But, Anna never said. I mean,” Penny prattled on. “Was it a secret? How on earth did you two meet? I can’t believe it. I’m such a mega fan of the films. Seriously, I’m sure Anna’s said. But….” Penny frowned. “I’d never thought in a million years she’d go for someone–”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but where is Anna?” Jess said, her shoulders around her ears.
“She had to pop out a sec. She left her keys so I just buzzed you in. But, Jessica Lambert!”
“Please,” Jess begged in a whisper, “Could you speak a little quieter?”
“What?” Pen said, not at all quieter.
“Could you perhaps, you know, stop shouting my name?”
“Of course. But, sorry. Jessica Lambert! This is so exciting,” Pen said in a whisper so loud Jess considered calling the Guinness Book of Records. “I can’t believe Anna’s done this. Although I’m going to kick her arse for keeping it a secret, or at least take the piss out of her for forever.”
Jess's arm distinctly ached and she grabbed the hands that had been in motion a good minute now and firmly brought them to rest.
“Could you perhaps,” Jess grinned painfully, “could you perhaps stop saying my name altogether?”
“Of course. Sorry. I bet you get exited fans doing this all the time.”
“Yeah, no, indeed, but–”
“Of all the people.” Pen shook her head. “Anna’s a lot further along than I realised. This is so healthy of her.”
Jess wrinkled her nose, losing Pen again, but shook her head to refocus. “I need to ask a favour,” she said, her insides tying up in guilty knots.
“Anything!” Pen said with the enthusiasm of a child tempted with a supply of chocolate for life.
“Could you perhaps not say my name, or mention that you know who I am, in any way whatsoever when Anna gets back?”
“Excuse me?”
Jess's heart sank. “Could you not tell her who I am?”
It was another heart-stopping moment of tension, Penny frozen with her ear cocked to the side, Jess holding Pen’s hand in prayer and plea.
“She doesn’t know who you are?”
“….no.” And Jess had never felt so small.
“As in, you haven’t told her?”
Jess shrank some more. “No.”
It was rare that Jess had seen someone visibly fill with anger, but that is what happened with Pen. It was as if the small woman grew several inches and darkened several shades of red. Jess braced herself.
“You mean,” Penny spat, “she has no idea who you are!?”