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Liam tried to suppress his emotions as they walked the ship corridors. If he let himself get upset, every Rownt who smelled him would know it. They would wonder why Ondry couldn’t make Liam happy, and that would lead to even more damage to Ondry’s status. The idea that Ondry could suffer a loss of status because of Liam made Liam a little crazy.
Ondry tried to turn toward the public areas of the ship, but Liam kept going straight. Ondry made a confused glurble, but he followed. Liam wasn’t sure if he was grateful or not. If they had a little time apart, Liam would have a chance to get control of his temper. Right now, he feared saying something he might regret. With the change of status, their new quarters were larger and closer to the central temple. It meant that the walk was far too short to give Liam time to calm down.
When Liam entered their quarters, he stopped near the seating area and stared at the rear wall where a number of small trade goods they’d purchased from Earth were stored behind a clear barrier. Liam heard the door close, but Ondry remained silent. That meant he was confused and trying to avoid advertising his ignorance.
Liam took a deep breath and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me about the rotilac?” Liam pinned Ondry with an unhappy expression.
Ondry’s eyes were wide with confusion. “I have decided to wait before undergoing it.”
The factual tone sent Liam’s blood pressure up. Of course, Ondry had decided. Ondry would sacrifice his body or his status or anything else to protect Liam. And while Liam loved Ondry for it, he could use a little less self-sacrifice and a little more communication. Liam didn’t need to be sheltered from Ondry’s biology. “You’ve decided?” Liam asked softly. If he didn’t keep his voice down, he feared he might start yelling.
“Yes.” Ondry huffed and whatever he smelled caused him to lose some color.
“Don’t I get a say in this?”
“A say?” Ondry pronounced the Rownt carefully, and Liam cringed. When he started trying to translate idioms literally, that showed how upset he was. “I do not understand how you are using that term,” Ondry said.
“A say, a voice in a debate. I should be able to argue this with you,” Liam explained.
Ondry paled more. “Are we in conflict?”
Liam sighed as his anger faded, replaced with exasperation. Ondry was an overprotective idiot sometimes, but his mistakes came from a place of trying to be a good partner. However, Liam was still aggravated. He sat on the end of the couch. “If you are avoiding the rotilac because I would be uncomfortable if you grew to tuk size, then yes. We need to debate this and we are in conflict.”
Ondry lost most of his color, but he didn’t say anything, so Liam continued. “You should be claiming your rank—not avoiding it. And I don’t care what excuse you use, we both know you would strip the skin from your own foot to claim a higher rank, so avoiding the rotilac is about me.” Liam crossed his arms and silently dared Ondry to deny the obvious. Liam would have to get used to having a partner that much larger, but no matter what Ondry looked like, Liam could handle it.
After several seconds of silence, Ondry inched forward as though Liam were a wild animal that might bolt for freedom. “Would you be uncomfortable if I were to be larger?” Ondry asked, and he added a glurble at the end.
“That’s not the point.”
“If you feel distress, then it is a point to debate,” Ondry said. “Do you have the same fears as Mora?”
“That you would roll over and smother me? No. That’s not what I said.” Liam blew out a breath, even more frustrated that this conversation was not going where he had expected it.
Ondry rested his hand on the surface between them. “I would not damage you in the nest. Rownt are not restless in sleep as human are.”
Liam flushed as he thought about all the times his nightmares woke Ondry. “I know that.”
“Then why would you feel distress if I were to be larger?”
“I wouldn’t,” Liam said. Discomfort and dislike—those were possible. However, Liam had no intention of telling Ondry that. Liam would, eventually, get his head around having a much larger partner, and any temporary anxiety would be a small price to secure Ondry’s rank.
Ondry’s eyes narrowed. “You used a dependent phrase to state that you were uncomfortable, suggesting that your discomfort exists, but you are placing it in a subordinate position relative to my need for rank.”
“That is not what I said,” Liam blurted, and for half of a second, he even believed it.
“That is an accurate description of your syntax. And whether I undergo the rotilac or not, I still have tuk status.” Ondry’s color had started to return, and now he wore a stubborn expression.
Liam had no idea how Ondry had gotten this twisted around to make Liam seem unreasonable. He was the most annoying Rownt in creation. “You are not well established in that rank. From what the Grandmother said, if you don’t undergo this growth period, you could lose your status.”
Ondry huffed. “No Rownt is ever secure in a rank. Even a Grandmother may find herself tilling the fields if she makes too many errors.”
