Day six, 8:30 p.m.: Ashley found twelve and a half hours ago
J.T. sat on Ashley’s bed, leaning against the headboard, while he held his daughter tightly against him and stroked her back. Her sobs had finally quieted to whimpers, but each sound from her cut him to the core.
He was in over his head. First thing tomorrow he would call Colin and see if he could counsel Ashley. Each word he had tried only increased her cries. In his euphoria that his daughter was home safe and physically unscathed, he neglected the mental anguish she experienced. He knew better, but he had still been focused on bringing the kidnapper to justice, not healing his family. Would he ever learn? Guilt, always there under the surface, reared up and knifed him in the heart.
He was just so tired and spent. Trying to get his family’s life back to normal had taken its toll on him—and Ashley. It wasn’t normal. And until he caught the man responsible, it never would be. A threat hung over his family. He clamped his jaw tightly together. He would do anything humanly possible to see that threat removed.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry.” He continued to rub his hand up and down Ashley’s back.
The whimpering eased. She moved in his arms.
“Tell me what I can do to help you.”
Ashley lifted her head from his chest and leaned back to look up at him. Her red swollen eyes proclaimed his inability to protect his family against a monster. Feelings he hadn’t had in six years, all tied up in guilt, continued to swamp him, threatening to take him under.
“I prayed—” she sniffed “—for you to come get me.”
“Oh, baby, God heard. You’re here now, safe.” His hand trembling, he combed tear-damp hair away from her face.
“I was…” Her eyes glistened. She sucked in a shallow, shaky breath. “I was…scared. It was so dark and cold.”
Something died in J.T. as he listened to his daughter, her tears again streaming down her face. As quickly as he brushed them away, they returned flowing freely. Finally he gave up and pulled her against him, never wanting to release her from the shelter of his arms.
How was he going to do his job when he didn’t want to leave her? How was he going to find the monster and make him pay? He needed help.
At that moment he peered toward the open door into Ashley’s room and saw Madison framed in the entrance, sorrow in her expression. She entered and sat in the rocking chair a few feet from the bed.
Finally Ashley realized that Madison was there and sat up, drying her face with the back of her hand. His daughter sniffled.
“Hi.” Madison smiled, but the corners of her mouth quivered. “I noticed some sugar cookies in the kitchen. Kim told me you love Mrs. Goldsmith’s cookies. Would you like them and some milk?”
“Yes, please.”
While Madison left to get the food, J.T. took his daughter’s face in his hands. “I won’t let anything happen to you, Ashley. I’ll find the person who did this to you.”
When Madison came back into the room, Ashley scooted to the edge near her bedside table where Madison set the plate and drink. The child picked up a sugar cookie and broke it into two pieces. A frown scrunched her forehead as the little girl brought one of the bits to her nose and sniffed it.
Ashley dropped the cookie. “I don’t want it. I remember that smell in the basement.” She pushed the plate away.
Madison rushed forward and caught the glass before the milk tipped over. She sat next to Ashley. “What do you mean this smells like where you were?”
Ashley tilted her head to the side and screwed up her face in a thoughtful expression. “It reminds me of a smell I smelled when I was eating my last meal.” She placed a hand over her stomach, bending forward. “I don’t like that smell. Bad. Bad. Bad.”
Day six, 11:00 p.m.: Ashley found fifteen hours ago
Later that night J.T. entered his office after saying good-night to Madison an hour ago at his house. The bright overhead light assaulted his tired, burning eyes. After he flipped off the switch, he tugged on the chain to the small lamp on his desk, then pulled closed the blinds to his large picture window. He collapsed into his padded desk chair, the force of the movement rolling it a few inches.
He leaned forward, thankful that Rachel had volunteered to stay at his house while he came down to the station to see if he could make any sense out of the myriad of clues in the case. Who was he kidding? Their various leads pointed to no single person. Not one name leaped off the list as the one who was responsible. He felt like Moses wandering in the desert with no idea his final destination.
With his elbows planted on his desk, he buried his face in his hands. Sleep had evaded him yet again. He couldn’t get the sound of his daughter’s sobs out of his thoughts. Each one had wrenched him with anguish. He’d let Ashley down. She’d suffered for five days because he couldn’t find her. In fact, if the kidnapper hadn’t let her go, she would still be with him. That realization shook him to his core.
