Objections Frequently Posed
about The Demartini Method
While completing The Demartini Method, there may be moments when you feel mentally and emotionally challenged. You may long to give up, throw in the towel, or just plain quit; attempting to answer each question sufficiently and completely in all of the columns will probably try your mental faculties at times. These are normal feelings that will wax and wane as you proceed.
There may even be a few moments when you feel that you just can’t go another step, let alone complete the method. The difficulty is more often an internal conflict than an actual inability to think out the answers, though. The key is to not let any of these transient emotions stop you from going through with this important and life-changing process. Keep asking yourself how this exercise will help transform your life, which will give you your own incentive to continue. When your “why” is big enough, your “how” will take care of itself.
You may even find yourself, when challenged, coming up with so-called valid reasons as to why you can’t continue or come up with the answers. Most all of these excuses are simply that: excuses. Don’t let any of them keep you from completing the method. I assure you that the work and effort will be worth it, once you’re finished.
In this section, I’ve listed some common objections that I’ve heard from thousands of people while helping them through The Demartini Method. Don’t let the disempowered you interfere with your stronger self. Refuse to give up and just keep working. If necessary, go on to another column and then come back later to the one that previously stumped you. No matter what, keep digging into your memory and keep working. Let nothing stop you.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Having the incentive or motivation to continue is the key, and the results will be worth whatever challenge you may think that you’re facing. So, just keep going until the method is completed. Your heart will thank you, and so will the people you love.
Excuse: I don’t know if I can I do this by myself without anyone’s help.
Response: Yes. Thousands of people have succeeded in completing this method beautifully without any outside help. There’s certainly no harm in receiving aid, but if the instructions are followed completely, the method takes care of itself while you’re working alone.
Excuse: I don’t know (or I can’t think of) any more answers for a particular column.
Response: Yes, you do know and can think of more, so keep digging into your memories for the answers! It’s not uncommon for people to run into momentary mental (memory) blocks while they actively work on this. Don’t be alarmed or discouraged; simply continue to concentrate on the question at hand and know with certainty that you have the answer within your mind. (This has been proven by tens of thousands of cases.) Keep going and looking within; giving up isn’t an option.
Excuse: I haven’t known this person long enough to be able to complete the process.
Response: If you’ve known the subject long enough to be upset or infatuated with him or her, then you know enough to identify the opposites. Keep working.
When we interact with a person and create our perceptions, we filter out much of what we take in from our conscious mind. We selectively allow in and delete out perceptions that support or challenge our personal values. When we feel that it supports our values, the positive information is allowed into our conscious memories and the negative is stored in our unconscious. In turn, when we feel that it challenges our values, negative data is allowed to surface, and the positive is kept hidden.
All the information is there, yet our values selectively filter what we consciously remember. Sometimes it takes diligent probing to dig out the other, emotionally charged half of the information from our unconscious memories. So it’s not that you can’t remember, because you can. It’s just that you must probe beneath your selective filter. If you interacted with and experienced the person at all, then both positively and negatively charged information is available. All events are neutral and balanced until our conscious values filter gets ahold of them. Keep looking; giving up isn’t an option.
Excuse: There’s no way you can say that I have the same trait to the same degree as this person.
Response: After examining 4,600 human character traits in one of the largest dictionaries available, I discovered that everyone displays (in some form or another) every known positive and negative quality. Each person’s hierarchy of values determines how these attributes appear, but you’ll find that they’re all there if you inspect closely. We require them to survive in the world, so it’s not a matter of if you have them; it’s a matter of in what form you display them. Whatever you see in others you have within yourself.
Keep digging. People often don’t want to admit to themselves that they display certain shadowy character traits. Yet no matter how hard you try to rid yourself of certain characteristics, they don’t disappear. They simply become repressed or hidden from your conscious memories for a while until they’re forced into your awareness.
Our pride often blocks us from seeing our true natures, but it’s possible, so keep looking.