“That is a misdirection. We are not talking about someone making a serious error, and we’re not talking about Grandmothers. We’re not even talking about another tuk-ranked individual, but if we were going to discuss Rownt in general, I would point out that not everyone is in equal jeopardy of losing rank. Which Rownt on this ship is most in danger of slipping backward in rank?” Liam demanded. After hearing the Grandmother’s subtle dig, Liam damn well knew the answer to that.
“Since I do not know the histories of every Rownt on board, I cannot answer that.”
In the past, Liam might have accepted that. However, he didn’t feel like tap dancing around Ondry’s logic games. Liam didn’t need to be wrapped up like fragile glass. “But you’re in danger of sliding back to ka status, aren’t you? Is that why the Grandmothers feel the need to remind you of your rank all the time? They’re threatening you, aren’t they?”
“I took great pride in my ka status, even if I held it for no more than the blink of an eye.”
“And would you be happy to go back to ka status?”
Ondry clearly wasn’t happy at the thought. His nostrils narrowed and he stared at Liam for a long time before he answered. “I would not allow either of us to lose rank.”
“Then why do the Grandmothers keep making your rank an issue? Why do you hesitate before you speak in front of other tuk-ranked individuals?”
Again, Ondry hesitated. “I am not as experienced.”
“That never stopped you when you were one of the youngest ka-ranked individuals,” Liam pointed out. If anything, when Ondry had been the youngest ka-ranked person in the room, he had been quick to interject because his youth proved his superior abilities. “If I were not here, would you undergo the rotilac?”
“Were it not for you, I would still be ye-ranked and dreaming of the day I could prove myself to be a nutu trader so that I could claim my ka-ranking,” Ondry said fiercely. “You bring me both pleasure and rank.”
“Then why won’t you undergo the rotilac?” Liam stared at Ondry. If there was any logical reason for avoiding it, Liam sure couldn’t see it. “Give me one good reason that doesn’t boil down to you avoiding the rotilac in order to avoid making me unhappy.”
“The rotilac could require several months.” Ondry kept his conjugations neutral.
Liam was still annoyed at the implication that he required babysitting. “I am capable of surviving on my own. I did before I met you.”
“I am aware.”
“I’m not like a Rownt palteia. I do know how to live alone.”
Ondry twitched. “I am also aware of that. If you were a Rownt, you could undergo the rotilac with me. However, my decision is logical. I am concerned about my trading routes.”
“So, do you think I can’t handle our trades?” Liam asked. He was pretty sure this was one more excuse—one more distraction—however, if Ondry didn’t trust him, Liam would get even angrier.
“Of course you can,” Ondry said quickly. “If the ship visits Earth, I know you would trade well enough to bring the Tura Coalition mines great profits. But the Grandmothers intend to take us to asteroid mining fields. I do not have contacts, and if I am in a rotilac sleep, I cannot make them.”
A whisper of guilt tugged at Liam. That might be reasonable.
“I had not realized that you felt discomfort at the idea of my growth. I had based my decision off my lack of stable trading partners or a well-established reputation on the ship. However, now that I know any additional size would make you uncomfortable, I cannot discount your feelings.”
“Oh no. You will discount my feelings.”
Ondry paled. “I will not.”
“If you don’t, you’ll frustrate me and I’ll get irrationally angry.” That was the worst threat Liam could imagine, because Ondry turned into a pile of distress when Liam so much as stubbed his toe. That was a slight exaggeration, but not much of one.
Ondry’s expression turned calculating. “Luckily, you are a forgiving individual. You forgave Diallo, and I have never put you in a position to get eaten by a predator.”
Liam changed tactics. “You know the Grandmother brought the rotilac up on purpose.”
“A Grandmother never takes a step—”
Liam finished the old saying. “Unless there are three profits in that direction. I know. I think she hoped I would prove reasonable and talk you into being a proper Rownt.”
Ondry narrowed his nostrils. “A proper Rownt makes the most profitable and reasonable decision. She cannot calculate my profits, so she should not speak of what I might find reasonable. I find it reasonable to develop trading relationships while it is possible to do so. I cannot know when the ship will return to the asteroid belt, and if you gain passage on a shuttle with Mora, then I have a reason to meet with new individuals.”
“So, after you meet the miners at the asteroid belt, are you going to undergo the rotilac then?” Liam asked.
When Ondry moved close enough to rest a hand on Liam’s thigh, Liam knew he wouldn’t like the answer. Ondry said, “We will still have the issue of your discomfort.”