What good was being a sheriff if he couldn’t help his family? Being a law enforcement officer was why his daughter was taken. The monster couldn’t seek revenge against him. No, he had to come after his children.
What kind of God condoned this?
The question he’d kept pushed back came unbidden into his mind. It mocked the years he had tried to do everything right. The years he hadn’t taken a drink. He desperately wanted one at the moment.
He stared down at his hands that quaked with the force of his need. One drink to steady his nerves, to help him sleep.
He rose and retrieved the car keys from his pocket. He’d passed the liquor store on his way to the station. He remembered its neon sign beckoning him earlier. If he hurried, he could make it right before it closed.
This is only the beginning. Those words, written by the kidnapper, seared their threat into his brain.
Only one drink.
Hands trembling, he reached for the handle and opened his office door.
Day six, 11:00 p.m.: Ashley found fifteen hours ago
Vanilla! Madison shot up in bed, darkness surrounding her in her motel room. Sugar cookies had a lot of vanilla in them. That was the scent Ashley probably smelled, which meant they might be looking for a woman. At least they needed to consider the possibility.
She tore back the covers and switched on the light. She wanted to take another look at the original list of people whom J.T. had been responsible for putting in prison. She thought she had seen a couple of women’s names on the list. Why did they rule them out?
Quickly, she dressed and snatched up her keys. A moment later she started her car and headed for the sheriff’s office. Excitement bubbled through her. This might be the break they were looking for. They needed something to point them in the right direction. She didn’t associate the scent of vanilla with men. Definitely a woman could be involved.
As she pulled onto Lakeshore Drive, in the distance she noticed J.T.’s Jeep parked in his usual space. He was supposed to get a good night’s sleep for the first time in days. Why was he here? He needed to take care of himself better, and she intended to tell him that when she saw him.
As she neared the station, J.T. became visible in his Jeep, sitting behind the steering wheel, his head sagging forward. He should be asleep.
Hurriedly she parked next to him and clambered out of her car. J.T. didn’t budge. A sudden alarm prodded her steps to quicken. Why was he here?
She rapped on his window. J.T. sat unmoving, staring at an open bottle of whiskey cradled in his lap. He didn’t look up at her. Her alarm skyrocketed.
She yanked the door open. “J.T., don’t. This isn’t the answer.”
He blinked, as though he finally realized she was there, and glanced at her. The light from the building underscored his haunted expression.
She leaned in, wanting desperately to snatch the bottle from his grasp, but his fingers were locked about the uncapped liquor. “Talk to me.”
His shoulders hunched. With his free hand, he kneaded his neck. “I worked so hard to carve a new life for myself and my family. Six years gone just like that.” Raising his gaze, he snapped his fingers. “I hadn’t bought a bottle of whiskey in six years, but I did tonight. I haven’t taken a drink, but I want to. I really want to.”
“Did it solve your problems back then or make them worse?”
A bleakness edged its way into his eyes. “Why did God do this to me and my family?”
“First, God didn’t do any of this. This was caused by evil.” She got into his face, gripping his arm nearest her. “But God will help you through this. Don’t shut Him out when you need Him the most. Don’t let evil win.”
“Madison, do you know what it is like to hold your child in your arms and listen to her cry her heart out? I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. So alone.”
“You aren’t alone. God is with you. I’m with you.” So close their breaths tangled, she rubbed her hand up and down his arm, cold skin beneath her fingertips. “C’mon, let’s go for a walk. It’s actually very nice tonight.” She drew him out of his Jeep.
He peered down at the whiskey, still clutched in his fist.
“If you still want a drink when we get back, then so be it. I won’t stop you.”
J.T. reached into the vehicle and found the cap. After he screwed it back on the bottle, he placed the liquor in his glove compartment. Then he locked his car and walked to the station.
He poked his head in and said to Derek, “You can reach me on my cell. Call me, especially if it’s Rachel.” Outside on the sidewalk, he took a deep, lung-filling breath. “Rachel’s at my house, watching my kids. I thought I would come down here and work on the case since I couldn’t sleep.” He sent her a wry grin. “I didn’t get very far. Why did you come?”