Excuse: I don’t think I can find drawbacks to some character trait that I believe is good or benefits in something that I believe is bad.
Response: Each quality is actually neutral (neither good nor bad) until some person with a set of projected values labels it; good and bad are merely perceptions. It’s up to you to see beyond your own filter and projections in order to get to the truth of the characteristic and discover this inherent balance. In other words, one person’s food is another’s poison.
By remaining fixated in your initial moral or ethical view, you allow the trait in question to run your life; but by neutralizing your perception, you set yourself free. Keep looking for the drawbacks. Giving up isn’t an option.
Excuse: I don’t have a problem with anyone.
Response: If you don’t have such a challenge, you’d be wise to get on your knees and pray for one. Without something to work on, we die or give up on life. If you’re on this earth and have a body, I’m certain you can find someone or something you feel strongly about, so look again.
Excuse: I can’t think of anyone I hate.
Response: Maybe hate isn’t the word to use. Think of someone whom you strongly dislike or who you feel aggravates or frustrates you.
Excuse: I don’t want to think of the person that way.
Response: Is that because you want to hold on to your current perception of that individual? The truth sets you free, while your illusions imprison you. Ecstatic fantasies are accompanied by torturing nightmares. When you realize that you’re complete in and of yourself, you’ll have no reason to fear writing down those traits, for each one will be balanced by its opposite and appreciated and loved.
Excuse: My therapist said it was better for me to hate this person.
Response: I’m not necessarily telling you to disobey your therapist. But he or she may not be familiar with The Demartini Method and, therefore, may not know how it can help you dissolve your anger and get on with your life. Carrying around such feelings has been shown to disturb your health and other areas of your life. If, after you finish, you’d prefer to go back to being upset, you certainly may.
Excuse: I’ve already worked out all my problems with the person.
Response: If you still describe them as past problems, then there’s likely to still be some charge associated with them. Would you like to have them not run your life anymore? Then let’s keep working.
Excuse: I haven’t done as much as that person has.
Response: What you see in others is a reflection of you. Who has seen you do that? Who else? Don’t let yourself lie to yourself. Look again—sometimes you’ve done the same thing in a different form.
Excuse: I’ve never done that.
Response: If you discover that you’re stuck on a particular event that you believe you haven’t done in the physical sense (such as I’ve never killed anyone), look into all seven areas of your life and find the ways you’ve “killed” others with your thoughts, words, or actions. Remind yourself that there are many ways to “kill” someone and that everyone has every trait in some form.
Excuse: You don’t understand that this person really hurt me.
Response: I understand that you currently feel that this person hurt you. Now, would you like to have that emotion continue to run your life, or would you love to be set free? If you complete this process, you’ll no longer perceive him or her as having injured you. Instead, you’ll realize that this individual also provided you with an equal opportunity for pleasure. If you’ll just continue working the process, you’ll set yourself free and discover how this damage can be dissolved and you can become re-empowered. Every minute you spend thinking about your pain reduces a minute that you can feel set free. Realize, too, that your perceptions caused you to suffer more than their actions did.
Excuse: There’s no way I’ll be able to “balance” them.
Response: That’s what many people say when they begin. But so far everyone has been able to do so completely in the end. I’m certain that you will, too—so keep working. Instead of thinking about how you can’t, just get working on balancing them.
Excuse: This person is evil. There’s no way I’ll be able to find any good in him or her.
Response: Everyone has two sides, and all events have both benefits and drawbacks. What you see in others is simply a reflection of yourself. If you don’t want this person to continue to run your life, then keep working.
Excuse: I already forgave this person for the terrible things he or she did to me.
Response: If you still imagine someone as having done something terrible to you, then you still have an emotional charge toward him or her and are letting yourself be controlled by another. You can still liberate yourself further, for the truth of love sets you free. Anything you fear or condemn will continue to run your life until you embrace it. So keep looking for the benefits until you have nothing to forgive and only feel love and appreciation.