“I will get over my unease. It’s not logical to care how tall you are, so my illogical side needs to adjust.”
Ondry tilted his head to the side. “If you are not afraid I will injure you in the nest, why do you feel distress at the idea?”
“I don’t,” Liam said. “The idea of you being so large just surprised me. Humans grow at a fairly steady rate until maturity, so the idea of a sudden change in body size is alarming in that it is not natural for us.”
Ondry stroked small circles on Liam’s leg. “You know Rownt grow. If we are successful in trading with the Imshee, you will be with me for hundreds of years and you will see me grow to the size of the other tuk-ranked individuals, even without the rotilac.”
“That’s different,” Liam said.
“How?”
Liam shrugged. “It would happen slowly. And I am truly not distressed. I am surprised.”
Ondry responded with a half-glurble, half-grumble. Liam had never heard that one before. “You smell distressed.” Ondry shifted his hand up to Liam’s neck where he traced circles over the spot where a Rownt would have had a fora.
“My logic circuits are half-closed. I’ll be fine with the growth, but if you lose your status because you’re avoiding this for me...” Liam wasn’t sure how to finish the half-formed threat.
“If I do, then I am not worthy of tuk status,” Ondry said calmly. There was no way he felt that disinterested in the possibility of getting demoted.
“If you lose your status, I will be more than distressed. That will hurt me.”
Ondry huffed. “You are more Rownt each day.”
“Yes, I am,” Liam said. “And you are undergoing the rotilac the second we leave the asteroid belt unless you can give me one concrete reason why you shouldn’t.”
“I will wait because you are distressed in ways that you either cannot explain or that you will not describe.”
“That’s not a concrete reason. That is the definition of abstract.”
“I did not agree that my reason must be concrete,” Ondry said.
“And I do not accept that my illogical fears should affect the choices we make in our lives.”
“Fears?” Ondry pounced on the word. “What do you fear?”
Liam threw his hands up. “Nothing!” Arguing with a Rownt was like trying to nail pudding to a wall. “I’m not afraid of you growing larger.”
The look Ondry gave him spoke of confusion and disbelief. Liam jumped to his feet and moved to the far side of the room. He wished Ondry would give him a little space.
After a long silence, Ondry said, “If I undergo the rotilac, I will give up centuries of my life.”
Liam whirled around. “What?”
Ondry stood, and the wariness was back in his movements, as if he feared spooking Liam. “Rownt who are not killed by disease or accident will die from the weight of our bodies. If I use the rotilac to grow larger, I am closer to my death, possibly two or three hundred years closer, since it would take me at least that long to grow to the size of a tuk-ranked individual without the process.”
Horror washed over Liam. Liam would be a pile of dried bones in a grave by then, but he couldn’t imagine the world without Ondry in it. After living with two different species, Liam knew one thing: kindness was too rare in the universe. If Ondry died early, the rest of the universe would be poorer for his loss. “And Rownt undergo the rotilac even though it means they will die earlier? How does that make any sense?” Based on recent evidence, Liam doubted the claim that Rownt valued logic.
“Rownt fear dying before they have left a mark on the world to show their passage.” Ondry moved closer again, and Liam felt like prey being stalked. “My mother died too young. She could have laid many more eggs and raised other younglings. She could have become a Grandmother and guided a town to greater stability and wealth. But the only mark she left behind was me. When I was a ye-ranked youngling, I feared that I would not be able to leave enough of a mark for her years of life to matter.”
“Ondry,” Liam said softly. He would never want to discourage Ondry from talking about his mother, but this felt like another distraction. However, Ondry continued.
“If I die sooner, I believe I will have made a difference in the universe that improves it for both Rownt and humans. The length of my life is not as important as that. However, I know you well enough to believe that the threat of my death is a reason you will find concrete enough to justify delaying the rotilac.”
Liam narrowed his eyes. “Are you telling me that you’re emotionally manipulating me?”
“Yes.”
“That makes the manipulation less effective.”
“Were I trading with a competitor, I would agree. However, lying and manipulating a palteia is like deceiving oneself.” The statement was true, but there was an undertone Liam couldn’t quite identify. The use of tone to imply insult was harder to understand than Rownt vocabulary.
“What are you implying?”
Ondry caught Liam by the back of the neck and pulled him close. “I dislike that you do not have the words to describe your own feelings.”
Liam sighed. “Most people don’t.”
Ondry had no response for that.