She linked her hand with his and began strolling toward the park in the center of the town. “The case. I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep so I thought I might get some work done on it.” This wasn’t the time to discuss the kidnapping. She had something else to fight for: J.T.’s peace of mind.
The near half-moon illuminated his grin. “You and I think a lot alike.”
“Yep, it seems so.” His hand fit so naturally in hers, as if they had walked like this many times in the past and would in the future. The sensation that she belonged beside him scared her. She was in Crystal Springs temporarily. Her career and life were back in Chicago. “You know what? I can’t get over how quiet it is here at night. I’m used to noise, even in the middle of the night in Chicago. How do you sleep?”
The sound of his laughter sprinkled the air like stardust. “I didn’t when I first came here. But like most things in life, you get used to a change and you’re all right after a time. But that first month I lost a lot of sleep. I was probably as cranky as a grizzly bear after a long winter’s nap.”
“I know you are countrified if you’re talking about wild animals.”
J.T. stopped at the edge of the park, near the bench they sat on only days before. “Thankfully there aren’t any grizzly bears around here, but we have on occasion seen a black bear.”
“I imagine the type of bear wouldn’t mean much to me as I’m running for my life.” The rumble of his laughter delighted her. “Do you want to sit here and talk?” She pointed toward the bench.
“No, I have a better place. Come with me.” He tugged her forward, cutting across the park to the other street.
“Where are we going?”
“Where I should have gone in the first place? You reminded me of that earlier.”
When she saw the Faith Community Church up ahead, it all made sense—and it was the perfect place. “You have a key?”
He increased his pace. “Don’t need one. The sanctuary is never locked.”
Madison came to a dead halt, causing J.T. to stop and look back at her. “Not locked! Are you all mad?”
“I always thought it was sad that we had come to locking up our churches. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of what the church symbolizes—a haven for lost souls in time of need? That lost doesn’t happen on a time schedule.”
“Beautifully put.”
“Those weren’t my words. They were Colin’s. He’s right, though. The first few years I was here I frequented the church late at night while I wrestled with being a single dad and fighting alcoholism.” He opened the door for her to enter the foyer. “Although a recovering alcoholic, I’m always aware I’m just one drink away from being a full-fledged alcoholic again.”
In the sanctuary J.T. went to the front and sat in the first pew. “In my complacency I forgot how calming this place can be.” He let out a long sigh. “It’s renewing.” He slipped his hand over hers on the seat.
For a few seconds all she could think about was the feel of his palm against her skin, then she opened her mind to the serenity of the church, to God’s spirit. Bowing her head, she prayed. My Heavenly Father, please guide me in helping J.T. Show me the way. He hasn’t come this far in his battle to give it all up now.
After a few minutes of silence, Madison knew she had to broach the subject that had brought them to this place. She wasn’t going to let J.T. slip backward without a fight. Memories of what liquor had done to her father stiffened her determination.
“Why did you start drinking in the first place?”
The tightening of his hand transmitted his stress. “It started when I would go out with the guys after work to a bar and have a few to unwind, to forget the ugliness of our job.”
“There’s more than ugliness in our jobs. There’s nothing like the feeling I get when I’ve helped someone or gotten a criminal off the street so he can no longer hurt anyone.”
“I lost the ability to focus on the good, the positive. When I came to God, I was able to change my focus more to that. But—” he shook his head “—this person who wants revenge has brought all those old feelings back. All the guilt.”
“Guilt? Over the drinking?”
“More than that. I’m the reason my wife is dead. If I hadn’t been drinking, she would be alive today.”
His words, uttered in the quiet of the church, rocked her. “Did you drink and drive?”
“No, but we had a big argument about my drinking one evening. She left to walk it off and was hit by a car.”
“So if you hadn’t been drinking, she wouldn’t have been out there walking off her anger? Is that it?”
“Something like that.”
“Has your guilt brought her back?”
He frowned. “No, but—”
“Have you confessed and asked God for forgiveness?”
“Yes, but—”
“‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ Do you not believe those words from the book of John?”
“It’s not that simple.” J.T. stared at the cross hanging from the ceiling over the altar.
“Yes, it is. Turn your guilt over to the Lord. Let Him wash you clean of it. This is the time you need your faith more than ever.”
“I’m trying.” He looked at Madison. “You know what Ashley said to me tonight? She’s worried the bad man will come get her again. So am I. He’s toying with me. Has been all along.”