Excuse: But I don’t want to love and appreciate this person.
Response: It has been my experience that the very people we feel this way about are the ones who are reminding us of the parts of ourselves that we haven’t yet learned how to appreciate. Those you say that you don’t want to care for are actually the ones that you do want to be able to cherish from within. This is because others are our reflections. Deep inside our hearts, love is patiently waiting to surface. You have nothing to lose by feeling affection for them. When you can do so, you can also embrace the part of you that they represent.
Excuse: I’m not close friends with this person anymore.
Response: That’s fine. If you choose not to be close to this person, that’s your decision. From taking tens of thousands of people through this amazing method, it’s been my experience that they’re able to love and appreciate others so much more than if they carried the burden of having to avoid or reject them. The process gives you the freedom to have people in or out of your life with greater equanimity. They deserve to be loved for who they are, just as you do, and this method enables you do exactly that.
Excuse: I think I picked the wrong person to fill out The Demartini Method on, so I doubt I’ll get anything out of it.
Response: You can do The Demartini Method on anyone and still benefit, but it’s wisest to complete it for someone who still pushes your buttons the most.
Excuse: I’d like to start on someone else.
Response: Don’t begin again until you’ve finished the process for this individual. It’s wiser to complete one than to half complete two. Don’t move on unless you truly feel that you perceive the other person as only a button pusher.
Excuse: I didn’t get enough sleep last night, so I’m tired and sleepy.
Response: Stop writing for a moment, stand up, and go for a brief walk to get your entire body moving. Have a light snack and some water if you’re also hungry. Then sit back down and close your eyes. Think about what you’re truly grateful for in life (which will help open your heart, clear your mind, and revitalize you) and meditate for 15 minutes, remaining in a sitting position while taking deep, full breaths. When you’re done, then get back to completing the method.
Excuse: I’m worn out and can’t go on.
Response: This will pass. Just keep working, unless, of course, you had no sleep last night. If so, why don’t you meditate for 15 minutes? This will help you feel refreshed. Then get back to work—I promise that it will be worth it.
Excuse: I’m hungry.
Response: If you’re truly hungry, go get a small protein snack, and then come back, get to work, and complete the method. But be sure that this isn’t an avoidance mechanism on your part. If it is, just get to work.
Excuse: I don’t feel well.
Response: If you feel woozy and need to vomit, feel free to do so … and then come back and get to work. Many people have felt dizzy or slightly ill until they finished, and then they were fine. Just keep going.
Excuse: I have a headache.
Response: Ask someone close to you to massage your scalp, have a chiropractic adjustment, take a natural aspirin, or meditate for 15 minutes and then get back to completing the method. Generally, headaches will subside and pass if you just keep working toward your goal.
Excuse: I can’t think—or don’t want to think—of anything else.
Response: Yes, you can. I hear this excuse weekly, but everyone completes the method. The results are worth the effort. The ideas will come in spurts, so keep working. You can do it! (By the way, the brain doesn’t stop thinking.) I know you can complete this. Make sure that you look at all seven areas of life.
Excuse: I’m mentally shut down and my brain is fried.
Response: Stop for just a moment, go for a brief walk, move and stretch your head and neck, write down ten ways in which completing this method will help transform your life and enable you to fulfill your highest values, and then get back to completing the method. You’ll tend to shut down whenever you can’t see how this will help you meet your most important goals. In order to say that you’re brain-dead, your brain actually has to be alive. Keep working—I assure you that this is worth completing.
Excuse: I’m not sure that the effects I’ve experienced will last.
Response: Whatever character trait you’ve truly balanced through this process will no longer be the button or emotionally charged quality that runs your life. If you leave the method incomplete, that same characteristic will keep troubling you until it’s truly brought to balance and completely collapsed. You aren’t designed to stop growing mentally and emotionally, so expecting yourself to have no more strong reactions is unrealistic. But a goal to no longer be set off by any one specific trait is reasonable. Complete the method and watch the results.