She maneuvered around so she faced him on the pew. “You can’t let this person win.”
He smiled. “I’m glad I have you on my side. You’ve been my anchor through all this.”
“And God?”
“Yes, but I still don’t understand why something like this happened to Ashley. She’s so innocent.”
“You know more than most people that bad things happen to good people. No guarantees in this life, only the next one. But God has given you what you need to weather the storm. Your kids are blessed to have you.”
“I won’t let that monster win. I won’t let him harm another one of my children.”
“What if it isn’t a him?”
J.T. started to say something but stopped and thought a moment, cocking his head to one side as was his habit. “Why do you say that? We ruled out all of the women I put behind bars.”
“Tonight I woke up because I figured out the scent that Ashley probably smelled was vanilla. When I think of the scent of vanilla, I think of a woman, not a man.”
“Maybe Ashley was intended to smell it. She only smelled it the last time she ate before she was released. What if the person used it to throw us off? I feel that way about most of the leads we’ve gotten so far.”
“That’s always a possibility. But I still want to look at women. Look at this from a different angle.”
“I trust your judgment. If you think so, then do it. I still think our best bet is the list of felons.”
His compliment gave her a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach. That meant a lot to her. “What if it’s a wife or girlfriend of someone you put in prison? The revenge angle still holds true.”
“That opens up a whole new list.”
“I want to work on that. That’s why I came down to the station to reassess our search, expand it.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but tomorrow is soon enough. We both need to get some sleep. I don’t know about you, but my mind is getting fuzzy.”
“Fine. First thing tomorrow morning I’ll start on it.”
He lifted the hand that he held and sandwiched it between his. “Thank you.”
Their gazes connected, and the bond that had formed from the very beginning blossomed. J.T.’s eyes blazed, and his intense regard took in her features as though he were memorizing them.
He cradled her face with one hand, never taking his eyes from hers. “Thank you isn’t adequate for what I feel. There were times I felt everything was coming apart and I would look at you working so hard to find Ashley. You gave me hope and what I needed to keep going.”
He pulled her into his embrace and just held her against him. His aftershave teased her senses. The feel of his arms about her sent a wave of contentment through her. What was happening to her? Surely these feelings were because their emotions were so intense concerning the case. She did not want to be hurt again. She did not want to mistake this for something it wasn’t.
When he leaned away and caught her gaze, he ran his thumb over her lips. Those heightened emotions jammed her throat and made it difficult to say anything. Although his thumb was rough, his touch was so gentle it tingled.
“If we’re gonna get any rest, we’d better leave.” J.T. rose and tugged her to her feet.
He headed toward the entrance into the sanctuary, his hand joined with hers. Out in the foyer he stopped and drew her against him, gliding his fingers through her hair. His mouth met hers in a searing kiss.
For a long moment as he held her against him, she’d felt as though she’d come home. That sensation panicked her, startling her in its intensity. When had he become so important to her?
When they parted, he rested his forehead against hers, his hands cradling her face. “I have wanted to do that since last summer.”
Then without another word he walked out of the church with his arm around her shoulders so that her body pressed along his side. They moved as one back toward the sheriff’s office.
The warm breeze teased her hair. The scent of honeysuckle from along one side of the church sweetened the air. Stars glittered in the dark sky, vying with the moon for dominance. A perfect evening. But she knew that evil still lurked in Crystal Springs. She shivered.
“Cold?” He brought her even closer as if he could protect her.
“No, just thinking about what needs to be done.”
J.T. came to a stop at Madison’s car in front of the station. “Come by and have breakfast with us tomorrow morning. That’s the least I can do for all your help. My kids enjoy having you.”
Just your kids? “What time?”
“Seven.”
“You cooking again?”
“I thought I would get you to help me.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
She laughed. “I’m thinking you are the better chef, but if you’re game, I’ll help.” She lounged back against her car. “What about the kids tomorrow?”
“I want them to go back to school, at least Neil and Kim. I think the quicker we get back into a normal routine the better for everyone. Neil graduates next Monday and there’s only a few days of school left for Kim.”
“What about Ashley?”
“Colin has been counseling Kim and Neil and will continue to, but I want him to start with Ashley tomorrow. She’s scared to be alone. I don’t want her to feel I’ve abandoned her at school. I want to get her whatever kind of therapy she needs.”
“Time hopefully will help her.”
“Time and us finding the kidnapper.”
“We will.” They had to. It was so hard seeing people she cared about in so much pain.
“I think Neil and Kim will be all right at school. They know to be careful.” He rubbed his thumb along her lips. “I have something for you.”
He moved to his Jeep, unlocked it and removed the whiskey. When he came back to her, he uncapped the bottle and poured it down the sewer in the street. “This won’t help me solve my problems. Thanks for reminding me of that and that God was there for me six years ago and is here for me now.”
Having lived with a father who would never have done that, she was thrilled by his actions. Madison grinned her thanks at him, then turned to open her car. “See you at seven.”
J.T. halted her movement, twisting her back toward him. He kissed her hard and quick. “Good night.”
When she slipped behind the wheel, her hands trembled as she gripped it. That kiss took her by surprise—a pleasant one. She brushed her fingers across her lips, remembering the feel of his mouth against hers. Wow!
When J.T. settled himself in his Jeep, she started her engine and backed out of the parking space, then followed J.T. down Lakeshore Drive until she came to her motel. He honked as she turned into her temporary residence.
Tomorrow she would compile a new list with the focus on women. The possibility couldn’t be ruled out and up until now they hadn’t really considered the kidnapper being anything but a man. They had to look at every angle. Time was their enemy. The kidnapper could strike again. She felt something would happen soon.
Day six, 1:00 p.m.: Ashley found seventeen hours ago
J.T. paused in the open doorway to Ashley’s room. Both of his daughters lay curled next to each other on the double bed, Kim’s arm thrown over her younger sister as though protecting her. The picture thickened his throat.
Rachel sat in the rocking chair near the bed. When she saw him, she rose and strode toward him. “She wouldn’t go to sleep until Kim and I stayed in the room.”
“Thanks, Rachel. I know you, in fact everyone, are going above and beyond your job description.” J.T. stepped into the hallway.
“My job is to keep the citizens of this county safe and that’s what I’m doing. I told you to call me anytime. I know you don’t want to leave them alone, yet you have things that you need to do. Did you come up with any leads?”
“Actually Madison thinks we should look at women, as well.”
“We ruled out the ones you put in jail.”
“Maybe it’s someone connected with one of the men I sent to prison.”
Rachel whistled low. “That will open a new direction.”
“We’ll work on it tomorrow. I’ll be in after I get the kids off to school. I’m bringing Ashley to work with me. I don’t think she’s ready to go back to school.”
“You’re probably right.”
After Rachel left, J.T. entered his daughter’s bedroom again and eased into the rocking chair. He’d come close to losing it tonight. He’d made the decision before Madison had arrived not to take a drink, but her presence had reinforced his need to stay sober, not to slide back into that old life that nearly destroyed him and his family.
As he watched his daughters sleep, his heart swelled with love. Before he’d gone to the station, he’d been weary, frantic and desperate because it looked as if there was no end to the nightmarish threat hanging over his family. He didn’t feel that way anymore. Yes, he was still weary, but the desperation was gone. Calmness flowed through him. Madison had reminded him of what was the most important thing in his life: God.
J.T. knelt next to Ashley’s bed, closed his eyes and opened his heart. He had been tested and survived. He hadn’t taken that drink. “Thank You, Lord, for being there for me. Thank You for bringing my daughter home and thank You for Your love and guidance. Your power has strengthened me even beyond what I had thought I was capable of. Six years ago I wouldn’t have been able to deal with this crisis. I would have lost myself in a bottle. Not this evening. You were there with me as You always have been. For a moment I forgot. Thank You.”
He rested his head on the mattress. Through his exhaustion hope shone. He would find the person responsible for Ashley’s kidnapping. He wouldn’t let anyone hold his family hostage, physically or emotionally.
“Daddy, you’re home.” Ashley touched his hair.
He looked up. “Hi, honey.”
Her eyelids fluttered closed. “Good. You’ll stay with me?”
He came to his feet and kissed her on the cheek. “Yes. I’m going to stretch out on the floor next to your bed.”
His daughter didn’t answer him as she drifted back into sleep. Although he would be getting her counseling, J.T. knew that she would be all right with time. God was with her.